"Tell me what you see?" I heard a voice ask in the distance,

"Hello? Vanessa!" The voice shouted clearer.

I focused my mind back to reality, noticing I was still in the same small cramped organised room as I'm in every week!

"Sorry... I was distracted" I apologised.

"Mrs Young can you please tell me what you see in these ink splatters!?" The therapist asked impatiently.

I stared blankly at ink blotches thrown on a white sheet of paper.

"Ink?" I answered sarcastically.

"Ok Vanessa I need you to actually focus!" She ordered,

"Fine!"

I set my eyes desperately on the ink trying not to concentrate too hard! I couldn't help but see a clear picture form in the ink! Every time she showed me a different ink card I would see the exact same picture! "Nothing!" I lied, flopping back onto the worn comfy couch. "Well I'm afraid our time is up Mrs Young! I guess we'll see each other again next week, ok?" Miss Rose stated. "Yup! Thanks Miss Rose" I said as I left the room.

Another week over with, therapy was boring and pointless but both Tommy and I felt it helped in someway, I hadn't opened up yet cause I know she'll think I'm crazy! I've been going to Miss Rose for about a year now and she's fed up, I can tell. It's expensive but Tommy insisted I go after what happened, I told him he was crazy. But I guess he won that argument.

I slowly walked into the car park andover to my expensive family wagon.

I glanced at my watch,

2:57!!!

Crap! I was going to be late, Again!

I jumped behind the wheel and drove like crazy! I think I broke like four red lights but I was not gonna let Susan judge me again!

I sped around traffic, it was hard seeming as the car was so big!

I pulled up about a five minute walk away from 'Sunny Hills Day Care" and rushed inside, I glanced at my watch,

3:07

Dammit!

"Look who's late again!" Susan laughed from across the room.

I glared at her for a solid minute before replying, "Sorry Susan it took a while to park my car!"

We sat in the waiting area.

I despised Susan! She was one of those people who could annoy you by saying hello.

Her scrawny dyed brown hair stuck to her face, her makeup was done in an old fashioned tone and she always smelt WAY to strong of roses!

"So 'Vanessa Merrell' have you uploaded any YouTube videos lately!" She chuckled,

"First of all its Vanessa Young! And Second of all you know I'm not a YouTuber anymore!" I stated.

"Oh yeah sorry I forgot!" She laughed sarcastically.

I decided to ignore her and fix my makeup while I waited.

I grabbed a pocket mirror from my designer Louis Vuitton bag Tommy had just bought me.

I glanced in the small mirror admiring my reflection, my makeup hadn't smudged surprisingly
I then heard the large wooden doors open from the Daycare, I looked up in search for Lucy to run out.

I then saw her little head bobbing around with the other small kids.

"Lucy?" I called,

She sprinted over to me with a smile glued to her face,

"Mommy!" She yelled, running into my arms.

"Hello sweetie! How was Day Care?" I asked softly,

"fun!" She answered in an excited voice.

"How would you like to go out for ice-cream?!" I questioned happily, tickling her small tummy.

"Yay!!!!" She giggled.

I walked her out to the car, holding her hand as we crossed the street. She was so little I had to bend down to reach her hand.

I had to park the car several minutes from the Daycare because it was impossible to find a parking space so I ended up carrying her the rest of the way, witch wasn't any bother because she was only four.

"Mommy can I sit in the front with you?" She asked,

"No way hosay!" I laughed, "you are far too young!"

She began to cry as I buckled her into the back seat, "Don't worry Lucy, before we get ice-cream we're going to collect Robin!" I soothed, kissing her forehead.

She then hushed down and began to get excited, "Can we go to the park as well!" She asked,

"I'll see" I laughed.

We drove for around 20 minutes until Lucy began to grow impatient, she kept shouting and asking questions.

"Lucy can you please be quiet for like 2 minutes mommy has a headache" I begged, We arrived at lakeview nursery several minutes later, Lucy whooped in delight!

I unbuckled her and carried her inside.

"Where's Robin!?" She shouted excitedly,

"Lucy shush there's baby's sleeping!" I hushed her.

We walked up to the desk, "Hi Mrs young, how are you today?" Nancy asked, the secretary for the nursery,

"Hi Nancy I'm great thanks! Can I collect Robyn?" I asked sweetly, Nancy was super nice! She always had positive things to say to brighten up your day!

"Of coarse! Go take a seat while I go fetch her!" She replied.

I sat down with Lucy on my lap in the waiting area checking emails.

"Mrs Young?" Nancy called.

I let Lucy down to play with some toys while I approached the desk.

She had my baby carry on sitting on the desk, it was obvious that Robyn was fast asleep.

"Thank you Nancy!" I whispered as she handed me the baby carry on.

I quietly called for Lucy and we made our way out to the car.

It took several minutes to put Robyn in her car seat along with Lucy. I have two children and I'm still finding it strange to be a mother!

"Mommy can we still go to the park?" Lucy asked,
distracting me from thoughts,

"I guess so" I answered.

I knew this would be a struggle, somehow I'm gonna end up with a screaming infant on the way home, I sighed heavily as we pulled into the park.

I placed Robyn in a stroller and took Lucy's hand. Before we walked to the playground I placed my sunglasses down to cover most of my face, I was not in the mood for social interaction right now.

I pushed the stroller to the park, we barely reached the gate before tons of paparazzi flooded in from all sorts of hiding places!

I ducked my head and put the sun protector as far over the stroller as possible and put on Lucy's hat, I quickly approached the gates. As soon as I entered they closed and locked behind me! Thank goodness for private parks like these!

"Lucy go and play, look there's some of your pre-school friends over there!" I said. I could hear constant clicks of cameras going off as paparazzi tried to get in.

I sat down on the bench gently rocking the stroller back and forth, I was surprised how Robyn hasn't woke up yet.

"Vanessa! Over here! Look into the lens sweetie!" I heard paparazzi call.

"Keep your head down and they might go away" a familiar voice laughed.

I smiled knowing who it was, I looked up glad to finally have a chance to talk to her.

"Jenny it's been so long!" I stated happily as we pulled in for a hug.

Jenny was one of my very first friends from California, she went to school with me, she was the one that introduced me to Tommy.

We talked and talked for ages, we were seriously close! She helped me get through a really rough part of my life which I will never forget although I'm never quite sure if she ever believed the died down tale in which actually happened.

"How's therapy?" She whispered quiet enough so no one would hear.

"No good whatsoever!" I sighed.

"I'm sorry" she said.

"Not your fault" I replied,

By now Robyn was beginning to wake up and cry, I gently picked her up and cradled her.

"Hello little one!" Jenny cried happily, tickling Robyn causing her to squeal in laughter.

"Wow she's getting so big! How old is she now? 5, 6 months?" Jenny asked, she was too distracted with Robyn to give a notion of her own 6 year old son tugging at her arm.

"Yeah just almost 7 months" I answered amazed.

I daydreamed to myself as Jenny talked to her 7 year old son Jackson who hated any social interaction.

My head went through it's usual routine, sorting through memories, easily tossing some and stuffing some into save. I made a promise to myself that day, I promised that never would I even dare forget a moment of mine and Ronis past that actually happened, every once and awhile my brain would try and trick me into thinking I should toss them but that quickly was pushed aside. It's not like that's the only thing that's been effected, I haven't slept a full night in years, my mind races at night and won't allow me to rest, it's as if it was a consequence for remembering.

"Vanessa? Hello?" Jenny interrupted causing me to snap back to reality.I looked up noticing Robyn was crying her eyes out in my arms, I gently cradled her back and forth, holding her close to my chest, this was the point where a normal person would zone out and continue rocking their child but I haven't had a moment to relax in years, This happened a lot! It's the reason I go to therapy, I could be in my own world for hours at a time, wondering how different my life would be if I forgot.

So ya... this is my new book! I'm not sure how long it will be or if I will even keep it up but I really hope you enjoy it and thank you so much for reading<3!!!!