"Raphael..."

The image of his brother faded and his eye-ridges furrowed. "No, Raph...don't leave! Don't leave me!" A sharp, ringing made him cringe with pain until, abruptly, all sensation ceased.

And then he was floating. It was like he was being carried away on a stream, lazily drifting down, down, down, down, down, down...

When his eyes opened again he was lying on his carapace. The muscles in his neck strained as he slowly tried to sit up. Strange bluish light flashed, making him blink and fall back to the ground. It was solid, and earthy. Smooth grayish-blue grasses surrounded him on all sides, filling his field of vision. Leonardo cautiously pulled himself up to a seating position, his eyes slowly adjusting to the odd radiance of his surroundings.

As the turtle pushed himself to his feet, he discovered that he was standing in the center of a meadow. Its borders were undefined, blurred like the contours in a painting.

There was no warmth in this place. The light was closely akin to that of a cloudy day, harsh, cloying frequencies that it hurt if one stared at them for too long. As eerily bright blue eyes dragged across the field of rippling grasses, Leonardo's posture straightened, his lips curling down into a frown. The chromaticity here was the main source of his discomfort. There truly was no warmth. No red, no yellow, no orange. There was only gray, with the occasional hint of blue.

Slowly, he glanced down at his hands and gasped. His skin was paler, drained to an opaque echo of his once forest-green complexion. But that wasn't what had shocked him. Leonardo had discovered that he was...undefined. He could no longer tell where his hand ended and his surroundings began. He was blurred, out-of-focus.

The sharp ringing returned, accompanied by a harsh flash of light. Leo held his arms up in front of his face, screwing his eyes shut and gritting his teeth. Then, as abruptly as it had arrived, it was gone. Leo slowly lowered his arms. He was still in the same empty field.

But it was no longer as empty as he thought.

"You aren't supposed to be here." A loud, rough voice said loudly, making Leo jump and whirl around.

He knew that voice. His eyes went wide as they beheld the thick, muscular form of his brother. "Raphael!" Leo exclaimed joyously as he rushed over to smother his sibling in a hug, but his joy was soon lost as Raphael staggered back and away from him. "Raph...?"

"You aren't supposed to be here." Raphael repeated, this time sounding pained and weary. He turned, taking a few brief paces away from Leo, before doubling back on his older sibling with anger in his eyes. "You're supposed to be protecting them! You're supposed to be keeping them safe!"

Leonardo bristled. "Don't you dare push all of that responsibility on me, Raph! I'm not the only one who's responsible for protecting this family and holding it together!" He retorted, wondering absently, not for the first time, how Raphael always managed to get him riled up at the worst times. All he had wanted was to pull his little brother into his arms and hold him close, and what does Raph do? He starts a fight! Of course he does!

Raphael growled. "Maybe not, but you're the damn leader! You should have known better!"

Leo's anger briefly lessened as it was outweighed by confusion. His eye-ridges furrowed. "What the shell are you talking about?"

"You, you goddamn motherfucker! I'm the one who fucked up, Leo! I was the one who should have paid the price! But you made a stupid decision and now you're all in danger!" He yelled, poking Leo's chest.

Leo's anger and confusion completely vanished. For the first time in his life, he could see straight through his brother's wall of anger to something deeper. He could scarcely believe what his senses were telling him. While Raphael's words conveyed one meaning, his face, tone, and inflection said something very different. Leo stared at his brother in shock. When he spoke his voice sounded hollow and absent. "Raphael, what are you saying?"

Raphael's red-mask, the only warmth in their dreary surroundings, dimmed slightly as he turned his carapace to Leonardo. His words, though whispered, hit Leo's ears like the din of a bass drum, striking a resounding chord in the older turtle's heart. "I'm saying you should have left me to die."

Bit by bit, Leo drew closer to his brother's side and once he was close enough, he reached out to place a hand on Raph's shoulder. Slowly, the red-masked turtle turned to look his brother in the eyes. Leo's blue eyes, their brightness contrasting sharply with their surroundings, stared firmly down at his younger sibling. "Never."

For a long moment they stared at each other. Then Raph's eyes darkened in that oh-so-familiar way and Leo drew back just in time to avoid a punch to the face. "You're an idiot!"

Leo's eyes narrowed with concentration as he struggled to avoid his brother's powerful punches. "Raphael, the choice wasn't—"

"Of course it wasn't! That's right, I'm not part of your family anymore! You still shouldn't have let Donnie and Mikey force you into it! You're all idiots!" Raphael yelled, throwing blow after enraged blow at Leonardo.

Something inside the eldest turtle snapped at Raph's words. He caught the incoming punch, using every muscle in his body to force it to a stop. Raphael growled. Leo's lips pulled back and he shoved his sibling backwards.

Before Raph could move again, Leo tackled and pinned him to the ground. "Raphael, you once told me that you hated me. But I forgave you because we all say things we don't mean when we're angry! I was angry, Raphael! I lost my temper! I never meant to hurt you! I know that you don't really hate me, so please, little brother, can't you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

Raphael stilled and for a long moment, Leo considered letting him up, but decided to wait and see how things played out. He refused to look at Leo. "I never hated you."

Raph whispered softly, making Leo's grip loosen a little as he stared.

Slowly, Raph confessed, "I hated what those swords turned you into."

Frowning, and not at all eager to plunge into yet another fight concerning his leadership, Leo repeated, "Do you forgive me?"

"Why do you live, Leo?" Raph asked. Leo opened his mouth to answer, but Raph went on before he could do so. "Because you have to be there for our brothers. Because you have to make good choices to protect them and keep them safe, to guide them and steer them out of danger. That's your job as leader. Right?" He paused, his eyes seeking confirmation.

Leo nodded, "Yes, except for one thing."

Raph raised an eye-ridge, motioning his brother to elaborate.

"I also love them, care for them, and encourage them. I try to make them the best they can be."

Raphael scoffed and Leo glared. With a bitter smile, the younger turtle muttered, "Guess that didn't work on me, huh Leo?"

"You wouldn't let me close enough."

Raph returned his big brother's glare. "No point. You'd give up eventually, just like the others. You can't reform a rotten apple."

The older sibling slowly pulled away and stood with his back to his brother. "I didn't have to."

The red-masked turtle lifted himself up on his elbows stared at the back of Leo's carapace, puzzled by the cryptic statement.

"I discovered too late that it wasn't rotten at all. All I had to do was tear away the peel. It was golden on the inside. But I, like a fool, didn't realize its value until after I'd thrown it away."

Raphael's eyes flashed. His facial expression was guarded and stiff. As Leonardo turned to face him, he searched avidly for any signs of deception or dishonesty. There were none. Slowly, he stood.

"I was terrified."

That simple admission leaving Leo's lips silenced any retort Raphael could have made. He simply stared at his older sibling in silence.

"I was terrified by the thought of losing it. I knew that its loss would destroy me. I had to get it back. Our brothers agreed with me. We looked everywhere. And when we were told it had landed in the hands of our enemy, I vowed to get it back. At any cost."

Raph lowered his head. "You should have let it go."

"I couldn't."

"It wasn't worth your sacrifice."

"Yes it was." He retorted. "We need it. It balances our family with its weight, brings us hope with its sheen, and reminds us every day that life is worth living."

Raph blinked back his tears and shook his head. "It's never been like that."

"Yes it was. We just never looked deep enough to see it. Day after day, year after year, its skin shriveled and its color faded, its surface cracked and withered, but its love, its heart, never died. The gold inside was soft and malleable, and as the years dragged on, the scars began to take their toll. The twenty-four karat center was gouged, dented, scuffed by harsh words and unspoken concerns. It deserved better." Leo paused. Tears gathered in his eyes as he whispered, "Especially from me. I will never truly be able to mend the hurt I've caused. After all, how can one be forgiven for destroying something that should have been treasured?"

"We aren't talking about apples anymore, are we?" Raph asked with a teary-eyed smirk. Leo sent him a 'no-duh' glare. His smirk faded and he frowned at his older sibling. "You didn't destroy me, Leo. You created me. You and the others molded me into what I am today. Are you saying I've become so much of a monster that you now need to apologize to me?"

"You're not a monster!" Leo's sudden volume made Raph pull back in shock. "You have to believe that, Raph! If you don't then both of our sacrifices will have been in vain! If you truly think you're a monster then we died for nothing!"

Tears ran down Raphael's cheeks, but as Leo finished yelling, he stilled, his expression going blank.

Leo's face was creased with worry. "Raph? Raph, what's wrong?"

Suddenly, Raphael's blank expression melted into one of anger and he swatted Leo's head hard. "We ain't dead you knuckle-head! Thought you'd have realized that by now!"

Leo's eyes were as wide as saucers. "We—we're not..."

"Nope. We're not." Raph confirmed with a nod.

"But how do you know?" Leo asked, awed.

Raphael shrugged. "After Shredhead left me for dead on that lab table I went in and out a couple of times. Or if ya prefer, back and forth between this spirit world, or whatever you want to call it, and the real world."

"Then, there's still a chance! We have to get back to the others, before it's too late!" Leo said, determination flaring in his eyes.

"We can't." Raph said, turning away, trying to hide his tears.

Leo gripped him by the shoulders. "Why not?"

Raph's voice cracked and he was forced to whisper. "I can't fight it anymore, Leo. I've tried. I'm not—I'm not strong enough."

The broken lilt of Raph's voice was all Leo's heart could take. He surged forward and wrapped his arms around his little brother tightly. There were tears in his own eyes as he murmured, "Maybe not on your own. But you have me, Raphael. And I promise, from now on, I will always be here. We're brothers, Raph, we always have been and we always will be. Let's fight our way out of here...as brothers." He pulled away and looked Raph in the eyes. "Maybe you will never be able to forgive me for what I did, but please, Raphael. If not for me, do it for our family, or for our friends, or for the city! Raph please...Take my hand." Leo held it out with bated breath.

Tension made both of them stiffen. Raph's mind recalled Leo's words from the past, and then the most recent ones.

He glanced tentatively at his older brother's face, once again finding no hint of deception. Casey's words echoed through his mind: Don't let your hurt make you do something you'll regret for the rest of your life.

Still, he hesitated. He looked down at Leo's outstretched hand, then up into the expectant, bright blue eyes. There was something else there, in those eyes, something he rarely saw: fear. Fear that Raphael might say no. Raph took a deep breath.

Is this really how you want this to end?

Raph's jaw set firmly and Leonardo tensed. Keeping his face neutral he brought his right hand up slowly and gripped Leo's tightly, without hesitation. Light exploded from their joined hands and their eyes met. Raph smirked. The light spread from their hands, rippling across the field in waves, giving it color and life.

Leo laughed joyously and Raph's heart swelled. He'd made the right choice. Their gazes locked, and they could both feel themselves being pulled away from this world.

Raph smiled. "See you on the other side."

Leonardo nodded, his eyes filled with determination. "That's a promise."

———————

Donatello, Michelangelo, Master Splinter, Casey Jones and April were all scattered across the rooftop, bearing an agonizing array of bruises, cuts, and potentially broken bones. After Shredder had thrown Leo from the building, an army of Foot soldiers had arrived and they were hopelessly outnumbered. Casey let April borrow one of his bats and the two of them were doing the best they could to hold off the Foot while Don, Mikey and Splinter went head to head with the Shredder.

"We cannot take much more of this, my sons!" Splinter yelled. "If this situation gets any worse, I need you to promise me that you will run when I say."

Donatello met his father's gaze and shook his head. "Never. We're staying with you. We have to take him down, father, for the people of this city, and...for our fallen brothers! We're seeing this battle through to the end!"

Splinter opened his mouth to object, only to have Michelangelo cut him off, "Dad, please! We can do this, but you've got to believe in us!"

The old rat surged forward and wrapped his arms around them both. "I love you both, my sons." He was gone before they could return the hug. He turned, running as quickly as he could, jumping headlong into battle with the Shredder.

Don and Mikey both frowned as Splinter pulled away, but by the time they realized what their father was doing, it was too late to stop him. "DAD!"

Donnie grit his teeth, raised his bō and intervened just in time to stop Shredder from landing a deadly blow to his mutant father. Mikey joined in seconds after and the three of them battled furiously.

Casey took out three Foot with one swing of his hockey stick and cried gleefully. "I just can't get enough of these guys!"

April cleared her throat, making the hockey-masked wearing vigilante turn in time to see a Foot collapse directly behind him. Due to her mad batting skills, no doubt. "I'm sure you will eventually." She said calmly.

Casey smiled and shook his head. "Not a chance, babe." He saw three more Foot coming up from behind her. "Tag out."

She just rolled her eyes. He truly was incorrigible. They swapped places with practiced ease, each taking down a couple of Foot along the way.

——————

Unbeknownst to them, not far away, two pairs of eyes snapped open simultaneously.