There are flashes from time to time. Flashes of the two of us together. Sometimes we're young, others we're adults. It doesn't matter. She's gorgeous, regardless of how old she is. I think I was in love with her. I think I may still be. But that was decades ago. She probably isn't even alive anymore.

I try to put her out of my mind as best I can, but she always manages to sneak back in somehow.

–

"You could go find Steve." Maria says. "He's with him."

"Yeah right." I snort. "As if either of them would be happy to see me. Bucky probably doesn't even remember who I am and, even if he does, what makes you think he'd be happy to see me?"

"Steve says he talks about you all the time." She shrugs. "Couldn't hurt to try."

"It could definitely hurt, Maria. It could hurt a lot." I roll my eyes. "Besides. No one know where Steve is holed up anyhow."

"Really?" She looks at me out of the corner of her eye before turning her gaze back to the screen in front of her. "You really think that there wouldn't be anyone who knows where Rogers is?"

"It's not like he'd tell me. Fury kept me secret for a reason." Scrubbing my hand over my face, I shove myself out of my chair and hold out my hand to Maria with a heavy sigh. "Give me the damn number, Hill."

"What makes you think I have it?" She looks up at me, a smirk tugging at her lips.

"Fuck you, of course you have it. You're the only one he trusts, aside from Romanoff, and she's all buddy buddy with the government now."

She grins at me for a moment before shaking her head and scrawling out the number on a post-it note and handing it to me. "How do you always seem to know?"

"It's because I'm ancient." I look at the number on the paper, my brow furrowing. "This is for a sat phone."

"Yup."

"Where the hell would he go that he needs a sat phone?"

"Beats the shit outta me, (Y/N), I just know how to contact him." She waves her hand at me. "Now, go away so I can actually get some work done."

–

"Do you remember her, Steve?" His voice is barely above a whisper. It isn't much louder than that these days. Steve can't quite figure out why, and Bucky doesn't seem to know either.

"Yeah, Buck, I remember her." Steve nods absentmindedly.

"D'you think she's still around? Like Peg was when they found you?" He sounds hopeful.

"I never checked, so I couldn't tell you. The way she lived, I really wouldn't know."

Bucky settles back into his chair, staring across the room at nothing in particular. "I hope she is. I think I'd like to pay her a visit one of these days."

"That's nice, Buck." Steve says, clearly occupied by something else.

"Mmm," Bucky hums, lost in thought. "Maybe it would be."

–

"How'd you get this number?" Nick demands as soon as he picks up the call.

"Cool it," I say, my tone probably too harsh. "It's me."

"(Y/N)?"

"The one and only."

"Finally broke down, did you?" I can hear the smirk in his voice.

"Wouldn't exactly say that. My curiosity just got the best of me is all." I grimace at the terrible excuse.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." He's still smiling and I groan inwardly. "I assume you want to know where Rogers ran off to with your little boyfriend?"

"I think you'll find he's not really all that little and, to answer your question, yes."

"Now was that so hard?"

"I'm really starting to dislike this side of you, Nick." I roll my eyes.

He laughs. "He's in Wakanda."

"Where in Wakanda?"

"Where do you think?"

"You can't be serious." I sigh loudly and scrub a hand over my face. "Those boys never cease to give me a headache."

"Speaking of, have you found any medication that helps with that?"

"I'm still fending off a migraine from when they thought running into a Hydra compound in '44 with only Steve's shield and a few guns was a good idea, but when I find one, you'll be the first to know."

"Thank you for your consideration, (Y/N)."

"And thank you for sharing your information, Nick. I'll be sure to put it to good use."

"Oh, I'm sure you will."

"Goodbye, Nicholas."

"Goodbye, (Y/N). Let me know how the reunion goes."

–

"It would appear that we have some unexpected company." T'Challa comments as Steve comes to a stop at his side.

"What kind of company?"

"I'm not sure. I was hoping that you would recognize them." T'Challa says, pointing to the monitor displaying (Y/N) speaking with the head of security, a carefully neutral expression on her face.

"This isn't possible."

"What is it?"

"I... Bucky and I grew up with her. She shouldn't be alive"

"Well, should we invite her in?" T'challa quirks an eyebrow at Steve questioningly. This woman has ruffled Steve in a way he's never seen before and he's intrigued.

"There isn't really anything else we can do, now is there?" Steve shoots him a weary smile. "It might be nice to catch up after all these years."

–

"Ms. (Y/L/N)," A gentle voice calls from behind me. I turn around to find the kind of Wakanda smiling softly at me.

"Your highness." I dip my head to him in respect before meeting his gaze. "Forgive the intrusion, it wasn't my intention to arrive unannounced, but I'm afraid I got a bit sidetracked on the trip here."

"You are already forgiven." He says, chuckling softly. "I understand that you are acquainted with Mr. Rogers and Mr. Barnes?"

"I guess you could say that." The corner of my mouth quirks up in a sort of half smile. "We grew up together. I'm not entirely sure either of them will be particularly pleased to know that I'm alive after all this time." I sigh disdainfully to myself. "You probably think I'm a bit crazy for showing up here."

"Nonsense." He shakes his head. "I find your appearance rather intriguing if I'm to be telling the truth. Steve seemed to be quite shaken when he saw you on the security feed."

"Mmm, figures he'd be the first to know." I shake my head and scrub a hand down my face.

"He is waiting for you just through that door and up the stairs. You'll find him in the sitting room, on the couch if I'm correct."

"Thank you," I nod to him and he extends his hand to me. I shake it and he nods in return before I head down the hallway to see my old friend.

Steve's right where T'challa said he would be. He's leaning forward, most of his weight in his elbows resting on his knees. He doesn't even look up when I enter the room, but I can tell her heard my feet against the hardwood floor.

"Long time no see, (Y/N)." He takes a deep breath and runs a hand over his face a few times before turning his head to look at me.

"I know you're upset." I lean back on the wall a fold my arms over my chest. "And I wish I had a good excuse for staying away this long, but I just don't have one."

"How are you alive?" He shakes his head at me. He sounds sad and weary.

"Immortality runs in the family. Fury found me before I could blow my head off in the late eighties and recruited me for a new S.H.I.E.L.D. task force he was assembling at the time. He was under direct orders to find me and bring me in and make sure I didn't kill myself."

"Kill yourself?"

"Living forever gets old, Steve." I sigh quietly. "Dad blew his brains out in '45 after VE Day and mom jumped off the Brooklyn bridge four years later. He was 175 and mom was 124. There's only so much time you can take."

"I didn't know." His brow furrows.

"You weren't supposed to, so don't worry about it." I shake my head and push off of the wall. "I think, maybe, five other people knew who and what I was. I was one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s best kept secrets. You had to have the highest level of security clearance to even know my name at one point."

"Did Coulson know you?"

"Yeah, I still have lunch with him on thursdays, when our schedules allow it." Steve looks at me, confused. "What?"

"He's dead, (Y/N)." He says. "Has been for nearly four years."

"Oh, yeah, that." I roll my eyes and suppress a snort. "That didn't last long. He's alive and well and working with inhumans. Pretty successful in spite of the accords too."

"Wow," Steve blinks, trying to process the new information.

"So how is he?"

"Hmm?" He hums questioningly, his eyes coming back in focus.

"You know, Bucky, your best friend." I raise my eyebrows at him, leaning forward slightly. "How is he?"

"He remembers you, if that's what you want to know."

"That's not what I wanted to know, Steve. I want to know how he's doing, if he's alright after all the shit that happened after the accords were signed. I want to know how he's holding up being in such an unfamiliar place and I want to know how he's dealing with getting his memory back after having everything he knew ripped away from him." I scrub a hand down my face, trying to reign in my temper. "Fuck it all, Steve, no matter how long I'm away from the both of you, you still manage to make my head pound."

"Well I'm sorry to hear that." A soft voice says from the other side of the room. Both Steve and I turn our heads in the direction it came from, only to find Bucky standing in the mouth of the hallway.

"Bucky," Steve manages to find his words first. "This is-"

"(Y/N), I know," Bucky cuts him off and I have to stave off a smirk. "We did grow up together. I'm not completely stupid."

"I'm sorry, Buck." Steve says, his voice holding his guilt.

"Don't be," Bucky sighs and steps into the room, eyes on me, his body language defensive. "Why are you here?"

"I needed to see you."

"Well, here I am." He shoves his hands in his pockets. "Now that you've seen me, you're allowed to leave."

I feel my breath catch in my throat in an almost painful way and I try not to let it show. "If that's what you want, I'll go." I nod once to myself before pushing off the wall and heading back out the door.

–

"What the hell, Bucky?" Steve hisses.

"What? Would you have done any differently?" Bucky scowls at Steve. "She only remembers what I was like when I was... fuck." Bucky rakes a hand through his hair. "When I was still me."

"You really think that?" Steve's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. "You seriously think that any of us are exactly the same people we were when we were last all together?"

"Well, what should I expect? Even you wanted me to be the person I was before I fell off the train." Steve winces at the jab.

"I've learned since then," Steve says. "And we were talking about (Y/N), not me. She genuinely cares about you."

"She can't." Bucky says solemnly. "Not the way she used to."

"She didn't even ask if you remembered her, you know. She only wanted to know how you were faring in the real world, outside of Hydra and away from everyone who wanted to put you in prison. She didn't care about you remembering. She only cared about your health. And who the fuck cares about the way it used to be? I sure as hell don't, and I don't think (Y/N) does either." Bucky just stands there, blinking at Steve. "Just go talk to her, Buck. Before she's gone for good."

"What do you mean for good?" Bucky asks, his interest piqued.

"She's immortal, Bucky. That's why she's still alive." Steve rises from his seat and brings himself up to his full height to face his friend. "She's as tired as we are, pal. Thing is, she's lived more of a life than we have, and she's willing to do the unspeakable to make it all end."

"You mean..?"

"I mean she's willing to kill herself. Just like her parents did before her." Steve points to the doorway that (Y/N) had disappeared through moments ago. "Now go fucking talk to her before something happens that both of us will regret."

–

I return through the doorway from which I came, only to find that the king is still standing in the room I had left him in. He's talking to the woman who had accosted me when I arrived earlier. When he catches sight of me his eyes widen marginally before he manages to school his features back into the kind leader he was trying to present.

"Leaving so soon?" T'challa lifts his eyebrows, surprised to see me back.

"Bucky wasn't so pleased to see me." I answer quickly. "I figure I shouldn't hang around if I'm not wanted." I stop before I reach the elevator that would take me down to the hangar and back to my borrowed quinjet. "Thank you for allowing me the time to speak to my friends. I really appreciate it."

"There is no need to thank me, (Y/N). You are welcome back at any time."

I nod to him once before turning on my heel and entering the waiting elevator. Once I reach the hangar, I swiftly make my way over to my waiting aircraft and begin prepping for flight.

I move about the space in the cabin, checking systems and testing equipment. I didn't bother to close up the aircraft and soon realize that was a mistake.

"I know you're there." I call out, not bothering to look away from the panels of dials, buttons and switches in front of me. "I may be old, but I'm not deaf."

I listen to him take a few steps closer before turning around and leaning on the pilot's seat, crossing my arms over my chest defensively. I look at him with a blank expression, eyebrows slightly raised, questioning him silently. He shifts from foot to foot uncomfortably under my gaze and I roll my eyes.

"Either spit it out or get off my plane, Barnes." I snap. "I don't make a habit of hanging around when I'm not wanted and you're making it hard to leave."

"I'm sorry." He rasps.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" I ask, genuinely surprised.

"You didn't deserve to be treated like that."

"Like what? I'm the one who showed up unannounced. You had every right to be upset with me."

"Steve told me about your parents."

"He did, did he?" I quirk up an eyebrow. "Is that all he told you?"

"He told me that they killed themselves and you may do the same." He refuses to meet my eyes.

"Did he now." I force my expression to remain neutral. Bucky nods and I sigh, tearing my eyes away from him.

"The (Y/N), I know, the you I remember, wouldn't have wanted to kill herself." Bucky says. The pauses between his words tells me he's trying to choose his words carefully.

"Honey, the me you remember is a distant memory, much like the you I remember probably is." I refocus on him only to find him looking somewhat startled. "A lot has happened in the time we've all been apart. It's been nearly eighty years. Steve's stubborn as hell and he changed as soon as he became Captain America."

"Why did you come to Wakanda?"

"I told you not even fifteen minutes ago, I needed to see you. I needed to know that you were alright. As long as you're alright I don't have to stay."

"What if..." He trails off and looks at the floor for a moment, seeming to wrestle with himself before looking at me again. "What if I wanted you to?"

My breath hitches and I stare at him, unsure of what to say. He looks at me expectantly and I know exactly what my answer will be. What it would always be. "Then I would stay."

"Why?"

"Honey, there are a lot of strings that tie us together and, in all honesty," I push off the chair and take a few steps closer to him. "I don't want to cut them. As long as you want me near you, I'll be there."

"Are you sure?" He asks. I hate that he would even question my actions. "I'm not the same man you knew. He and I aren't anything alike."

"I don't know if you were listening, but I'm nothing like the woman you knew when we were younger." The corners of my mouth quirk up in a slight smile. "Despite what you think, you're still you. The man I knew and who you are now, they're the same person. People change, but there are still constants lurking in who we are. We can't help it. Regardless of what you think, I still really care about you. I don't expect you to be the same and I don't expect you to love me, but I would hope that you would allow me to get to know you all over again."

"Do you actually mean that?"

"I wouldn't have flown hundreds of thousands of miles to visit it if I didn't."

He closes the distance between us and pulls me to his chest before wrapping me in his arms. Startled, I return the embrace.

"Thank you." He whispers.

"For what?" I ask.

"I don't know, just..." He pauses, his arms tightening around my shoulders slightly. "Thank you."

I smile into his chest and sigh contentedly. "Don't mention it."