chapter 54

Alana, Thomas, and Tommy head home that night, Tommy going to his room and Alana wanting to do the same. Not really in tune with anything around her. She knows tomorrow is Monday, and She can't wait to see Luke again. All through dinner it's all she has thought about. She missed texting him and talking to him tonight. She just knew that tomorrow they would be together in person. To touch and spend time together. She couldn't wait.

Thomas just watches her as she enters the kitchen to make sure lunch is ready tomorrow for Tommy. He sees how happy she is, and it just blows his mind. To think she has anyone else kills him inside. Would she really do something like that? Was she really over the sex stuff? Or just say that and has someone else? So many questions run through his mind. He just hopes there is nothing going on and it's just something simple making her this happy.

Thomas walks into the kitchen to try to see if they can talk. If he can try to work something out.

He walks in going behind Alana and putting his arms around her waist hoping to get a good reaction from her.

"Thomas, what are you doing?" Alana asks a bit confused.

"I just wanted to be close to you. It's been a while, I miss you." Thomas admits.

Alana doesn't know what to respond, as Thomas hasn't ever done this before. If she is honest, she isn't even sure why he is doing this now.

"I have to finish lunch Thomas." Alana replies.

"Do you think you can spend some time us this week? You seem to go up to bed really early it would be nice if you would be with us a little longer. Maybe we can watch a movie? Or do something as a family?" Thomas asks.

" I am not sure, tomorrow I will be home late, I picked Monday to stay late and do some catch up for last. We will see how it goes in the middle of the week." Alana answers.

"Ok, is there anything you need to tell me, Alana?" Thomas asks.

"No, why?" Alana replies.

"You have just been so different, so happy. Is there something making you happy? I know its not me. You barely know I am here lately. I know in the past I did that to you and I am sorry." Thomas reveals.

"I am just happy at work, I really enjoy my job. I am glad to be back and doing something I really enjoy that's all. I see why now, you didn't care about what I was saying. You had something you wanted and cared for more." Alana states, undoing Thomas's hands from her waist.

"I didn't love it more, I just wanted to be the best at it. I wanted a career worthwhile. I know to get it, I lost a lot, I missed out on a lot of our sons growing out. Also a lot of things with you, I know this pisses you off. I just hope you wouldn't do something stupid to get back at me for it." Thomas responds.

"I am just putting my work first like I was shown all these years. You are not the only one who wanted a career and more out of life. It's just that you got it faster and I was the one to sit back and have to wait." Alana replies.

"You didn't need to work, you still don't. We have plenty of money. We can even have another child, make this a family that you wanted." Thomas reveals.

"It's too late for that. None of that is my wants anymore. I want my career. I enjoy my freedom. I have tried for years Thomas, I tried being a good mother, a good housewife, a good cook. A good caregiver. It's now time for me. For my wants, for my cares. You need to see that." Alana answers.

"I guess there really isn't anything I can do to make you change your mind. I know I screwed up but I am willing to fix it now, to try." Thomas responds.

"Maybe you are, but I'm not. I can't. It's getting late and I need to get to bed. I have work early in the morning." Alana comments walking away leaving Thomas in the kitchen.

Standing there not sure what to say or do. He got nowhere, as he has been the last few months. She told him flat she didn't want to try and didn't even want the same things as she did once before. There was no going back. The only thing she didn't say was she was leaving and moving on with her life. He saw a bitterness, in her, that wasn't there years ago. He knows trying is a waste of time, there was no getting through to her.

Now that he was ready to try and even ready to try to open himself up, she walked away. He wasted too much time, always feeling she would always be there no matter what. Work can come first, she wasn't going anywhere. He just sees now, that's not the case. He lost out on time, and now he regrets it.

Alana goes upstairs not sure where the old Thomas has gone. In a way, she feels bad, knowing that anytime he came to her and puts his arms around her, and talk, he meant what he said. Thomas wasn't one to show or say emotions, it's another thing that has broken down their marriage. She does know, she is overdoing any of that with Thomas. There was no point. Sometimes once you make a break, there is no going back.