Chapter 7: The Price of Youth

I think this is one of the most (if not the most) evoking parts we've had so far. Although it is incredibly long, it is exremely sad but also very infuriating so do read it all, even if you read sections at a time.

Prepare tissues and pitchforks and read on!

1. An Injured Hand

When we are young, we lack fear for time and life. We behave recklessly without thinking about the results or understanding to fear the consequences. So, often during our youth, we only need a little more rationality and self control to avoid making mistakes. However, when we understand this idea, mistakes usually have already been made; when we haven't yet made any mistakes, we don't take in any well meaning advice.

Xiao Bo's mid-semester exam results were quite good, he was already in the top 80 of his year group so if he can reach top 50, with the school's past performance results in the province, he will definitely be able to get into a famous university. Although the competition became more and more fierce the higher in ranking you go, Xiao Bo was filled with confidence.

Brother Li and I were both very happy. Brother Li specially urged Wu Zei and other staff to go to him if there were any matters and to not disturb Xiao Bo to let him prepare well for the gao kao.

The weekend after the mid-semester exam finished, Brother Li invited me, Xiao Bo, Wu Zei and Enchantress out to eat. He said it was to congratulate Xiao Bo but actually, it was to find an opportunity to get together. Nowadays, it was hard to see Xiao Bo, even I have to run to the high school department to see him.

That guy was really going all out to get into a good university.

We chatted and ate, in the middle, I got up to go to the bathroom. When I came back, I passed a small room and hearing the name "Ge Xiao Fei", I couldn't help but stop in suspicion.

In the middle of the girls' laughter, I was able to hear parts of their conversation.

"Really? She got an abortion when she was only fifteen?"

"Really! Ge Xiao Fei, I heard that her grades are pretty good, she's a student in No.1"

"Eh? In No.1? That's one of the top schools in the province, what else did you hear, quickly tell, how did she get pregnant?"

"How did she get pregnant? Of course it's because she slept with a guy!"

Loud laughter ensued.

"I heard that she changed countless boyfriends when she's so young......"

My hands and feet went cold, didn't everything pass already? Why is it like this? The sound of their conversation still reached my ears. I suddenly felt violent resentment, why are there so many people in the world who like to discuss other people's rights and wrongs? Why do they like to use other people's wounds to entertain themselves with? Why can't they just care about their own things?

Without thinking, I walked inside and slapped the face of the girl who was sitting near the door and spreading the gossip.

After I slapped her, I realised it was Zhang Jun's girlfriend.

Everyone became speechless and the room was silent for a few seconds before she jumped up like an angry wild cat and started hitting me. Her girlfriends also reacted and started to hit me.

I was beaten to the floor and my glasses fell. Everything became fuzzy in front of my eyes, I felt my hair being yanked painfully and a few handfuls were probably yanked out. My legs were also being kicked by high heels and in numbing pain.

In midst of this, I felt an empty wine bottle on the floor. In my predicament, I instinctively used the wine bottle to smash the person hitting me. After it smashed into the person, I felt a warm liquid on my hand, the heavy weight on my body also lightened. I tightly clutched the remaining half of the wine bottle and as soon as I saw a black figure getting close to me, I stabbed forwards.

They started to shout, "Murder, someone's killing people......"

Someone suddenly grabbed my hands. Just as I wanted to strike at them backhandedly, the wine bottle in my hand was immediately taken away.

"Qi Qi!"

It was Xiao Bo's voice. There was trembling in his voice, he used his hands to wipe the blood on my face, "Where are you hurt?"

"I don't know."

The sound of crying and shouting mixed together and when I was truly awake, I was already inside the hospital.

The female doctor was Brother Li's middle school classmate. She satirized Brother Li, "How is it that someone's hurt again? If you don't fight for three days do you feel uncomfortable all over? Don't depend on me to gently treat you guys, I can't be polite to you people who cause disorder in society! Say, why doesn't the police put you all in jail?"

Brother Li forced a smile, "Today it's my little sister. Treat her gently."

The female doctor looked at me, "Luo Qi Qi? I've watched your speeches before on television, it was really good. I thought you were a good student, why are you also fighting?" As she spoke, she used a gauze to clean the blood on my body. I realised that although the blood was all over my body, I only had a wound on my palm. Most of the blood were probably other people's.

As the doctor pulled the glass out from inside the wound, she shouted at Brother Li, "Do you see this? If this piece of glass was set just a bit deeper, her hand would become useless. How are you a brother, you don't even learn good yourself, you're bringing your little sister down with you."

Brother Li smiled along but Xiao Bo's complexion was very sallow.

After the doctor finished pulling out the glass and stitched it up, she stopped scolding us. She gently asked me, "Isn't it painful? Why don't you make any sound? If it's painful, just shout it out."

I clenched my teeth and didn't make a sound. Brother Li smiled, "If she was the type to shout out her pain, she wouldn't end up like this. We were all at the back, if she really wanted to teach someone a lesson, why would she need to do it herself?"

The female doctor got mad and glared fiercely at Brother Li, "It's words like these that turn people bad. She is a young girl, even if she had some problem, she has her parents, her teachers, the police, why does she need to fight?"

Brother Li gave a hollow laugh and didn't dare say anything else.

After the wound was treated, Brother Li and Xiao Bo brought me out. Wu Zei came over, "Nothing major happened to the others, one of them had their arm stabbed open and one got a head injury." Wu Zei jabbed my head, "Did you eat the wrong medicine today? Xiao Bo, you should discipline her better, why is her temper so impulsive? I just asked, they said that a few sisters were eating and she randomly came in and started hitting them."

Brother Li ordered, "We'll pay the medical bills, get someone to go and buy some health products and say lots of good words......"

I immediately said, "You can't! She deserved it! Why do we have to pay her medical fees?"

Brother Li hurriedly spoke, "Ok, ok, ok! We won't, we won't!" But he secretly flashed a look at Wu Zei.

One of Brother Li's men said, "People who come out to mix all highly value their reputation. The person who got hit this time was Zhang Jun's girlfriend, this might not be easy to explain."

Just as we were talking, we saw Zhang Jun and a few of his strong friends walk in. Zhang Jun's girlfriend also appeared from nowhere and stuck to Zhang Jun's side, "Zhang Jun, she hit me for no reason. Two of my friends were beaten so bad they're currently hospitalized. This matter definitely can't be let go." After she finished talking, she glared fiercely at me.

Zhang Jun saw one of my arms in a sling and froze for a bit, he probably only found out that his girlfriend also fought.

Brother Li walked over warmly, clutched one of his hands and put his other hand on his shoulder and led him to a corner talking non stop.

Zhang Jun's girlfriend wanted to go but Brother Li raised his head and said, "Us men are discussing matters, women shouldn't participate."

Zhang Jun's girlfriend's face turned bright red but she knew that in this circle, the rules were truly like this.

I don't know what Brother Li said but I saw Zhang Jun nodding. Brother Li called Xiao Bo over and stood to the side himself. Zhang Jun violently punched Xiao Bo's abdomen fiercely three times. Xiao Bo hunched over in pain. After a little while, Xiao Bo stood straight and Zhang Jun fiercely punched him another three times. This time, Xiao Bo couldn't take it and his whole body knelt down.

No matter if it was Brother Li's brothers or Zhang Jun's friends, they all stood there watching, following the rules of handling matters.

I wanted to call out but no sound came out. Tears started forming in my eye sockets.

Brother Li walked over and smiled at Zhang Jun then shook his hand. Zhang Jun smiled as he helped Xiao Bo up again. Xiao bo also smiled and they shook hands as if the people fighting just then weren't them.

The three people chatted for a bit then Zhang Jun left with his people. His girlfriend stood there for a while dumbfounded then chased him, "Is it settled just like that? What about my friends' injuries? How do you want me to tell them? If you don't think it's embarrassing, well I fucking feel embarrassed......"

The five of us got on to Brother Li's old car. Enchantress, Wu Zei and I sat at the back and Xiao Bo sat at the front. I was quiet, Brother Li was quiet and Xiao Bo was also quiet.

Wu Zei felt it was suffocating so he asked Xiao Bo, "Are Zhang Jun's little fists strong?" The Enchantress elbowed him and he quickly shut his mouth.

I suddenly asked, "Wu Zei, what do those girls today do?"

Enchantress said, "Apart from Zhang Jun's girlfriend, there is another who is part of the art troup, one does crafts and one is a primary school music teacher. Oh, and that girl who you injured on the head has a hair salon."

I sat there dazedly, feeling powerless all over. Perhaps I can think of a way to shut their mouths but what about the mouths of other people?

After I got home, when mom and dad saw my hand, they became flustered.

I had long become an expert at lying through my teeth so I told them that I was sitting on Guan He's bicycle and accidentally fell down, I used my hands to protect myself from the fall but I never thought that there was broken glass on the ground. My hand was cut open and Guan He didn't have the time to tell her parents as she rushed me to hospital.

Guan He was a top student in the minds of both teachers and parents so they believed her testifying even more than gold.

The next day, I went to school with my hand tied up in a gauze. When Guan He saw, she asked in concern, "What happened?"

I said, "I told my parents that when I went out playing with you, I fell down from your bicycle and injured my hand."

Guan He froze for a bit then readily said, "Okay ah, I got it."

I didn't have the energy to listen to class or to read. Straight after class, I went to find Xiao Fei. She laughed at my stupid appearance but fed me already peeled chestnuts.

She was sporting a short haircut and with a blue and white sportswear and white sport shoes on, she looked like a tomboy.

I smiled, "Xiao Fei, can you agree to something?"

"What?"

"You have to be a strong person."

Xiao Fei stared at me surprised but after a while, she smiled and nodded, "I will."

"No matter what happens, you have to be strong."

"Okay."

I said, "You have to forever remember what you promised me today."

Xiao Fei stared at me and worriedly asked, "Qi Qi, do you have some incurable disease?"

I hit her with my other hand, "You're the one who has a disease."

"Your words sound like the dying words of people with diseases on TV."

"Anyhow, you have to remember you promised me you'll be strong."

"What exactly happened to your hand? Did you really fall down from the bicycle and get stabbed by a piece of glass?"

"I really injured it from falling down from the bicycle."

A few days later, I looked down from the middle school department's building to see Zhang Jun's girlfriend. She was probably waiting for Zhang Jun and he went down to see her.

Not long after, the corridor was full of people, all in front of the windows watching.

They talked for a long time and most of that time, it was the girl who was talking. Zhang Jun had his hands in his pockets the whole time with his head lowered looking at the ground, it was completely in line with his spiritless state at school.

Just as everyone was getting bored, suddenly, his girlfriend hit him. Zhang Jun dodged her hit which made her even more angry and she kicked and slapped at him. Zhang Jun stopped dodging and let her hit. She cried and hit and shouted, I only heard the words, "bastard", "asshole", "I was blind" again and again. Zhang Jun had his head lowered and after the girl got tired, she ran off like the wind.

Everyone was speechless but Zhang Jun looked as if nothing had happened. He went and stood by the trees alone for a while then walked back up the building.

Everyone watching dispersed. I was standing in front of the window and couldn't be bothered moving. He glanced at me then also stood by the window, staring out in a daze.

There were quite a few nail marks on his face and it took two weeks for it to disappear. The whole middle school department knew about him getting hit by a girl.

Even at home, my little sister kicked and hit, showing our parents how the girl beat him, making my parents wide eyed with shock, thinking that they sent their daughter into a film and television class instead.

The rumour about Xiao Fei spread to the school in the end and girls started secretly discussing it, the teachers also discussed it in their offices.

What a hot topic! A middle school girl getting an abortion can become headline news in the times now so what is there to say about ten years before?

Xiao Fei still obliviously went to school and studied, it seemed like the person in the rumour is always the last person to find out.

Everyday after class, I went to find her and used up all her time. I could only use my tiny power to distance her from the rumor.

Finally, even my mom and dad heard about it. Mom worriedly asked me, "Didn't she sleep over once at our house? Is she still your good friend now?"

I coldly said, "I don't know."

Different versions of Xiao Fei's abortion appeared, apparently she went out to play and was gang raped by four people. No one knows who exactly the father is.

Xiao Fei finally found out about everything. Her teachers and classmates looked at her differently, the girls refused to talk to her and the guys all peeked at her. She quietly went to school and went home, I could only find her during recess to read with her or sit with her.

One day, when we were sitting on a bench, a group of girls from the high school department specially came to see her. Although they pretended to be passing by us, but that kind of stare was like burning at a stake, it was enough to burn someone to ashes.

Xiao Fei suddenly ran to the school gates. I chased after her but she shouted at me, telling me to "get lost". I stopped and watch her disappear into the streets.

From that day on, Xiao Fei stopped coming to school. I went to her house, the first time, her mom opened the door but refused to let me in, telling me to leave and to stop coming to find Xiao Fei. After that, the door was always closed.

With the spread of gang rape rumours, the local police station got involved and started an investigation.

With the police investigation going on, the rumours spread faster, our entire city, from 80 year olds to 18year olds all knew that No.1 had a girl who messed around with boys who then took advantage of her.

After the police got involved, the four guys were found very easily. Two of them were actually from another very famous top middle school-they were students from the Experimental Middle School. One of them was in their third year of middle school and the other was a first year high school student. The other two were also students.

More and more versions of the rumour developed, some said that the four guys had planned it out, they would get Ge Xiao Fei drunk then do sexual things to her; some said that it was a coincidence, Ge Xiao Fei had low self esteem, got drunk and messed around with the four guys; some said that the four all had relationships with Ge Xiao Fei and some said that only two of them raped her, the other two were too cowardly and only participated in getting her drunk.

All parents started watching over their daughters strictly, they weren't allowed to go out and play with guys, I was also restrained by my parents and I wasn't allowed to go out on weekdays. On weekends, I had to be back before dinner time.

I was the closest person to Xiao Fei but during all this, I was like everyone else, having to find out through gossip.

I calculated the time the incident happened, it was just when Wang Zheng left this city so no matter if the four guys were intentional or unintentional, the reason for Xiao Fei getting drunk had nothing to do with him. However, I believe that even if Xiao Fei was drunk, she wouldn't do anything with them. They were probably out to get revenge so they got together to teach the 'proud and arrogant' Ge Xiao Fei a lesson.

Because Xiao Fei's parents refused to appear in court to press charges, refusing to accept the incident, the families of the four boys spent countless amounts of money as bribe. In the end, the four boys weren't charged with any criminal activity but, for the sake of giving all the parents an account, the school still took action. The Experimental Middle School expelled the two boys and the other two from normal schools were also kicked out. Furthermore, other schools, including technical schools, all announced that they will never accept them.

Xiao Fei's life was ruined by them but because of Xiao Fei, their lives were also destroyed. When Xiao Fei's parents went out, they didn't dare raise their heads and because the guys' parents had rapists as sons, they suddenly became old. I heard on the news that one of the mothers had a heart attack and nearly died.

For a period of time, I really, really hated them but I quickly heard that one of the boys from the Experimental Middle School was beaten by his father with a belt. His father ended up breaking three belts and the boy was rushed to hospital. His wounds haven't recovered yet but he secretly left our city and went to Xi'an to join the army. Not long after, his parents got a divorce.

Xiao Bo told me, "They have paid their mistakes with their lives, they've even paid their parents' lives too."

I know what he said is true but, I still hate them.

I became so silent it was scary. I often went for an entire day without speaking. Every weekend, I would go to Xiao Fei's building and wander around below the apartment. I didn't dare go knock on the door, I only wished that she would be able to see me and agree to come out and meet me but she never appeared.

Instead, I gradually heard some other gossip from their neighbours. Apparently Xiao Fei's father used to be a soldier (this is also the reason of how I got to know Xiao Fei at the military primary school.) He was in the army all year round and had a terrible temper. After he transferred to a civilian life, he felt somewhat under-appreciated and undervalued. He liked drinking and when he got drunk, he would hit Xiao Fei's mom.

The old people sighed, Xiao Fei was a smart and capable girl but because her father kept beating up her mom, she naturally didn't like to stay at home. She liked to go out and play but when a girl played outside too much, of course it was easy for incidents to happen.

I gradually started to understand the cause and effect, so it was like this!

Xiao Fei's father probably didn't start hitting Xiao Fei's mom after he left the army, he probably was already hitting his wife when he was in the army so when we were in primary, Xiao Fei didn't like going home and started to like wandering around outside thus becoming best friends with me who also didn't like going home.

This was also probably the reason why she wanted to sleep at my house. She must've been filled with dread inside and wanted to avoid seeing her father hit her mom.

On the outside, she was completely different to me. She was bright and cheerful yet inside, she also had a repressed and lonely soul so we were able to snuggle up and share each others' warmth.

In this world, there is bound to be a reason behind every unusual thing that happens, why didn't I think of it earlier?

Xiao Fei made her father greatly embarrassed, would her father hit her after he gets drunk?

I started to get scared. I ran and knocked on her door, no one answered. I kept knocking and knocking until from behind the door came her mom's voice, "Xiao Fei went away, you don't need to come and find her any more."

"Where did she go?"

"I sent her to stay with her aunt for a while."

I was half in disbelief but I could only do this much. I begged the person behind the door, "Auntie, please don't hit Xiao Fei. Right now she only has you guys."

The sound of her mom crying passed through the door, "I know, go now!"

I continued saying, "Auntie, please tell Xiao Fei to not forget what she promised me."

There was no sound from behind the door. I could only quietly leave.

During this storm, the end of term exam passed by. My results were too horrible to look at, I was third to last in the class.

Teacher Wu was extremely disappointed, I don't know if it was because she was truly worried about a good student dropping in ranks or if she was worried about her salary bonus.

My mom sat me down for a chat and lectured me sternly. She decided to limit the time I have to go outside to play. I suddenly changed from the silence I usually have in front of the and charged at her, "Since you guys cast me aside to my grandpa when I was little, then no matter what I turn into now, you can't blame anymore! It's fine for you to just care about your darling daughter, no matter if I live or die, I will take care of that myself! No need for you guys to care!"

My mom was so angry her fists were shaking but she didn't dare to hit me. Inside, she was very clear that if she touches me just a little, with my extreme stubbornness and the conflict between us, there was a great possibility she would push me completely away from them.

Perhaps it requires a thousand days to learn to be good but you only need a few days to learn to be bad.

The day after Lunar New Year ended, I was riding my bike home and unexpectedly, at the intersection, I saw Xiao Fei. She was wearing an old fashioned black woollen coat and smiled at me.

I didn't dare to believe what I saw with my eyes so I rushed to her, "Xiao Fei?"

She laughed, "You still remember me!"

I was unable to speak, I only knew how to clutch her hand and smile foolishly. She said, "Let's go somewhere to talk for a while."

I agreed and immediately took her to the side of the lake on my bike. As it was winter, the entire lake had a thick layer of ice on the top. We sat on the lake and chatted.

She asked me, "How was your end of semester exam results?"

"Not very good."

She sighed, "Qi Qi, you have to study hard. Don't waste the brain the heavens gave you, not everyone has the chance to study."

I didn't say anything.

She raised her head, the expression on her face was very sad, "Sometimes, at night I will suddenly wake up and cry, longing that everything didn't happen, that this was all a nightmare. As long as I wake up from the dream, I will still be able to sit in the classroom and listen to the teacher teach. Right now, even when I think of the despised homework and annoying teachers, I would still think that it is very valuable. If I could be able to do homework again, listen to the teachers teach again, I am willing to give up everything in exchange. However, no matter how much I regret, how much I know I was wrong, there is no one willing to give me a chance. No one is willing to give me a chance......" Xiao Fei's tears rolled down her face, drop by drop.

My face was also covered in tears but I refused to cry out loud. I could only use my sleeves to continuously wipe the tears.

Xiao Fei looked at the sky silently for a long time then suddenly smiled, "Qi Qi, you have to trust me, I will remember the thing I agreed you and be a strong person."

I nodded.

She asked, "Do you have any money with you? I want borrow some money from you."

I hurriedly searched my pockets, luckily I had red packet money*, there was two hundred and thirty dollars altogether.
*[Money children receive during New Year's.]

She took it and carefully put it into her pocket. We sat side by side for a long time before she said, "It's too cold, let's go!"

I pushed my bicycle and asked, "Is the money enough?"

Xiao Fei smiled, "Where would you find someone who thinks they have too much money?"

I hurriedly said, "If you need more, I can help you get some."

"You want to ask Brother Li and the others to borrow some right? I don't need their money, no matter how much money they have, they aren't good people. Qi Qi, you should stop hanging out with them so much."

If someone else said these words, perhaps I would have already started fighting with them but to Xiao Fei, I could only lightly say, "I'm also not a good person."

We passed by a small shop and an idea struck me. I told her, "Wait for me for a while."

I pushed the bicycle inside the small shop and said to the boss, "I want to sell this bicycle, give a price." I know that these small shops accepted stolen goods, from televisions to a pack of cigarettes. The son of one of my dad's managers often stole the cigarettes other people gifted his dad and exchanged it for pocket money.

The boss sized me up, "Sixty."

"One hundred, this bicycle is pretty much new. Plus, I didn't steal it. You can rest assured and give your daughter to use."

The boss looked at me for a bit, seemingly deciding if my words were true or false. Finally, she agreed on the exchange.

I took the one hundred dollars and walking out of the small ship, handed it to Xiao Fei. Xiao Fei saw that I left my bicycle inside and already understood where my money came from. She didn't reject it and after she put it inside her bag, she said to me, "I'm leaving."

"When will you come and find me again?"

She smiled, "Next time I'll treat you to lamb skewers."

I nodded.

She walked a few steps then turned back to me, "Qi Qi, I will remember what I have agreed you, you also have to take good care of yourself. Remember, you have to study hard." After speaking, she left with firm and resolute steps.

Her silhouette became smaller and smaller. I stared at her shadow and although I felt heavy hearted, I started to develop new hope.

Because, she let me think as if all of the clouds will one day, finally disperse and we can still sit in front of a coal oven and eat lamb skewers while drinking tea. We can still cuddle up on the sofa chatting while we paint out nails and discuss the hairstyles on the magazines.

However, I never thought that this was actually the last time Xiao Fei and I met.

A few days later, Xiao Fei left a few words and left. The news that she left home spread around.

Her parents once hated how she made them embarrassed, perhaps they wished she was never born but after she disappeared like they wished, they crazily looked all over for her but didn't have any news on her. Some people say that they saw her buy a train ticket to Guangzhou and some said they saw her buy a train ticket to Beijing.

Because I sold my bicycle, when mom and dad asked me, I was already too tired and couldn't be bothered making a lie. I simply told them the truth. I didn't expect that not only did they not get angry, dad even dragged his old friends who worked on the rail network to help search for Xiao Fei.

I started feeling a little remorseful and at unease because in this period of time, I had been cold towards them and they both seemed very thin and pallid.

Xiao Fei's parents went to Bejing. Later, they went to Guangzhou but they never found her. Xiao Fei's mom completely lost her sanity and went half mad. Xiao Fei's father became an alcoholic and never had the energy to hit people again.

After confirming that Xiao Fei really left, I wasn't able to sleep at night. I would feel regretful for a while, I shouldn't have lent her money and then I'd feel regretful over not giving her more money. As soon as I fell asleep, I would have nightmares that Xiao Fei bumped into bad people, that she had nothing to eat, that she had nothing to wear.

I wasn't able to eat anything and I couldn't sleep well. My body and my mental state were both falling apart.

Faced with my rapidly thinning body, mom and dad weren't able to shout or hit me, they could only urge my little sister to play with me more and used me to go to sketching classes, hoping that other things would be able to take my mind off my worry for Xiao Fei.

During the winter break, third year high school students still had to go to class but Xiao Bo gave up on his revision classes to accompany me as much as possible, telling me all kinds of reasoning. He told me that even if I wasn't there, Xiao Fei would still leave, I wasn't the one who caused her to leave. He analysed it, Xiao Fei leaving wasn't necessarily a bad thing, she left for a place where no one could recognise her, perhaps she could start afresh so she should be living happily. He also used popular television drama 'the Girl from the Outside' from a few years back as an example, although Xiao Fei only had middle school knowledge, she was very smart and wouldn't be worse off than the Chen Xiao Yi in the drama. Since Chen Xiao Yi was able to do well, Xiao Fei will also definitely find a job and take good care of herself.

One day, he gave up on his class and ran over to find me.

I was sitting on a stone bench watching him pass through the cold sunlight. Suddenly, I discovered that he was also very skinny.

All of a sudden, my tears started falling, unable to be held back. He didn't comfort me, he just quietly sat by my side. After crying for a long time, I told him, "Don't skip any more classes. You have to get into a good university. In the future, I can only go to the same university as you."

He replied, "Okay."

I no longer mentioned Xiao Fei again but inside, I would often ponder, why did everything become like this? During summer break, didn't we agree that we would study hard together, wasn't everything very promising? About Xiao Fei's abortion, only Xiao Fei, Xiao Fei's parents and me knew about it so who spread this out?

Although those guys violated Xiao Fei, they didn't know about Xiao Fei's abortion. Even though they wanted to flaunt it so they weren't able to keep it a secret and told other people, at the most, rumours would secretly spread between the students that Xiao Fei wasn't a virgin any more but the school never lacked in these kinds of rumours. Those 'non virgin' girls are still living very uprightly today.

I once asked Xiao Bo but he said that he didn't know.

Only a few years later did Zhang Jun tell me the cause, the rumours had started inside the hospital. The doctor and nurse who helped Xiao Fei with the abortion didn't comply with their medical ethics. They told the shocking story of giving an abortion to a young girl to their friends and family who then told their friends and family. In the end, one spread to ten, ten spread to a hundred and it became the best topic of idle chat and the people who knew about it grew more and more.

Those four boys showed off to their friends about what they did with Xiao Fei and it spread between the guys. Quite a lot of people knew that the 'Fei Er' in No.1 was no longer a virgin, at least, at the end of the second year of middle school, Zhang Jun had already heard 'Fei Er' had been penetrated.

When Xiao Fei's abortion rumours spread, the people who heard both rumours compared the rumours and pieced it together, resulting in the police investigation later on.

In this matter, Xiao Fei and the four boys all made a big mistake but the ones who made the biggest mistake was that group of doctors and nurses. If it wasn't for them, even if this was was a mistake, it was a mistake that could be corrected. However, they didn't give this group of teenagers a chance to return back. Instead, they brought about the tragedies of the families.

At the time, China's laws weren't perfect, otherwise, they should be brought to justice for leaking a patient's private matters. I can only curse them and hope that their consciences work so when they think of the tragedies of the five families, of the five teenagers that were ruined, they will have nightmares every night!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2. Guan He's Secret

People will like a pretty girl and they will respect a strong girl. When a girl becomes both pretty and strong, she will be invincible.

For the entire winter break, my life was a mess. The only normal thing I did was go and pay Teacher Gao a new year's call.

Teacher Gao already knew that Zhang Jun had been divided into the slow class, she also knew that my mid-semester exam results had slipped dramatically so she was feeling quite sad. She told me that although she had taught many students, she still thought that Zhang Jun and I were the most special out of all those students. As a teacher, what she feared the most was seeing students who were clearly naturally talented waste themselves.

She wasn't worried about Zhang Jun being divided into a slow class, she said that Zhang Jun's mind was stronger than many adults. On the surface he may seem like he doesn't care about anything and go with the tide but inside, he is very attentive towards himself and wouldn't be affected by other people's interferences.

However, she was very worried about me. On the surface I looked stubborn and cold, it seemed hard for me to be influenced by others but actually, I was very sensitive inside and easily affected by the world's interference. My grades sliding down quickly was enough to prove her analysis. She said that she didn't hope for my middle school exam to be exceptional but I had to at least make sure I could be able to get into a top high school.

When I left Teacher Gao's house, Zhang Jun was just parking his motorcycle outside. He was bent over with his head lowered so he didn't see me. I increased my walking speed, wanting to quickly walk past him.

"Hey!"

I didn't stop but I paused for a bit, not sure if he was calling me.

"Hey!"

I turned back, unsure.

"Ge Xiao Fei is very intelligent and also very strong, she will be able to get through it." He was standing beside his motorcycle looking at me.

Only then did I confirm he was talking to me. I felt that in an instant, all my unhappiness was welling up in my eyes.

He seemed like he wanted to say a lot but finally, he said, "Don't be too upset."

I was scared that the tears will fall if I opened my mouth so I just nodded then turned and left.

I felt a pair of eyes stare at me as I walked so I picked up the pace wanting to quickly escape it.

The new semester started, it was our last semester of middle school.

Although Xiao Fei's matters caused an uproar, with her disappearance, everything quickly turned back to normal. Especially during classes, the boys running on the field would be red in the face, energetic and vigorous, the girls would laugh as they eat ice cream, sharing gossip with delight. I didn't need to listen to know what they were talking about. Because, two years ago, I was one of them. Different people yet forever similar teenage lives, forever similar stories.

Sometimes, I find it really hard to believe, a person disappears just like that but this world is still revolving so vigorously, can't it feel our sadness?

The earth won't stop spinning for anyone. This is the most truthful phrase and also the most cruel.

Zhang Jun got a new girlfriend called Chen Yi Nan. She was a talented girl in our school and had once been the president of our school's radio station and the editor of the school newspaper.

We've talked before, after I participated in a few speech competitions and won a few awards, she came to invite me to join the school's radio station but I politely declined.

She is currently a third year in high school in the arts stream. Her grades for Chinese literature were extremely, extremely good.

Chen Yi Nan had no similarities with Zhang Jun's previous two girlfriends. The only similarity they shared was that they were all older than him. Everyone was taken aback back the news, unsure as to what part of Zhang Jun caught her eye.

Perhaps it was because of Xiao Fei and perhaps it was because I was numb but I didn't have the slightest feeling of heartbreak. I only thought that Zhang Jun seemed unable to stand the slightest bit of loneliness, the girl beside him always came and left, how long would this one stick for?

I started to diligently read Agatha Christie's novels. In the puzzles she laidout, I searched for clues to nail the murderer. As Xiao Bo was preparing hard for his gao kao, he was hardly ever in the karaoke bar so I didn't go to there much either. Everyday, after school, I either went home or to the library.

My life became very peaceful but in Guan He's eyes, I was giving up on myself. She worked hard in attempt to get closer to me but because of Xiao Fei, I had already locked the doors to friendship and I rejected her kindness.

But no matter how cold I was, she always pretended not to notice. She urged me to do my homework, to listen in class and to study well. She would come and find me to play and whenever there were classmate meetups, no matter how big or small, as long as she went, she would drag me along too. She reminded me of a Christian nun, trying to save me from the devil.

I was helplessly pulled into her friendship circle. In this circle, there was our class monitor, Li Shan, the poet, classmate Song Cheng and the pale and frail Wei Wei who we called Old Third because he was the third. There was also Wang Hao, the English class representative who was currently staying at his sister's house.

Guan He worked hard to make my life bright and colourful but I worked hard to cold and calm.

Song Chen was annoyed by me from early on and didn't like how I kept an expressionless face all day so he asked, "Why don't you smile? Don't you know that 'if you smile, you'll lose ten years'?"

I told him, "Do you know why it's 'if you smile, you'll lose ten years'? Because you smile too much, you'll grown wrinkles easily and become old. When someone asks for your true age, they'll be surprised, wow, it turns out you're actually so young."

Song Chen was speechless, although he was talented, he couldn't beat me in the logical thinking field even if he was riding eight horses.

Even though he didn't see eye to eye with me, with Guan He's cover, he couldn't do anything.

Guan He wasn't overly enthusiastic but she definitely wouldn't give up on me either.

One day, I forgot what the reason was but Guan He needed to go home and get something and dragged me along, wanting me to go and play at her house. After we went inside, I saw her er hu and asked her to play me a song so she played 'Night on the Grassland'.

"I remember when you transferred to our class, you played this song."

She was quite surprised, "You actually remember? This is my favourite song."

I remember everything related to her. What did Gu Long* say again? The person who understands you the most isn't a friend but, an enemy. Too bad Guan He is a good student and doesn't read Gu Long or else, she should really watch out around me.
*[Chinese novelist]

I asked her, "Who did you learn the er hu from?" Er hu teachers weren't easy to find, at least I've never seen er hu classes before.

"My dad taught me. He loves this song the most and plays it really well."

"Oh!" I nodded lightly, I saw the family photo on the wall of their living room, her dad was old and fat, his face was bulging with fat and I really couldn't see him as the talented type.

She sat there quietly for a while then, she suddenly pulled out a photo album and flipped it open to show me, "This is my dad's picture."

I looked at it dumbstruck, unable to help but take a closer look. The man in the picture looked scholarly with delicate and chiselled features. Because it was a black and white picture, it made him look even more refined.

Didn't this person change a bit too much? How could he have turned into the man in the living room picture?

I kept flipping through the album and after a while, I realised that they were all pictures of him when he was young, there wasn't even one picture of him as a middle aged man, plus, in the family pictures, there was only Guan He and her mom and dad, her brother and sister weren't there. Just as I was thinking about it, Guan He said, "My current father is my stepfather."

"Did your dad die of illness?"

Guan He shook her head and lightly said, "One year when he went on a business trip, he was driving on a narrow road, there were two cars driving in the opposite direction and needed to pass him. He accidentally put his head out the window and neither one of the drivers saw. His head was pulled off.

I was absolutely horrified. This was the scariest death I had heard of. If I didn't hear it personally, I would really want to fabricate a more common way of death such as liver cancer or lung cancer.

I only heard it once but for many years after, when I sat in a car, I didn't dare put my head out the window. Even when I put my hand out, I would first look around. I can't even imagine how big Guan He's psychological shadow must be.

Guan He seemed to have been unable to speak out her mind without reservation for many years and once she started, she couldn't stop, "My dad's surname is Xia*, because he likes lotus flowers, he gave me the name Xia He, hoping that I could be as touching as a lotus flower and that my character could also be as noble and unsullied as the flower. After he passed away, because mom didn't have a job, for the sake of raising me and giving me a good education, she married my current father and my surname changed from Xia to Guan."

"Is your current father good to you?"

Guan He replied lightly, "He's never mistreated me. He's a lot older than my mom and his previous wife had passed away leaving him with a son and two daughters. As long as I am obedient and hard working, he wouldn't specially make trouble for me. It's just harder to get along with my brother and sisters, however, I've become used to it over the years."

I started to understand where her maturity, her patience and reservedness, her perfect demeanour all came from. It was because she didn't have a family, she was living off other people, her mother depended on another family to take on the burden of her living fees and study expenses so, when other children were still innocently acting spoilt, she was already learning how to get along with her step father, brother and sisters.

Guan He smiled, "Our classmates look at me and assume I'm living in an excellent household but actually, they don't know that I could do many things since I was very young, I can make dumplings, wash clothes and clean the house. Most of my clothes are discarded from my sisters. My mom's hands are nimble and she uses the sewing machine to adjust them for me and they become very pretty. I actually don't have many clothes that are really mine."

Because she was smiling, when her lips curled up, there was an unusual kind of strength about it. I said, "You're pretty, you have a good temperament, it's only because it's you who is wearing the clothes that the classmates will take notice."

Guan He smiled but I couldn't tell if it was a mask or if she was truly smiling. She looked into my eyes and said, "Because I've had to watch a person's every mood since I was small, I've become a very sensitive person. After we became desk mates, I've felt that actually, we're kind of similar. It's just that you can resist and do what you want to do."

I looked at her dazedly. She smiled and held my hand, taking me outside. She half jokingly said, "Don't tell anyone where my house is, I don't need others to know that I'm Cinderella. I like to be a little princess."

I nodded and solemnly replied, "I won't tell anyone."

Although I looked very calm on the outside, not even giving Guan He any comforting words, my coldness had shattered in front of her. Even Teacher Wu could feel it, of the entire year, the only person I was unable to say "no" to was Guan He. If I was the Monkey King*, Guan He was my golden hoop. No matter how naughty I was, Guan He would always have a way to make me obedient.
*[The Monkey King is the main character in the novel, Journey to the West and the magical golden hoop around his head was used to control him as it tightened and gave him unbearable pain whenever he was disobedient.]

I started to enter Guan He's friendship circle. I would play chess with Li Shan, word games with Song Chen, Chinese chess with Wang Hao and bully Old Three with his girlfriend, forcing him to eat burnt eggplant and with every bite, he was forced to say, "Delicious." After our class meeting on Fridays, we would all go sing karaoke......

Without realising, I had stopped drifting away from people in our year, instead, slowly becoming a member of Class(4). I had a group of people I could mess around with and every day, every week, we had activities to do, I had no time to be lonely.

Real life has finally caught up with me. I don't even know how I spent so long on this post but I'm trying hard to find the time to translate so please bear with me. (●'◡'●)

Can I just do a quick shout out to all the translators who post consistently, you guys are amazing!!! T_T And also to my readers, (if I still have any that is haha), the patience you guys have to wait for my posts is truly awe inspiring!!! (●'◡'●) (●'◡'●) (●'◡'●)

Yay, finally, FINALLY, after 3 long years, Qi Qi and Zhang Jun talk to each other. However, not sure if it is really a good thing...

3. Only Wish This Is A Nightmare

No matter how big a mistake adults make, it's always their fault. However, a teenager's mistake is often half due their parents and half due to their ignorance towards life. There are many bumpy roads in life, perhaps after walking for some time, you will step on a bumpy road. Of course, a bumpy road is still a road, there are people who walk past different parts of the vast sky. However, if time can flow backwards, with a tired smile, they would rather choose to not step on that road.

For a very long time, I doubted the reality of this matter, I doubted that perhaps I had watched too many gangster films and created a fantasy. However, with the things that happened after this matter made me start realising that the effort to reorganize public order and crack down on criminals wasn't just a vague and general piece of news. In reality, it wasn't very far from us.

The city's television station wanted to do a special topic on graduating and the school got a few teachers and students to accept the interview. As I often participated in speech competitions, the teachers saw me as someone who spoke well so I was chosen as an interviewee.

I was told the questions early on and the answers were also prepared early on by the teachers so it was all a performance.

The people from the station set up first beside the table tennis tables to interview Chen Yuan Zhe, I was to be interviewed in the corridors of the graduating classes so I was standing on the side of the corridor waiting for them while silently going over the script the teachers had prepared.

I saw that they were nearly done so I quickly rushed to the bathroom in case I'll need to go to the bathroom when I get nervous.

The bathroom was next to the staircase and when I came out from the bathroom, I nearly collided without someone running up the stairs. I halted but the other person walked past me. However, after he walked a few steps forward, he immediately turned around, it was Zhang Jun.

It felt like he pretty much leaped in front of me. He handed me a black thing and said in a quiet voice, "Help me hide it."

It was a gun! I froze for a bit, my initial reaction was to immediately turn and walk to the toilets but when I got to the entrance of the female toilets, I realised, that's not right! It wasn't a good place to hide things. I thought for a bit then pulled my sweater up and stuffed the gun into my pants. I pulled my pants in tighter and after making sure that the gun was held in position in my waist area, I arranged my shirt, sweater and coat into place and walked out as if I had just finished using the bathroom. I walked back to the place where our interview was going to be held.

Zhang Jun was sitting inside the classroom. When I passed his class, our eyes met, it seemed like we exchanged a lot, but it also seemed as we if didn't express anything.

Just as I got to the corridor of our classroom, the reporter, the filmer, headmaster and a few other teachers came up.

After the reporter reminded me of a few things I should keep in note, we started filming.

"Do you thinking there is a lot of pressure from studying?"

I smiled, "There is quite a bit of pressure."

"Is this pressure from your teachers or your parents?"

"I think there is some from both plus my expectations for myself......"

A few people wearing police uniforms came up from the stairs. When they saw us filming, they looked stunned and stopped in their steps. Our headmaster immediately went to talk with them. The reporter and filmer both curiously looked and them. I don't know what they were talking about in low voices but the headmaster's expression changed drastically. He said a few words to the head of the Chinese department and left with the police.

After watching a few of the police part and go to each class, I already understood why they were here.

The head of the Chinese department laughed and invited the reporter to finish the interview downstairs. Although the reporter was curious, Chinese news stations back then would never go digging up news. Their focus was to guide and publicize a healthy and stable social atmosphere, so they followed the department head downstairs.

When we came out of the middle school department, there were policemen guarding outside. Their expressions were stern but after seeing the reporter and filmer, they became very polite. Added to the fact that the headmaster had probably already explained about us, we only exchanged a few words and after checking our identities, we were free to leave. The police didn't even look twice at me, a girl wearing glasses and dressed simply with her hair in a ponytail.

When we passed them and got ready to start the interview again did I finally relax.

I was very compliant and tried my best to express through the image of a graduating student that the adults were looking for. The reporter and the teachers were all very satisfied and the filmer praised me as being very photogenic. One of the directors proudly said, "No.1 focuses on developing all aspects of a student, we don't just see admission rates as our only goal. The school will work hard to create new opportunities for our students and let them develop their strengths. Student Luo Qi Qi has represented our school in many speech competitions and gained lots of training through it."

As the camera was not closed, the filmer recorded down the directors words also. The reporter said on the side, "This is also quite a good point. Later we can do back and discuss it with our leader to add this part in. It'll add to the graduates' school life experience."

The director never expected himself to also be on film so he happily accompanied the reporter and filmer to the high school department, "Next up are a few third year students."

The camera was closed and everyone was very relaxed. The reported talked with anticipation, "I head our deputy director's son, Chen Jing, is currently studying in No.1"

The head laughed, "Yes, Student Chen Jing is very outstanding..." He started gossiping about everything related to Chen Jing as the reporter and filmer listened with gutso, it clearly seemed more interesting to them than interviewing some third year high school students.

Seeing that they weren't paying attention to me, I pretended to be interested and walked with them. However, our teachers were also quite crafty, before we had got to the high school department, they had already discovered my scheme. One of the teachers said, "Luo Qi Qi, you......"

Before they finished speaking, I quickly added, "I was desk mates with Chen Jing in primary."

Chen Jing was the most talented student in the history of No. 1 and added to the fact that he came from a very good family background, his charms were irresistible. There were many versions of stories regarding how smart he was. The teachers didn't seem to be the slightest bit tired of circulating his stories and the people from the television station were all partly curious about the private life of their deputy director so everyone grew interest and immediately looked at me. There was no other mention of wanting me to go back to class.

As I walked, I shared stories about Chen Jing, of how he never needed to listen to class, how he liked to guess riddles, how he could skip grades early on, how he actually really hated our maths teacher, how his mom wanted him to skip grades but his dad didn't agree. Of course, I also shared some half true confidential anecdotes from our time together as desk mates.

After I gossiped all the way to the third years' building and they started preparing for the interview, the teachers momentarily forgot to rush me back to class to work hard studying so I quietly watched from a corner.

A trainee from the television station asked me, "Are you very interested in interviews?"

I flashed a dazzling smile, "My dream is to become a female journalist, it'll be best if I can be a journalist on the front lines of battle."

The teachers all laughed, they probably thought I was too innocent inside but on the outside, they tried not to extinguish my dream so no one urged me to go back. The trainee by my side even enthusiastically gave me a few pointers.

As we weren't able to get a shot of the classroom back then, this time they made up for it by placing the representative in front of a class of students studying.

Xiao Bo was inside the classroom studying and didn't even bother to take a look, seemingly not a bit interested in what was going on. This guy is working a bit too much!

Finally, he seemed to sense something and raising his head, he saw me standing behind the filmer staring at him and making funny faces. A flash of surprise shot through his eyes and after looking at me for a few seconds, he smiled and lowered his head to continue reading.

I saw that everyone was looking at the camera and no one was paying any attention to me so I continued to stare at him. He seemed to know that I was staring at him as he changed his position and put his hand on his forehead, making actions to express that I should retrain myself. I laughed and decided not to look at him any more.

There was a gun pressed to my tummy but I wasn't the slightest bit nervous. At the start, I was a bit uncomfortable due to the icy coldness of the gun but now, the steel was already the same temperature as my body so I didn't even have any discomfort. I seem to have the natural endowments of being a bad person.

After they finished interviewing that student, the reporters started preparing to interview another student and needed to change the scene. The trainee asked if I wanted to go along too but I shook my head, "I've already feasted my eyes enough today, now I have to go back and study."

The trainee was very nice, "Study hard. I hope you'll become an outstanding journalist quickly."

I smiled and bid them farewell.

After they left, I immediately moved over to the window and shouted softly to Xiao Bo, "Give me your bicycle keys."

Xiao Bo didn't ask me for the reason, he threw the keys to me and said, "It's parked in front of the building near the trees. It's not at the bike shed."

"Help me get my bag after school."
I made a funny face at him then immediately ran down the other set of stairs and rode Xiao Bo's bike out of the school. Only outside the school did I dare to move the gun to my coat pocket.

I rode on the bicycle like I was running for my life. I managed to ride non-stop for an hour and finally got to a piece of undeveloped land with no one around. I hid in a remote corner and taking the gun out, I looked over it in detail. The heaviness made it feel completely different to a toy.

I played with it for a while before I took out my woollen gloves and carefully wiped the gun clean of fingerprints. Although I highly doubted our city's police had the ability to tell fingerprints, I didn't watch television dramas and read detective novels for nothing. After it was wiped clean, I dug a whole and buried it inside.

After I made sure the area looked the same as its surroundings, I walked backwards while using my gloves to brush away my footprints. I then specially went to another area and left some footprints there. Perhaps it was unnecessary but it's best to be careful.

I jumped on the bicycle and rode back. The sky was already dark by the time I went to find Xiao Bo. My bicycle and bag were both with him.

He looked at me and said, "Today the police flipped the middle school department upside down. I heard that they even searched the toilets. Zhang Jun and Hao Lian were taken away, apparently they're being investigated."

I didn't make any sound. Seeing that I wouldn't talk, Xiao Bo lightly said, "This year they're cracking down on crime so no matter what you do, you have to clearly consider the consequences first." He handed my school bag to me, "Quickly go home, your mom is going to worry."

I smiled to him apologetically then flew back home on my bike.

I don't know what reaction other people would have after doing something bad but I didn't have any unhealthy thoughts. I ate normally, watched television like usual, I even continued to read Agatha Christie's novels like usual. Then I went to bed.

Lying on the bed, I thought about Zhang Jun for a bit then slowly fell asleep.

In the middle of the night, I suddenly woke up full of sweat. In my dream, Zhang Jun was locked inside jail.

I clutched my blankets tightly with my eyes open in a daze. I didn't dare to close my eyes because as soon as I closed my eyes, I'll be taken back to the scene in the dream.

In the morning, I went to school like usual. Everyone had a weird look in their eyes, yesterday's incident probably rocked everyone up.

Although we often saw the police carry out their official duties on television, when it actually happened by us, no one was used to it.

Guan He asked me, "Where were you yesterday?"

"My period came and my pants got dirty. I thought that since we didn't have any lessons, I might as well rush home."

Guan He sympathised with me, "Being a girl is so annoying."

I nodded.

Guan He whispered, "Did you hear? Zhang Jun was taken away by the police."

"Huh? No wonder everyone seems weird today. Why?"

"I don't know. The teachers searched through our bags and tables. They even called out lots of people who knew Zhang Jun and Hao Lian and asked them questions individually." Guan He was in a daze, after a very long time, she whispered to me, "Tong Yun Zhu lives close to my house. Sometimes we'd go home together. Yesterday after school, I saw Tong Yun Zhu crying. Before, I had heard......" She paused. I quietly looked at her. She finally decided to trust me, "I heard that Hao Lian takes drugs. Tong Yun Zhu tried to cut off his supply many times and he's also agreed to quit but he'd always start again after some time."

Tong Yun Zhu is one of the prettiest girls in our year. Added to the fact that she was Mongolian, and can sing and dance, she was in charge for her class' cultural performance every year so she was very well known in our year. However, the only things I've heard about Hao Lian is that he was Tong Yun Zhu's boyfriend and that he's been kept a year. However, he was a pretty decent guy and didn't cause much trouble so I don't know what he looks like exactly. But this is really like that old phrase- a dog that bites doesn't bark. The boys who are most infamous in school, who fight and drink and smoke aren't actually the worst people.

"Is Zhang Jun close with Hao Lian?"

"No, Zhang Jun and Tong Yun Zhu are very close but he hasn't had much interaction with Hao Lian."

I let out my breath, that's fine then.

Later, Teacher Wu asked me why I didn't go back to self study after my interview yesterday. I told her the same excuse. Seeing that this was a special situation plus I was always disorganized and without discipline, Teacher Wu thought that me disappearing was completely normal.

I continued to go to school and go home was if nothing had happened but I paid special attention to all the gossip, yearning to hear any news related to Zhang Jun. However, the little rumours the students spread around became more and more ridiculous. They said that he was taking drugs and then they said he was dealing drugs. Although I don't know what exactly Zhang Jun did with Little Six, I believed my intuition and Teacher Zhang's judgement that he wasn't someone who was easily led astray. He should be very clear to what drugs were and I don't believe he would touch them.

As the days past by, Zhang Jun was still locked in the police station. I started becoming worried but I didn't dare to reveal it, on the outside, I had to look the same as before. It was at this time that I discovered that actually, that year when I stood on the table tennis tables under the stares of the crowd, forcing myself to smile then was nothing.

Two weeks later, we had out mid-semester exam but Zhang Jun still wasn't back. After the exams, it wasn't until our results were announced that he finally came back.

In the moment I saw him in the corridor, I finally felt the knife that was stabbed into my heart get pulled out. Inside, joy and sorrow were swirling around but I was expressionless on the outside like usual and I walked past him to the classroom. Zhang Jun probably received a lot of 'education' inside the police station, he looked haggard and sported a moustache but he seemed not the slightest bit interested in his appearance.

Although Zhang Jun came back, he ignored me and I ignored him.

I improved by twenty places in my mid-semester exam results and was now ranked in the middle of the class. My parents' expectations of me were always very low so they were pretty happy to see me improve. Teacher Wu however, was still disappointed, this was her first class in No.1 and when she accepted this class, I was already presumed to be the student who will bring her glory and help her have a steady footing in No.1 but now, I was letting her down.

Xiao Bo's mid-semester exam results, no, I should call it his practice exam results were very good, he was placed 49th in his year level.

Another week passed. One day, when I was riding my bicycle home, a person rode to my side. From the corner of my eye, I saw that it was Zhang Jun so I ignored him. When we got to the roundabout, he used his bike to block me and didn't let me turn so I could only keep riding with him.

He lead me to the side of the river then stopped riding, "Where's the thing?"

"Thrown away." After speaking, I pressed down on my bicycle wanting to leave but he pulled me back, "I'm not joking with you, return it to me."

"I said I threw it away, if you have the ability then go to the rubbish dump to find it."

"That thing has an owner. If I don't return it, he'll be very angry."

I sneered, "I'm so scared! Go tell him to come find me instead!"

He stared at me. I put my chin up and stared back at him. Who was afraid of who?

He was quiet for a while then asked, "What do you want to remember where you threw it?"

I stared at him but didn't speak.

He softened his tone, "If I don't return it, I'll be in trouble."

I coldly said, "I think you'll have trouble if you take it back. In the 'People's Republic of China Criminal Law', Article 125 states that: illegal storage of firearms, ammunition and explosives will lead to more than three years in jail; if the circumstances are serious, it will lead to more than ten years imprisonment, life imprisonment or death!"

He quietly looked at me without speaking then started laughing. This was the first time I saw him laugh since the incident happened.

I felt a sense of frustration. I forcefully threw away his hand and started riding my bike to leave. He hurriedly grabbed the back of my bike and pulled me back.

He thought for a while then said, "In the two weeks that I was locked up, the things I should think about, the things that I shouldn't think about, things in the past, things in the future, I've thought about them all. The taste of being inside there isn't that great, at the time, I was really pretty scared I'd stay in there from then on."

"You mean you regret all your past actions?"

He didn't reply. I stared at him for a while then said, "Get on."

He immediately went to get his own bicycle. I lead him to the place I hid the gun and dug it out.

He wanted to hold it but I grasped the gun and asked, "Is there are bullet inside?"

He nodded.

"Do you know how to use it?"

He nodded again.

"How do you use it? On television they keep talking about a safety bolt, where is it?

He smiled, "This is a double action trigger, there isn't the so called safety bolt on this. If you press down hard enough and pull the trigger twice, the bullet will come out."

I gripped the gun and got into a pose I learnt from TV then aimed the gun at him. He laughed, "This isn't fun."

I asked, "What do you like to eat the most?"

He looked at me in astonishment. I sternly said, "Reply to me!"

"Braised fish."

"Do you like your mom and dad?"

"No."

"Which brother in law do you like the most?"

"My second brother in law."

My words came out faster and faster, leading him to also speed up his answers.

"Which sister do you like the most?"

"My fourth sis."

"Who are you most thankful towards?"

"Teacher Gao."

"Who do you hate the most?"

"Grandma."

"Which girlfriend do you like the most?"

"All......" He paused, "My current one."

I pretended not to pay attention and continued, "Which classmate do you like the most?"

"They're all the same."

"Who do you like?"

He laughed. I angrily waved the gun, "Don't laugh! Can't you see I'm holding a gun?"

"Didn't you just ask? My current girlfriend ah!"

I randomly made up a few other questions and after he answered them all, I returned the gun to him, "Wipe my fingerprints off, if you go to prison, don't mention me at all or else even if I die, I'll still come back to get revenge on you." I stood up and turned to leave. Behind me, he shouted, "Luo Qi Qi."

I looked back, he walked in front of me, gripping the gun with both hands. He pulled the latch and there was the sound of a click. He pointed the gun to my forehead and said, "I forgot to teach you this just then. Now the bullet is inside the gun and can be used."

I snorted and said in disdain, "You don't dare to shoot the gun!"

Just as I finished speaking, I heard him pull the trigger. My body started trembling involuntarily. His stare was ice cold but the gun pressed to my forehead was even colder. It was the first time I thought that those people calling him 'Brother Jun' was absolutely justified.

Many times, when something happens too quickly, a lot of people will have a moment of courage. However, sometimes, when you have the time to think the situation through in your head, you will feel completely different, courage doesn't grow with time, it dissipates.

Right now, I had that feeling. I went from scoffing at him at the start to gradually believing that he could really pull the trigger. Like solving a geometry problem, I rapidly analysed the situation in my mind. Even if he killed me, no one will know. First, I've never mixed with him before, we haven't talked once in our three years; secondly, no one knew that I hid the gun for him even less that I would be out in this uninhabited area; and lastly, as long as he tinkers with my body after he kills me, he can easily mislead the police to another direction. Plus, I believe that the investigation skills of our police can't compare to the detectives in Agatha Christie's novels......

"It's my turn to ask you questions. When I ask, you have to immediately answer, you're not allowed to think over it." His voice broke my train of thoughts.

"What do you like eating the most?"

"Lamb skewers."

"Do you like your parents?"

"No."

"Do you like your little sister?"

"No."

"Which relative do you like the most?"

"Grandpa."

"Where is he?"

"Dead."

"Who are you most thankful towards?"

"Teacher Gao."

"Who do you hate the most?"

Teacher Zhang."

"Is Xu Xiao Bo your boyfriend?"

"No."

"Do you love Xu Xiao Bo?"

"No."

"Who is your best friend?"

"Xiao Fei."

He looked at me and didn't ask any more. "Have you finished asking?"

He took the gun away and I immediately ran to my bike and rode away, wanting to flee from him as fast as possible.

———————————————————————-

"Qi Qi took 'Dream of the Red Chamber', sat at the edge of the bed and flipped through it.

Claiming the credit, Yuan Yuan asked: "How is it? I've preserved your treasures perfectly for you." She opened the cupboard beneath the bookshelf, "The sealed box that you personally signed is here, I've never opened it to look inside."

Qi Qi silently gazed fixatedly on the box. Yuan Yuan laughed and said: "Have a good rest, after you've rested, I'll take you to eat street snacks. "

Qi Qi took out the box but didn't open it, only using her finger to gently stroke the signature on the box. The signature was written on the graduating day of her senior year in high school. She was only 17 then.

After all these years, she couldn't actually remember too clearly what exactly the box contained. She quietly sat for a while, then put the box back into the bookshelf cupboard beside her bed.

After taking a shower, Luo Qi Qi sent Shen Yuan Zhe, Yang Jun and Lin Yi Ran an email. They were the only remaining friends she had from middle school. After going overseas, she lost contact with them and was now unsure if the email would be of any use.

....

After arriving at the guest house, the sun had already set.
After Luo Qi Qi had taken a shower, she lay on bed, tossing around, unable to sleep.
After coming back to this city, she had been in a trance the entire time and was still faintly excited.
As she wasn't able to fall asleep, she got up. Standing on the balcony, she looked into the distance at the city's tiny lights but wasn't able to see which one of lights was her home.
After all these years have passed, this place still held on to her heart.

Psychologist Dr Sigmund Freud believed that a person's actions are affected by their childhood influences so all causes have to be traced to the place where life first started..."

Her only remaining friends: Shen Yuan Zhe, Yuan Jun and Lin Yi Ran.

*The character for Shen can also be Chen and I've been using Chen in most of my posts.

FRIENDS AND CLASSMATES

Ge Xiao Fei (GONE)
-Qi Qi's best (and oldest) friend.
-Were in same primary class in Year 2 before Qi Qi transferred.
-Met again in middle school.
-Deeply infatuated with Wang Zheng but started hanging out with the wrong crowd and getting drunk after he rejected her.
-Got gang raped and had an abortion which got revealed and spread like wildfire.
-Secretly left the city and has never been seen again.
Last appeared in: Chapter 7.1

Wang Zheng (GONE)
-Object of Xiao Fei's deep infatuation however does not recprocate her feelings back.
-Did not get into high school and refused to go to technical school.
-Used to play drums at the dance hall.
-Left for Guangdong to pursue music

Chen Song (GONE)
-Was in middle school class as Qi Qi
-Smartest in the class but due to financial hardships at home, left for technical school so that he could enter the workforce earlier.
-Asked Qi Qi to study hard for her end of year exam (she ended up getting top in the class and thus was divided into a good class for her last year of middle school).

Zhang Jun
-Qi Qi's current crush
-Were in the same primary class in Year 4
-Became good friends after they joined the maths competition together.
-Qi Qi heard he had a crush on Guan He thus felt hurt and started ignoring him.
-Currently in the same middle school.
-Have not talked since primary.
-Has had 2 girlfriends.
-Is in Little Six's gang.

Xiao Bo
-Qi Qi's best friend
-Met when Qi Qi chanced upon Brother Li's game house.
-Currently in last year of high school.
-Currently...GONE!? MIA in another province.
-Last mentioned in: Chapter 8.1

Brother Li
-Sees Qi Qi as his little sister
-Is a successful businessman with a game house, karaoke bar and dance hall.

Wu Zei
-Also sees Qi Qi as a little sister
-Likes to tease Qi Qi
-Graduated from technical school and is currently working for Brother Li
-Currently..IN JAIL!?
-Last mentioned in: Chapter 8.1

Enchantress
-Wu Zei's girlfriend, wants to marry him but his family disapproves of her.

Chen Jin
-Desk mates with Qi Qi during primary
-Child prodigy, left for middle school early.
-Currently in high school.

Guan He
-Transferred to Qi Qi's class in primary and they are currently in the same class as desk mates.
-Rumoured to have been Zhang Jun's crush in primary.
-Very beautiful, smart and talented.
-Qi Qi's 'rival' in love and the person she envies/admires the most.

Chen Yuan Zhe
-Met in middle school
-President of student council and class monitor.
-Has younger sister, Chen Yuan Si.
-Currently isn't very close with Qi Qi.

Li Shen
-Same class during first year of middle school
-Tried to push Qi Qi out of their group

Ni Qing
-Same class during first year of middle school
-Tried to push Qi Qi out of their group

Lin Lan
-Same class during first year of middle school
-Her mother divorced her father for a younger guy.
-Became incredibly close to Qi Qi after this.

Li Shan
–Currently class monitor
-Does the blackboard bulletins with Qi Qi and Guan He