Chapter 163

Thomas heads out, but can't bare to go home. It's the last place he wants to be. He heads into town getting himself a hotel room with an open bar. He gets into the room and goes straight to the bar, to get himself a drink.

As he sits on the bed, he remembers the past. The night that started it all, in his mind. The night he took Alana to the hotel room. He feels that is the night that ruined everything for him. He opened his mouth calling her a whore and slapping. "Was she fucking him then too?" Thomas wonders.

The more he drinks the more he thinks about his past, going all the way back to his childhood, when he was always pushed to do his best, and never let anyone laugh at him. How his father wanted him to be better than the rest. Remember how hurt his mother was at times, from his father's infidelities. At the time not understanding it all, but now he does.

He thinks about his adult life, how he put work above all else for so many years wanting to win, wanting to be better than the others. Making money his priority and losing track of the things that really meant something to him.

He keeps drinking and laughs to himself at how he put Alana in this goody goody place in his mind. Never thinking she would be a slut, or do anything of that kind. And here she was a big tramp, more than most, and he was trying to be gentle and not see her in that way for so many years.

He sits there and wonders so many things, as the hurt just piles on him. Was all this worth it? All the pain, all the trying to make things better. sweeping it all under the rug. Trying to pretend, she loved him, when indeed she didn't.

Trying to always be the good son, always there, always the best. For what? The more he thinks the angrier he gets throwing the mini bottle of vodka across the room into the wall, smashing it in a hundred pieces.

He continues to drink till he falls asleep, feeling even more cold and dead inside from all the pain all the confusion. His mother's death just brought up everything that ever hurt him, seeing that all his life was a life, not only his marriage. It's just what he got used to living, just like his parents. It got them nowhere, and it did the same for him.

For Sr. he tries to get some rest but can't sleep. The quiet just keeps him awake, it gives him way too much to think about. What he just witnessed would stay in his mind for a long time. It was awful seeing her like that. For the first time in ever, he hated being in this house. He felt uncomfortable and wanted out.

Sr. Calls his girlfriend Nancy.

"Babe, is it ok if I come over tonight?" Sr. asks.

"Of course but it's 1 am are you sure? Is everything ok?" Nancy asks.

"She passed, I know you wanted to know but I was just trying to get my own thoughts together. I know you two were good friends and our relationship messed that up. I know a lot of things...I just keep thinking and I need to stop. I need a distraction." Sr. admits.

"I am so sorry for your loss. She was a good woman and yes my best friend. I know what I did to her was wrong, I just couldn't help my feelings towards you. I felt this way about you for a long time, I just had to let you know." Nancy says.

"You don't have to be sorry for anything. I felt the same way, and I was her husband and I never really did the right thing by her. We didn't have a regular marriage. She wasn't even with me when we started this."Sr. points out.

"I know, I should have said goodbye. I feel bad about that. I just know your kids would have attacked me for it." Nancy says.

"My kids need to grow up in more than one way. You can say your goodbyes at the funeral. You just stand by me and that's all that is needed." Sr. responds.

"That isn't going to look too well, Tom." Nancy answers.

"You know what, I don't care. I spent all my life doing what I thought others wanted. Always trying to not make my family laugh or see that my marriage was shit. Maybe if we would have just divorced when we were younger we would have had a chance of being happy or finding someone to make us happy. This way we were just miserable and made everyone around us that way." Sr. Admits.

"I will stand by your side and be there for you. You know how much I care about you, Tom." Nancy replies.

"Yes, I do. I just want you to know, I am willing to be with you, and stay true. Even have a real relationship. BUT I am not the marrying kind, so if you want that...I am sorry. I can't give you that, and there is no sense in going on with this." Sr. states.

"I am perfectly fine with it. I was already married, it's not for me either but I do want a committed relationship with you. So I accept what you are saying." Nancy answers.

"Wonderful I want the same. I will be over in a few. I am going to gather up some things. I will have to come back here tomorrow and for a few days....to make things seem normal. People will be in and out, but I will come there at night." Sr. responds.

"That's fine. I will leave the door open, lock it behind you." Nancy states.

"Will do, babe." Sr. responds.