Chapter 22

<Callie Stevens>

"Can I ask you something, Jasper?" I say quietly, looking at his calm profile.

It's a warm, October Saturday night and we're parked in my driveway, carrying on our post-date tradition of talking and making my parents squirm from behind the drawn shades. He nods and turns to face me with a soft smile. I draw in a deep breath and try to find the right words.

Just do it, Callie.

"I'd really like it if you came to church with me on Sunday." I squeeze my eyes shut, biting my lip as I wait for his response.

"Callie, please open your eyes." Jasper replies in an indifferent voice.

I do and then stare at my lap instead of meeting his gaze.

"Don't act so ashamed of asking me; I'm not judging you."

I look up and tilt my head in a questioning manner.

"So, do you wanna come?" I ask again, hoping he'll answer in the affirmative.

"Listen, Callie, it's just..." Jasper begins awkwardly, rubbing his neck as I've noticed he's accustomed to do.

I wait with baited breath for him to continue on.

"What's wrong?" I exhale, taking his hand in mine.

"I don't know how to explain this to you without offending you."

"I want to know, Jasper, I'm not going to be offended."

"I can't believe in God." He admits solemnly and gauges my reaction. "I can't believe in a God that would let my brother be run over by a train, I can't believe in a God that would let my mother and I get abused by my father every single day. I'm sorry, but I've seen too much evil in my life to believe that a good God would allow all of this to happen."

I bite my lip and try to think of the right things to say to him, the right words to make him change his mind.

Dear God, please speak through me, please help me to bring Jasper back to you. Amen.

"Jasper, I know you've been put through so much and I know it's unfair." I exhale slowly, allowing the words to flow through me. "But, God loves you, more than anything in the world."

"He has a funny way of showing it." Jasper mumbles, his eyes focused on the steering wheel.

"I don't have the right words to explain this to you and I'm not going to pretend that I do, Jasper." I blurt out, surprising him. "But I know what God can do in people's lives; he saves you and makes you a new person. I promise you, as bad as things seem right now, they'll be even worse if you turn away."

"Callie, I just can't wrap my head around God being good if he allows his people to be abused and tortured."

"I don't understand why some things happen the way they do, but I know that God loves you and he'll always be there for you, no matter what you do. He has a plan and it goes way beyond this place." I say, praying the words don't sound hollow and empty in his ears.

"Callie, I've been told that a million times, but it's not going to make me believe it." Jasper sighs and meets my gaze. "I'm sorry."

"I can prove it," I reply with determination. "Let me tell you a story about..."

"Your friend Jesus Christ?" He asks, his tone implying that he's heard this all before.

"About a man who willingly gave his life to save the ones he loved most." I continue on as if he'd never interrupted me.

I pause and watch Jasper tilt his head towards me, illustrating that he's ready to listen.

"Jesus was sent down to this earth to save mankind, the very people who sinned against God; he loved them so much, Jasper, that he sent his only son down knowing that he would have to die to save you, me, everyone from death. Jesus walked the earth, lived as one of us and brought hope to the broken world. He was betrayed by his friends, by the people he was sent to save and he was sentenced to death. He paid the price for everyone's sins. He was beaten, nailed to the cross and put on display for all to see. Even after everything mankind had done to him, the amount of times they'd betrayed him and turned away, he still asked for God to forgive them. He went through all this pain, Jasper, because he didn't want mankind to have to suffer the same fate; he wanted everyone to have hope of a better life."

I wipe away some tears from under my eyes as Jasper continues to listen intently. This story always gets to me.

"You say that you can't believe in God, that he doesn't love you because of the life he gave you..." I say and inhale deeply. "But, Jasper, Jesus sacrificed his life, he gave up everything to make sure you didn't have to die, to make sure you could have a better life with God."

Jasper doesn't say anything, just stares ahead as if he's contemplating what I said.

"Love is shown through actions, it shown through what you're willing to give up for someone else and Jesus gave his life; isn't that the greatest form of love?" I murmur, my hand on Jasper's shoulder.

He shrugs, unsure of how to respond to my question.

"It's hard to explain why some people's lives seem better than others, why God lets bad things happen to good people, but you just have to have faith that he has a better plan for you, that everything right now is only temporary pain."

The atmosphere remains silent as I continue to talk.

"I know you find this hard to believe, Jasper, and I don't blame you, but Jesus would go through with his sacrifice again even if it was just you that needed to be saved; that's how much he loves you, whether you choose to believe it or not."

With that I open up my car door and hop down onto my driveway, waiting for Jasper to say something.

"Callie, I'll give it a shot." Jasper looks at me, biting his lip. "What time should I be here?"

"Eight o'clock sharp." I reply with a soft smile. "Thank you."

He just nods and then waits for me to close the door before he drives off.

Thank you, God, thank you for everything.

~~~~~

It's Sunday morning and I'm seated on my front porch, wearing a dress and a pair of ballet flats for church. My watch reads almost eight o'clock, but there's still no sign of Jasper's truck. I told myself not to be disappointed if he didn't end up coming; I tried to make myself see things from his point of view, no matter how hard it was for me to comprehend. It's his choice, and I can't make it for him.

At that very moment, Jasper's beat-up truck pulls into my driveway and he steps out, dressed in a suit with an untied tie hung around his neck. I smile and walk down the steps to meet him. He kisses my forehead and wraps his arm around my shoulders as we make our way back to my front door.

"Hey, sweetheart." My mom says kindly as she opens the door for us. "You must be Jasper; I'm Mrs. Stevens, Callie's mom."

My mom holds out her hand and Jasper shakes it gently with a small smile on his face.

"It's very nice to meet you." He replies politely as we walk over the threshold into my house.

Henry, dressed in a pair of khakis and a button-up shirt, is playing with his trains on the carpet. He looks up when he hears us come in and tilts his small head in confusion. I watch as Jasper bends down and holds out his hand to Henry.

"My name's Jasper; what's yours?"

A smile spreads across my little brother's face as he high-fives Jasper, not yet grasping the concept of a handshake. He giggles and hands Jasper one of his train toys, trying to show him how to make them run on the carpet.

"He seems sweet." My mom whispers as she rubs my shoulder.

"We should really get going if we're going to make the eight fifteen service." My dad says from behind me while he buttons up his blazer and grabs the car keys. "I'm hoping that's Jasper."

"No, it's a hitchhiker I picked up off the street." I chuckle, my eyes still focused on my brother playing with Jasper.

"Very funny, Callie, please go get your brother and Jasper so we can leave."

I sigh dramatically and walk over to the pair of them. Henry looks upset when I pick him up off the floor and set his trains back in their bin. Jasper rubs the back of his neck and smiles at my brother.

"We'll finish up the game later, little man."

Henry seems satisfied with that and thankfully, doesn't pitch a fit. I hand him off to my mom and she slips a little jacket on him. My dad is staring at Jasper with a serious expression on his face. Jasper bites his lip and stands awkwardly behind me as if he's unsure of how to begin a conversation with him.

"Dad, I believe you know who this is." I tilt my head and smile a little. "You can stop making him uncomfortable."

"That's my job as a father." He rolls his eyes in a good natured way before holding out his hand to Jasper. "I'm Paul Stevens, Callie's father."

"Jasper, sir; it's an honor to meet you. Callie told me about your band and I listened to some of your early stuff; it's really good."

Flattery goes a long way when speaking to an ex-rockstar.

"Thank you," My dad beams, a smile filling up his whole face. "I like this one, Callie, good choices, good choices..."

And he said he didn't like to relive his glory days.

He claps Jasper on the back and leads him towards the front door. Jasper winks as he passes me, still following my dad. I shake my head a little and walk slowly towards the pair of them, my mom bringing up the rear. Jasper and my dad are talking on the porch as the rest of us load-up in the family SUV. I watch from my window as my dad ties Jasper's tie for him. I bet his dad never did that for him, that's why he never learned how to. After a few more minutes of chatting, they join us in the car, my dad up front and Jasper seated on the other side of Henry's car seat. My dad backs out of the driveway and then begins to drive towards town.

~~~~~

We're seated in the pews as close to the front as we can get. I'm in between my mom and Jasper, who is sitting next to my father and talking to him as if they've known each other forever. It's sweet to see Jasper finally get some form of fatherly attention; he deserves it after everything he's been put through. The organ starts to play and the congregation stands up as lyrics are projected on the front wall.

"Crown him with many crowns, the lamb upon his throne; Hark! How the heav'nly anthem drowns all music, but its own! Awake, my soul and sing of him who died for thee, and hail him as thy matchless King through all eternity!" The congregation sings out as the worship band continues to play.

I watch Jasper's profile as I carry on singing the words that are ingrained in my brain. His eyes are locked on the projected lyrics, his voice melting into the crowd of voices already praising. He catches me staring and grabs my hand as the song comes to a close. The pastor comes to his usual Sunday podium and begins to speak.

"Thank y'all for comin' to spend your Sunday morning in fellowship." He smiles and sets his Bible down gently. "Let's pray."

He waits patiently for everyone to bow their heads and then he begins his prayer.

"Lord God, thank you for this beautiful Sunday morning and for bringing us all here to worship you as you've called us to do. Please speak to us through the sermon and lessons today and help us to remember how much you love us. In your son's name we pray,"

"Amen." The congregation murmurs and then we all open our eyes.

"Let's sing," The pastor smiles and then gestures for the band to start playing again.

The lyrics of "Worthy is the Lamb" are projected on the wall and all of the people in the room sing again; the voices seem to reach on endlessly as if trying to go towards heaven itself.

~~~~~

"Peace be with you," A person in the pew in front of me says with a smile, holding out their hand in the traditional greeting.

It's after lessons, prayers, affirmation of faith and confession of sin, which means that it's time for everyone to greet each other before the sermon. I shake the person's hand politely and do the same with everyone in that row before the pastor, Mr. Tate, gestures for us all to take a seat. I smooth out my dress and take Jasper's hand in mine, giving him a soft smile as Mr. Tate begins to speak.

"So, I wanted to start my sermon off today with a story. It's about a young man I encountered a few years ago. His parents were in the midst of a nasty divorce and he was caught in the middle, asked to pick sides in a battle that was not his own. He came to my house in tears and told me that his parents' split broke his faith beyond repair; he could no longer love his parents for what they'd done and he felt betrayed by God because his creator would allow his life to be turned upside down in such an awful way."

Pastor Tate takes a breath and looks out at the congregation as he continues his sermon.

"I believe there are a few lessons to be taken from this. The first is that we must love our enemies, which isn't always easy to do. In this man's case, he had to love his parents despite all of the pain they were putting him through. I know it's human nature to hate those who do ill towards us, but God doesn't call us to hate; he calls us to love, just like he did for us. God could've hated mankind, left them to die, and he had every right to, but instead he chose to send a savior. Mankind betrayed, ridiculed and turned away from God, but he still wanted to save them; he didn't want them to suffer the pain of death. He loved his enemies, us, with everything he had. God sacrificed his only son for our sake. Jesus gave his life to pay our debt for sin even though we didn't deserve it. So, why do we find it so hard to forgive people who've wronged us?"

Pastor Tate pauses, almost as if he expects an answer to his question.

"Mankind betrayed their creator, belittled the savior that was sent down to pay for their sins and yet God still found it in himself to forgive them and love them. God watched as mankind beat his son, nailed him to the cross and left him there to die. After all he'd been put through, Jesus still pleaded for our forgiveness. If after all we put him through, he can still love us, why can't we love others even if they wrong us? Don't all of the wrongs in this mortal world seem petty after what our ancestors did to Jesus? We must love our enemies, not scorn them or exact revenge; wrath is reserved for God and God alone. Let him handle the punishment; we ourselves are not perfect, therefore we have no right to punish others for the bad deeds they've done."

I look over at Jasper and see him watching intently, his eyes filling with tears. I rub his hand and turn away, pretending that I hadn't seen his display of emotion.

"The other lesson to take away from this story pertains to the betrayal this young man felt and how it shook his faith. Guys, faith is not an easy thing to have; you are being asked to believe in something you've never seen, something that's almost too good to be true. Faith is meant to be tested and that's what God does when he puts obstacles in our lives. He wants us to realize that we can't control everything, that we need to rely on him. He wants us to see that even as our earthly lives change, he'll always be there, right beside us. He loves us more than we can ever know and he doesn't turn away, even when we do. You can spend your whole life running from God, but he'll always be there with his hand outstretched when you're ready to come home. Let us pray."

A silence blankets the congregation as we all bow our heads and fold our hands.

"Dear God, thank you for your son. Thank you for his sacrifice and the new life we have because of him. Thank you for teaching us to love our enemies as you have loved us and for putting obstacles in our path to test our faith. Above all, thank you for always being there for us. Please help us to put our faith in you, even when we don't understand why you let bad things happen to us. In your son's name I pray, amen."

Pastor Tate exits the podium and brings the worship band back up for a final song. The lyrics are projected on the wall once again and we all begin to sing.

"In Christ alone, my hope is found. He is my light, my strength, my song. This Cornerstone, this solid ground. Firm through the fiercest drought and storm..."

I look over and see Jasper run his thumb under his eyes as he continues to sing. My heart warms and I find myself whispering thanks to God as I watch Jasper's faith restore itself. At the end of the song, I wrap my arms around Jasper and pull him close to me. He holds me and whispers in my ear.

"I love you, Callie, I can never thank you enough."

I close my eyes and get lost in his embrace.

"I love you too."

Pastor Tate comes back to the podium and formally dismisses us. People begin milling around, talking to friends and taking their sweet time putting on their jackets. I continue to hold Jasper's hand as my parents walk towards Pastor Tate to thank him for the sermon. I pull him forward and wait for an opportunity to introduce Jasper to the pastor.

"Thank you so much for the sermon; it was really touching." My mom gushes as she holds onto Henry's surprisingly heavy body.

"I'm glad you liked it; I think it's a really poignant lesson that isn't taught enough." Pastor Tate shakes my dad's hand and then take notice of Jasper. "I don't think I've seen you in the congregation before; I'm Pastor Tate."

"It's been awhile; Callie brought me. I'm Jasper." Jasper drops my hand and shakes Pastor Tate's outstretched one with a polite smile.

"Well, I'm always happy to see new faces and I hope you'll come again, Jasper." Pastor Tate smiles and then begins to converse with my dad.

"The worship band is lookin' great." My dad compliments as he watches them pack up their instruments.

"Yeah, sadly, Mark is going back to school, so we'll be without a worship singer next Sunday."

If only I knew someone who could sing...

I turn towards Jasper and he gives me a look like he knows what I'm about to do.

Well, he isn't going to offer up himself and his voice deserves to be heard.

"Jasper does some singing," I pipe in, causing Pastor Tate to turn towards us.

"Does he? That'd be great if he'd be willing to step in." Pastor Tate grins, urging Jasper to answer.

"I've never really sang in front of an audience..." Jasper's voice trails off as he rubs the back of his neck, his nervous giveaway.

"I'm not going to force you into anything, Jasper, but it'd be really great if you'd step in." Pastor Tate pats Jasper's shoulder comfortingly. "Also, if God gave you the gift of singing, he would want you to use it."

"You'd be great, Jasper." I say with a soft smile. "And, either way, people here aren't going to judge you; they're going to appreciate you leading the worship."

"Think about it and give me a call if you decide." Pastor Tate says kindly. "No pressure, Jasper, it's your choice."

"Thank you so much," My mom says and then we all walk away, ready to go back to the car and get some breakfast.