As I lied in my over-sized bed that felt like a stationary cloud forever supporting my thin figure, I couldn't help but continue pondering. Pondering and pondering. The same question that has pestered me day and night for 2 moon cycles.

It seemed the sun was forever in the center of the sky. Every time my eyes opened and looked at the window, there the sun was. Was my sleep cycle so contorted that I always awoke at 3 pm? Has this question completely conquered me so, that I fail to accomplish any other task?

The empty halls of my dorm felt cold and bare. It could be from the memory of my ex roomate having the AC and fan running all day and night. Or more realistically the frozen feeling of loneliness. The summer heat couldn't revitalize my numb feeling. My fingertips tingled like frostbite had come to give me an answer to all my woes. With one twitch of each finger, the tingling vanished. There went my answer. My escape from this frozen, 3 pm, centered sun of a hell.

What life can I produce like this? Who can I interact with, have a conversation with, listen to? It's not like I don't have friends and family. I just can't talk to them. Not about this. What could I say? "Hey. Um yeah I'm actually not okay. No, yeah. You see..." what do I say. How can I explain when I don't even know the answer myself?

What was the question again? Am I okay? No. No I'm far from okay. Did I come up with an answer? Or was that not the question... my head felt like lead, a loaf of stale bread, cold and dead. Cold. Dead. Death. Was that the answer? Could death be what I longed for or would that just make me even more cold and lifeless.
Would being breathless actually solve anything? I doubt it.

My eyes opened at 3 pm again. But I didn't look out the window. If I didn't see the sun, then the sun did not exist. If I cannot see it then it does not exist. My parents don't exist, KFC does not exist, an Xbox one does not exist, but this bed does exist. Once there was a fan here. Right here next to my bed. The fan that battled the warm summer heat waves. The fan that made sure my skin didn't have to sweat. The fan that ensured my old roommate could sleep comfortably. Just a memory. What used to be and will never be again.

Is today a new day or a continuation of the last? I don't think. Yes, if I don't think then how can the question bother me? Or rather. I guess if I don't think how can I get an answer? If I turn over onto my side, would I see a different perspective? Is my
Dorm room a metaphor for my life and everything I hold dear? My ex roommate. My ex fan. My ex friends. My ex. People that walk out a door can easily walk back in though. It's not like if I can't see them they don't exist. If I don't see them. I don't see the sun, the sun does not exist.

Was I always alone in this room? Did the moonlight always dance around my room, reflecting off of dark color hues? Dark colored laptop, dark colored PlayStation, dark colored clothes. Maybe some color would do me some good. But then again she always said I shine bright even in the dark.

Will I ever see her again?

The world froze over. My fingertips tingled. It was 3 pm.