Chapter 23

Its now Saturday night, and Alana is in the kitchen making some food for dinner. Thomas sees her and wants to talk to her since he hasn't seen that much of her this week.

"Hey, how was your week?" Thomas asks.

"It was ok, how was yours?" Alana says.

"It was good, as you know tomorrow I will be going to my parents for dinner, my sister and her boyfriend will be there also. I would like for you to come also. It's been a few weeks that you haven't shown up and they have started asking questions. I think my sister has something important to tell us, and I would like us to be there as a family." Thomas suggests.

"I have been busy with other things during the last few weeks and Sunday is my only relaxing day from work. I think your parents can understand that. I guess you want to keep up appearances as always though." Alana answer.

"You are my wife, you should be there with me like you have been before all this nonsense started. You said you were over it, but I feel your not at all. In the last few weeks, you barely talk to me. I see you for ten minutes at the dinner table if that." Thomas states.

"There you go again calling anything I want nonsense. I guess some things will never change. But that is fine, I am over it, I just don't feel like going over this again and again. Every time we talk we fight. So sometimes it's just better to stay away." Alana says.

"We can't keep going like this, this isn't what I want," Thomas replies.

"If your really honest with yourself Thomas, you don't know what you want. You want a marriage, without the sex, without the closeness, without the connection. Yet, you want others to think you have all that, that we have the perfect marriage. It's just all a show for you. I play along with it all these years, just to make you happy, hoping you would change, but I see now you won't. You don't want to." Alana reveals.

"I want the marriage we had before all this craziness started. We were fine, we were happy." Thomas responds.

"If you say so if that is what you want to think, then fine. I am tired of fighting with you." Alana answers.

"I don't want to fight with you either, I want us to be a family," Thomas replies.

"That means you need to be here for us Thomas, not only financially but in every other way." Alana snaps.

"Damn it, Alana, I am here. Do you think it's easy to be away, not being able to be there for my son when he needs me? I can't be at two places at once. It's why I wanted you to stay home, so at least one of use could be here for him. Now your working full time, lying to me behind my back and you're not here either!" Thomas barks.

"Are you freaking kidding me? I am always here, I do not let work take over my life, as you do. When he has something I always make sure to be there. And here you go again always throwing it back at me. It's my fault. The way I can take a few hours off from work, Why don't you? I am not lying, I just never told you, I didn't see a reason to. You always felt my career wasn't important but yours was." Alana Shouts.

"I am not putting it on you, I am just stating how I feel. What I wanted. And you did lie in away, you said you were only going back part-time. Did you think I wouldn't notice that you don't come home till late? That you leave early? I guess I can try to get off some hours when he has something, but it's not that easy." Thomas states.

"Nothing is easy for you, but it's supposed to be for me. To be honest, I never even thought you would notice, you never notice anything I do, so why would this be any different?" Alana snaps.

"Why must you always be like this? I do notice, I am just busy, you act as if I don't care about you, or this family. You seem to be holding back resentment, and I don't know why." Thomas says.

"Resentment? Yes, I do have some, I been here this whole time, keeping this marriage and family going, while your off working and thinking you're some big wig. Then when I want something, it's stupid, and I don't only mean in the romance department. Even with my job. With anything, I want or desire. It's like I am not supposed to be able to have anything I want. Just do what you say!" Alana shouts louder.

"That's not true, I just believe you should stay home and be with our son. You don't need to work. Do you know how many wives would kill for this? To be able to stay home and take care of their child without worrying about any finances? What the hell has gotten into you anyway? Is this Judy putting all kinds of negative shit into your head?" Thomas asks.

"Because I want to be independent and have my own, its negative shit? This is the reason I can't talk to you. This is the reason we are where we are today!" Alana answers.

"I didn't want to start a fight, I just wanted to ask you to please come with me tomorrow and be a family," Thomas admits.

"Whatever, your parents could care less if I go or not. They just like to act as they do. Your mother doesn't even pay attention to me when I do go. It's so boring, and I have nothing to do. They make me feel very uncomfortable." Alana confesses.

"Really? Now you even have a problem with them? I know my mother can be cold, at times, it's just the way she is. You never seemed to care before." Thomas says.

"I let a lot go before to make you happy. I think it's about time I made myself happy. No more tippy-toeing around you. I am going to say how I feel, if you don't like it, that's just too damn bad." Alana fires back.

"I don't know what has gotten into you, but it needs to stop. If you need to tell me how you feel, that's fine, but you need to do it in a better way. Stop attacking me, for everything." Thomas responds.

"Attacking? I am not attacking. I am just tired." Alana states.

"Well, I feel attacked. Are you going to come tomorrow or not?" Thomas asks.

"I will, for Tommy's sake, and to make things look like they are perfect like always. I do not want to stay long either. When dinner is over I want to leave." Alana says.

"Fine, and thank you." Thomas comments, walking away before the fight gets worse.

He wasn't sure what the hell was happening but instead of better things were getting worse, way worse. He wasn't sure what was bringing all this on. He saw anger and resentment in her, something was nagging at her, and she let him have it. He just wasn't sure if it was all because of him, or so much more? He just knew it needed to stop.

For Alana, so much was taking place this week, with Luke staying away, to him not really wanting to meet. Her feelings and emotions were all over the place. She just let Thomas have it, but it was something she held in all these years and finally just blew up and said it all out loud. Maybe without all the rest happening she would have still kept it bottled up inside, but with how she felt, she just let it out. She had a lot of resentment and anger toward Thomas. A marriage was supposed to be a partnership, she felt like she was the one to give up everything, to have to take everything on. Losing a bit of herself in the process. And now that she was trying to get herself back, Thomas was there trying to hold her back once again. There was just one problem, she was no longer the woman he married. She was evolving into what she wanted, whether he liked it or not.