Eris escorted her back to the sitting room and left after a profound apology to Seren. Evren lingered with her, rubbing her forehead wearily. "I'm sorry," Evren said again. "I don't know what her problem is."

    Seren bit her lip. "I think I do." Evren lifted an eyebrow. "She's jealous of you."

    "She has nothing to be jealous of."

    Seren smiled and shook her head. "She wants the High Lord. He wants you."

    Evren blinked and looked away abruptly. "We've known each other for two months."

    "I had only known Azriel a little over a month when I began to care for him." Seren touched her knee gently. "Sometimes things like this happen beyond our control. Time holds no meaning. Each day we spend together feels like a thousand years have passed in the blink of an eye." She leaned forward. "Has he said anything to you?"

    "He's told me he finds me attractive. Sort of," Evren replied. "But that's all." Everything else had been unspoken. Expressions, emotions, small touches... "Can I ask you something?" Evren blurted out.

    "Of course?"

    "Eris said you help oversee some aspects of the Illyrian war camps. Celosia said Illyrians were brutes. She made a remark about wondering how many times you'd been dragged off when Azriel wasn't around and..." Evren trailed off, then continued. "Eris mentioned something did happen to you once."

    "I was never taken advantage of," Seren sighed, "but there were those who tried. Erebus, the former warlord of the disbanded Ironcrest war camp, kidnapped Elain and I. He tried to force himself on me. Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel found us before he had the chance to do anything, thankfully. And I've had plenty of crude remarks made towards me by other males. Why do you ask?"

    "Did that experience affect your relationship?" Evren asked, ignoring Seren's question.

    "It did. After everything that happened, I finally acknowledged Azriel as my mate, but I couldn't fully give myself to him right away. He respected that and waited until I was ready. I was partially afraid because I didn't want to mistake him for Erebus and make him feel bad. The other reason was that I am High Fae and he's Illyrian and I was worried about what would happen if I became pregnant."

    "How did you reach that point where you were ready to be with him?" Evren asked.

    "We visited with a healer who soothed my fears about a child," Seren explained. "And with Azriel...I just knew I wanted to give him what he wanted and what we both deserved. I told myself that I wouldn't let Erebus have any part of me. Not my body, not my mind. If I let him have any power over me whatsoever, he'd won. I gave myself some space too, though. I knew I wanted to be with Azriel, but if I changed my mind and didn't feel ready, I told myself it would be all right if I backed out."

    "I see." Evren rubbed her chin thoughtfully. Seren's words made sense, but the problem was, Cadoc had already won. She might not feel the shame and self disgust she'd once felt, but that didn't mean she wasn't scarred by what had happened.

    "Evren, may I ask what happened?" Seren repeated.

    "I was raped for sixteen years," Evren murmured. Seren's hand tightened on her knee. "Eris thought talking to you...or Rhysand...might help me. I know that what happened was out of my control. I know it's not my fault. I know that Cadoc was a stupid drunk man who saw a defenseless girl with the means to his pleasure."

    "But that doesn't ease the trauma of what happened," Seren finished.

    "No. I've never been in a relationship with anyone. Every time someone looked at me with desire, I was quick to leave. I learned that I could use my body to my advantage during assignments. I thought that I was only ever going to be an object to people."

    "You thought? What do you think now?"

    "I don't know."

    "Eris doesn't see you as an object."

    "I know. And that scares me almost as much as being seen as one."

    "Why?"

    "Because I don't know what it means."

    "I can't tell you what it means," Seren said. "But I know you'll figure it out. Your past experiences don't dictate your future ones unless you let them. Don't let that man, Cadoc, hold you back."

    "That's easier said than done."

    "I know. Take small steps."

    Evren thought for a moment. "I think I have been. Eris doesn't usually instigate contact between us, but when he does, it doesn't scare me. More often than not, I'm the one who instigates contact. He always apologizes if he thinks he's made me uncomfortable. Lately, I've been finding that when he apologizes, I wasn't even uncomfortable. I've never found a male presence to be safe before."

    Seren smiled. "I'm sure he'd be happy to hear you say that."

    Evren bit her lip and blushed. "Do you really think he wants me?"

    "I think he cares about you. I think he finds you attractive. If he doesn't want you now, he soon will." Seren stood and gave her a wink. "Wear the Illyrian leathers if you want to speed up the process." Evren's cheeks heated even more.

    She stood and her mouth fell open as Seren pulled her into a gentle but tight embrace. Evren hesitantly put her arms around the High Fae. The last time she'd been held by anyone was before her parents died. It felt nice. Tears sprang into her eyes. Evren blinked them away as Seren drew back.

    "You should visit us in the Night Court soon," Seren said. "Mor keeps bringing up the promise you made."

    "I will when I'm able," Evren replied. She waved as Seren headed out the door. Evren stifled a yawn and mounted the stairs to her bedroom.

•~ ❘ ۞ ❘ ~•

    Eris rested his head in his hands with a frustrated sigh. Two weeks after Evren had been poisoned, there was still no sign of the assassin. Eris had followed every clue he could find, but they all led to dead ends. The assassin had simply vanished.

    Celosia had refused to help with the investigation too. Following the incident with Seren, Eris forbade Celosia from ever setting foot in the Forest House again. He'd reset his wards to ensure she couldn't get in without his consent.

    He hadn't arrested her, although the temptation was all too real. Her unwillingness to find their attacker struck him as odd, but he could find no evidence to convict her. Unlike his father, Eris wasn't going to imprison someone without proof of their guilt.

    The office door opened and he looked up with a scowl. His scowl faded upon seeing Evren. She'd taken her first assignment since recovering from the poison.

    "He's dead," Evren said. She dropped into a chair across from his. "And his head now sits on a pike, as you requested." Eris sighed and crossed out a name on his list. "Are we actually making a difference? You thought that by killing their most devoted members, the Loyalist numbers would thin."

    "They are thinning," Eris replied. "Slower than I had hoped, though. Their leader is now spreading propaganda around the Autumn Court in the form of letters."

    "Do you have any idea who their leader could be?"

    "Not yet." Eris massaged his temples.

    "Did you send someone after Cadoc?"

    "No."

    Evren was silent for several minutes. "Do you want me to leave?" She asked.

    "No." Her presence was soothing. She was so quiet, but he was aware of her all the same. "My father always isolated himself."

    "You aren't your father."

    "Sometimes I feel like I am."

    "Why?"

    "Because of the things I've done. The things I'm doing. I'm trying my best to change the Autumn Court for the better. I'm trying to fix myself. I feel like I'm always walking in his shadow, never doing enough to fix the scars he left behind." Eris ran a thumb over his wrist.

    "Tell me what you're feeling," Evren prompted.

    "I'm feeling frustrated, tired, and overwhelmed." Eris dropped his head into his hands again. "I'm terrified of becoming even more like him."

    "You are nothing like him," Evren said firmly. "Would you have whipped a ten year old girl and buried her alive for the mere amusement of it?"

    "No." Anger burned in his stomach, just thinking of what his father had done to her. "But I have done worse to others."

    "And so have I." Evren moved around the desk and knelt, resting her hands on his knees. "You're not the only monster in this room, and I can promise that you are not the monster your father was."

    Eris met her eyes. He found sincerity in their sea green depths. "Like calls to like."

    Evren laced her fingers with his. "Like calls to like."

    He studied their clasped hands, his chest tightening with emotion. "You don't know how much it means to me when you do this."

    "It means just as much to me."

    "You don't feel threatened by me?"

    Evren shook her head. "I feel safe. That is something I never thought I'd be able to say, much less in regards to a Fae male."

    As long as I live, he thought, you will never again feel unsafe.

    Evren's gaze softened, almost as though she knew what he had promised. She brought his fingers to her lips. How many times had she kissed the scars on his wrists? Now she had kissed the hand she held. This female who had had everything stolen from her. Her first kiss, her first chance at intimacy, her childhood innocence...

    "What can I give you?" He whispered. "What hasn't been stolen? What can I give you to show you what this...what you...mean to me?"

    "Nothing," Evren murmured in response. "There is nothing you can give me." She released his hand and backed out of the room.

    Eris exhaled sharply, tipping his head back in silent self loathing. He was such an idiot. Why had he asked such a thing? Why had he been so forward? Eris gritted his teeth.

    "Nothing," Evren called from the base of the staircase, "except your admiration. I have never been admired."

    Eris blinked and slowly made his way to the door. He paused, leaning against the doorframe. Evren crossed her arms expectantly. He let his gaze travel over her. He took in her dark hair tied into a braid. Her pale skin. Her sea green eyes. The generous curves of her bust and hips. The strength in her arms, her thighs.

    Evren drew in a few measured breaths. "Are you all right?" Eris asked. She nodded. "If you want my admiration, you have it. In more ways than one." Evren dipped her head and started up the stairs.

    Eris swallowed hard. Those Cauldron damned Illyrian leathers. He both appreciated and hated the way they hugged her body. Evren glanced over her shoulder in time to see his gaze flicker to her ass. She laughed and sprinted out of sight.

    She had laughed. Those Illyrian leathers. The feel of her hands, her lips. The gleam in her eyes. Her brokenness, her strength. Her laugh. Stars above, her ass. Her legs. Her damned gorgeous legs. Shit. He was in some very deep unrelenting shit.