Tears fell from my face as I liked another picture on her Instagram page. Normally I would be smiling but not anymore. She use to make me smile all the time. Now she only caused tears. Everything changed at once. It was like the final building came crashing down. At first it was tiny battles but then our friendship turned to war. I knew it was good to get away from her. She was like an abusive drug. I craved her even though she hurt me. I needed her. I would do anything to win her back. I knew it was impossible to get her back but I was addicted. Catrina Queen was my drug and i was going through withdrawls.
I was pulled from this downward spiral of thoughts by a text. it was Skylar. I'd describe her as my best friend/penpal. She lives in Singapore but we talk at all hours of the day. She knew how addicting Cat was. She was an addict too but while I was getting clean she was still hooked. I looked at the message and dried my tears.
"If I changed my hair color again would you still love me?" Her hair was ever changing. Currently it was lavender. I laughed to myself then replied.
"Yes I would still love you. Though lavender has been my favorite so far."
"Then I'll keep it lavender. Just for you Macca. How are things going with Cat?" I knew it wouldn't be long before Cat was brought up.
"We still aren't talking. I doubt we ever will again. She's changed, Sky. She's changed and I doubt she changes back." I hated typing that. If things were like they use to be Cat, Sky, and I would be group chatting about the newest superhero movie or what actor was getting married. That didn't happen anymore. I missed that.
"I know but she might. Just keep trying. It's late for you and you have school tomorrow. Go to sleep and I'll text you tomorrow.'
"Okay. Good morning, Sky. Love you."
"Night Macca. Love you too." That was a joke between us. One saying good morning and the other saying good night. The time difference was twelve hours between us. Even though she was far away I felt as close to her as I use to feel towards Cat.
After closing out the message I put my phone on the nightstand and prayed tonight the dreams would stop. Every night since our falling out I've dreamed of Cat. I wished it would stop. After a few minutes my eyes finally closed and I started yet another dream about my once best friend.
I woke up the next morning tired but less upset. The dream had been a happy one where Cat and I fixed our problems and we were as close as we had ever been. That's how I knew it was a dream. We would never fix our problems. We each needed something the other couldn't offer. She needed someone willing to be put on the back burner only to be brought out when she needed someone to pick up her pieces when she fell. And I needed someone front and center to keep me from falling in the first place.
I pushed all these thoughts aside and got ready for school. Twenty minutes later I heard a car honk and I knew Rose was here to pick me up. I saw her sitting in front of my house in her ocean blue convertible. She loved the car so much she dyed her hair the same color. I locked my front door and got in her car.
"Where's your man-child?" That's what I call her boyfriend, Noah, because he's eighteen and doesn't have his license so Rose drives him everywhere but today he wasn't with her. I liked this boyfriend much better than the last one. He didn't like me so Rose and I stopped talking but Noah was cool and we liked each other so Rose and I picked up our friendship where we left off.
"He's sick. Hurry up we still have to get Jess, Alex, and Remy." I nodded and closed the door. We went around and picked up the other three girl and they piled into the backseat. How they all fit is beyond me. Once everyone was settled we set off for school. When we got in the building we went to our separate classes. I walked into my history class and smiled when I saw a head of deep blue hair. Only one girl had that shade of hair, Natalia. I sat my books on the desk next to hers.
"How are you today, Nat?"
"My fish died but I got a new plant so it's okay." We had the strangest friendship. We talked about the weirdest things but Nat understood me. She understood how I felt in ways other people didn't understand. In ways happy people didn't understand. Nat and I weren't happy people but we made each other happy.
"Dead fish, boo. New plant, yay."
"How was therapy?" Another thing we had in common, our therapy stories.
"It was good. We talked about Cat. She said I needed to look at the friendship, decide if it's worth it, and if I do then invite Cat to a session so we can talk about our feelings."
"Well, how do you feel? Do you want to work on it?"
I sighed then looked at her. "Yes, I do but I don't know about Cat. You know how she is. She somehow sweetens her words to make anyone believe anything she says. Another problem is she might get mad about something I told my therapist."
"I'm sorry, McCartney." She said and hugged me. She only called me by my full name when she knew I was upset.
"I'll be okay. It's time to move on. Focus on more important things."
"Good for you. You don't need her. You have me, Sky, Rose, and so many other people." By now class had started so we put our conversation on hold until lunch.
After Rose dropped me off at my house I went to my room. Looking around I saw so many things that reminded me of Cat. I knew I had to get rid of them. I got a box and started shoving things in. Any gift she ever gave me had to be out of my sight. It was easy until I got to the teddy bear she gave me. She told me her sister's friend had given it to her but I didn't know how true that was. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to be able to trust her but I couldn't. There were some many times she lied to my face then denied it. I couldn't handle that anymore. Then she just fell off the face of the planet and didn't talk to me for days but was all over her other friends. I knew our friendship was over. It hurt more than words could describe.
Maybe this was a good thing. As Cat and I grew apart Rose and I grew Closer to the friendship we once had. So maybe the universe decided I had to trade a friend for a friend. I don't see how that's fair but life's not fair.
I put the bear in the box and put the box in the back of my closet. As I closed my closet I thought about our short friendship. All the things I told her and she told me. Were any of her secrets only told to my ears or were they shared with everyone? Did we have anything special? Did we have something that was just ours? I want to believe we did but I guess I'll never know. I was about to fall into another depressed state when I heard my garage door open.
"Macca! Where are you? We decided to have a sleepover! Parents already agreed." Rose's voice called out. I walked out of my room and saw Rose, Jess, Alex, and Remy standing in my living room with overnight bags in hand.
"Well thanks for the warning." I laughed and they all shoved past each other to throw their bags in my room.
"Surprises are good for you. And you looked a little upset today. I'm not going to let my best friend be upset. So we are here to help." Rose said the words but I could picture them coming out of Cat's mouth. That's something she would have said.
"Thanks guys. What are you we going to do tonight?" I pushed my emotions aside and acted happy.
"We have every horror movie invited, candy, and blankets." Alex said and held up a bag. Hopefully this would take my mind of Cat.
Rose and I were the only ones awake after the fifth movie.
"I'm happy we are best friends again. I missed having you. I'm sorry I was stupid and picked a boy over our friendship." Rose said without taking her eyes off the screen. I wasn't expecting that so it took me a second to reply.
"Me too. So much happened that I wish you were there for."
"None of this stuff with Cat would have happened. I could have protected you."
"No one could protect me. I thought she had changed and she had for a while but her need for attention took over."
"McCartney she had your attention 24/7. What more could she want?"
"Attention I couldn't give her. We go to different schools so I wasn't always in her face and feeding her need. I also couldn't give her the attention a boy could."
"You sound like you've moved past her," I started to nod but she wasn't done talking, "but I know if she called right now you would drop everything and run to her."
"I would have done the same for you when we weren't friends."
"I know but this is different. She has a hold on you. You're addicted to her. She's hurting you."
"I've moved on Rosalie. Trust me." I knew I was lying to both her and myself.
"You're lying. You would drop everything for her." Rose crossed her arms and glared.
"I would not... well I might just to give her a second chance."
"You have given her more then a second chance. You are probably on her sixth chance."
Then as if by magic my phone rang. It was Cat.
"Macca I need to see you."
Rose looked at me and sighed. "Just go. I'll wait here." I hugged her and hurried to Cat's house. She was sitting on the porch waiting.
"I didn't know if you were going to show up. I've missed you Macca. It's been so long since we talked."
"Yeah Cat it's been a while. What did you want to talk about? I have people over and they are waiting."
"Why wasn't I invited? I always come to your parties." She actually sounded surprised and that made me mad.
"Maybe because you never invite me to hang out with you, Lauren, and Vanessa."
"That's different McCartney. You wouldn't like them."
"No Cat, that's not the point. The point is you blow me off to be with them. I may not have liked them but I would have loved to be with you. Now tell me why you called me here."
"I wanted to see if you wanted to apologize for not talking to me but I guess you don't."
"No Cat. I have nothing to apologize for. I did nothing. You are the one who hurt me. I've given you hundreds of chances but I'm done. I'm sorry Cat but I'm tired of you not caring about me." She sat there speechless as I got in my car and drove home.
Rose was still waiting for me when I got back. "Tell me what happened."
"I'm done with her. She's hurt me for the last time. I'm tired of her putting me second. She wanted me to apologize. I did nothing to her. She should apologize to me. But I don't want her apology. I don't want her. I'm done. It's over." By now I was sobbing in Rose's arms.
"You know, you are ten times better than her. You don't need her. You have me and the others. We won't hurt you or use you like she did. I promise. We will always be here for you. We wouldn't trade you for anyone. You are the best friend anyone could ask for. It's her fault she lost you, okay?"
"Okay, thank you Rose. You're the best friend I could ask for. You're amazing."
"I know. I'm pretty awesome. Now let's sleep." She hugged me one more time then we finally went to sleep.
The dreams about Cat stopped and thanks to my true friends I was able to move on and forget her.