Today's my day off. Normally I'd just hang around the apartment and fix whatever needs fixing, but I gotta get out. This whole ordeal that Raph is going through hits just a little too close to home. I can't stop thinking about Jillian.

Oddly enough, similar as Raph and I are, he reminds me a lot of her. She was such a hothead. So am I. But that was part of the problem with me and Jillian, we were just too alike for our own good.

From what little I've been able to gather from Raph, Leo's pretty much his opposite.

I grab some old towels from the bathroom cabinet and shove them in my hockey bag. I stop and look at myself in the mirror for a minute. Well fuck, I look like shit. Not surprising, since I haven't been sleeping too well lately. Ever since the morning I found Raph passed out on the couch from having too much to drink, I've been keeping an eye on him. Especially in the early hours of the morning. That's when he really hits rock bottom. I don't push him. I know from experience that that isn't the way to go. I keep an eye on him. Just to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

I wash my face and run my fingers through my hair rather than combing it. Raph looks up at me from couch. "Finally getting some sleep?" I asked.

His eyes dulled slightly. "Few winks here 'n there." He stated. I could see his eyes flicking up to my bag and equipment. "Ya goin' out?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Gonna hang with one of my old high school chums, get on the ice and poke the puck around. I'll be back in a couple hours."

Raphael nodded solemnly. His impassive face melted into a glower. "You come back with a busted joint an' I'll punch you in the face."

I chuckled and saluted him, mockingly. "Yes sir."

He rolled his eyes. "Whack-bag."

"Dome-head!" I countered as I opened the door and strutted out, now with a smile on my face.

"Meat-sac!" He muttered as the door was almost closed.

"I heard that, shell-for-brains!" I closed the door with a soft click and smiled as I heard him chuckle.

-----------------------

When I got to the hockey stadium, Gibbs was waiting for me. "Hey Buddy!" I said with a grin.

But he didn't smile back. Instead he seemed to be sizing me up.

"Dude, what's up, man?"

Gibbs frowned. "You know a reporter named April O'Neil?" He asked.

I raised an eyebrow and shook my head. "No. Why?"

My old bud sighed. "She came here with a picture of ya askin' who ya were."

I frowned deeply. "She didn't say why?"

He sighed. I looked him in the eyes and he finally caved. "At first she made up some bogus excuse about ya movin' and her having some boxes of yers. I called her out on that. Then she said that she wanted to talk to you because she thinks you know something about some friend of hers."

I crossed my arms over my chest and regarded him curiously. "That doesn't sound like anything to be concerned about."

Gibbs regarded me concernedly. "Are you sure? I told her that I'd arrange for her to meet you here today. If you don't want to we can just tell her to scram."

I grinned slightly and put a hand on my friend's shoulder. "It won't hurt to see what she really wants. Relax, man! Why are you so tense about this?" I asked, punching him lightly in the shoulder.

"It's probably nothing." Gibbs said with a shrug. "But I don't know, you've been in trouble before and what if—"

I sighed. "Seriously Gibbs, relax. I'll talk to her. If she's completely bogus, then I'll send her packing."

He nodded.

"When is she coming?"

"Later tonight."

I smiled and got out my hockey stick. "Good. That gives us enough time for a couple of rounds."

Gibbs smiled.

We spent about three hours just playing. It felt really good to be back on the ice. I saw something flash across Gibbs' face and I stiffened, skating over to him. "Y'okay?" I asked.

"That's her." He said flatly, nodding over my shoulder.

I turned around and as my eyes fell on the female sitting in the stands my jaw dropped. "Wow." I said, gawking.

Gibbs rolled his eyes and skated past me, purposely bumping my shoulder as he went. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't let the good looks fool ya. She's still a reporter."

I frowned at my friend, following close behind him. When we reached the outside of the rink I said my farewells, reassuring him that yes, I could handle the reporter on my own. I still had my mask on as I walked up to her.

I noted the way she glared when I took a seat right beside her. Huh. Feisty. I ignored the glare and took off my skates.

She watched me warily, growing increasingly tense. "Did you need something?"

I smiled lopsidedly behind my mask. "That's my question, toots."

Her eyes narrowed. "Toots?" She parroted angrily.

"Babe?" Her glare didn't fade. "Sweetcakes?" Still no change. "Ah, Princess!" I said.

She jumped to her feet. "Please just leave me alone."

My smile faded. "I can if ya want, but since ya were the one so eager to see me, I'd kinda like to know why." I reached up and removed the hockey mask from face so that I could stare earnestly at her.

She seemed shocked by the change.

"Name's Casey Jones." I muttered evenly, offering her my hand.

"April O'Neil." She replied, taking my sweaty hand with great disdain.

I couldn't help but crack a smile at the way her nose crinkled with disgust. I chuckled and she glared at me. "My friend Gibbs tells me you gave him some bogus excuses yesterday. So tell me the truth. Why are you really here?" I asked with a knowing stare.

April shrunk back in her seat. "I want more information."

"About what?" I raised an eyebrow at the evenness of her tone.

Her eyes gleamed. "About the hockey masked vigilante running around beating up Foot soldiers."

Despite my best efforts, every muscle in my body tensed. I slapped my hand over her mouth and looked around to make certain that no one had overheard that. She seemed offended by my action and wiped her mouth vigorously after I pulled my hand away.

Thankfully, the woman had enough sense not to say anything further and make me do it again.

I leaned towards her and whispered, "This isn't a good place. Come with me."

We went out to the parking lot where I climbed on my motorcycle and threw her the extra helmet.

"I'm not getting on that thing." April objected as she caught the helmet.

"You wanna talk, or what?" I asked.

She reluctantly got on and put her arms around me. I could feel my face getting hot, but I pushed that aside. There were more important things to worry about. I drove as quickly as I could to my apartment. I didn't know where else to go. I had to convince her not to report me. Somehow.

It wasn't until we reached the door that I remembered Raphael was still there. Shit. I pulled my keys out, purposely jingling them. It was a signal we'd agreed on when he'd first come to stay at my place. Jingling keys meant hide. I just hope he's not too distracted to notice it.

I pushed in front of April, purposely blocking the door for a split second so that I could make sure the turtle wasn't there. Phew. Good. He's hiding.

I let April in and closed the door behind her, locking it soundly. "Alright. Now we can talk. What do ya want?"

"What do I want?" She repeated, seemingly confused.

My eyes narrowed. "Yeah. You know I'm the hockey-masked vigilante. What's it gonna take for me to keep ya quiet?"

She glared at me and put her hands on her hips. Then, just like that, she deflated like a popped balloon. "I'm not here to blackmail you. And I'm not really here about the vigilante nonsense either."

I stiffened in apprehension and glared at her. "Then what do ya want?"

"Raphael." She whispered.

I went stock-still. Anger and protectiveness surged through me. My fists clenched. But then something clicked and the rage drained out of me. "April." I whispered.

The reporter sent me an odd stare, which I ignored.

"You're April." I stated, my young friend's long, twisted tale of how he and his brothers came to be and how they first fought the Shredder echoing in my mind.

"What the fuck are you doin' here?" A low gravely growl burst out from the shadows, making both of us jump.

"Raphael." She approached him, her eyes running up and down him, probingly. April's gaze seemed to linger on the scar in his plastron for a few moments before flicking softly over his more recent injuries, and finally shifting up to his bloodshot and weary eyes.

I watched in fascination. The hard exterior she exhibited towards me came crashing down as she reached for his shoulder with infinite tenderness.

He jerked away. "Get the fuck out of here."

I frowned and pulled my attention off of April, turning it instead to my young buddy. His fists are clenched. His breathing is labored. He's barely keeping it together. If she's not careful, he's going to explode in her face. "Look, April, I think you should—" I tried to grab her arm and pull her away gently.

April yanked herself free of my grip, her attention focused solely on the giant turtle in my living room. "Raphael! Please! Just listen! Your brothers want to talk to you! They're worried!" She yelled desperately as I tried to pull her away again.

Raph's eyes were lit with rage as he whirled around and yelled, "I don't fucking care!"

Silence spread through the room and lingered for a long time.

I slowly moved forward, put a hand on his now healed shoulder, and looked straight up into his eyes. "We both know that's not true, Raph." I stated evenly. In the back of my mind I knew that the babe, er April, was still watching us, but right now Raph needed my advice. As the turtle slowly looked down and met my gaze with a pained expression, I sighed. "Raph, I know this hard. We've talked about it a million times over the past month or however long it's been. And like I said, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I think both of us know what needs to be done."

"Case..." He whispered, dejectedly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw April's face soften as she, too, heard the turtle's distress.

"I-I just don't know if I can. I don't know how." Raph muttered, his shoulders drooping.

"Just try, Raph. If you don't try, you'll never know." I said, desperately trying to get him to see sense.

Raph's head snapped up and his eyes flashed. He's going to start making excuses, I realized.

"But how can I talk to them? How can I talk to him...after what happened?"

"Raph, think about this. Is this really the way you want this to end? You really want to just walk away? I know you love 'em, man. I can see that clear as day in the way you act when ya talk ta me about 'em. I know you don't want to just give them up! You care about 'em, don't ya?" I asked, confident that I already knew his answer.

Raph growled under his breath, "You know I do."

"Then you can't just let it go like this. You gotta think this through. So think. Do you really wanna lose them? Lose all those family moments? You wanna be stuck with just memories of a past life? You really wanna lose all the people you care about more than anything else? What purpose would your life have then, huh?"

Raph's shoulders drooped and he looked straight down into my eyes. "No, of course I don't. But it, what happened, it hurt. It hurt more than any wound or any torture could have done." The soft, fiery eyes turned cold and determined. "I won't let them hurt me like that again."

My stare held that same determination as I looked Raph right in the eyes. "So don't." I paused, briefly, to let that sink in. "But don't let your hurt make you do something you'll regret for the rest of your life." I choked as I suddenly found myself blinking back tears. "Don't make the same mistake I did, Raph. It isn't worth it."

I caught April staring at me with a deeply contemplative glance and I immediately turned away, trying to conceal my emotional state. Raph stood with his fists clenched, head bowed, and eyes closed. Finally he straightened and turned to April. "There's an abandoned warehouse down by the docks at pier twenty-three. Tell my brothers to meet me on that roof a week from now." Raph threw a brief glance in my direction before turning back to April. "We'll...talk."

April nodded solemnly. Raph knew she would do as he asked.

After squeezing his shoulder reassuringly, I met his eyes and sent him a look that said: You're doing the right thing. I could tell from his expression that he was grateful.

April O'Neil stepped up to him and he tensed a little. "I'm glad you're alright, Raphael."

He let out a bitter chuckle that made my hair stand on end. I was a little concerned, but decided not to be any more reassuring than necessary.

The female news reporter seemed as stunned and concerned as I was. Especially after Raph muttered, "Oh I'm far from alright, Ape."

She cupped both sides of his face softly and pulled him into a one-sided hug. He shrugged her off gently and she peeled away, then turned back to me. "I'm gonna need a ride back to the hockey stadium." She stated. "I left my bike there."

I frowned a little and turned to Raph. "You wanna come with? We could take the rooftops."

He shook his head. "No thanks, Jones. I need some time to think."

As I grabbed my baseball cap off the bookshelf I muttered, "We'll talk when I get back."

"Oh yeah, sure we will." He quipped sarcastically.

My lips pulled up into a grin. "Nobody doubts the word of Casey Jones, reptile. When I say we gonna talk, we gonna talk. One-on-one. Man-to-man style."

"Man-to-turtle style." He grumbled with mock-annoyance, which I might have actually thought was real if it weren't for the tiny tilt of a smirk at the corner of his mouth. I punched him good-naturedly in the arm and he punched back, this pattern repeated a few times before I finally cut it short and headed for the door. "We'll finish that when you get back too, Jones!" He yelled after me as I turned for the door.

-----------------------

April didn't say goodbye to Raph. I think she realized that it would turn his mind back to his brothers and ruin his good spirits. She hopped silently on the back of my motorcycle and we drove at a much slower pace to the hockey stadium. When we got there, she dismounted and handed me my extra helmet. Before I could leave, she grabbed my shoulder. The look in her eyes told me this was going to be more than just a casual conversation, so I turned off the bike and removed my helmet.

"I've never seen Raph act that way with anyone before."

The wind blew my dark locks into my face and I pushed them aside with my hand before tucking them behind my ear. "What d' ya mean? He's a teenager. Teenagers act like that all the time." I watched her zip up her jacket to protect herself from the bitingly chilly wind.

She looked into my eyes and finally answered. "He's never opened up to anyone like that before."

With a shrug of my shoulders I looked into her eyes. "Well, sometimes all it takes is someone outside the family. Besides, we're two of a kind. I understand him. He's a good kid. He's going through rough times and he needs someone like me to help him through."

She gave me a suspicious glare. "Why are you so eager to help him?"

The answer came out before I even registered the thought. "He's just like me."

"What do you mean?" April asked, seemingly puzzled by my answer.

I stare deep into her eyes, earnestly, willing her to try and understand. "We're both hotheads. We don't really have a place in this world because people don't really understand us. They don't understand why we'd do anything for this city, for the people in it. They don't understand what drives us, what makes us tick..." I lowered my voice a little. "Or what tears us apart...They have no idea how hard it is for us to look in a mirror without seeing a monster."

The redhead stared at me with a blank face. "People call Raph a monster because he's a mutant. You're a human."

The grin that spread across my face was wide and my eyes flashed maniacally. I shook my head and noticed that she had suddenly gotten very uncomfortable. "Oh, but that's the thing about monsters, Red." I met her gaze. "Humans are the worst kind."