It's a short one. Sorry!

July 16 2019.

Abuja, Nigeria.

Khadijah Daihaah's POV

The past seven days had been hell.

Every night I have the same horrifying nightmares, each day more terrifying than the other. It's like my past is back to haunt me but I don't remember having that memory at all.

Most of it is just me seeing Ummi dead. I some instances I was the one that killed her with a gun, in another I just stood in the middle of nowhere and watch her get shot by a silhouette, or I just watch her die slowly without being able to help or save her.

But all these scenarios have one thing in common

It's my entire fault she died in each and every one of it.

I wake up amidst of the night covered in sweat and body trembling violently. My breathing became difficult and I could barely calm my erratic heart. The familiar pain of having panic attacks was becoming unbearable and most times I keep screaming without knowing it.

Adda Anee came to know about it the first time it happened, apparently, I was screaming too loudly in agony. That night, she spent the night with me and somehow the nightmares left. The next day it happened again, and she was as hell worried. I on the other hand was too scared, mostly to fall asleep because of the nightmares.

Adda's solution to this was simply; contacting the one and only Dr. Hannah Yaqoub.

When I found out about this, I sure as hell threw a fit because the last thing I need is pity; especially not from Hannah. It's like for as long as I can remember people kept having sympathy on me when all I needed was empathy. I needed them to understand that I need to get pass through this alone, by myself for once but they won't let me.

My solution to all this was another thing; leaving the house whenever Hannah comes and I don't return until late at night. I couldn't care less about what they keep on saying, that I should let Hannah help me blah blah blah. I can't believe Ya Faruk is in on this too and of course it's no surprise that Prince agrees with the great idea.

Whenever I leave the house, I don't really have a place to go to without them knowing so I go to this place I found whilst going around. I never leave with any of their cars because then the driver will know where I went.

Each time I come back, I'm glad they're all asleep except one person, Ya Aamir. Things are so awkward between us, or at least to me it feels that way. He acts as if everything is normal and that he actually cares about me. Except that every time he tries to talk to me I simply ignore him.

It's not his fault, I know that. I just needed someone to vent my anger on. I'm angry with myself and everyone around me. Things are just so messed up and I could barely think clearly.

Most of the times before I leave the house I just drown myself with work or books that will keep me busy. Not the best choice but it was what I needed right now.

A soft knock resounded on the door of my room bringing me out of my thoughts. I raised my head up from my laptop just in time to hear a voice, "Daihaah, can I come in?" Adda Anee's voice to be exact.

"Yea", I forced a smile on my face pushing away the messy strands of hair that fell on my face.

The door opened slowly as she came into view. She walked in with a pitiful smile; something I don't need right now but I know she was just being nice. "How are you?" she asked as if carefully picking out the right words to say.

I raised my brow in a way that screamed Really? She's actually asking me that after everything?

I gestured to my messy room for an answer making her nod in understanding, "I see" she mutters picking up some of the books that I kept on the bed, or more like threw on the bed. She sat on the place that the books were as her eyes examine them. Her hand found a book that she seems to have found an interest on as she checks the cover.

"Being Bilal's Wife by Ummyasmeen..." she reads out, "It's a good one. I read it about three years ago, you know whilst I was dealing with my whole arranged marriage stuff" she tried to throw in a little bit of humor to make me open up to her.

"Yeah it's great. Now what do you want?" I instantly cringe at the harshness of my tone, "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean that..."

"It's okay I'm kind of used to it by now" She offered me a small smile which I couldn't reciprocate because of the pang of guilt in my heart from her words.

I wanted to apologize. To open up to her and tell her what's actually bothering me but I couldn't. It's like my lips were sealed shut and all I could do at the moment is just stare at her with no form of emotion on my face. I hate this feeling but my emotions have taken over my body by now.

"Listen, I'm sorry for everything, I was just trying to help you" she stated, melancholy etched on her face making me feel more bad than I'm feeling already.

"Ok"

"I just..." She exhales closing her eyes, "Ever since Abba passed away and Ummi being in a coma, the only person I could think of was you which I know kind of sounds bizarre because there's Ammah and Aaliya. It might seem odd to people because you and I aren't from the same mother but Daihaah wallahi I take you as my own flesh and blood. Forget all that Umma said, yes, she's my mother but that doesn't mean I am onboard with however she treats you. And just because I feel this way about you doesn't mean I don't care about her. You know the way our family is, Ya Abdul has his own family already, Ya Abba is still leaching on whatever Umma has, Ya Audu is nowhere to be found since he left two years ago. Whether he's alive or not, no one knows. Ya Moh is thinking about settling down to start his family. The point is, since our father died, thing have went haywire in our family and that is one thing I don't want for you. You've went through so much already and we both know that"

My eyes sting with tears but I refuse to let them or my façade down. Not this again, I'm tired of crying and all the pain.

"Daihaah let me help you through this..." her eyes basically pleaded.

"How?" My voice care about barely above a whisper, "By calling Hannah every time you think I need help?" right now I sound uncouth and I couldn't help.

"I can't say I understand how you feel..."

"How will you understand when you're not the one going through it?"

"I'm sorry, I really am. Just think about it, please" with that being said, she stood up and left me in my thoughts once again.

I closed my eyes as the tears I held in for so long fell on my face. I sat there for what felt like hours crying my eyes out. I don't understand myself anymore. I'm pushing away everyone that's trying to help me and I know if I keep this up I'll end up alone which is my biggest fear.

When I was tired of crying, I just sat there and brought my knees up to my chest, I placed my head on my knees and stare at nothing. I wasn't thinking or feeling anything all I could do was stare.

A ping from my phone brought me out of my reverie. I ignored it but it beeped again and then again so eventually I picked it up. I checked the messages app and saw it was a message from one of my friends, Adheel.

Adheel N.S

~Hey.

~Am I disturbing you?

~I probably am.

~Well, I can't stop now

~So...

~If you get this, I just want to ask if you maybe want to have coffee with me or something?

~I promise nothing awkward. I just want to talk to you about something important.

~Hmu when you see this.

I stare at the phone, a small smile making its way on my face despite the inner turmoil I'm having. If not Adheel who will leave 8 messages? I can't blame him though; he has always been like this for as long as I can remember. Plus, I take him more of a brother than a friend so he being like this is nothing new.

I turned the phone off deciding not to reply. I have too much going on and I'm definitely not in the mood for going out with anyone. I know going out with him will help me take my mind off everything that's going on but for some reason I just don't want to.

What I'm in the mood of however is coffee. Maybe it'll help lessen the pain in my heart.

With that thought, I slipped in my comfy flip flops and tied my hair into a messy ponytail, quickly putting on a turban cap and head downstairs. Thankfully I didn't meet anyone because I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone.

Just as I reached the kitchen, I heard voices making me halt in my steps. Carefully, I peeked into the kitchen and saw all four of them, Ya Faruk, Adda Anee, Prince and Hannah. They were all engrossed in some conversation. Hannah said something that made Prince laugh and eventually Ya Faruk joined in.

They all look so happy.

While here I am, drowning myself in misery. I can be a part of that too but I know it won't be long until something happens to me again and I'll just drag them down with me. It's not fair to Adda, Ya Faruk or Prince. Let me make one thing clear though, I don't care if this affects Hannah or not.

I blinked and decided to just head back, hoping none of them would see me.

Unfortunately, today isn't my lucky day

"Amyrah!" Zalika saw me as she turned around in the kitchen making them all turn to my direction, probably not expecting to see me here at all, "What can I do for you?" she asked politely.

I cleared my throat, feigning a small smile on my face "Can you make me a cup of coffee please?" I dare not look at them because I know they are staring at me.

She nodded, "Should I bring it up to your room?"

"Yes" I turned to head back not wanting to spend a minutes in here again.

"Daihaah..."

"You know what Zalika" I turned back again quickly cutting Adda midway, "Just leave it"

This time, I left before any of them can try to stop me. I'm not in the mood for coffee anymore, at least not here. So, once I head back in my room, I picked up my phone and did the one thing that I could think of at the moment.

Daihaah F.

~Sure! I'd love to meet. Pick me up in five?

I quickly typed in before I start having second thoughts and his reply came in an instant, not less than a minute later.

~Great. I'll be there.

Here goes nothing.

~_~

I quickly put on a rose pink kimono on top of the high neck top and skirt I have on. Quickly, I wrapped a matching veil on my head and slipped into my Aldo flats. On my way to the door, I picked up my clutch and put my phone inside.

I know they are still probably in the kitchen so I followed the path by the living room and head out. It was easier than actually having to walk pass them.

Getting to the gate was much easier than I thought I'll be. The security guard, fadawa and Mai gadi greeted me on my way out and I replied back with a polite smile.

Once I stepped outside, my phone rang as I attempted to look around for him. I brought my phone up and answered the call seeing who the caller was.

"Turn around. Behind you"

I did as told and a smile made its way on my face when I saw him leaning on his sleek black Polestar. The sleeves of his white tee rolled up, a blue threadbare knee jeans while he has on his aviators on. The beams of sun fell upon him making his gelled Fulani hair gleam under it. His phone held in his hand while the other rose up to wave at me slowly, a beam breaking his features and his 32 on display.

I made my way over to where he is in no time.

"Assalamu alaika"

"Wa alaikissalam" he answered back standing up straight, his hand tucked in his pocket.

"Dan Fullo, how far?" I teased using the same name I always address him with.

"10000 kilometers" he answered sarcastically making me roll my eyes at him.

"Haha, you're funny" I gave him a blank look with a humorless laugh.

"I know that" he shrugged vexing me more.

"You know I can just go back right?" I gestured to the house making him shrug again.

"But you won't" he answered like it's the most obvious fact in the world.

Damn you Adheel for knowing me that much.

"Just shut up and drive" I stomped to the other side of the car and opened the door, got in. I heard his resounding laughter before he joined me in the posh comfy car that smells like lotus flower; it is pleasing to the senses.

"Why did you get in? You should've let me opened the door for you like a true gentleman should" You could literally sense the lark in his gone making me groan inwardly, slowly he was making me forget all my problems without actually realizing it.

"We both know you're not a true gentleman" I said turning around to look at him as he revved the car into life just in time he turned to look at me too.

He nodded, his smile not wavering, "True that" he started driving. "So, pizza and straw wine?"

"You know me so well" I literally squealed at the mention of those too. That is definitely what I need right now and I'm glad Adheel knows that better than anyone.

"That's what I thought" so he drove us to some new restaurant in Maitama. Seeing that we're already in Maitama, the drive wasn't that far.

'El Paraiso' was written boldly at the entrance and heck this place looks so good. Cars are parked at the parking lot and Adheel found a spot to par his car too. From the exterior the place gave a modern look to the place from the glass walls to the people that are going into the place, they were all elegantly dressed.

"Is this a new place?" I asked him once we stepped out of the car and made our way to the entrance.

"No" he simply answered as a man opened the door for us.

"Welcome to El Paraiso Mr Adheel, Miss" the man offered us a smile and seeing that he nows Adheel, he must be a regular.

"Thank you Bryan"

"Thank you"

The interior is not what I expected, from the flower lanterns to the oak wood tables and Adirondack chairs. This place actually gives a warm and homey feeling as nothing is overdone in the design. It gave an old yet sophisticated look in the place. Some classy music played in the background.

"This place is beautiful" I commented.

"I know right"

We went to our table which was by the window, and I actually love the view I get from here. Everything is so beautiful and breathtaking.

A woman who looked like a model adorned in a midnight blue abayah and a black veil wrapped into a khimar walked towards us. She was elegantly long with fair skin, luscious pink lips, and slender nose and doe eyes. A warm smile etched on her face and I can't help but smile back at her.

"Adheel" she said once she gets to us.

Adheel stood up and hugged her while she hugs him back chuckling at something he said. Even her laugh is melodious.

"This is my friend that I was telling you about, Daihaah" he introduced once he pulled back from the embrace.

I smiled politely, "Hi" I waved slowly and was surprised when she laughed at my gesture.

Instead of replying, she pulled me into a hug and I was caught off guard. Still with that, I hugged her back and her hold was tight, really tight so I could barely breathe.

"Hello Khadijah, I'm Saudah"