Heyyy. I will be updating this book every Monday from now on... hopefully.

--VIVKELLER23

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Thinking was going to kill him. He was sure of it.

The problem was that he couldn't stop it. The thinking, remembering. The searching for all the stupid signs he'd missed when he should have listened.

How had he been so blind? Why hadn't he stopped trying to prove he could make his own decisions long enough to see the impact it had on those he left behind?

Had it even mattered? In light of what he'd learned about his sister, his reasons for leaving proved irrelevant. Because he should have been here for Regina when she'd needed him most.

The blame was all his. It was relentless. He'd thought by now he would have been used to the vicious onslaught. But he was no better now than he had been before he went to Europe.

Vance shook his head, fighting to clear it. He had mastered one skill in his time away.

He'd learned to redirect the blame so it didn't drown him. Right now, it was the only way he was able to get up each day while Regina lay six feet under. It gave him a purpose in life, no matter how bleak it was.

He would find the monster who killed his sister. And it would be sweet victory when he did.

He pulled into SeaSaw's parking lot and slammed the door to his electric blue mustang closed behind him. He heard the whispers that followed him as he made his way into the store. A glance at the two blonde women had them fluttering their lashes and making excuses before they hurried away.

It was no wonder Collins had always referred to them as the Bees. They were all buzz, no sting.

And Collins had been under their scrutiny for years.

He wondered how she managed. It must be hard to always hold her head high when she could hear what folks in town said about her as she walked past. Harder still to pretend it wasn't taking all her energy to act so tough.

The store was empty for a Sunday morning, but today that was exactly what he needed. The less people there were around to see him, the better. Vance only had one goal on his mind, and it was what had kept him going since Collins had shared Regina's secret. To achieve it, he'd have to trust a guy that wasn't exactly the picture of credibility. Then again, in a town like Sailor's Port, no one was really what they seemed.

The majority of people were probably at Sunday service. A bunch of hypocrites singing a few praises to disguise the depth of their sins.

Cash Akers flashed a toothy grin from behind the front counter when he spotted him. The gold caps on his bottom teeth all but sparkled as he waved Vance over to him.

There was something off about the man. The tattoos on his arms and neck, the calculating gleam in his black eyes, and the bald head on his muscular shoulders didn't fit in with the rest of folks in town. Even stranger was the way he laughed at people, daring them to say anything.

But this man had proven more of a help in finding out what happened to Regina than the mayor or even the Sheriff.

Vance glanced at the box of scratchers on the counter. "You don't seem like the kind of guy who believes in things like chance," he said.

Those black eyes flickered over his face for a second, then settled on the open book beside the box of scratchers. "I rather like to think the universe is looking out for us," the store owner replied. "Something has to make sure the balance of life and death and good and evil stays in place."

This was the same guy who'd made a joke about Santa Claus giving him Regina's old phone.

Real deep talk from this one.

Vance scoffed. There'd been a time he would have believed stuff like that. "I just want to know why."

Cash had arrived at Sailor's Port three weeks before Vance took off to Europe. There had been no rhyme or reason for the man to seek him out after he'd returned. In fact, it still didn't make sense that they knew each other at all outside of the usual customer/business owner relationship. And that suggested that at least in Cash's head, there was a purpose for their meetings.

"Why the universe gave you more than your fair share of hair and left me with nothing?" the man asked, a smirk on his face. "One of the great mysteries of life, my friend."

"We aren't friends."

In all reality, he'd never had friends. Just a bunch of people he'd grown up around, people he thought he knew. He was beginning to see how wrong he'd been about so many of them.

The closest he'd ever come to having a friend was Collins. Even then, he hadn't been able to be around her without turning their relationship into something more. And then he'd gone and screwed it all up.

Cash Akers made a face at him. "That's not how I see it." He shook his head and glanced around the store, making sure no one was paying any attention to them. "We're more alike than you think, boy. Two guys looking for answers. We became friends the instant we decided we wouldn't stand for lies."

Vance frowned at that. "What answers do you need?" he questioned.

But he should have saved his breath. "Nothing you need to worry about now," was the man's vague reply. "Just know we're on the same team, and we'll get along fine."

That only made him want to ask more questions. Made him want to demand explanations for how a shop owner knew so much about things no one else did. Then again, maybe the less he knew about him, the better off he'd be. As long as Akers continued to work with him, nothing else mattered.

Until he had answers for what happened to Regina, nothing else could matter. Because not knowing meant he had no point of reference. No anchor to hold him down, no place to call home. No chance at righting the wrongs if he couldn't yet begin to unravel the truth.

vVv

He didn't like remembering the past.

But it came rushing over him in waves no matter what he did. He'd hurt the two most important girls in his life. And all for what? To keep his pride?

His pride wasn't worth the losses he'd faced. He knew that now.

The night he left town, he'd been angry. He'd needed to let off some steam and when Collins caught him with Alice, he'd directed all his frustration on her. He realized that didn't excuse what happened or even half the things he'd said to her, but it hadn't mattered then.

"My sister will never settle here. She'll grow up and leave it all behind," her brother had warned him. "You shouldn't get so attached. She's meant for more than even you can offer."

Basically repeating what Vance had already known and tried to ignore. For as long as he'd known her, Collins had always stressed how she was going to leave town. Make something of herself and never look back. Perhaps she hadn't meant for her words to sound like it, but her plans had always been her own. There'd never been room for him or anyone in them.

So when Jonah explained it was better to take some space, he'd grown furious enough to end it.

It should have been easier to live with it though. If he'd truly believed they were doomed from the start, he should have been relieved to have a clean break. But that hadn't been the case.

The break had been a chaotic mess, and all he'd managed to do was hurt them both.

It was worse because he'd let her believe he'd never loved her. He'd let her run away from him while he watched, pretending he wasn't bleeding from the wounds he'd inflicted on himself with the things he'd said to her.

She'd even believed he preferred Alice to her.

Alice tugged on his arm, effectively cutting off his heavy thoughts. "What's wrong with you this morning, Vance?" she asked him, making a slight pout with her lower lip.

He looked away from her to watch other students walk toward their first period classes. Mondays were always slow in the mornings following the weekend. The hallways were crowded with teenagers struggling to find the energy to care about school enough to make it in time.

His eyes searched for a familiar head of unruly black hair among the people he passed.

Alice didn't like being ignored. "Vance?"

He cleared his throat, before turning his attention to her. "What's up?"

"Who are you looking for?"

Ah. He'd forgotten she was perceptive underneath those ditzy smiles she flashed at everyone.

Vance shrugged. "Don't worry about it. We had an agreement, but it never included you poking your nose into my business," he forced the words out around a smile to lessen the gravity of them.

"Yeah, well, it's my business, too," Alice snapped, and she didn't even try to disguise her animosity. For someone obsessed with appearances, she always seemed to blow up around an audience. Today, she was performing for the few students still wandering the halls. "Everyone is so quick to forget I've had it bad, too. Just because I hide it well doesn't mean my pain is any less."

He caught the glistening sheen of tears in her blue-gray eyes before she spun away from him. He would have called her back, but he didn't know what he'd say to her if he did. And what she'd said was right. Despite knowing firsthand the experiences she'd suffered, he'd been quick to overlook it all because of who she was.

Alice Bone had been the definition of a flirt. She'd zoomed in on boys since she'd discovered she was desirable to them, and had even relished in the attention they gave her. She'd made enemies left and right when she started targeting guys who were already in a relationship.

That fact was probably why no one realized Alice had changed in the last year. Since the night he and Collins ended, Alice had stopped throwing herself at any guy who looked her way. People had only to open their eyes to really see it.

Alice Bone was afraid of men.

Vance shook his head and made his way to class. He'd promised to help her, but in doing so he'd damaged the one relationship worth his time.

Now he realized he'd have to choose. But the choices weren't that simple. Could he trust the girl he'd hurt in a moment of blind anger? Would she even care to listen to him?

If by some chance she chose to hear him out, he didn't know how to go about sharing a story that wasn't his to tell.

It's moments like these that make Calculus look like a piece of cake, Vance thought.

vVv

Collins was fuming when she rushed into the cafeteria five minutes before lunch ended. She looked like she'd run a stake through the heart of anyone who dared to block her path to the lunch line.

He wasn't the only one who noticed. Even Alice didn't try to make her usual catty comments when she saw her, instead opting to bite into the granola bar he'd gotten her from the vending machine.

He'd wondered where she was when she hadn't shown up to math class this morning, and he saw now that it was probably a good thing he hadn't seen her earlier. He knew Collins even if they liked to pretend to be strangers. She didn't give people the chance to see that part of her that felt everything with a passion born of desperation. But there were moments, far and few between, when it overwhelmed her.

Growing up, she'd allowed him in when she thought anyone else would see it as a weakness.

Today, something was getting under her skin.

The bell rang, and the cafeteria came to life. Vance stayed seated, choosing to wait until after the room cleared out before heading to class.

Alice huffed beside him, obviously irritated. "You still don't know how to hide it, Vance," she whispered into his ear.

He straightened away from her. "Hide what?"

A satisfied smile curved her red lips. "I wonder what you were like in Europe?" She made a humming sound as threw a glance over her shoulder. "I thought you were living it up over there. Having fun. But you made yourself miserable over her."

It was so close to the truth that he couldn't fight the way he tensed up at her words. "I really don't have time for-"

"But she replaced you so quickly!" Alice reminded him. "You weren't gone two days before she moved onto Hayes."

He remembered the things Trey had said when he first got back to town. Simon Hayes and Collins had gotten close in his absence. At first he'd felt betrayed, but eventually he'd realized it was selfish of him to expect her to wait for him. His sister had turned her back on Collins, too, so he should have been happy that she hadn't been completely alone.

Except he wasn't. Simon Hayes had never been his friend, but Vance had never known the guy to be anything but kind. If anyone had ever needed kindness in her life, it was Collins.

How did he compete with that?

"Speak of the she-devil."

Collins slammed her hands down flat on the table. "What the heck did you do, Alice?"

Alice twirled a strand of red-gold hair around her finger and frowned. "Me?" she asked. "I've done lots of things. Depends on what you want to know."

"Why must you always make things difficult?" Collins growled. Her pale face was flushed, her eyes wide and focused on the cheerleader in front of her. "What did you do with my paper?"

"What paper?"

A few teens stopped to witness the drama unfurl. Nosy idiots.

"I'm not kidding!" Vance watched Collins struggle to calm herself and noticed when she gave up the fight. Her hands balled into fists, her shoulders shook with the force of her fury. "So help me, God, I swear-"

Vance leaped to his feet and grabbed Collins' upper arms before she could reach for Alice's smirking face. He could feel the heat radiating off of her in waves, but there was nothing he could do. All he could do was hold on until the storm passed.

"Collins."

She heard him. "My paper is gone. So is the book I wrote it on." He heard her breath catch as if she was fighting to breathe, strangling herself on the words. "I don't know why it keeps happening to me."

He heard the broken plea in what she said. For once, just once, she wanted it to make sense.

He wanted that for her, too.

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