Its strange. I had wanted to feel things because I’d forgotten I was capable of them, but now I wanted nothing to do with the foreign invaders that declared war on my chest. Its a hard thing to realize that you are human, that you have motives, that you aren’t some type of indestructible god on earth.

In fact the first thing I was aware of when I opened my eyes was the swell of pain in my chest as the faded memory of Dimitra clung to the back of my mind like a stupid little leach. I mentally willed it to go away but it wouldn’t let go. Oh. So my mind wanted war, did it? Bitch.

If I was miserable with my eyes closed I was even more so when opened my eyes to meet two piercing blue eyes looking down at me with concern. Tyber. I watched him let out a sigh of relief, “You’re okay.” He breathed leaning back a little.

I shoved my dirt encrusted hand into his face pushing him backward as I sat up, ignoring my body’s loud aces and groans of protest. I looked around at the barren, rocky arena that seemed to stretch on forever. In the back of my mind I knew if I hadn’t created cliffs and the cannons when I was fused with Gaia’s power we’d be able to see everything. Killing the others would simply be a chase, I stood up stretching my arm across my chest trying to get stiffness out of them. The harder the journey, the more glorious the triumph.

My eyes traveled over toward the rest of my alliance who had decreased in number. Ula was dead, Fuse was dead, and Ass-line was dead…. I never had bothered to pronounce her name correctly. Only Eden and Nixie remained talking silently underneath a dried up tree. I gritted my teeth as I realized that I shouldn’t have been alive. Our alliance had started backstabbing, because I was unconscious I should have been the first to go. I swallowed hard.

I looked down at Tyber who was looking up at me sadly, still sitting where I had pushed him. I suddenly understood how he must feel, I caught myself and scowled. Shut up brain or I will kill you. I stood there a second staring at Eden and Nixie a strange feeling of apprehension curling around my stomach. I squinted my eyes and Eden turned around. I watched his face fall, his eyes widening in horror. Like he’d seen a ghost.

I knew what he was going to say before he said it. “Ph-Phaedra?” He choked looking strangled. Yes I had been correct, the annoying stuttering of the person’s name always came first. I said nothing and continued to stare at him coldly, Nixie too turned around and gasped. I glanced down at Tyber who’s face was tense.

“Tyber….” Eden started cautiously then stopped looking down as he caught my eye.

“Tyber, I thought you killed Phae.” I said for him, mimicking his voice comically, with a fake expression of pity scrawled across my face. I didn’t blame him, I was an unstoppable force who he knew was more than met the eye, take me out when I’m down. I would have done the same thing if I had been in his shoes- except I would of killed me myself. Eden had always been too smart, his brains had finally let him down and it was going to cost him his life.

He looked at me like a deer in headlights then he gritted his teeth and stood to face me, he knew what was coming. My claws were still strapped to my hands and my leather jacket was still lined with knives…. I was going to destroy him. The fact he was stronger than me flitted through my mind, whenever I fought a male with my level of skill it always occurred to me and I always made sure I compensated for that with speed, agility and pure ruthlessness.

The hot sun beat down on my scalp as I approached him, a lock of my dust covered honey-blonde hair blew in front of my face. “I don’t blame you for deciding to kill me, I blame you for not doing it right, fool.” I said coldly. “Now you are going to pay for your mistake- with your life.”

He shook his head, “I knew you weren’t just some stupid blonde.”

I smiled, “Well that information doesn’t help you much now, does it?”

I charged him my feet pounding against the soft sand, I felt it fly up behind me as I charged him, he readied himself for the blow raising his sword. I decided my move in that instant, the best way to win battles is by doing the unexpected. I threw myself into a roll ducking underneath his arm at the last second, I jumped up spinning around and sending my claws into his back. I felt them crush through the thick cartilage in his back and then into his organs. The usual thrill that raced through my body whenever I killed a human was gone… replaced by a stabbing pain in my chest.

I watched him fall to his knees and then faceplant into the sand, dead. For the first time ever I realized how fragile life was, that even the strongest could be downed by one single well planned blow. I felt a knot forming in my throat, as I stared at Eden’s limp body, for the first time ever I think I didn’t see a meaningless sack of bones instead I saw the boy that I had spent the last couple of weeks with, the boy who was so out of place among the bloodthirsty, the boy who was too smart for his own good. And for a second I saw Dimitra.

I felt tears brimming in my eyes as I spun around toward the tree. Nixie’s eyes widened as she scooted backward, thinking that I was coming after her next. I wasn’t though, I was suddenly furious with myself, teeming with frustration. I had no clue why either, all I needed was to mean something, to get the anger out of my body. I swiped at the dead tree’s branches and they went flying, a few hitting my face and scratching me. I loved it. I kept going destroying the tree more with each pent up emotion that had been buried inside me for seven years.

I didn’t stop until my arms burned, my face was scratched and my chest was absolutely empty as it had been for years. Suddenly everything seemed okay again, I let out a little sigh and smiled at the tree that was now nothing more than a stub. “I’m in charge now, understand?” I said turning to Tyber and Nixie who were staring at me in horror. It was almost comical. They were right to fear me though, they should have feared me before.However now I had emotions and emotions made everything more complicated, painful, and unstable. I was the strongest though, with or without them and now more so than ever I was out to prove it. “We are going hunting, we will destroy the outer district scum today or we will die trying.” I smiled warmly as if we were only discussing tea and cookies. “Pack up, we are moving out. Dispose of any unneeded weight, bring minimal food but don’t be shy about water. The finale is less than 48 hours away so be ready.” I snapped walking over to the supply pile, beginning to pick through it. I positioned a reflective sword that had been unclaimed so that I could see behind me. I didn’t think that Nixie or Tyber would try to take me out while I was awake, but you could never be too cautious.

I watched them exchange glances before they walked over and knelt beside me, and began packing. Nixie chose a camoflosh backpack and began weighing it down with everything she might possibly need, Tyber on the other hand was packing far too lightly in my opinion, simply grabbing one water jug and one bar. I actually found myself having to bite my tongue to keep from advising him. If he wanted to be stupid and screw up the games for himself, I was not going to stop him.

I grabbed a thick leather belt and punched holes in it with my knives, then I grabbed 6 water jugs and some rope and began strapping them to the belt. I emptied two of the jugs and filled them with trail mix and meat, they were lighter than the jugs filled with water so I made sure to make sure I strapped them directly across from each other. I hated being disproportionate in any way, besides if I had to cross anything narrow this would make it that much harder. It was worth the extra time.

I strapped the belt to my hips and stood up to face Nixie and Tyber who were already waiting, Nixie looked a little nervous as she fidgeted, Tyber just seemed sad. I noticed he didn’t even try to hit on me- not that I minded that in the least. I think the games had changed us all, not that this was abnormal in the least. I’d expected this to happen, I noticed this consistently in most games.  

Nixie breathed a deep nervous sigh, “Are you guys ready?” She asked glancing at Tyber and I.

Tyber let out an arrogant snort, “I was born ready.” There wasn’t much conviction to his voice though. He sounded tired.

Then you should have known to pack more water, Dumbo, I thought in my head with perhaps even less conviction.

Yeah, we had definitely all changed, there was no question about that. With that we all took the first step toward the end- and the sand gave way. Nixie screamed as she tumbled forward.

With no warning we were suddenly tumbling down a dark hole. I flailed my limbs trying to grasp ahold of something- anything. My stomach jumped into my throat a second before we hit the ground. The sand that had fallen in before us broke our fall, through the water jugs bruised my hip painfully from the impact.

I allowed myself the luxury of a little groan as I sat up, only to lay eyes on a cloaked fire standing beside a gondola. He was barely visible in the dim light of the cave we had fallen in to. I stared at him knowing he was far too tall to be a tribute, that could only mean he was a mutt.

“Dammit!” Tyber cried loudly peering upwards toward the mouth of the hole. “How the hell are we supposed to get out of here?” His voice cut through the otherwise silent room like a knife.

“Shut up, Tyber.” I hissed, slowly getting to my feet making sure not to take my eyes off of the mutt. Any sudden movements might startle it- if Tyber's whiney girl antics hadn’t already. I was going to bitch-slap his face with my knife if we survived this. I stopped myself, feeling indebted to him suddenly, remembering how he had saved my life…. I shook my head. He had made his choice, and I had made mine; a few lives for a better world.

“Relax girl.” A booming voice emanated from the depths of the hood that the figure had draped over his head. “I mean you no harm, I am Charon the ferrier of souls.”

I let out a little breath, that meant we were supposed to be here and we hadn’t made a fatal mistake. It also meant that the gamemakers had changed again, though…. Juliet and Antonio had made sure to stay true to Roman culture. Charon was Greek. If the gamemakers had changed this many times something was going on…. perhaps the whole country was in upheaval? From what though? Nothing made sense… unless it was merely a family rivalry gone terribly wrong, which would be annoying because a civil war would make taking control of the country so much easier.

“Oh… so… I’m Nixie.” Nixie said awkwardly, getting up and walking over toward the man she stuck her hand out towards him to shake but he merely looked at it as if it was plagued. I resisted the urge to laugh at her as I followed her glancing at the river. That must be the river Styx, the one that had given Achilles his invulnerability- with the exception of his heel. It seemed far fetched that it would work for me but the gamemakers had been able to infuse us with the power of the gods…. I knew there was no way Nixie knew about mythology for District 6 was very poor, I doubted it even had a library. Sometimes I doubted if Tyber was even literate so he probably wouldn’t know the legend either…. What? I couldn’t have them knowing I was invulnerable- or worse becoming invulnerable themselves.

“So I guess we have to get across….” Nixie said uncomfortably rocking back and forth on her heels gesturing to the faintly visible bank on the other side of the Styx that was concealed with murky dimness.

Charon nodded, “Yes, you do. Do you have a gold drachma to pay me with?” No, of course we don’t you freaky-ass grimreaper wannabe, I thought sarcastically, and the gamemaker who programmed you knew that…. I wondered if they knew how perfectly this was playing into my plan?

Tyber shoved his sword point to the man’s throat, “You’ll give us a ride across or we will kill you and give ourselves a ride across!” He growled trying to be all threatening and crap. The attempt was noble but he still didn’t achieve anything above an angry kitten.

I put a hand on his shoulder jerking him backwards, “Tyber, no. He wasn’t programmed to be killed. They probably made him indestructible. This is a riddle of some type, a battle of wits. I’m going to try swimming across…” I said trying to suppress the tremor in my voice as I remembered that Achilles had almost been killed by the acid-like water when he had been dipped into the river- and his mother had been holding onto him. And then there was always the problem of  choosing a weak spot. I knew from the legends that you’d have to choose one before you stepped in it or you’d burn up. Assuming it worked in the first place.

My mind wheeled as Charon's barely visible eyes met mine for a second, something flickering in them; a grave knowing. Ah. So it either worked or had been poisoned by the gamemakers. In my mind it was worth the risk.

Tyber turned to me suspiciously, “Since when did you care about my well-being?” He raised a prominent golden eyebrow.

I felt a flower of emotion blossoming in my chest but I mentally crushed it with the steeliness I had gotten me through most of my life. “I don’t. I care about my well-being and right now your-well being and mine are basically the same thing, because if you send a death god mutt into a rage with your stupidity then we are all dead.” I snapped watching the deep sadness I had seen in his eyes earlier return. I bit back a guilty sigh and stormed down the dark banks toward the midnight black water that churned threateningly reminding me of black tar. I heard Tyber and Nixie’s footsteps behind me.

“Thats a bad idea.” Charon’s deep voice grumbled from behind us.

I turned around loathing the tremor of fear that raced through me at his statement. “I’ll take my chances.” I said coldly, turning back to face the water. A bone… I needed a bone. The talus bone I decided suddenly.

I stepped forward placing my foot beneath the surface of the water, expecting for it to find a sandy bottom. I found nothing. I gasped as I fell forward into the dark embrace of the Styx. It closed over my head sealing me off from rest of the water, the water itself seared into my skin burning it. Suddenly I found it impossible to think, impossible to focus. I forgot who I was.

Achilles had had his mother to hold onto, I had no one, and when I did they left. I flailed through the dark waters trying to propel myself upwards. It seemed as if I was being sucked downwards, I had no idea how much longer I could hold on. My lungs were screaming for air, they seemed to press against my ribcage. In that minute it occurred to me that it just might be simpler to let go.

I needed something to hold onto.

And then the memory of Dimitra tickled my brain, that someone would feel so cornered that they would choose to end it all. It was then that I grasped firmly onto my goal of building my new world.

I broke the surface.

I gasped for breath as I clawed my way toward the bank. Tyber grasped my wrist and helped me roll onto the bank. I lay there panting, the burning sensation starting to fade from my senses. “I take it that we shouldn’t go in the water….?” I heard Nixie ask very slowly, I looked up to see Nixie staring out at the opposite side of the river.

Tyber stared at me, his jaw slacking a little. “Phae… You are glowing.”

I held an arm up to my eyes and saw that indeed my skin glowed, I bit back a grin. Tyber couldn’t know what had happened though, “Shit! The water was radioactive!” I cried jumping to my feet with more agility and precision than I knew I possessed. I wasn’t only invulnerable, I was stronger and faster as well….

Alright. Become invulnerable: Check.  Now to get back on track, we needed to get past Charon. I looked up towards the cloaked figure on top of the bank. Only now, someone stood next to him. I watched Charon extend one boney finger towards us. The figure next to Charon turned his head to look at us, even from here I could see the reflection of fear in his eyes. It was the boy from 9….. He turned back towards Charon frantically tried to push his way past him into the boat.

It was too late though. Nixie and Tyber charged toward him screaming, the boy turned and started to run. I barely processed what he was doing before one of my knives was ripping through the air and penetrating his flesh. I tore past Nixie and Tyber with ease and launched myself at the boy, pinning him to the ground. Something stopped me from disemboweling him though, I smiled and turned to face Charon. “Do you have a weak stomach?” I cooed tilting my head to the side innocently.

Charon frowned, “Well I don’t really have a stomach, so….”

I forced myself to smile, “Good.” I am going to creep the hell out of this mutt, I am going to make him beg to get me out of his sight. “Tyber and Nixie, could you hold little Jonah down for me?”

Nixie looked at me raising an eyebrow hesitantly, “What are you going to do?” She shifted her feet uncomfortably in the black sand.

I looked at her harshly, “I’m going to get us across the river.” I snapped, “Now help me.” I rolled off Jonah and Tyber and Nixie each grabbed an arm. I felt a peculiar tremor of nervousness run through me as I dragged my knife across his back removing his shirt gently.  It fell free.

“Come on guys…. let me go. Can’t you see she's a psychopath? Kill her not me!” Jonah stuttered, tripping over his words as his body began to shake. Crap! I hadn’t even done anything to him yet and he was already ready to bawl like a baby.

I grabbed his tongue and ripped it out of his body with one swift movement. No bitch calls me a psychopath and lives. He cried out as blood pooled in his mouth, dripping downward like a beautiful red colored fountain. I looked at the fleshy pink tongue in my hand and with barely a thought I tossed it at Charon. He dodged.

Ah. So he was a tad squeamish. Good. We were going to give him a backbone.

I circled around to Jonah’s back and leveled my blade with his skin, slowly, very slowly I punctured his skin and slid the knife underneath it. He shrieked as I began to drag it down, skinning him. I removed my knife from his back and let it fall to the ground sticking my fingers into the slit of skin I made. I moved them around digging my nails into his muscle enjoying how he squirmed. For the first time since I woke up I felt like I was truly in control.

Without warning I yanked it abruptly, peeling it from his body. Jonah let out an animal-like cry as I ripped it free. Blood gushed downward like a waterfall, staining the ground beneath us. I cast the skin aside and looked at the bloody mass before me. Through the mangled flesh I could see the white of his skeleton. I ran my finger down the ridges of his wet spine. At the base I paused. Then I thrust my fingers through his muscle and grasped the base of the spine and I yanked with all the might in my body. With a sickening crack I heard it give, the tendons ripping sounded like bones cracking. Jonah let out one final dying scream his neck flopped over and her collapsed like a rag doll.

I strained myself and my eyes met Nixie’s who was wide with fear, like I was some type of psychopath…. Was I? Was there something wrong with me---  Shut up! Dammit, Phae! This isn’t about you or anyone else in the arena! This is about the future.

Tyber let Jonah’s corpse fall to the ground and we turned to face Charon who know eyed me with a little bit of apprehension. I flashed him my best shark-toothed grin. “This is your last chance to let us across or I will destroy you. And you know I can.” I hissed pointing the disembodied spine at him.

He took a step back letting out a little groan of hesitation, I thought I had him. Then he spoke, “No. I simply cannot let you pass.” He said shaking his head reluctantly.

I paused for one long second glowering at him. So he wanted to play hardball, did he? I felt Nixie and Tyber hovering behind me apprehensively, they were ready. “Nixie! Tyber! go for the boat!” I barked charging Charon swinging the spinal cord at his side, he cried out in startlement skipping aside making a path for Nixie and Tyber to hop in the boat. I threw the spinal cord at his chest and lept in the boat myself shoving off the bank. I glanced over my shoulder to see Charon tumble into the Styx in a fluster. I resisted the urge to smirk with pride of myself, it took talent to do something like that.

I pulled my foot into the boat and looked over at Tyber who’d grabbed the paddle and was steering the boat with careful precision. Nixie sat across from me with a look on her face that reminded me of the stray puppy dog that had wandered to the training academy back in one a few years ago, begging for food. “You could have killed him and then ripped the spinal cord.”

I looked at her evenly, but I didn’t feel like explaining myself. Suddenly I couldn’t even explain myself to me. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I felt so lost. Why did I have to be so complicated?

The boat rocked as it hit sand. I swung my leg over the lip and pulled us aside, careful not to touch the water of the Styx. “Thanks.” Nixie said hopping out onto the sand next to me. Tyber said nothing as he followed her…. he’s been oddly quiet, I noticed. He’s generally such a little steroid filled douchbag.

I remembered what he had done for me…. he’d saved me once and tried to save me as well…. I bit my tongue. I should thank him.I felt color rising my my cheeks at the preposterous thought. I’d never thanked anyone in 8 years.  I looked over at him, he was just staring at the ground with a numb expression on his face.

I shook my head, that was the last thing I was going to do. I up towards the rest of the underworld, a rocky path lay ahead of us lined with dim flickering torches. They lead towards the giant looming walls of Erebos that I knew surrounded the underworld. The three headed dog, Cerberus, should be waiting there for us if everything was accurate. I bit my lip placing my hands on my hips in thought. I didn’t want to charge up there without a plan, even with my enhanced strength I didn’t think I could take out the dog, besides I didn’t want Nixie and Tyber to die just yet. I might need them.

Tyber started walking along the path and Nixie followed him. I was tempted to call out and ask them for their opinion and tell them what was waiting for us when I realized how stupid that was. I had no need for their stupidity. I pinched my brow… what the hell what happening to me?

Something made me look over my shoulder, my eyes fell on the last outer district tribute who was sailing across the Styx on a makeshift raft. I grinned a plan formulating in my head, this was the Phae I loved. “Run!” I hissed at Tyber, streaking past him with ease. Nixie caught on and sprinted after me.

The gates loomed ahead of us, and in their shadow a large midnight colored shape lay curled into a ball. I ducked off the path suddenly and ran across the dead grass toward a large boulder that stretched upwards to the sky like it was reaching for the heavens. I ducked behind it. “What was that all about?” Tyber panted doubling over next to me.

I frowned at him, “Something you wouldn’t understand if it beat you over the head.” I said harshly but still maintaining my voice in a whisper. Tyber looked down and instantly I was flooded with guilt, who was I to be such a bitch? Really I wasn’t any better than the girls who push Dimitra to kill herself…. I swallowed hard. “Tyber….” I choked the words burned in my mouth like the waves of the Styx. “Thank you for saving me.” I looked down at me feet cringing as soon as they left my mouth.

Tyber’s eyes widened as he looked up at me like a deer in headlights, “Wait what?” He asked utterly awestruck.

I shook my head, “I’m sorry, I’m not good at thanking people. Or apologising.” I’m pretty sure my face was redder than that dress that I’d worn to the reaping. In that moment I honestly wanted to stab myself.

“No, no it’s fine- no- just I thought I heard you wrong.” He whispered a smile spreading across his face. It actually felt kind of nice to make someone smile….

I caught myself. “Shut up.” I growled peeking around the corner of the rock. Sure enough I saw…. I paused racking my brain for his name. Jaiden. Not that it really mattered, he’d be dead in a few seconds anyway. Nixie and Tyber peeked around as well as Jaiden reached the gates, walking through them obliviously.

And then the sleeping giant awakened and ran at him. Jaiden let out a startled cry and began running the other way the dog nipping at his heels hungry for a bite- who knew how long it had been since his last meal.

“Come on!” I cried making a break for the gates while the dog was distracted. my feel crunching over the dead grass, I ducked behind the wall and gasped. I had to admit, the gamemakers had replicated the underworld to the tiniest detail. Ahead of us directly I saw the judgement pavilion with long lines of partially see-through humans standing idly with a dead expression on their faces. I did a double take as I spotted the small form of Mango, still clutching his stupid pencil. Then I saw Ula and Fuse…. It was more than a tad odd to see the dead. In the distance I saw a dark palace alight with red fire, presumably Hades castle. It was very beautiful.

“Grandma!” Nixie cried sharply, startling me and taking off toward a huge field of souls on our right. I stared at it numbly and started walking toward it. If Nixie saw her grandmother, maybe Dimitra was down there as well. I felt my breaths become ragged as I stepped onto the dead grass and shuffled through the dead souls that stared at me with blank expressions. Suddenly death terrified me, I didn’t want to be standing here aimlessly until I died. I would literally become nothing….

“Oh, its fairly safe to say that you won’t wind up here after you die. They have a far worse place assigned to you.” A soft voice said from behind me making the hairs on the back of my neck rise.

I turned to see Dimitra standing there in full color, standing out against the faded greys of the other souls. “Don’t be surprised. The dead know all… at least the ones who achieve Elysium do. I- I heard you were coming so I came to find you.” She choked suddenly, her big brown eyes glistening in the pale light.

I stared at her realizing that she was younger than me now. She was frozen forever in the body of her 13 year old self, I’d grown old and she would stay like this forever. I don’t know what about the realization hurt me so much but hot tears began to run down my face blurring my vision. Dammit.

I bent over to hug her, just wanting to go back to the days that everything was okay but she pushed me away. Something tightened around my chest as I looked at her confused. “Phaedra…. what happened to you? I’ve been watching you…. You aren’t the Phaedra I loved. I understand what you are trying to do…. but…. but you’ve become a monster in the process.” She said shaking her head with betrayal spread across her face.

And in that moment I became completely lost. I sunk to my knees in the field of the dead at the foot of the only friend I’d ever managed to make and I cried.