CHAPTER THREE

Elena

I stumble almost blindly into the kitchen, yawning and scratching my hair as I sit at the breakfast table. Mami, who is cooking over the stove, turns when she hears the scraping of the chair legs on the floor. She smiles and sets down her spatula.

"Buenos dias, mija," she says as she comes over to me and kisses the top of my head. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes Mami," I reply, nodding. "Papi ya se fue a trabajar?"

"Si mija. He left before the sun was up. He's been working extra hard lately."

"I hope it's not because of me coming home."

Mami smiles and returns to the stove. "No mija, it's not you. You know know things have always been this way for our family. Some months are better than others."

I sigh; it's true. Our family has always had some rough patches, financially. My parents put me through college when they could have saved to keep the family afloat. But then sent me. And they paid my tuition by miracle. I am grateful for them wanting to put me through school. But what good has come from that? I can't get hired anywhere. I'm becoming nothing, just a waste of space.

"Stop thinking so loud, hermana," Jose joins me at the table, nudging my shoulder. "You'll give yourself a headache with your worry. Let me guess: You wish you could do something about the family struggles."

"Pues claro," I reply, frowning. "I feel like a failure."

"You're not a failure," Mami says, placing a plate of pancakes, eggs and turkey-bacon in front of me. "You're my daughter and I love you no matter what you decide to do with your life. If you live with me until I'm old and dying, todavia te voy a amar."

She kisses my cheek and taps my plate.

"Come, mija."

I pick up my fork and cut into the pancakes. They are blueberry and chocolate chip. My favorites. Jose passes me the bottle of syrup and I drown the cakes.

"Soggy pancakes," my brothers says in disgust. "Asqueroso."

"A cada uno lo suyo," I snort and take a large bite. "Mmm, delicioso!"

Jose rolls his eyes, but he smiles. It's so good to see his ugly face again. Well, he's not ugly. I love him to pieces.

***

I've been talking to Dezi all morning. When I told him about the struggle, he immediately tried to offer me money. Of course I declined. It's sweet of him to want to offer. But I won't let him. I told him I would work. And that's where we are now.

Dezi: What will you do for work?

EstreLena: No se amigo.

EstreLena: I feel like I should find something to help bring income to the family.

Dezi: Bueno, has mirado en el internet?

Dezi: I bet you could find something you could do.

EstreLena: I will look.

EstreLena: But I repeat - I will NOT let you send me money.

Dezi: Nena, I get it. I won't send you money.

Dezi: I just wish I could do something to help.

EstreLena: I know and I appreciate it.

EstreLena: I'll look online now.

I lay down the chat window and open my web browser. I would like to stay as near to home as I can. But I won't driving a couple hours to work every day, as long as I can find a job that pays well.

Dezi: Let me know what you find.

Dezi: I'll look too.

EstreLena: I will, and thank you.

I smile at my screen and keep browsing. There is a waitressing job in the restaurant downtown. I could do that. I save the link for later and continue down the list. Parking attendant at the same restaurant. Cleaning houses as a live-in maid. A live-in nanny. I'm relaying the positions to Dezi. And he replies with a series of disgusted-face emojis for the ones that he doesn't see me doing. I save the link for the nanny job because I know I would do that pretty well. Watching someone else's kid and getting paid a nice sum to do it? Might be my first choice.

EstreLena: The nanny job would work. They live nearby.

Dezi: I am not going to let you do that.

EstreLena: Um, Dezi. You don't get a final say.

EstreLena: What if they pay better than the other job offers?

EstreLena: It really does feel like the better deal.

Dezi: Okay . . .

Dezi: But then you would have to worry about someone's kid who could have a trillion allergies.

Dezi: If that kid eats shrimp, he dies and you have to suffer with that on your conscious.

EstreLena: Wow.

EstreLena: Thanks for the vote of confidence.

Dezi: You're welcome.

I smile and shake my head. He's totally joking. He has to be. I think he's joking.

Dezi: Kidding.

Dezi: I know you'll do great with whatever you do.

EstreLena: I appreciate that. You're the best.

Dezi: Ya se que me amas.

Dezi: Yo te quiero tambien.

My fingers freeze on the keyboard for a moment. Something inside me knows he is being light about it. Yes, I do love Dezi. But does it more? I always go to Dezi for things. Because I trust his opinion. I blindly trust him. Why?

EstreLena: You know

EstreLena: once I start making money

EstreLena: I can for you to come see me.

EstreLena: Or I can fly to see you.

Dezi: That would be nice.

Dezi: But it would not be for a while.

Dezi: You have to work hard first.

Dezi: And one day, you will see me.

I smile and rapidly type my reply, because Jose is shouting for me from downstairs.

EstreLena: Entonces voy a trabajar super duro.

EstreLena: I would love to see you one day.

Dezi: Same here.

EstreLena: I have to go. My brother is calling me.

EstreLena: And I need to call some of these people.

EstreLena: Talk to you later?

Dezi: I have to head out, actually.

Dezi: Maybe another day.

EstreLena: Okay. Quidate.

Dezi: Igual linda.

He logs off before I can process his words. I know he thinks I'm pretty, even though he's never actually seen me. But I've described myself to him. I sigh and quickly scribble down the numbers to the restaurant, the family looking for a nanny, and the family looking for the live-in maid. I shut my laptop and stuff the paper into my pocket before rushing out to the hallway. I find Jose in his room, which surprises me because I could've sworn he was downstairs before.

"Me llamastes?" I ask, knocking on the door as I enter.

"Si," Jose replies, nodding as he looks down at his phone. "I'm going to a movie with some old friends. Wanna come with?"

"Eso depende en quienes van."

"Carlos, Marcus, Adelaide."

"That's it? Well, I guess. Okay."

Jose looks up at me and narrows his eyes. I shrug. These are his friends. Not mine. I don't mind going. I haven't hung out with him in three or four years. If he wants me to hang out, I'll hang out.

"When do we leave?" I ask, leaning my head against the doorframe.

"Half an hour," my brother says, sighing as he turns his attention back to his phone. And now I'm curious.

"Con quien hablas?"

I start to grin and slink my way over to him on the bed. I try to get a peek at the phone's screen, but Jose is too quick. He stashes his phone into his jacket pocket and smiles.

"Ponte los zapatos, hermana," he says, pushing me back to the door. "We leave in ten minutes."

I stick out my tongue, but we both laugh as I head back to my room. I hop on one foot as I pull on my sneakers, basically bumping into my brother when I get to the hallway again.

"Nena, what are you doing?" he asks, laughing.

"Putting on my shoes," I reply, shoving at his chest. "I was going to try and beat you to the door."

"You can still try."

"On three?"

A wicked gleam enters Jose's dark eyes and he takes a stance, as if preparing for a race.

"Ready?" he says and I take my stance next to him. "Uno. Dos. Tres!"

We bolt and race down the stairs. Of course, Jose has longer legs and he beats to the front door.

"Niños!" Mami yells as she comes from the family room, arms crossed and her sewing hung over her shoulder. "No running in the house."

"Perdon Mami," we says in unison, mostly to tease her. She shakes her head, smiling as she kisses each of our cheeks and sends us on our way.