I was glad the kitchen staff liked me otherwise they would have told my father about me sneaking of off Rosehall Manor grounds with a satchel full of sandwiches, apples and the finest cheeses.

Lunch for me and Bellamy as we met in our training spot. To plan. How exactly we would be able to sneak away from the Spring Court without detection and survive the way up to the treacherous north. With mountains and Illyrians alike. The Night Court.

I had even told Sabin of my plans. She had scolded me and told me I was a foolish girl but she reluctantly agreed not to rat me out. She did care for me but she told me that since I'm an adult she would not try and stop me as I'm entitled to make my own decisions, free of will. I respected her so much for that. That's all I ever wanted in my life, the freedom to make my own choices, good or bad. Father allowed me some freedoms but still restricted me in ways. But no matter. He couldn't stop me if he didn't know my plans.

To everyone else in the grounds today it would seem as though Bellamy and I had scampered of to train as we frequently do. They would think nothing of my behaviour.

Father wouldn't like it. Especially not now, he's feeling more wary of me leaving the grounds, as he got weaker I can tell that he feels like he soon won't be able to protect me as a father. He's always been terrified of the world hurting me, his child, the one good thing he had in the world as he reminded me a lot.

But he's also one of the only good things I had in the world so I couldn't allow anyone, even him, to stop me in this mission.

This wasn't the time for weakness or fear. I knew that. Even as I was secretly terrified at the uncertainties in my future I knew I had to be brave. Brave like my father had always been.

If I was to be High Lady one day I couldn't let anyone know I was afraid I really was.

With my long strides it didn't take me long before I approached where Bellamy was sat down in the green blades of grass, in amongst clovers and daisies alike. He was annoyingly handsome in the way that everything suited him. Even as he casually laid amongst the nature all the colours and tone complimented his tan olive skin tone and dark wavy hair.

His eyes were closed as I had now reached him but I knew he heard me from the slight smirk already forming at his face as he lazily opened his eyes and winked. His classic behaviour. All designed to cheer me up. His usual bantering however did distract me a little from all the issues at hand. Stopped me from breaking down completely and I appreciated him for that.

"Greetings Thea," he said, not getting up from his paying position on the ground, "you look beautiful as ever, though regrettably you will never quite outshine me."

I snorted instead of replying properly, sitting down next to him and wordlessly tossing him an apple from my bag which he caught without blinking with his reflexes.

I unpacked the rest of the food, sharing it out with seconds and began to dig in to mine. I wasn't hungry in the slightest but I was going to need as much strength in my body as possible for the tasks ahead.

So we ate silently for quite a few minutes, I took small bites trying not to throw it up completely. But it didn't take us that long to eat it all.

And when we had finished our lunch I laid down in the grass, he mimicked my actions and we both turned towards each other.

"It's time to plan how we're gonna leave this place without my father stopping us," I started and he nodded.

"Well we can't winnow because of the wards and only a High Lord or someone with strong magical abilities could break them," he said and I almost felt a little embarrassed.

I couldn't winnow at all yet which made me feel a little useless and the magic I did have wouldn't be particularly much help. So I needed to mainly rely on my fighting abilities and any other potential weapons in my arsenal.

"I can winnow a little," Bellamy said, "not over massive distances though so we will need to travel on foot a bit and pack a lot of supplies and things to camp."

I nodded. I would need to discreetly start gathering all the necessary supplies quickly. And clothes for different climates, especially if as they will have to travel through the seasonal courts. Once they reach the solar courts it will be less of a problem. They certainly wouldn't survive the Winter Court without proper attire.

"And I'm assuming you know whose going to be on border patrol," I say and he nods again at that.

"Of course, I'm not leaving anything to chance when it comes to your safety," he says as he grins up at her, "and mine most of all, I'm far too pretty to get the lash as punishment for helping you escape, there would be an uproar in the entire Spring Court."

I resisted the urge to laugh at his usual charms. He did have a rather handsome face but I would never give him the satisfaction of admitting that.

"Your ego wouldn't survive if you got that face scarred, ugly though it may be," I retorted, feeling a little better. This was what I needed. Some normality. A friend. Just to have a bit of a laugh with in amongst all the angst.

"Ouch," he said loftily, "but we both know that was a lie, but I'll let you continue with your charade for now Thea."

I just rolled my eyes and he readjusted his position, sitting up in the grass and I did the same, brushing any stray blades of green that had fallen into my thick curls.

"But anyways, back to business," he said, his tone instantly more serious reminding me of just how dangerous a situation we would soon be entering into. Gods. Were they really about to do this? It was madness.

"Have you found anything about who Nyx is?" I asked and he looked a little uncomfortable at that which made me feel a sense of dread.

"What is it?" I sighed, almost not wanting an answer. It was rare indeed for Bellamy to visibly looked worried at something.

"Well I've been asking around as you wanted, as many spies and sentries as I could, ones specifically with experience dealing with the Night Court," Bellamy began and I interrupted, too eager for answers.

"And?" I pressed almost manically, "did you find out who Nyx is?"

Bellamy nodded, a conflicted look in his eye, one of a little worry which I picked up on quickly,

"Nyx is a very strong Illyrian warrior," Bellamy said then inclined his head slightly, "and he is the son of the rulers of the Night Court."

I shook my head, almost wanting to laugh at the complete irony and surprise.

Nyx was the son of Rhysand and Feyre. The most powerful High Fae in Prythian. I knew they had three children but i had never learned their names. My father didn't exactly encourage me to listen to any details about the Night Court.

"Fuck," I said simply. Not knowing what else to say for a moment.

"I also took the liberty of finding out about his siblings, he has two younger sisters, Astraea and Narie, the former is also an Illyrian warrior but not Narie, apparently she has no wings," Bellamy explained.

But I barely heard him, I didn't care about Nyx's sisters. I was still processing the news. So I just sat in silence for moments more before an outburst.

"You've got to be bloody joking," I exclaimed resting my hands on my head, "so what? Now I've got to take out not only an Illyrian warrior, but one who is the heir to the most powerful High Lord and Lady in Prythian's history and who knows how many deadly assortments of gifts he's inherited from both his parents."

At that I just sat down. How was I ever going to take him down? My father told me of the Night Court gifts, they way they can play with your mind. I was doomed. And Feyre, she had been remade with the gifts of all the courts. She could shapeshift, use fire, ice, water, air, light and darkness. Along with healing abilities. Had Nyx inherited all of this?

"Do you think the odds are a little stacked against us?" Bellamy says, chuckling nervously and I'm in such a state I just laugh along with him.

"Just a little," I replied as I stopped my maniac laughing and felt the urge to burst into tears which made me feel angry at myself.

I needed to get better control of my emotions but I haven't been able keep them in check since my father's news. It was all totally overwhelming, all my hormones and senses were on overdrive.

Taking a few deep breaths I tried to get it together. I didn't want Bellamy to see me cry, he was my best friend but I had only ever let my father and Sabin see my cry. It made me feel too vulnerable and a little weak. It was irrational but I didn't have to justify my inner thoughts to anyone so it was alright.

Luckily the Spring Court had no daemeti anyway. Unlike the bloody Nighty Court. That made me start thinking more as I recalled the book of daemati I'd read in Rosehall's library, in a section my father had tried to keep hidden from me when I was a child.

"Wait Bellamy," I said, turning towards him again, "is Nyx a daemati?"

If he was that meant me and Bellamy were headed for even more danger. It might not matter if we managed to subdue him or somehow beat him in combat with his magical abilities but if he was a daemati he could simply grab our minds, read our thoughts and next moves. And even shatter our minds from the inside without blinking. Or even control our beings and actions. He could make me and Bellamy turn against each other, slaughter each other. Or just make us kill ourselves individually.

I almost shivered. The horrors mind users could inflict were endless. And there was no defence against them. Unless you knew how to shield your mind, which I didn't. I had read about daemati and heard tales of the High Lady and Lord of the Night Court's abilities but I never worried that much or thought to teach myself how to shield my own mind because I never foresaw going to the Night Court and daemati certainly aren't common in the south.

Bellamy thinks hard for a moment then shrugs, "I don't think so, or if he is it's been kept a secret, possibly to have the element of surprise on enemies."

Enemies wouldn't stand a chance against daemati. Especially if it was just the two of us versus him.

"Enemies like us," I said and he nodded.

"Yes, enemies like us," he echoed quietly.

"We don't have time to learn how to completely shield our minds as we have limited time to do all this," I said, "but we can bring a long a book on daemati, I've read it before in the library, maybe that can help us, teach us the basics as we travel so we at least have some degree of defence against possible daemati attacks."

Bellamy nodded, "sounds like a plan love."

It was hardly a plan. Hardly any preparation. But it was something. And we didn't have any better alternatives. Even Sabin, with all her age and wisdom, didn't know much about daemati except common knowledge, I remembered asking her about them once after I'd read that book on them years ago. I'd read every book in that damned library twice.

But since Sabin knew little showed how how rare those mind readers are. Even amongst the High Fae. Well in Prythian at least. I'd heard rumours that there were much more across the seas, in larger territories such as Vallahan, Rask and Montesere.

"When we leave, you can drug the guards on border duty that day, they trust you so it should be easy," I said and he nods, "but we need to decide which part of the Autumn border is the easiest to cross without trouble."

"Yes we should take a look across the border today, perhaps on horseback," Bellamy said, "I certainly wouldn't mind a ride with you."

Ah his seductive tone and classic innuendos. It was heartening to know that even in the worst circumstances that Bellamy would never change. It was oddly refreshing.

"I don't think you could keep up with me," I said nonchalantly, eyeing him up and down slowly with disdain, "and besides, you're not my type."

I was talking absolute shit. Especially since I had next to no proper experience with men. I didn't mind playing along with Bellamy because it was our little joke.

But I was more wary with any other men, though my father would never let me near many men to begin with. He would bite the head off of any sentries who would so much as look at me the wrong way. I didn't mind so much though, the only experiences like that I'd had with men were quite horrifying to relive but it was decades ago and I did my best to forget about them, it was during a time where I'd ran away to the Autumn Court of all places. A time where I was far more naive, unaware of the dangers the world outside my borders truly presented.

Bellamy was incredibly likely Father liked him and he knew beyond doubt that Bellamy would never hurt me. And I knew that to. He had all his jesting and bravado but I trusted him, I knew he would never make a move unless I wanted to.

I had just never really taken the time to consider whether I truly wanted to and with my current predicament, the issue of Bellamy and feelings would have to wait. We needed to survive and cure my father before returning back to the trivial issues of life.

He only rolled his eyes, "I'll let you keep believing that for now but Thea you really need to stop distracting me, let's take this seriously."

I opened my mouth to argue but he shushed me.

"Save whatever wonderfully barbed retort you have ready for later love," he says, his tone going more solemn again, "we should head back soon to check the borders for the best route and see if Shilah would be willing to accompany us on a ride," Bellamy says and I raise an eyebrow in confusion, seeing my expression he explains, "it will be less suspicious if she accompanies us, some sentries might suspect something strange is afoot is we both go alone, they know that we're partners in crime," he says winking and I grin.

It's true. They would be suspicious and report back to my father if it was just me and Bellamy, us being alone for combat training is the limit. Shilah however is both my friend and a stable hand. Not a faerie who ever looks for trouble so the guards wouldn't expect her to help orchestrate our escape. And I trusted her.

"It will be a good chance to see the best route for our escape," I agree but then my tone turns a little protective, "but Shilah has to agree, I won't pressure her to help us."

He nods, "fair enough, I won't use my famed powers of persuasion then ... hopefully she likes you enough to take the risk."

I prayed she did. For it would be a risk. But in somber times like this, everything of importance had risk, that's why fae fight so hard for either love, power or both.

And I was prepared to risk everything. For my family.

    ✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄———༻❁༺———⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Upon returning to Rosehall I had checked up on my father briefly but he had been asleep. More tired lately but that was too be expected. He wasn't quite bed ridden yet though which was a good sign at least. I knew how much time I had, the Suriel's words about that echoed in my mind "Before the winter solstice you just find this Illyrian, carve out and sacrifice his essence Under the Mountain where it all began."

The creature's words still haunted me as much as they reminded me of all the details of my mission. Particularly that of the sacrifice. To kill Nyx and use his blood mixed with a particular plant along with my own blood to make this mystery cure the Suriel spoke of.

And of course if that wasn't bad enough, it had to be done there. Under the Mountain. That place of horrors. Abandoned for years now but who knows what ancient beings from the Middle had ventured down there in the years of isolation and neglect the place had endured. The place where Amarantha used to rule, I had heard tales of her. Horrible disgusting tales. I certainly wasn't keen to go there but I had no choice.

But for now I simply ventured down to the stables, past a few sentries who nodded politely to me. If didn't take me long to reach the stables with how fast I had been walking.

But my fierce pace suddenly slowed as I got closer and suddenly felt hesitant. Shilah would surely offer me her sympathies and I felt reluctant to display how sad and in despair I was truly feeling but she was observant faerie, particularly with mood changes.

But I walked into the open space of the stables, immediately going to the nearest horse. A pretty dark brown horse, the same colour as my eyes. It looked at me with its black eyes and I stared back. After it smelt my hand briefly and assessed that I had no food for it, it turned its head away. I still rested against the stable door though, taking comfort in being near animals. It was strangely peaceful.

Considering how quiet it was, it was much too easier for Shilah to sneak up on me a few moments later.

"Thea," Shilah said calmly and I almost jumped out of my immortal skin.

I cursed, spinning around to face the stable hand. Shilah gave me one of her small smiles on her thin pale pink lips and I smirked. If Shilah was High Fae she would've been a fantastic spy of espionage with her lean stealth and agility. But she would have always stood out with her appearance, quite unlike any faerie I've seen before which isn't good for potential spies wanting to blend in.

She had flaming bright orange eyes in a pretty monolid shape that always caught my attention first. I'd never seen any eyes quite like it in terms of colour. They gave the impression that her very eyes were on alight, a raging fire just waiting to be unleashed in a wild inferno of embers.

And she had matching bright orange wings as well, medium in size yet they were brilliant and shining. Especially in sunlight where they reflected a million iridescent rays of light and colour. They were almost like stained glass, so delicated and precious though the texture was odd, not like the Dawn Court's peregryns or the seraphims under Drakon's rule. No. Her wings were more like an Illyrian wings in that regard or so I've been told. I'd never seen an Illyrian before in person thought I supposed my mission would cause me to overcome that. If all went to plan I'd have an Illyrian in my grasp. A powerful one at that.

Her skin was incredibly pale but had a scaly like texture, she had soft cheekbones with a heart shaped face and a button nose. And she had shoulder length jet black hair.

She was not one of that classical ridiculous High Fae beauty standard. But she was certainly striking and beautiful to me. The High Fae were very vain and they never spoke highly of any lesser fae's looks. Still believing themselves superior, well here at least. It has changed significantly in places such as the Summer Court under Tarquin's rule. Breaking major cities from the caste systems. I had always admired him for that.

Shilah was pretty with a strength to her, a quiet fierceness that Fae may not see at first but I had seen it quite a few times in my years of knowing her.

"What can I do for your today old friend?" She enquired with a curious gleam in her eyes and I shifted, a little awkward at what I was about to ask.

So I took a deep breath and tried to explain my situation as best I could. As well as the part I needed her to play in it. And she listened politely, not interrupting me once nor did her expressions change.

She was good like that. A keen listener. I'd found that out when we initially became friends years ago.

Those were very dark times for me. Times where I was very young and longed so much for more freedom that I ran away for a bit to the Autumn Court. Foolish of me. I supposed I was in the wrong place at the wrong side, so eager to explore in delight in the knowledge that I had simply disappeared and for the first time in my life, no one knew where I was.

But that joy was short lived when I ran into rogue bandits who decided I was both pretty and a runaway of no consequence. Of course they didn't know who I truly was though I'm not sure if even that knowledge would have saved me. But back then I had simply frozen, I had barely begun training with Bellamy and besides a knife I had been carrying I was essentially defenceless.

So they had taken advantage of me and assaulted me. The bruises they inflicted didn't leave me for weeks but the mental scars stayed much longer.

I'd never seen my father so furious when he found me, he hunted each of them down and ripped them apart in his beast form with his fangs and teeth leaving them nothing but bloody ribbons.

All but one. I hunted down the one that had truly abused me. The others had hit me a little but that last one had broken me in another way. So I slaughtered him alone. Quickly and quietly. Which was more than he deserved but I realised that I didn't have it in myself to torture him, to prolong his suffering would only prolong mine. But he was my first kill and the murky image of his smug face still haunted me a little.

That all happened when I was only thirty, very young for a High Fae but I still blame myself in a way which is an odd feeling. Irrational. But I couldn't explain it.

I didn't even want to talk or be near Bellamy for a time. Or even my father. Just males in general I avoided after that. I was almost attached at the hip to Sabin. Safe to say that was the year Bellamy taught me archery.

From a distance of course and after that my passion for combat increased even more dramatically, not only for my eventual bid for High Lady but also so that I could defend myself from any threat. So that no one would be able to degrade or hurt me again.

And that was when I became close with Shilah, I found comfort in going out riding alone. Just me and a horse.

She even accompanied me a few times. I found her presence calming. And I taught her what I knew of weapons in return for her company. Sometimes I could even stand Bellamy joining us. And Shilah always listened to my trauma and fears.

I had recovered and improved a lot since then. That was decades ago but to this day I still had nightmares. Not as often as I used to. But they're still there. I didn't think they were ever going to go away.

But I knew I was stronger than they were so that kept me going. The fact that I didn't let it shatter me because deep down I knew that I only I could decide what breaks me.

But as I now waited for Shilah's reaction to the details of my mission I had laid before her, I wondered slightly if this journey would in fact be my undoing. I would like to say I was confident and self assured. But I wasn't. I was so uncertain about everything.

My mother's abandonment didn't completely break me nor my trauma from those bandits decades ago. But this. I had no clue what I would be after this.

Perhaps I would be a saviour to my father from one side of the coin. But in the other perhaps I would be considered a monster, someone who butchered another for my own selfish needs. I doubted Nyx was innocent, his parents were awful my father had told me. And nearly all Illyrians were killers, some were brutes with their archaic traditions and mindsets.

But as I told her everything I didn't see any hints of judgements in Shilah's facial features and for a moment I wished that I was a daemati because at least then I would know what she was thinking. She was well apt at concealing her emotions, a trait that I needed to improve upon with myself if I was to rule one day.

"Well you have quite the predicament here don't you," Shilah said in faint amusement and I nodded.

"That I do," I agreed, "I don't want you too feel as though you owe it to me to agree or that you have to, only help me if you truly want to," I said, looking directly at her as I tried to keep my voice steady, "my father's rage will likely be unfathomable when he learns I have left, I don't want him to suspect or take it out on you in any way if he learns of yours involvement, however small or fleeting."

Shilah is silent for a moment before she nods slowly, "I understand," she said and gives me one of her small smiles, "and of course I will help you because you are my dear friend."

I smiled at her in thanks, clasping her hand comfortingly, knowing that Shilah wasn't a fan of being hugged and she squeezed my hand to let me know she was there for me. I was eternally grateful. I valued none more than the few I truly cared about. Shilah. Bellamy. Sabin. And my father.

Perhaps it was wrong of me to not be overly empathetic to everyone else. Perhaps I should care more. But it was almost too painful and risky. I cared about the welfare of my people but I didn't like letting people get too close to me. I didn't want to get hurt again.

"Thank you," I said in relief, following as she brought out a few palomino horses though a felt a little guilty. I didn't tell Shilah the full extent of why I needed to escape. Just that I was going to find a cure. Shilah wouldn't approve of what I actually intended to do.

I felt ashamed of myself for withholding the full truth to her just as I felt guilty already for the murder I would have to commit. But I pushed it all aside and just focused on how I would feel when my father was healthy and well again.

"Bellamy can come in now," she said calmly and looked at her in puzzlement before I heard footsteps behind me as I spun around.

"Good afternoon Shilah, you wings are looking dazzling as always," Bellamy said which made her eyes gleam a little.

I knew Shilah didn't tend to like compliments but she did have a soft spot for compliments on her wings, as she told me that in her old home, in Rask, they were viewed her wings as being a horrible ugly trait of her lesser fae nature. Such bullshit. No one should be superior to another but alas that is an idea for another world.

Still when I am High Lady those types of people could join my new world or perish in their old ones. I wouldn't tolerate it, I didn't care what policies my father kept. I had a good mind to get rid of the biannual tithes as well, or at least improve upon them instead of removing them all together as the court did rely on them for income.

But at times I always thought it needed to be fairer, for the less fortunate citizens of the Spring Court, they didn't deserve to suffer because of the ridiculous ancient High Fae noble traditions. Smaller taxes might be more efficient, I had studied finances over the years but I still had much to learn.

One day I would learn but I would make sure my father had many years of ruling in the future. It wasn't supposed to be his time. High Lords didn't simply perish from illnesses. Sicknesses that no one could diagnose. Or even curses.

"You always did know the best ways to charm everyone Bellamy," she said in faint amusement and he inclined his head on response as she went back to preparing the horses who kept brushing against her as she fed them slices of apple from her pockets.

They loved her most of all. All animals tended to like Shilah or were drawn to her at least. She suited the Spring Court despite not being born here.

Bellamy and I shared a glance where I rolled my eyes at him for eavesdropping and he just pulled a face at me in reply. Impatient childish bastard. Looking away from each other we both followed Shilah, helping with the saddles and bridles on the mares.

It only took a few minutes before we mounted the horses and began a brief trot away from the stables and across the stretching rolling green hills of the Spring Court, headed to the Autumn Court border. Close but not so close that sentries would heavily inquire. Bellamy and I had decided yesterday that we would go through the outskirts of the Autumn Court instead of Summer.

For I had heritage from the Summer Court and I was close with Cresseida, princess of Adriata who had been an older sister figure to me for a while. That's where they would search first for me. It would be the logical place to go instead of Autumn, cutthroat as it was. Especially since father was aware of my painful history with the Autumn Court, I hadn't set foot there in decades. Not since my assault.

But I didn't have time to be afraid of that, the memories it would surely bring up. Autumn Court was the best course of action, so that is where we were going to. And Tarquin was more likely to help Father's search for me anyways with my personal connections to his court.

I doubted Eris would care or if he would even allow Tamlin's sentries to search through his lands. He was relatively new to his position as High Lord and I had never met him personally but father told me that the Autumn High Lord only does things that are in his own benefit, so what was the missing daughter of a Spring High Lord to him after all. Especially when he was still adjusting to his ascension to power.

None of us spoke that much after we had slowed to a walk on our horses. Bellamy carefully noted the area most of all, he was more more familiar with it than anyone seeing as he was a sentry.

Here our surroundings were slightly different. Not a vibrant everlasting spring but something different. The grass was less green, less leaves on the trees and less flowers overall. The climate was changing ever so slightly to suit the autumn season.

And to the Autumn Court we would soon go, then through the Winter Court, through the Middle with all its ancient creatures and secrets. And then finally the Solar Courts.

Bellamy would need to save his strength and powerful particularly for the last part of the island, to winnow through most of the Night Court to the Illyrian Mountains.

To trade one life for another.