January

It has been officially three months since I have left Atlanta. That was the hardest thing I ever thought I would have to do. Now as I sit here in my new office at my desk I feel like I left my heart in Atlanta. I keep looking at the picture of me and Que from his Album release party and how we looked so happy and so in love. I wish things could go back to the way that they were. I have to say that I have really been busy with doing interviews and now I have to do a photo shoot this week that I really am not looking forward to but this is what comes with the territory. I rose from seat and looked out the window at how beautiful the city was. LA is a very beautiful city and there is so much to do but I still have a lot to get used to. While I was looking out the window I heard a knock on my door.

"Come in." I yelled.

Amber my assistant came in with a mocha latte. She gave me my latte and I looked at her because Amber was a pretty girl she stood about 5 foot 4 inches with a short spiky haircut. She was light skinned and she had a small frame but was very curvy.

"So January how about we go out and hit the town tonight. I mean you have been here for three months and you stay so secluded."

"Amber I told you I just want to focus on my career. I didn't come here to have a good time. Maybe to shop and sight see but no clubbing."

She looked at me like I was totally insane.

"Why the hell not January? I mean you are in LA for God's sake."

"Amber I know but my heart ain't it." I don't think my heart will ever be in it because my heart is somewhere else. I thought to myself.

I took a couple sips from my latte while Amber just kept staring at me like I was crazy.

"Umm Amber what the hell? You just gone stare at me the whole time you are in here."

She smiled showing her dimples. She was looking at me as if she was trying to figure something out.

"You know you are really a pretty girl but I can't figure out why you insist on staying hidden in your work and at home."

I sighed because Amber was always digging trying to figure shit out that really didn't concern her at all. I mean she is cool but I just really don't won't people all in my business like that. I don't trust easily after all the shit I have been through.

"Look Amber I have my reasons for being the way that I am. Just know that it is nothing against you, but I don't trust nobody. I been through a lot of shit and I don't have time for all the extra."

Amber raised her hands in defeat and let it go for now but knowing her she would keep digging and begging me to hit the town with her. When she finally left I went back to my seat and I started going over my monthly sales from my makeup. I had really been doing good and I was really proud of myself and my marketing team. My office phone buzzed and it was Amber telling me that I had a visitor. I was thinking to myself who in the hell would be coming to see me and how they knew where JS cosmetics was located. I rose from my desk and told Amber to send them in. When I looked up I couldn't stop the smile on my face when I saw my father.

"Hey dad." I said walking to him and giving him a big hug.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well I thought I would come and visit my daughter and see how you were doing out here in LA."

"I'm good just working as usual."

He walked around my office looking at everything and smiling in the process. He stopped at my desk and picked up the picture of Que and I. Before I knew it I felt a tear slide down my cheek.

"Sweetheart I know you still love him and you miss him. Have you talked to him since you been out here?"

"No daddy I haven't. The first month I was here he called and sent me texts but I never would respond."

"Dad I really don't want to discuss this right now. I said quickly changing the subject. "So how his mom and the rest of the family?"

"Well your mom is getting stronger everyday and she wanted to come with me but I told her to wait until next time. Your sisters have opened up a shoe and clothing boutique called Rhapsody Style."

"Oh really I am so happy for them as well as proud."

"What about Alicia?"

"Oh she has been doing back to back photo shoots. Her and Issa are still together. Johntae is still doing therapy but I think he is still upset with you because when I bring up your name he shuts down."

I couldn't even say anything because I know that everyone was still feeling some type of way. I know Jacquees was still feeling some type of way, that I could put money on.

"I tell you what dad I will come home for Christmas which is three months away but don't mention it to the rest of them." I said hoping that would appease my dad for the time being. "So where are you staying?"

"Oh I am headed back as soon as I leave here. I was actually conducting some business here and thought I would visit."

"I am glad you did. Have a safe trip back and I love you."

"I love you too sweetheart."

Jacquees

I had just left out of the studio working with the homie August. I was on my way back home to just chill and relax because it had been a long day. Really it had been a long week.  Everything around me reminded of January. No matter how much I want to hate her I can't because I love her too much. Since she has been gone girls been throwing themselves at me but I just don't feel like being bothered. I had tried contacting her for a full month but she wouldn't respond to me at all. I still think back to that day when I got home and found that letter. I can't believe that she feels the way that she does. After all the shit we went through she honestly thinks that she don't deserve me or my love. Truth of the matter is I don't deserve how she just left without a goodbye or nothing. I can understand her being hurt but hell I was hurt too. Now I don't feel like going home because all I am going to do is think about January for the duration of the day and night.

I decided that I was going to go to my momma's house because I needed to talk to her about all this. I was driving listening to "You Need Me" and it made me think about January that much more.

"Fuck I can't erase her no matter how I try." He yelled in frustration.

I had just pulled up at my momma's house and she was outside doing something to her rose bush.

"Hey momma."

"Hey baby, what brings you by. You look troubled."

I sighed because my momma knew me so well.

"Yeah I need to talk to you about January."

"Oh boy. Is she pregnant?"

Que started laughing but then he thought back to January being pregnant but lost it.

"Momma this is going to be a long story so lets go inside."

She took off her gloves and followed her son in the house. They sat at the bar and she waited patiently for Que to start talking.

"Momma why is it that when I finally give my heart to a woman and put my all in she throws it all away?"

"Son what are you talking about?"

"January left about three months ago and is now living in LA. She felt like she wasn't good enough for me and that she wasn't worthy of my love."

"Now I know there has to be a reason for that Jacquees."

He started telling her the whole story of what January had gone through all the way to the kidnapping and her losing the baby. It took a minute for his mom to say something because he had said a mouth full and then some.

"I know that you are hurt and it is apparent that you really love her but just from what you told me she needs time. And if you truly love her you will give her time. I mean she has gone through a lot even before she met you and then so much after she met you."

"She feels like she is a burden to you even though you were by her side through all of the bad moments." I guarantee that she still loves you and there is not a day that goes by that she isn't thinking about you."

He looked at his mom and gave the first genuine smile for the first time in a long while. He could now understand but that still didn't change the fact that he was hurting.

"Thank you momma. I actually feel a little better."

"Good." She said giving him a hug and a kiss.

He got up from the stool and kissed his mom. "I will talk to you later momma. I love you?"

"I love you too baby."

Que got in his car and drove off. He decided to stop by McDonald's and get something to eat. When he pulled up he got out and went in. Once he started walking to the register he felt somebody watching him. He happened to look over his shoulder and it was this girl practically eye raping him. He gave a friendly smile and made his way up to the register. He ordered two McChicken sandwiches, a medium fry and a large sweet tea to go. As he walked to the drink dispenser he felt someone approach him.

When he looked over it was the girl who was watching him when he came in. He looked her over and he had to admit that she was a pretty girl but she wasn't January. She had shoulder length hair and she was light-skinned with light brown eyes. She had a nice lil body but he really wasn't interested.

"Hey I'm Tamara."

"Sup." Was all Que said.

"So can I at least get a name?"

"Que."

"Well Que I gotta ask do you have a girlfriend?"

He sighed because obviously she was looking for someone to dick her down and that wasn't going to be him.

"Its complicated."

"Hmmm so that means that you are somewhat available then huh?"

"No it means exactly what I said."

He looked up and noticed that his food was ready. "Look it was nice meeting you Tamara but my food is ready." He said walking away.

She looked dumbfounded because he had dissed her. She knew she wasn't ugly so she couldn't understand why he wasn't all over her. He was just to sexy to let get away. Down to his dreads and his smile. He was toooooooooo sexy for words. Just as he was about to walk out the door she walked up to him grabbing his arm.

"Que look I don't mean to be forward but I just moved her two weeks ago from LA and I am just trying to make new friends." Damn she from LA and that's where my heart at right now.

"Well what that got to do with me?"

"I want to be your friend."

She reached in her purse and pulled a pen and a piece of paper to write down her number placing it in his hand. She walked off and turned around saying:

"Make sure you use it and don't keep me waiting."

He just looked at her like she was crazy and walked to his car getting in. Que sat there in the parking lot not believing this chick was just serving herself up like she was a piece of spare rib. Her thirst was too real. As he backed out heading back down the road all he could think about was January. He wondered if she was thinking of him just as he was thinking of her. He looked down at the number thinking if he should use it or not. He had a weird feeling when it came to her something just wasn't adding up.

He finally made it home and went to the kitchen to wash his hands. He grabbed his food and sat at the table. He looked around his kitchen and every damn where he looked all he could do was think about his one and only January. "All I do is think of you." He said aloud.

Hmm maybe I will give Tamara a call just to keep my mind occupied.....