"Your mother called," my neighbor says.

"Did she now?" I lightly push him back and come out of the apartment, locking the door behind me with the key.

"Did you hear about your father?" he asks, worry laced in his deep voice. "He's in the hospital right now. They're saying he won't live much longer."

"Mhm." I put the keys into my pants pocket. "Sorry for that. I don't know why my mother called you about that. She's still stuck in the old times, you know?" I snort. "What does she think we are, some kind of 'best friends', 'soulmates', 'lovers', those kind of stuff? Oh boy, she's always getting the wrong idea. I guess I should've made it clear to her that you're just an acquaintance, a neighbor, an occasional chauffeur . . . damn, now that I think of it, I'm always getting the wrong idea too, aren't I? I must have got it from her."

"Jade . . ."

"It's true what they say. You can hide a body, but you can't hide your blood." I laugh, shaking my head. "By the way, can you drive me to The Thrush?"

I never got around to get a driving license, because not like I'll ever be able to afford a car. I could have gotten a bike, but it feels a little childish for my age. As for public transports, why should I spend money behind those when I've got a handy neighbor here to give me free rides? Rent is due, bills yet to be paid, two meals a day, one pair of shoes, bed half-empty, yada yada---it's the same story all over the world.

Hearing my question, an immediate frown spreads across his brows. His face is like a crystal clear mirror, reflecting his exact emotions at any point in time, exposing him naked to the world. It makes me want to hide him away and shield his vulnerability, because what if the world takes advantage of him? But I'm no one to do that for him. Nor does he need me or anyone to do that for him.

"The Thrush . . .? Why? Why there?"

"My friends are gathering there, so we're gonna hang out for the night." I watch with amusement as his face grows more confused. "Today must be one of those nights---I'm feeling a little blue. I need a distraction." I let out a yawn, tears gathering at the corner of my eyes. "Oh, why am I suddenly sleepy?"

"Wait wait wait." He grabs my shoulders. "Jade, you're not going to the hospital to see your father?"

"Why would I?" I let out a confused laugh. "It's not like he's gonna live just because I'm there."

He blinks at me first with surprise and then with exasperation, before letting out a sigh and rubbing his forehead with his thumb and index finger. I was perhaps born with the ability to make anyone and everyone sigh within less than a minute of conversation with me.

"So are you driving me there or not?" I ask impatiently.

"Jade, I don't think you should do this," he says with utmost seriousness. I randomly notice that his black hair is wet. He likes to take a bath before going to bed, otherwise he can't fall asleep. Now, why the hell do I know this?

"Do what?" I feign ignorance.

"He's your father. You should go see him. Otherwise, you might-"

"What, regret it?" I snort. "Why do y'all keep assuming my possible regrets? You tell me, Eli, if you lost something you never cared for, would you regret not taking care of it?"

Elias shakes his head. "There are few people in this world who don't care about their parents. Even if your heart is overflowing with hatred, there is still a little bit of sympathy left, somewhere. Blood is blood, you spent most of your life with them. Such things are out of our control."

There he goes with all that lecturing. He should just write down those words in one of his books instead of wasting them behind someone like me. At least one of his readers might have an epiphany from it. I, however, do not read and do not listen.

"Well if it's a little bit, then I can just ignore it," I reply dismissively.

As if on cue, a man carrying a little girl on his arms begins to walks down the stairs. I have seen him before, he lives on the fifth floor with his wife. He knocked on my door with a plate of fruit custard the day his daughter was born.

The two of us move to the side to make way for them. The little girl is peacefully sleeping with her head pressed on her father's shoulder. The man throws us a curious glance before moving on downstairs.

"Must be nice," I comment.

"Think again, Jade," Elias urges. "Hatred might fade away with time, but regrets don't."

Now I'm starting to get a little annoyed. "Why do you care so much? It's my problem. You know what?" I point at his pocket. "Block my mother's number. Right now."

"You're asking me why I care so much?"

There it is. That tone I despise from the deepest corner of my heart. When his voice grows softer, more mellow, a tint of sadness bordering it, and he throws at me a question that I can only describe as pathetic. He's done it often, and every single time, I become weak. Every single time, I forget my sense of selfhood and become crazy over him.

"Jade, look at me."

So I look at him, into his almond eyes, the whispers of which tell me that he is agonizing over me. It makes me want to throw myself down these stairs and just free him from it---from whatever force of the universe prompted him to leave behind everything in his life and rent the apartment right next to mine. I wish I could just free him from it.

"Do you know what I think, whenever I look at you?" he asks.

"That I'm pretty?" I offer without missing a beat. I see his left eye twitch and hold back a laugh.

"When I look at you," he says, "I realize that it's possible to tell only from someone's eyes how little desire they have left to live."

I feel my smile disappear.

"When I look at your eyes, Jade, I feel terrified."

I turn my gaze to the floor, balling my hands into fists. There is truly nowhere in this world I can run away to. Nowhere where people don't suffer because of me.

"Then don't look at me," I say in a low voice, trying to smile a little. "I don't want you to feel terrified of me. That will make me quite sad."

"I don't feel terrified of you. I feel terrified for you. Jade, don't you get it? I feel terrified that I will just wake up one day and find out that you've ended yourself, and nothing I do will be able to bring you back. I'm terrified that you'll get hurt again and will push me away again, put all those walls around you. You live so recklessly, doing whatever you want, and you don't let me-"

"From now on," I interrupt him, "I will close my eyes whenever you're around. Like this- see?" I press my palms against my eyes and his image disappears behind a black screen. "Just like this, Eli."

He grabs my wrists and gently pulls my hands down. "Jade-"

I direct my gaze elsewhere. "Anyways, I'll just walk there. It's not that far anyway." It's actually quite far from here, but eh. I walk past him, ready to head down the stairs.

"Wait."

I stop but don't turn around.

"My motorbike broke down yesterday. I sent it to the garage."

"Oh."

"Wait for me here. I will find you a taxi."