Third person pov

The ROOT members finally managed to get the door open. Orochimaru had summoned a rather large snake to block it so that he didn't have to participate in anymore physical activity than was necessary. Instead, he stood next to Sasuke, making idle chat as Danzo writhed on the ground. The man died rather slow, the sannin noted with some distaste. If only he'd burn faster. 

"D...Danzo-sama?" One of the members choked out, frozen. The fellow masked individuals accompanying him also seemed to freeze in place, their shoulders tense, and their fists clenched around their chosen weapons. Sasuke and Orochimaru turned towards the door, the snake that had been on it disappearing in a cloud of white smoke. 

"He's dead." Sasuke said simply. 

"Really, really dead." Orochimaru nodded.

The ROOT members could only gape.

~

Shisui hadn't stopped screaming yet. 

"Where's Itachi?!" He shrieked. "Stranger danger! Stranger danger!" This wasn't okay. Itachi's face had just melted away to reveal some dude that Shisui didn't even know! Sure, he looked vaguely familiar, and he had a Sharingan, but that didn't mean anything! He wanted to take his eyes or something really weird and kinky like that! Shisui wasn't about that life!

Obito let out a hiss as Shisui swung another chair his way. The man had approached the teen, prepared to rip his eyes right from their sockets. But of course the great Shisui Uchiha wouldn't go out that easily. Obito had been idiotic to think so. The boy had grabbed a chair and immediately, with zero hesitation, smashed it over his head. It had stunned the older Uchiha to say the least.

"Leave me alone!" Shisui screeched. "I don't work here!"

"What- no!" Obito ducked under another chair swing, his face twisting with disgust. "I know you don't work here! I just want you eyes, Shisui." He grinned maliciously. The boy stared at him blankly for a moment. Uh huh... yeah, sure. That wasn't twisted in the least. This guy probably got off on ripping people's eyes out! He had to stop this guy now!

"...Denied!" Shisui screamed, swinging the chair again. Obito jumped out of the way, diving to the ground when Shisui threw the chair with incredible force. It slammed into the wall, cracking the cheap wood paneling in the process. There was no way he was getting killed here. And he liked his eyes! It let him see stuff. Like the fact that this wasn't Itachi, and instead some really weird pedophilic asshole!

"What's going on in here?" The door slammed open. A man with long, curled blonde hair stood there, dressed in a very tight mini skirt and crop top, looking pissed as all hell. He had on fleek eyebrows, eye shadow that could put even the best make-up artist to shame and apple red lipstick. Next to him stood another man, bulkier, looking rather grumpy about the fact that his night had been interrupted by screaming. 

"Rape." Shisui said immediately, no trace of doubt or hesitation in his tone. Obito's eyes widened in surprise, his gaze snapping to the two men, who darkened.

"We've got a rapist!" The man in the dress screamed at the top of his lungs, flipping his beach blonde hair over his shoulder. Obito paled considerably, his shoulders slumping in absolute shock and slight-disbelief as the sound of multiple doors opening filled his ears, followed by angry chatter. Shisui looked very satisfied with himself, holding his chair at the ready as men and women alike flooded through the door.

Obito wondered how he was going to get out of this one.

~

"Hokage-sama?!" Shikaku lowered him to the ground carefully. "Medic! We need a medic!"

"Oh my fucking god." Tsunade dropped Kabuto's limp body, satisfied with the way it crumbled to the ground lifelessly. Naruto and Shikamaru didn't seem too terribly concerned with the fact that Hiruzen had just collapsed, ushering Jiraiya to join them in their little circle as they discussed just how they were meant to flush Obito out. Kakashi suggested orange-flavored popsicles, or cinnamon rolls. Jiraiya had insisted that it wouldn't work, but the Hatake seemed pretty sure of himself, so Shikamaru added it to his mental list. 

"He's going to be fine. He just passed out." Tsunade seemed amused by this. "I guess all this was too much for him. I'm not surprised. The old man never did handle the unknown all too well." She mused. Shikaku and Fugaku gaped openly at her. The Hokage had just collapsed, and that's all she had to say?! These people were insane. Completely and totally insane. 

"What if we bury him alive? That worked with Hidan." Naruto shrugged.

"Mah, that isn't a bad idea, Naruto. How do you suggest we get him in hole?" Kakashi flipped a page in his book.

"We could use you as bait. He probably wants his eye back." Jiraiya patted Kakashi's back, grinning. The Hatake didn't seem to fazed by the idea, humming and nodding as though it weren't a big deal. Hidan stared at them all, wondering why they had to sit on his bed of all places. He really, really just wanted to sleep. This was too much. Ibiki had been Zetsu, and then Kabuto had been disguised as Kakashi. And then Jiriaya showed up with the real Kakashi and it was just- agh, he didn't know! He, like Shikaku and Fugaku, was completely and totally lost.

"Why don't we go get Shisui and Itachi first. We can plan there." Shikamaru suggested. Naruto nodded readily in agreement, and Jiraiya shrugged, evidently not caring all too much what they did. 

"Baa-chan, can you push Hidan's bed?"

"Did you just call me old, you little twerp?"