15. The Truth Behind Actions
The artwork above is not mine.
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Estelle entered the townhouse silently. Her parents were no longer in the sitting room and only a few candles were lit in the hallway upstairs. Light flickered beneath Lysander's door as Estelle knocked softly.
"Lys?" She called. "What happened back there?" He didn't reply. Estelle tried the doorknob, but found it locked. She could sense the presence of shields around his room too. "Lys?" Still nothing.
She ran to her own room and went out on the balcony. Estelle flew over to her brother's balcony, but he had locked those doors as well. He'd even drawn the curtains over them.
Estelle shook her head with a growl of frustration. She backed away, siphons glowing with power. Lysander made strong shields, but luckily, she knew their one weakness he could never seem to fix. Lysander's shields had a primary seam where he joined them together. She just had to find it and rip the shields apart. She'd done it thousands of times before.
Golden light flickered around her palms as she reached for Lysander's shield. The seam was right where she expected it to be. Estelle tore into it using her own magic and felt the shield shatter. With half a thought, she heard the lock click and his balcony doors swung open.
Estelle pushed the curtains aside, entering Lysander's room. There was no sign of him. The shadows squeezed her arms, pulling her to a dark corner behind a tall dresser. Lysander was hidden behind it, his wings tucked over himself.
Estelle knelt beside him. "What happened?"
Lysander lowered his wings, swiping a hand across his eyes. "Usually when someone locks two sets of doors and shields their room, it means they want to be alone."
"And we both know that sometimes, it's not good for you to be alone." Estelle tapped his thigh and Lysander turned away from her. "What happened?"
Lysander swallowed hard, rubbing his eyes again. "She asked me to dance with her. I said yes. I thought I could handle it tonight. But..."
"But you couldn't?"
Lysander shook his head. "I was doing fine until she started talking. She..." his voice grew hard with anger. "She said she misses me. She said she wants to try again. She wants us to be together."
Estelle remained silent as he continued. "I don't know if she actually meant what she said or not. Calden told me about the other male she was seeing. He told me she'd gone out with him the night before they came to Windhaven. So...is she just using him too? Or did things go wrong between them and now she just wants to use me as her rebound?"
Lysander dug his fingers into his dark brown hair. "I'm so fucking tired of her games! She says one thing, then turns around and says another! She said she didn't feel any deep attraction towards me. She said she didn't think things could progress between us. It wasn't like that for me and she knew it! She knew I liked her."
"Fucking Cauldron." Lysander's voice shook with anger. "Fucking Cauldron, Essie. I loved her. I told her I loved her! And that's what she said to me."
Estelle's eyes widened in surprise. "You actually told her that?"
Lysander nodded. "I'd been considering it for a long time, but I didn't know when to tell her. One night, I just decided to. I told her I loved her and we..." he tilted his head suggestively. "And the next morning, she called off everything. She wouldn't even give me a real reason why, other than her feelings weren't as deep as mine."
He crossed his arms over his knees, resting his forehead against them. "And I felt like such a fucking idiot. I couldn't tell anyone the whole truth. Not Nyx. Not Corbin. Not Mom or Dad. Not even you. I told her I loved her and she played me for a fool. She used me. For validation. For affection. For fun. For sex. And I fucking fell in love with her."
Estelle watched her brother as his shoulders jerked with uneven breaths. She could tell he was fighting back tears. Her shadows drifted over to him, curling around his arms comfortingly.
"And do you know what the worst part is?" Lysander's voice broke as a few tears dripped down his cheeks. He faced her, finally. "I still love her. I still want her. A part of me wants to say yes and give her another chance. The other part of me is screaming at me not to give in. Not to let myself be hurt again. She used me. She left me. She found someone else. And I still love her."
He cut off abruptly as a sob slipped past his lips. Estelle pulled him into a tight embrace and Lysander began to cry. She stroked his hair as her shadows attempted to soothe him. Lysander forced himself to be quiet, but his tears still fell as he shook with pain and anger.
"What Celeste did was wrong," Estelle murmured, "and you have every right to be angry with her. But, Lys, you aren't an idiot. You aren't a fool. You fell in love with her and did your best to care for her. You stayed true to your feelings, even if they weren't returned. And you let her go when she said she wanted to end things. You respected her wishes, despite how they made you feel."
"And now, maybe Celeste is having regrets. Perhaps she's had them since that day. She asks about you all the time when she's in the Dawn Court. I think she does care about you." Estelle pressed her cheek against her brother's hair. "I think she cares about you more than she can admit. Celeste...she's not good at committing herself to people. She's not good at admitting how she truly feels. I think that ever since her sister died, she's been afraid of becoming attached to someone again, like she was attached to her."
"It's no excuse to treat me like shit," Lysander muttered.
"You're right. It's not. But when you look at things from that perspective, it does make you realize why she did what she did."
"That doesn't tell me what I should do. It doesn't make my feelings go away."
"Give yourself time," Estelle replied. "And tell her that's what you need. Think things over. Ask yourself if you want to try again. Talk to her about what happened and how you felt about it. Talk to her about the thoughts behind her actions. Help her realize why she did what she did. And make her realize that if you do agree to try again, she has to make an effort to commit herself to your relationship too."
Lysander drew in a deep breath, nodding. "But will I be a horrible person if I tell her no?"
"No. You have every right to reject her." Estelle smiled wickedly. "And if you want me to drag her ass through the mud..."
"But she's your friend."
"You're my little brother."
Lysander smiled, though he didn't lift his head. "In that case, would you? I could do it myself, but I'd rather everyone see you as the asshole instead of me."
Estelle rolled her eyes. "Of course."
"Thanks."
"Anytime."
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Mikael lay awake, unable to sleep. The room was too quiet. He kept expecting to hear Estelle. Humming from a chair near the fireplace. Talking to her shadows. Running water in the bathroom. Whispering incoherent words to herself as she slept. Screaming as she woke from a nightmare.
Mikael swallowed, crossing his hands over his stomach. She'd been gone long enough that her scent was faint in their room. He was wearing one of his shirts that still smelled like her. It was one she loved to steal from time to time.
What he wouldn't give to roll over and see her. To bury his nose in her short hair and simply breathe. Mikael sat up, scrubbing at his face. He pulled a book off the nightstand and cracked it open. The book spoke of ancient foes that Prythian had faced time and again. Mikael had read this book before and didn't remember seeing anything useful in it, but it couldn't hurt to look. Besides, the stories were a good distraction, which he desperately needed right now.
Umbra slid down his arm and wedged itself between a few pages. Mikael tilted his head curiously. He flipped over to the pages Umbra had selected. "Amarantha? She doesn't have anything to do with necromancy."
Amarantha had ruled the seven Courts of Prythian nearly two centuries before he was born. She had come from the country Hybern and proclaimed herself Queen, stealing the High Lords' power and forcing them and their people to serve her. She had reigned for fifty years before Feyre Archeron arrived, just a simple mortal at the time.
His fathers had told him of the trials, torture, and humiliation Feyre had gone through for the Courts. Amarantha had killed her, but not before Feyre broke the spell she had placed over the seven High Lords. They regained full access to their powers and Tamlin had slaughtered Amarantha. The High Lords together resurrected Feyre, which turned, or Made, her into High Fae.
Umbra coiled above a few sentences in particular, catching Mikael's attention. He read them, brows furrowed thoughtfully. "She raided the libraries of the Day Court and built a set of hidden archives, where she stored several books of great power and knowledge."
Mikael glanced at the shadow. "You think there might be something about necromancy in the books she stole? It says that most of them were recovered by Helion after her defeat, but the archives remain unfound."
Umbra drifted to the front of the book. Mikael followed the shadow and found it resting upon a map of Prythian. It moved on top of a familiar location. "Under the Mountain?" Mikael bit his lip. "Amarantha's court has been abandoned since her death. Anything that was once there must have decayed years ago." Umbra didn't move from the spot.
Mikael closed the book and slid out of bed. "All right. I'll trust you on this one."
He entered his closet and quickly pulled on a set of black Illyrian leathers. He sheathed Lovis and Alethea between his wings. Umbra returned to its usual spot on his arm and Estelle's other shadows hovered about him.
Mikael crossed the room and stepped out onto the balcony. He spread his wings, relishing the feeling of warm air between his feathers. He leaped off the balcony and let the wind carry him away from the Palace. Hopefully, Umbra was right and he would find something worthwhile. Something that could help Estelle in her investigation. Something that would bring her home sooner, rather than later.
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For a bonus Lysander POV, please see the short story titled "His Aching Heart" in my additional book "Beyond the Books".
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