It started young, unseen and unknown. A sad feeling among happy ones. Blooming out of the various trust issues and insecurities that gave light to a whole other world. A darker, unseen and unknown world.

See, depression is not a trend it is a trench.
The type of trench that i can not crawl out of, the type that makes my hands shake as my heart picks up and my legs weak with lost adrenaline. Everything will feel lost.

My throat will constrict as a seemingly endless fall of tears pour rapidly out my eyes, due to the array of problems my heart can not handle. You will call me a disappointment and tell me they hate me, and my world will come to light. I will loose sense of my future, my past, and suddenly--only the present is existent. 

I'll explode, and my feelings will leave me unable to function right. The coping mechanisms aren't ideal, but sometimes, if I squint, you might see me willingly smiling.

There is no words for the feelings though. It's like having a bucket of emotions poured onto your being. The only thing you focus on is wanting to end the brisk slideshow of an array of feelings, so you do.

We all have ways of coping, of course. The girl in the back of the class scars her wrists, feeling remorseful.
The boy who gets beat drinks away his problems.
Some, they make others feel like shit.

Me, I drown my sorrows, looking for any thing to do it with. Be it with harsh words, my own blood, or the bitter taste of whiskey at 12 o'clock at night.

Anything to get rid of this, even for a moment. Maybe in that moment, the normal feeling of happiness will creep up and hold me like someone surprising their lover. But now, the feeling is foreign.