"The thing about pain is that,
It demands to be felt."
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There are many decisions that we've to take in life. Some decisions are based on belief, some based on trust and some are because we just have to.
But today I don't want to decide. I want to be a coward. Why can't I just ignore? Why can't I just forget? What are my faults? Why do I have to get punished for something I can't even remember fully?

I want to be selfish if that's what will it take to stay beside that man. I want to be a coward, if that's what will make it possible for me to stare at those eyes. But I can't do that. Not because I'll feel guilty. It's because I love him...more than I've ever loved anyone.
And that's how I know that sometimes, leaving is the only option left , doesn't matter whatever you want.
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His hands were still gripping my shoulder tightly while those cold emotionless eyes kept looking at me. The silence that surrounds us were so loud that for a moment I thought I can hear my own heart beat.
Even though his demeanor screamed distance, aloofness, I just can't help it. My fingers found their own way, touching his cheek softly trying to remember the feeling.
As soon as my fingers touched him, he pressed his lips together tightly looking like he's on the edge. As if his limit was finally breaking.

"Zack....." A quiet whisper left my lips unknowingly and just like that those hard emeralds melted as a deep sigh him. For the first time I can see that he was struggling too...maybe more then I was.

But before I can say anything he pulls me towards his body, engulfing me in his arms.
"Eliza..."His voice sounded so broken. It hurts me. Am I the reason for it?
"I don't know what to believe anymore...Eliza...I'm drowning...." A tear left my eyes.
"Won't you save me....Please....save me...." His voice broke down in the end. It pained me to see him like this. Lucas was right. I did destroyed him.
He pulls back slightly to look at me and I gasp. There were tears falling from his eyes.

"I won't believe anything or anyone." His voice was laced with hopefulness and desperation.
"Just say it. Say that this all are lies. I promise Eliza, I'll never doubt you. I'll never look for any answers. Just say it..."

But how can I? I know he'll do just as he said but I can't deceive him like this. And I also know one thing then. This man will come back to me even if it pained him greatly.
That's why right there I took a decision. There was only one way he'll leave me..he'll move on. And the name of that way is hate.
With a strength I didn't know I own, I slowly pulled back from him untangling his arms from around me.

His eyes filled with confusion but still firmly set on me.
"I...I can't. " It was taking all of my effort to not look away from those still confused tear filled eyes.

"I......" I gulp down to clear the lump."I was that person. "

At first nothing happened. He just stared at me blankly then slowly began to step back...from me and it hurts....It hurts like hell. He finally set on the table as if he doesn't have the strength to stand up suddenly.

I opened my mouth again. "I'm the reason you've no father."

"Stop it." He says quietly.

"I'm the reason your father died that night."

"Stop it." He whispers again.

"I'm that girl, Zack. The one who killed your father. "

"I SAID STOP IT." He screamed loudly.

But I didn't. I kept on talking, kept on acting as if I wasn't hurting, as if my world wasn't breaking apart.
"Everything you said earlier is true." Don't cry...not now, not now.

He looks at me with a blank expression on his face. Many times his lips parted as if trying to say something but couldn't find the words. He finally looked away from me staring outside the window.
"Were you....." He gulped down trying to control his emotions.
"Were you ever going to tell me...." His eyes fell on me again.

This is the moment. I can answer. Say the truth that yes...I was. But it won't help. He needs to hate me...that's the only way he'll move on.
I look straight at his eyes without blinking and said what I never meant.
"No."

And it worked. Those eyes that used to look at me with infinite love was now filled with what I can only assume is...hatred. Just what you wanted, Liza . Just what you wanted. But then why is it hurting so fucking much.

"When we met, you knew who I was...didn't you?" His voice held no accuse but his eyes were burning with hatred reaching into my soul...destroying it painfully.

I tried to not let any tear falls as I answers him.
"Yes....I did." Come on Liza. Just a little more. You can do it. You've to do it. "I knew everything. "

A humourless laugh escaped his lips.
"And here I thought that you loved me." He looks at me. "That maybe you're not like everyone. I WAS SUCH A FOOL. NOTHING BUT A BIG FUCKING FOOL..." His pained filled screaming made me flinch slightly.
"I thought that I finally found my home...my place in the world. That I found the one person who mattered the most. I...I loved you...with my everything..." His voice turns quite. "When you...You were just after my money."

No....no. I only wanted you. I would've been happy if I could just have you in my life. That's what I wanted to say. But no words came out.

He stood up and slowly began to walk towards me.He stood right in front of me. So close. I can touch him if I want. Everything in me was yearning for it. But I don't think I have that right anymore.

He looks at me for what felt like eternity before speaking.
"Those mischievous smiles that I love so much, that always had the power to change my day from worse to best were all an act...?"
His eyes dare me to deny it...but I really don't have any other choice.

So I nod my head cause I'm sure I was just one word away from breaking apart.

"Those blue eyes that watched me with worry when I had panic attack....were all just an act?"

I nod my head again. Looks like I'm becoming good at it.

He came even closer to me
"When you said that you love me...my whole world changes...I changed that day. Every pain I've ever had disappeared just like that. Was that an act too?"
A tear escaped his eyes as I nod my head again. I was really becoming a good actress.

He looked at me silently then cupped my cheek making me look straight at his eyes. And I saw...The pain..The hatred...The loathing.... I saw everything.

"Elizabeth Rowell...." His breath washed over my face. That sweet smell increased my craving to touch him. To embrace him. But I remained still as a statue...hiding myself away.
"Many people came in my life and then went away. Some were bad..Some were worse. But you..." His eyes turn hard as he stare at me. "You're the worset among them. Absolutely the best."

With that he let go of me. Walking away, turning his back to me. He didn't looked back or he would've noticed the tear that left my eye. I quickly wipe it away.
You've made a decision, Liza. Now stick to it.

"So..I guess this is it then." I said in a careless voice when inside I was anything but that.
"This is over then."

He didn't turned towards me.His eyes were outside the window as a chuckle left his lips.
"How can it be over when there was nothing to began with."

Nothing! There was nothing between us! We...We were nothing. Looks like he just wants to forget me now. But I'll never be able to do that. Those days I had with him, I'll always treasure them. Always.
"Good...well I guess this is goodbye."
I blink back my tears while turning away. I need get out now. I can't bear it anymore. I just can't. But before I can his voice stopped me.

"Eliza..Did you ever even for a second loved me?"
In that moment I was really grateful that he wasn't looking at me or he would've noticed my tears right away.

I took a deep breath and then told him the biggest lie of my life before walking away from him.
"No"
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I don't know how I came here or what time it was. Everything was blurry. But I needed to do this. The last step of my plan.

She opened the door at the first knock as of she was already waiting. I can hear her gasp by seeing me.
"Liza..you're soaked. Come inside. " Melissa worriedly said.

I shook my head." No, I just needed to make sure of something. " I said hurriedly. I don't know for how much time I'll be able to keep this facade up.

Melissa's eyes turned guilty.
"I did it. I did as you asked. I told him everything. "

"That's not why I'm here. I already know it." My heart squeezed in pain again at the reminder.
"I'm here because I need a promise from you. "

She looks at me with confusion.
"What promise?"

"Melissa....that man" I blink back my tears. "That man is lonely. He'll never say it but he is. I won't be with him anymore. But you can. "

"What are you trying to say? " She looks even more confused now.

"Be with him because...."I gulp down again. Damn it. Why can't these tears stop.
"Because I can't be anymore. He'll forgive you after knowing your reason. And then..." I looked down trying to control myself. "Then you'll be together. "Even that thought is hurtful.
"Promise me that you won't leave him alone, that he'll be happy. He deserve it. More than anyone. I..." I tried to suppress my sobs." I can't give him that. You can."

"Liza..." She began to say something but I stopped her.

"Just promise me you'll keep him happy...Please. "

"But..."

"Give me this much. I'll never be able to stay away from him without knowing this. And I...I need to stay away. Please Melissa...." I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand then looks at her.

She keeps staring at me with sympathy then slowly came towards me taking my hand in her.
"I promise."

It's like I can finally breath now.
"Thank you. Thank you..." I gave her a small smile and turned away to go.

"Liza..."Her voice stopped me as I turn towards her.
"Why...."She asked confusedly. "Why did you do it? Why did you make me say those things to him."Her brows narrowed in confusion. "He never has to know....Then why?"

A ghost of a smile appeared on my lips as I looked at her.
"Because I love him." With that I left her standing there looking confusedly after me.
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It took me five minutes to get in a cab and less than one second to break down completely. This time I couldn't control my sobs or those stubborn tears.

Everything was over. My whole world was finished just like that.

As I told before, sometimes we just have to take a decision. I did too without the knowledge that the decision I took that night was the worst thing I've ever done in my life. And as long as I'll live, I'll always regret it...always.
But even now the one thing I'll always regret most is doubting his love. He told me it was powerful...I should've listened.
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A huge thanks to all of you who read my story and are liking it so much. Thanks guys.
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Till next time...goodbye.