Remus stared at his revision notes, reading them through thoroughly and registering absolutely nothing.

It was about two at night, and the other boys were asleep. He could hear them snoring and sighing, the mattresses creaking when they shifted.

Well, he could hear two of them. Sirius was lying still, curled up in on himself, barely breathing. But Remus didn't want to think about whether he was awake or not. He didn't want to think about him.

And yet... and yet...

He buried his face into his hands, eyes aching and head heavy.

Five weeks. It had been five weeks. Two and a half from when they had fought. Two and a half before that.

Four days, a familiar voice muttered in his head.

Remus sagged further, feeling sick with exhaustion. His sleep was more fucked up than usual: he was up most nights, revising for his exams (which were a terrifying two months away).

Although he didn't mind it too much - it distracted him from guilt. Guilt, shame, and regret.

If he wasn't revising, Remus was thinking about the fight. About him saying he wasn't gay. About the way Sirius seemed to shut down right after. Like a computer, blank-screened and unresponsive.

Loading, please wait.

They were broken now. They were both cracked and frayed and tired, just so tired, and it was Remus' fault. He had kissed Sirius. He had lied.

Someone sneezed, making Remus flinch.

It was too cold for early April. Remus shivered, pulling his jumper tight around him. The clock ticked slowly on the wall. And still the boys slept on.

He had tried to come up with something to say. Again and again, he had been on the verge of coming out, of kissing Sirius, of doing something. But he was too afraid. He was too much of a coward.

Leaning back, Remus looked up at the ceiling. There was a burn mark above his head, along with faint footprints, dark against the white.

Remus smiled at the memory, letting his mind drift to happier times.

He had nearly fallen asleep, darkness pulling him gently away, when a vague sound made his eyes open.

Sitting up, Remus glanced at Sirius' bed. The boy was shaking, his face twisted towards him, eyebrows furrowed. His hands scratched at the bedsheets.

"N-no, no, please..."

"Sirius?"

No answer, except for the continued muffled cries.

A moment's hesitation. He didn't want to scare the other boy, or make a fuss, or try to help when he wasn't welcome. But then -

"Save him, goddammit - !"

Remus got up, padding across to Sirius. He sat on the bed, watching Sirius scrabble through his dreams, words frenzied.

"He... can't, please, he can't..."

Reaching out his hand, Remus gently shook Sirius' shoulder, trying to get him to wake up.

It was rare for Sirius to have nightmares nowadays. While they had been common before, like first year and after the accident, they didn't happen so much anymore.

Maybe it's your fault.

Maybe it was. Remus didn't want to think about that, though.

"Pads? Padfoot? Wake up, it's okay, you're okay, everything's - "

"He isn't!" Sirius groaned, eyes blinking open.

For a moment, he looked terrified. Remus stared back, breathing quickly.

"Sirius?"

"You're alive," came the soft reply. And Sirius sat up, falling forwards onto the other boy, sobbing into his shoulder.

Remus froze. But only for a second.

Then, he wrapped his arms around Sirius, his hold firm, his cheek resting on top of Sirius' head.

"It's okay, I'm here..."

"You could have died! And I would have died, too," Sirius croaked, his voice tight and broken. Remus blinked back tears.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You might have done."

But Remus hushed him, holding him closer, rubbing his back and telling him it was okay, that it would take more than a car crash to kill him, that he was sorry, so, so sorry, that everything was going to get better, or Remus would be fucking pissed.

Sirius laughed weakly, pulling back far enough to look at Remus. "Idiot."

"Sirius, I'm so - "

"I don't want to hear it."

Remus paused. "But - "

"But nothing." Sirius put a finger over Remus' mouth. "Whatever it was, it's okay. I don't care."

"Sirius, I can explain - "

But Sirius simply shook his head. "Don't. It's fine."

They stared at each other, silently arguing, without any clue as to what the other was saying. Finally, though, Remus gave in.

"Fine, fine. We'll forget about it."

Sirius smiled.

"Good."

***

Peter stared at them. "So... you're friends now?"

Sirius nodded, buttering some toast. Remus was sat beside him, reading a book.

James was somewhere with Lily. Sirius had no clue how he managed to be romantic this early on a school-day. But, as Remus said that morning, love makes you do weird things.

"But, like, why?" Peter pressed.

"Because, Pete, we have realised there are worse things in life," Remus supplied, then swore as his elbow knocked into the salt.

"Well done, love."

"Fuck you, Padfoot."

Sirius smirked. "You know you want to."

"I'd rather screw Snape."

Peter snorted, then cleared his throat. "So, have you talked what happened over?"

"Nope."

"I - no?"

Shaking his head, Sirius sipped his coffee. "We have simply decided to forget it."

A moment of silence. "That's a bit stupid."

"You're a bit stupid too, Peter, my friend."

"Hey, Remus?" Peter asked sweetly.

"Yes?"

"Go suck a toenail."

The two boys started bickering, each insult more crass than the one before.

Sirius sat beside them, only half-listening. He thought back to last night.

When he had got the news that Remus had been involved in a car accident, Sirius had stopped breathing.

It was like someone had switched off a light, casting his thoughts into dark water, while he tried to remember how to move, how to blink, how to just breathe.

He would sometimes dream about the nights he had spent in the hospital: the white-washed walls, the dull tiles. The tap of feet and the chemical smell. And that terror, soft, restrained, whispering softly, Remus could die, Remus could die.

Remus did die, for a few minutes.

A few, terrible minutes.

"Sirius?"

He looked up, meeting Remus' soft eyes. God, how he'd missed them.

"Yeah?"

"You okay?" His voice was so quiet.

Sirius wrinkled his nose at him. "I'm fine." He wasn't, really, but he was better. Remus was here, they were friends, and if his heart ever hurt again, he would just... try to forget it. Move on.

There were more important things in life.

One of which was the boy sitting beside him, frowning at a page, tapping the table with freckled, scarred hands.

Sirius smiled to himself, the ache in his chest ignored. Yeah, some things were more important.

[A/N: just so you know, Peter was watching the whole thing. And he was emphatically not happy].