"Stop this, both of you! This argument will get us no nearer to saving Raphael." Mikey interjected, making both of them quiet down.

"Sensei?" Leonardo asked softly, obviously turning to his father for guidance.

The old rat sighed. "My son, if this human is telling the truth about Raphael's condition, then I am afraid he is right. We must move immediately. We shall plan as we go along."

Leo's lip curled a little, resentful that this human had the audacity to come in here and tell him what was to be done about his brother. Of course Raphael's safety was paramount, but so was the safety of his other sibling and his father. A 'do it as we go' plan would mean increased danger for all of them.

"But how will we find out where Shredder is keeping him? Raph didn't have his t-phone and—"

Leo cut Donnie off midsentence as he sheathed his katanas and loaded some shuriken into the pouch on his belt. There was a razor sharp edge to the eldest turtle's voice as he turned to Casey and ordered, "Take me to the roof."

Casey bristled. "I'll do it, for Raph's sake. But I don't take orders from anyone! Especially not you!"

The eldest turtle growled and stepped into the human's space, but Casey Jones would not be intimidated. Casey even took a step forward to prove it to the mutant turtle. Leo bent down in Casey's face and whispered, "If you want to continue being friends with my brother, you won't have a choice."

"We'll see about that after we get him back." Casey retorted, just as confident. He broke eye contact, grabbed a bat from his golf bag, and muttered, "Follow me."

"I'm going with you." A feminine voice stated from the back of the room.

Four pairs of eyes turned disapprovingly at her. Casey, however, was impressed by her bravery and devotion to her friends. The human frowned as he realized that the mutants were not about to let April anywhere near the action if they could help it. Splinter was the first one to speak.

"Ms. O'Neil, we cannot possibly risk your life in this battle."

"Raphael is part of my family too. I will do whatever it takes to help you get him back."

Leo shook his head and help up a hand. "No. It's out of the question. You could be killed."

"And I couldn't have been killed last time I helped you save the city?"

Casey growled uncomfortably, making all eyes, human and mutant turn to him. "We don't have time for this. Every minute we waste is a minute Raph may or may not have. We need to go now."

"I'm going with you." April said resolutely.

Master Splinter sighed. "Very well. I sense we will be unable to stop you, April."

"Damn straight." She muttered.

Casey smiled a little bit. A woman after my own heart, he thought to himself. Then he snapped out of it, his fingers tightening around the bat in his hands. "Hang in there Raph, we're coming for ya, buddy."

—————————

Where am I? Raphael thought slowly as he opened his eyes a little. He was being restrained on some kind of table. He hissed and shut his eyes again as he was immediately blinded by bright, stinging lights.

"So, you're finally awake." A deep voice rumbled out from the back of the room, behind the lights.

Raph snarled and did his best to fight the pain and stare straight through the light to where he believed Shredder's eyes were. "Fuck you." He growled.

A dark chuckle echoed around him. Raphael shuddered. He was no longer a child. He knew what guys like Shredder did to the people that opposed them. And he knew that the Foot would never bother taking him alive unless Shredder had planned on seeing him suffer. Raph felt light-headed and he knew that his wounds must have bled out quite a bit, or perhaps were even still bleeding.

The turtle's muscles tensed as he looked up to see Shredder's face, partially scarred and mutilated, looming over him. Oroku Saki's eyes flashed and a maniacal grin spread across his face. Raphael wanted nothing more than to edge away, but because of the restraints, he could do nothing more than turn his head. The tip of one of Shredder's gauntlet blades sliced a shallow cut down the side of the turtle's face.

"What fears keep you awake, I wonder? What do you see in the darkest corners of your subconscious? What demons hide there?"

Raph snarled. "You expect me to tell you?"

Shredder's smile made Raph cringe. "Not willingly. But you will tell me."

With a renewed surge of strength Raphael spit in Shredder's face. The leader of the Foot clan grabbed him by the throat. One quick snap and he'd be dead. But Shredder's grip slowly loosened and released the turtle. Raph's gaze was stronger than steel. "I won't break."

"I will break you."

"Never."

"I will extract your worst fears and make them come true."

Raphael raised a doubtful eye-ridge, giving no indication of how terrified he was on the inside. He was determined to die with his honor, even if he lost everything else. "And just how are you going to do that?" He asked goadingly, trying to buy himself some time.

Unfortunately it was not to be. Shredder crossed the room to a table in the corner and grabbed something off of it. He returned to Raphael's side and showed it to the turtle. It was a syringe.

Raph rolled his eyes. "Gee, that's certainly very original." He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. He grunted in pain as the needle was suddenly shoved into his arm roughly. As he instinctively tried to writhe away, it only hurt even more, but he kept trying. Of course, his resistance was futile and his motions ceased as Shredder roughly yanked the syringe back out. Raphael didn't make a sound.

"Your tolerance for pain is remarkable." Shredder said darkly.

Raph tried to growl, but the room began to spin and he gasped instead. Images of insects and spiders flashed before his eyes and he shook his head. Ghost sensations, the feeling of little legs crawling all over him, made him start to squirm. "No..." He whispered, shaking his head from side to side vehemently. Raph hated bugs of all kinds. Ever since an incident in the sewers ten years ago, that he had never told his brothers or father about, Raphael had exhibited a classic case of entomophobia. But this wasn't real. None of this was real. "Not...real." He murmured, taking a deep breath and repeating over and over again in his head: this isn't real. Slowly, the sensations faded and the images ceased to plague him. He let out an audible sigh of relief, but his body went rigid as Shredder's dark chuckle echoed through the room once again.

"You can't beat it, turtle. You may have won for now, but the drug will eventually coax out your innermost fears. All I have to do is wait."

"Why?" Raph was now panting, sweat running down his brow. He struggled, but no other words would come.

Once again, Shredder raised his gauntlet to the turtle's face, but this time he made no mark. The bright light reflected off the blades, Raphael's drugged mind made them seem that much more terrifying. He reflexively jerked away, making Shredder's eyes narrow. The leader of the Foot stared grimly at the turtle. Anger at the way that the laboratory freaks had foiled his plans the year before raged within him and the idea of finally eliminating them and having his revenge left him feeling sated. But if those monstrosities thought he was about to let them off that easy, they would have to think again. He wasn't just going to destroy the turtles and their rat father, he was going to make them suffer.

He leaned in close to the immobilized turtle, speaking lowly into its ear. "I will use them to break you. Your brothers and father will come. They will be too late, of course, but I'm sure they'd appreciate knowing how long it had taken for your inner demons to consume you."

"You'll never break me." Raph wheezed out to the best of his ability, his defiance shining true to form in his bright green eyes. Then another wave of dizziness hit him and his head fell back onto the table.

"I'm going in! Donnie, come with me. Raph, you watch Mikey's back. We'll rejoin you once we've deactivated the bomb."

"What, so now I'm a babysitter?"

"Shut up and do it!"

Raph had drawn back. It was a big operation. Two rival gangs had finally had enough of each other and one decided it wanted to blow up a residential building in the other gang's territory to make a statement. In the alley between some of the old, dilapidated tenement buildings, Raphael and Michelangelo were doing their best to keep most of the gang members busy long enough for Leo and Donnie to defuse the bomb. Watch Mikey's back, Leo had said. Raph scoffed. He wasn't anyone's baby sitter. And Mikey could take care of himself, so he gradually pulled away and diverted all his focus to beating the crap out of the guys in front of him. All of a sudden, something didn't feel right. He whirled around just in time to see a burly gang member bring a wrench down on the back of Mikey's head.

"Mikey!! NO!" Raph exclaimed, not realizing that he had been deliriously muttering about the images in his head, giving Shredder exactly what he wanted. "Mikey, no!"

Raph rushed to Mikey's side and lifted his little brother into his arms. The gang members were gone now. It was just him and Mikey. Warm, thick blood coated Raphael's hands as he cradled Mikey's head. The orange-masked turtle's eyes were open and glassy.

"No! NO!" Raph keened with grief. "I should have protected you! I should have saved you! I'm the one who should be dead! I'm your big brother; I'm supposed to protect you! I'm supposed to die first!" He sobbed, horrified by this living nightmare. It was too real. Too close to what had actually happened about six months ago.

Mikey had been hit from behind on a mission much like that one. Raph was supposed to watch Mikey's back, and to protect his little brother. But he had failed. One of the fiends had snuck up on Mikey from behind, striking him over the head. Thankfully, it had been a baseball bat and not a wrench, but it had left Raph horrified by how close he had come to losing his baby brother.

The cold, sterile air of the room he was in cooled the warm tears on his cheeks and he was reminded of Shredder, his capture and the drug that had ben introduced into his system. Gathering what little strength he could salvage, he shook his head. "No. I will protect them. I will protect them. Gah!"

He was left reeling for a few moments as he was sucked into another delusion. His body began to shake. It was suddenly very cold. He was alone, completely and utterly, alone.

"Every time we're in the Hashi, it's because of you!"

"You're so stupid!"

"I'm better than you."

"Raphael, control your temper!"

"Do you even realize how much you hurt them?"

"Raph, stop it, you're hurting me!"

"You're a horrible brother!"

"—disappointed in you, Raphael."

"One day you're going to get us all killed...killed...killed...killed...killed...killed..." It echoed mockingly. All of their words repeated over and over in his head, like an MP3 on repeat. He could feel more tears staining his cheeks. He was still too far-gone to realize that he was murmuring the words out loud.

Shredder stood with his back straight and his head lifted, pleased by how well the drug was working.

Then Raphael saw Leo's face. Leo's bright-blue eyes glared harshly down at him. "You've betrayed our family."

"No...no..." Raphael whimpered. No! He couldn't allow himself to break. He couldn't allow Shredder the satisfaction! He couldn't let his family down, not again!

I'm not strong enough. I can't— His thoughts were cut short as once again voices from the past rang in ears. Only this time...

"I love you, Raphie!"

"You're the best!"

"I love you very much, my son." Raphael swore he could feel his father's arms surrounding him and holding him close.

"Are you okay?"

"Are you okay?"

"Are you okay?" Their voices chorused, riddled with genuine concern.

Raphael's strength was renewed. A few more tears wet his cheeks, not of fear or devastation, but of love. He whispered so quietly it was barely audible as his mind filled with images of brothers, "I love you guys."

Shredder frowned and made a fist. The turtle was proving stronger than he had thought. Still, the drug wouldn't wear off for at least another couple of hours. But the drug's peak efficiency period only had about fifteen minutes remaining. After that, the drug would no longer be at it's most potent.

The damaged ceiling and the bright lights came briefly back into focus for Raphael, but as he stared into the lights, delirium claimed him once again. This time, it was a nightmare he knew well.

The demon that had taken hold of him so many years ago, the creature that he had allowed to consume him, here it was, in it's truest form.

Concrete rooftops in the rain. Voices shouting, struggling to be heard. He saw himself. Bitter and angry, he clenched his sais in his hands. Leo was yelling at him. They all were. He was snarling, absorbing the hurt and turning into anger, soaking it all up like a sponge. He lunged at Leonardo, who swept effortlessly out of the way.

"Too slow, Raphael!" The leader crowed cockily.

Raphael tried the same with the others, but they all managed to dodge him. Anger consumed him, taking complete control of his actions. He flung Donatello's bō out of the brainiac's hands. Raph pulled back his sai and thrust it forward with all his might. His brothers cried out, rushing forward. His anger had turned him into a monster. A horrendous, gut-wrenching crack echoed in the air. All of Raphael's rage drained away, replaced with utter horror. "Leo..."

Leonardo had shoved his way in front of Donatello. And Raphael suddenly found himself staring into the wide, unnaturally bright eyes of his only older sibling.

"R-Raphael..." Leo rasped, falling forward into Raph's arms. One of Leo's hands, sticky with blood clawed its way up to Raphael's face desperately, cupping his cheek. Leo's eyes dimmed and softened slightly as his strength began to fade. "What have you done?" He asked. His voice was airy and strained. Eerily absent eyes peered up into Raph's before closing as he breathed his last breath.

"M-monster. I really am a monster." He wailed. As long as he was around his brothers would be in danger. No matter how hard he had tried to control his anger, he had failed. No matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to protect his brothers from the monster inside of him. Better to die. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks. He fell limp against the table. The bright defiance in his eyes faded, leaving only a bawdy yellow-green stare. Raphael was listless, and for the second time in his life, he felt ready to concede death.

Shredder's eyes narrowed and he bent down to speak, hauntingly into Raphael's ear. "I told you, you do not belong with them. You are too dangerous. Your heart is filled with darkness. It makes you stronger, but your family is holding you back. Ally with me, Raphael. Tell me what I want to know and you will be my apprentice. Join the Foot and you shall have the power and respect you deserve, the kind your so-called family has never given you! Join me and you can make them pay for what they turned you into."

Raphael stared straight up at the ceiling. He failed to respond at first, his torpid eyes seldom blinking.

The corner of Oroku Saki's mouth turned up into the slightest shadow of a smirk. Raphael, the toughest of the turtles, had been broken. Shredder's revenge on the turtles was as good as done. Raphael would tell him what he wanted to know and—

Smirk melting down to a frown, Shredder stiffened. A hint of light had returned to the turtle's eyes.

Raphael's face remained vacuous and his eyes stayed fixed on the ceiling. "Never."

Shredder glared furiously at the monstrosity, grabbing tight hold of Raphael's neck and squeezing hard.

A hurried, gasping, rasping stream of words left the turtle's mouth, as Shredder continued to apply more and more pressure. "I may be filled with anger and hatred, I may be bitter, but I will never be half the monster you are! And I will never betray my family. Not for all the power in the world. Because they gave me something you wouldn't understand! Something you will never have—ah!" His eyes rolled back, he squirmed. His chest heaved and his mouth gasped for breath, his voice cracked as he forced out his last word, "—Love." With that, he slumped back against the table, his eyes closed.

Shredder withdrew his hands from the turtle's lifeless body. His face was hard as he strode over to the door. Just outside was man seated in front of numerous sound and computer systems. "Did you get it?" He finally snapped, his fury ringing in his voice.

The man nodded, nervously. "Yes, Master Shredder, every word."

"Good. Give it to Karai. See that she extracts only the parts which might be of use against the turtles."

"Y-Yes sir, right away." Shredder began to walk away, but the man called him back with a waver in his voice. "Sir?"

"What?"

"And the turtle?" The man asked slowly.

"The turtle is dead. Leave the body there for now. There has been a change of plans. We will not wait for the turtles to come to us. Tonight I shall take the freak's body and seek out the turtles myself."