-okay, first I would love to thank you all for getting this book to 360+! You guys are honestly the best. I have a special thing planned for the next few chapters but I will explain at the end of this one. ONWARDS!-

Alexander was never the same.

After hearing about what he had done to the turtle, said to his friends, he felt so bad. 

But not just bad.

Sad, mad, guilty, irresponsible, and mentally and physically exhausted. But the worst one had to be a monster.

FIRST PERSON POV! ALEXANDER HAMILTON!

I hate myself.

I'm not afraid to say it out loud.

I'm a monster.

Why did I do that? Because I let him. How did I do that? I don't know. All I know is that I shouldn't be around the others. I'm not worthy of their presence. I've resorted to staying in my tent all day, because if I go to the T.S.S. I'd have to be around the turtle, and if I left the tent I'd have to face the others. I know they're mad at me, I know they're disappointed in me, AND I DONT NEED ANYONE TO TELL ME THAT COUGH COUGH.

Alex, for the last time, I'm not suggesting that! Yeah, well it feels like you are. I don't know why you're blaming me, I'm trying to help! NO, YOU'RE JUST FEEDING ME LIES! I know they're mad Angelica, you can't change my mind! Well maybe John is a bit mad, but I'm sure he got over it- how does John Laurens ever forgive someone who hurt his turtle. Something he cares deeply for. He's your best friend Alexander it'll be fine. What if he isn't... nonsense.

I felt warm all of a sudden. I'd grown used to actions like this, it meant Angelica was hugging me, or else doing some other affectionate thing. The warmth was very much appreciated in this cold tent.

I heard footsteps outside the tent. Acting on reflexes at this point, I turned around, my back facing towards the front of the tent. Gee, I wonder who's bringing my food today... "Alexander?" I heard a French accent say. "Mon ami are you alright?" He asked. "As fine as I could be at the moment..." I grumbled back. "Can I come in?" He asked. I sighed and said "yeah, sure". He came in with a worried look on his face and a piece of wood with meat on it (ham, sausages, and my least favorite at the moment, steak, which they kept on making bloody for me.) he sat down next to me and handed me the makeshift plate. I gave him a small smile and immediately began devouring everything but the steak. "Mon ami, aren't you going to eat the steak?" He asked. "No. I don't like it bloody." I realized how picky that sounded so I added "it reminds me of.....not so pleasant things." He just nodded. When I finished, I handed him the "plate". He gave me a hug, and a sympathetic look, and then left. I really do feel like a prisoner here sometimes. A prisoner in my own cage, that I built, specifically for me.

A few minutes later, I heard another pair of footsteps outside the tent. "Hey, Alex?" A Virginian voice asked. He was the one person I actually talked to often. I couldn't lose him. Him or John. I talk to Jackie pretty often too. He says he forgives me, but I don't think he does. Part of the reason why im- "Alexander?" He asked again. "Come in." I said. He came into the tent and immediately hugged me. I hugged back, with a little less emotion. 

This part is going to be monologue 

Italics= Thomas

Regular = Alexander 

Are you okay lex?

Yeah, I'm fine.

You don't sound fine...

I am, really.

You sure?

Thomas, stop worrying about me, I'm fine.

How could I not worry about you? You're my boyfriend. *kisses cheek*

*small laugh* I'm well aware. How is everyone?

Seriously Alex? Come on, you have got to get out of this tent more often. Everything is fine, though everyone is worried for you...

Tell them not to.

*chuckle* I don't think that's how it works

Yeah well make it *laughs and playfully hits his arm*

*laughs* I'll try...Alexander, I love you, remember that.

I love you too cheeseball.

*chuckle* cheeseball?

*smiling* It's a work in progress 

He left the tent chuckling to himself. I smiled a bit. He was one of the many things I was gonna miss when I was gone. That's because tonight, I'm running away. It sounds like a bad idea, and I've been reminded multiple times by Angelica that it is, especially smack in the middle of winter. But I already had what I needed packed, and I already had my escape planned. 

Today was my biweekly meet up with Finn, so I planned on following him back to the city, but without him knowing. I know if he knew of my plans he would question my decision, and eventually decide that I couldn't go with him, which would leave me in a state of trying to say no to those big green eyes. I'd follow whatever route he takes to get back, always following a few feet behind him, so I didn't get his attention. It was the perfect plan. All I had to do was wait for nightfall....

~Time skip brought to you by me in a bad mood because of a dream~

As I made my way to the T.S.S to grab my bag, I found John sitting on his mattress, talking to his turtle quietly. My stomach churned as I remembered what I had been told, so I made my trip towards the boxes labeled with stuff quicker than I was planning. Rather quickly, I found the box labeled other and reached in to grab my bag, happy to find everything in it. That's when John noticed me.

"Oh! Hey Alex!" He said. "Hi Jackie.." I replied. I looked out the door and found it was still a bit light, so I should have time to say my subtle goodbyes to everyone before I got out of their hair...well, not including Herc, he doesn't have much hair for me to get into heheh. I walked over to him and gave him a surprise hug. He made a surprised noise and hugged back tightly. "Alex, I'm sorry, I-" "no, Jackie, listen to me, I'm sorry, you're the best friend anyone could ever ask for and I'm so glad I met you. I'm sorry that I hurt you, I'm sorry you had to go months wondering if I was dead or alive, and I'm genuinely sorry if I ever cause you that kind of pain again, but remember you are John Laurens, and you are the bravest person I've met, physically and mentally. Know that." I said, very rushed. Then I let go, said sorry and goodbye to the turtle and looked him in the eyes one last time. Then I grabbed the bag and hid it from his view. The next person I was going to, was Thomas.

Lucky for me, I ran into him on the way out.

 "THOMAS!" I gasped, and grabbed his hand. I took him behind the T.S.S and kissed him. It was very passionate, and very long, and shit, I wanted to stay there and never let go, I wanted to take him with me and protect him for all eternity, I wanted to live my life with him. I promised my self I would see him again, and I ignored the pain that came with kissing Thomas for too long. Eventually I let go, and I looked at him. I looked in those brown eyes at fell in love with. I looked at his curly, messy, black hair that I loved to touch. "Thomas, my love, mon amour, my boyfriend, my life, I promise I will never truly leave you. I love you so much, words can't describe it, but actions can't either, so I'm telling you. I'm sorry I might not be able to live my life with you sorry I may never fuck you, or vice versa, but if it turns out things never go back to normal find someone else, someone living, someone worthy of your love, okay? You are the definition of perfect in my book, okay? Remember that." I pecked him on the cheek, and ran away towards the campfire, where I would hopefully find Laf and herc. I heard him calling my name, but I didn't hear his footsteps behind me, which was good....in a way. When I got there, I hugged Laf and said:

"laf, tu es comme un parent pour moi, et tu vas me manquer énormément, je vais manquer quelqu'un qui peut d'une certaine manière comprendre mes problèmes. tu étais toujours là quand j'avais le plus besoin de toi, et je suis désolé de ne pas pouvoir le faire pendant un moment. je jure que je te reverrai quand tout sera fini mais pour l'instant tu vas devoir vivre sans moi français. tu es le gars le plus gentil que j'aie jamais rencontré, souviens-toi de ça." 

(Btw, I used google translate for that so I'm just going off whatever they say is right)

Then I walked over to herc who was already looking at me confused and worried and hugged him too. "Herc, my guy, you are also like a parent to me. You've always been there for all of us, and I wish nothing but the best for you. You and Laf are a great couple, I hope you two live a happy life together and never let any thing get in your way. You are so brave and strong, I wish I could be like you, I really do, but I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry if I was ever a burden to you, I'm sorry that you ever had to put up with my shit and comfort me but boy am I glad that you did. You are unforgettable okay? Know that." With that I ran away towards the bush  near johns tent.

"Hey, Finn, you there?" I whispered. Sure enough, the two green eyes and the boy with tanned skin popped out of the bush, only showing his face.

This part is also monologue, so yeah.

Bold= Alexander

Italics= Finnagan

Hey kid.

Hi Alexander! How are you?

I'm fine, you?

I'm great! The walking here was hard. There was a lot of snow!

Oh wow...you're not cold are you?

No, I can't really feel it.

Wait, really?

No, I think it's because of my zombie powers.

 But I can feel cold and hot!

Hmmmm...that's weird. Maybe it's because I'm different!

*small smile*yeah...different.

*looks him up and down* Alexander, you don't look very good. It's not another zombie power is it?

Oh, no, I....well, I haven't been eating much except for meat.

Bad Alexander! My mommy says you have to eat your fruits and veggies too!...but, you aren't fat, like mommy said if you eat too much meat. Are you eating a lot of meat?

Well...no not exactly-

What did you have for breakfast?

Um....I...I don't think I had breakfast.

WHAT!? But mommy says that's the most important meal of the day!

Shhhh....and I know it is, I just don't...I'm not that hungry.

You should eat some more food.

*chuckle* okay doc.

*pats Alexander's head* well, I have to go now, I'll see you in a few weeks!

Sure thing.

And with that, the little boy crawled back through the bush. But this time, instead of leaving, I took a big breath and waited for his footsteps to get a bit faint. Then I crawled through the bush and followed in the direction of the footsteps. That, and I heard him singing a song I was sure I recognized, but I couldn't quite place it from 2ft away.

As I walked behind him, I couldn't stop thinking about the others. But there was no going back now. I had gone a little ways in, and I got the feeling I wouldn't be able to find my way back from here.

As I walked on I began to feel more confident about my decision. But one thing still bugged me.

I'm sorry Thomas.

~AND SO THE SECOND PLOT CLIMAX BEGINS! I know this is short and a bit rushed, but I was bored, so I decided to give you the next chapter. So, here's the plan for the next 2-3 chapters. I'm going to have a bit of angst, but in song form. The chapters are kind of going to be filler, but since the next time I planned to post was by or before Valentine's Day for the special, I'd rather give you filler than nothing. The valentines special will also have a  song included in it, which I will put at the top of the chapter. I hope you guys enjoy this, and once again, thank you guys so much for 360+! Cho den thoi diem tiep theo ✌🏽! ~