My heart is often torn in two,
As I look back upon my past,
Of those days, when as a child,
I thought my innocence would last

I thought my parents loved each other,
And perhaps they once did,
But their divorce, it struck a chord,
In the heart of this Oakley kid.

Yet through it all, I was not alone,
My friends and God were near.
They helped me through this trial,
And gave me naught to fear

Divorce impacts everyone involved,
The couple, children and friends,
But remember still, you're not alone,
With whomever God sends.

Others have had it much worse,
But it affected my childish mind,
I said: "This pain, my heart's contempt,
I'll see fully repaid in kind."

But a fear of society, and mercy,
Made me control my heart,
For I feared, if abnormal,
That I'd be set apart.

So I held my feelings inside,
Making decisions along the way,
That showed me, that with my pride,
There would be hell to pay.

We soon left home on Barber Hill,
And in a light blue trailer lived,
But time progressed and slowly,
We all became divided

David struck my mother,
And had to leave the house,
While I sat there young and scared,
Timid as a woodland mouse.

He moved in with my grandma,
A Christian woman still,
But in David's heart, Satan planted,
The seeds of great evil.

The sins started small enough,
Disobedience, and disbelief,
But as his hatred grew more intense,
My soul found no relief

He turned to the ways of the world,
Like drugs and masturbation,
Now he preaches anti-religion
All across our home nation.

I was in no way innocent,
he taught me the ways of the flesh,
I still struggle today, to find a way,
To resist this fatal mesh.

My friends were always with me,
So my faith continued to grow,
But I slowly lost my mind,
As a painted shed will show.

The shed was at the blue house,
Where we went to Elk Lake School,
And I still struggled with the urge,
To act as if I were cool.

My mother didn't like the landlady,
So on our way we went,
Because it was rather crappy,
With sewage in our basement.

But memories were good,
With the Garrisons and Peacocks,
So we all were happy
Playing on the large rocks.

Then on our merry way we went,
To a new house in Fairdale,
My mother became engaged,
But that's not the whole tale.

She had been dating Christopher,
Ere she engaged to Eric,
But an affair, though unfair,
Stopped them from the cleric.

She went back to Chris,
In the cold winter's morn,
And together they were happy,
Though we began to mourn.

Chris had a record,
of criminal abuse,
But my mom loved him,
And his lame excuse.

Eventually, we moved again,
Which I was not for,
But my mother had yet,
To settle the debt score.

Now we went to Meshoppen,
Where we still live today,
Finally back to church,
Where the world seems okay.

But thing quickly turned sour,
When on a winter's night,
Chris struck my mother,
When they got in a fight.

A Long story made short,
He went away to county jail,
To serve a year long sentence,
With probation to curtail.

I haven't quite recovered,
Although he moved back in,
But God will forgive him,
Of his every sin.

I truly hope he is saved,
But that is not the case,
Instead he chooses to live,
For the human race.

Now the years move on,
And his rage is now in check,
By the fact that if he slips up,
I'll slice him across the neck.

I've told him this to his face,
That it will not be vengeance,
I will be protecting those I love,
It will be self-defense.

I know that God can fix all things,
But often times he will not,
Because it is the deciples way,
Martyrdom is oft our lot.

So I don't like to complain of my life,
Because others have had it worse,
But God is who I call on,
When I would reap my curse.

So yes, God my strength,
Humanity my weakness,
And I hope this memoir,
Will not be seen as meekness.

Instead its purpose is this,
When looking back on my past,
At times when I would have let go,
God held my faith fast.

So go to God, and ask for help,
In all of your difficulties,
Whether you be American,
Dutch, Chinese, or Maltese.

The Lord is omnificent
He will answer every prayer in due time,
Whether he says yes or no,
I can't tell in this rhyme.

But he will help you bear this burden,
As long as it is yours to bear,
And facing life without him,
Is giving me quite a scare.

The Lord has kept me strong in life,
He is Jehovah Jirah,
He is the Godhead three in one,
Jesus the Messiah.

Rely on Him when life gets rough,
In each and every trial,
He will lend a helping hand,
Even to those in denial.

This poem is poorly written, and needs massive revision. I apologise for this issue. It needs revisions in rythmn, syllabic counts, and narrative coherency. I will be editing this poem, at a later date, but I wanted to get it out tonight, to test a few things.

1: How do my poem readers feel about long poems?

2: If I write narrative poems, will people read them?

3: Are people still reading this book?

4: If yes to three, is it enough for me to justify continuing its writing?

5: If I write a poetic memoir, will people read it?(I may be doing a full length novel version. It is still under consideration.)

6: How willing are people to discuss religion on Wattpad?

There are more reasons, but I am too lazy to type them all. Plus, people can only remember 5-7 things at a time, so anymore, and people would forget them.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this Beta version, and God Bless.

Isaiah Oakley

P.S.: While my heart and prayers go out to the Vegas shooting victims, we must be certain that we celebrate those who served God over the course of it. And pray for the shooter. His soul is now in a worse place than we can possibly imagine.