KEREM

As soon as I'm wearing my pajamas, looking at my chest, I feel a little uncomfortable because of Juliet's presence. Although, it is not the side of the bed where Zara used to sleep, because some time ago I decided to change the bed (I did not tolerate the option of feeling her absence on the mattress, her perfume did not come out of the pillow no matter how hard I tried to change it ), I don't get to feel that her presence means a betrayal.

It's not that my feelings make me feel missing, perhaps because of the shock of finding out what was happening with Ian, my surprise is due to the fact that I hadn't shared a bed with anyone for a long time, even less voluntarily.

She is still by my side. She brings a hand up to my chest and incorporates it here, without saying a word for a few seconds. I hold hers and leave her there, braced against my chest. It is as if in all this time, my soul was escaping little by little, as if anguish could be translated into a wound or crack that instead of bleeding, what it causes is a loss in the spirit itself.

She stares at me from the side. I close my eyes and try to take a deep breath, then exhale. I press her hand even more against my chest, trying to apply some pressure to the pain that seems to have found some kind of anesthetic or painkiller. I know that it is not a solution or a remedy. It's just an alternative that for now relieves me a little and that's it, I need it to happen like that.

"Is it getting better?" she asks me almost in a whisper, very softly, knowing that everything she can do now doesn't disturb my effort to find peace of mind or something like that.

"A little, yes."

"You've been extremely quiet this time. I always thought it was ugly to hear you scream, but I never thought your silence was even worse."

"Why do you think so?"

"Because in your silence, I don't know about the demons that hunt you."

It's true.

When I remain silent it is because my head does not stop thinking and talking to me. The screams are the ones that are inside invading me together with the memories, the voices, the emotions, all mixed ready to make me feel like real garbage to those who can torture.

Yes Juliet. You're right.

She waves her hand, barely waking me.

"Mr. Deniz, you can tell me what's wrong. You can talk to me, I know that at first we weren't...we weren't one of those who had the best of relationships...I behaved badly and you also behaved badly with me, but let's forget about that. Yes?"

I do not know.

"I don't know because as soon as all this seems to be put aside, you and I may not see each other again. You may go to work with Massera and forget about me and my problems, or you may decide to disappear much sooner, fed up with my reasons for driving you crazy every time."

"Why are you still here?" I ask her, this time turning my head, keeping her gaze and mine at the same height.

Her hand is still on my chest.

Listening to my heartbeat.

But also plugging the wound from which anguish constantly threatens to flee.

"Me?"

"Yes."

"It's just...it's my job."

"You know that being with me now, tonight, is not a part of your job, Juliet."

"I didn't want to...leave you...knowing that you're having a hard time."

"Are you staying out of pity?"

"I stayed for humanity."

"Then it's charity."

"I want to, sir. Why do you have to be so reluctant to let other people care about you?"

"Because that was never a priority and, apparently, I rarely allowed it and the response from the other party was never ideal."

"Say it. Say what you have to say."

"About what?"

"The demons within you that purge to get out. It is not fair for your own well-being that you should keep all that hidden."

"I must do it? Share something with you that you can use as a weapon at any time so you can hurt me later?"

"Showing your vulnerable side is also opening the cracks through which another person can then walk on and make you feel terrible."

"That's what bonding is all about, right? Giving the gun to someone else to tear you apart and they still choose not to do it."

"Until they do."

"It never fails."

"Sooner or later it happens."

But it's true, I may need to mention something about it, something I can get help from her .

"For something you decided that I can stay by your side," she warns. And it's the same reason why...I'm here today."

"I have to tell you something."

"Y-yes?"

"It's one of the biggest demons that has been tormenting me these days. Mainly yesterday and today."

"Does it have to do with your...wife...?"

"She's not my wife. She was... I don't know. I don't know what to think about it anymore. But it's about Ali."

She's all ears.

Not half a word.

Then I confess both at the same time:

"In the last years of marriage, my wife was unfaithful to me with one of my partners. They systematically maintained a parallel relationship."

"W-what are you saying?"

She is stunned.

Perplexed.

Please do not do it.

Don't take your hand off me.

"Sir, I don't know what to say to you, it leaves me completely absorbed," she confesses.

"Don't worry. There's nothing you have to say."

"I'm so sorry."

"But there is something worse, Juliet. I need to find out if Ali is really my son or not. I don't know how many people Zara has been unfaithful to me with. What if Ali isn't my son?"

"For...for...heavens...Lord, I..."

"I need you to help me, Juliet. I need you to help me find out."

"I don't think I can help."

"I'm not one to ask for things, but with you I'm doing it."

"Why me, sir?"

"Because I want you to stay close to me," I say.

And I show her my absolute confidence in this regard that I also intend for her to agree, by approaching her and breaking the distance between the two of us.

I rest a kiss on her lips.

She greets me sweetly.

Her mouth is so tender and delicious, but always kissing her makes me feel terrible, like we're doing something very wrong.

Her breathing goes to a thousand.

I notice it when I separate our lips an inch and ask:

"Help me, Juliet. All these years I have lived in one lie after another. Help me discover the truth. Do it for Ali, if you want. But don't walk away from me now. We both need you... like nobody else."