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"Tell me another lie." I say with the tears pricking my eyes. his eyes show no emotion at all
"I love you." Luke said
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Ashton isn't ashton.

That isn't him. He isn't him. He doesn't sound the same. He doesn't look the same. He doesn't act the same.

He isn't Ashton.

It's been four weeks, four since I've last seen Michael and Cathy. I don't feel safe here anymore, not with him.

Ashton has gone, insane. Mental. And I don't blame him. But he's different, and it all happened after I talked shit about the centre.

He throws tantrums, and it scares the hell out of me. That's not him, and I know it.

"Bella! Stop walking away from me!" Ash yells chasing after me, but I wipe my eyes trying to get away.

"Leave me alone Ash" I mumble stumbling through the hallway.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry okay?" He says and I stop, looking him in the eyes. His green eyes were still there, but it's wrong.

"I want to get out of here. I want to leave." I say and there I did it. i unleashed of what became of him since he came back.

His eyes aren't green, they're dark and full of rage as he tries to calm himself.

"The centre is a good place Bella, cant you fucking see that?" He questions, his voice filled with poison and I shake my head.

"This, this isn't you Ashton." I cry out "something happened to you, they-they did something to you!" I shake my head and he scoffs

"What if they did Bella?" He says crossing his arms "it was for a good reason, I had no right to push that guard, you needed to take your pi-"

"See? There you are again! This isn't like you!" I try to keep my voice hard but comes out cryful

"This is a place to get better Bella!" He says throwing his arms up above his head. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hands in frustration.

"You need to take those pills so you can forget. Forget so you're free of depression! Anxiety! Self-harm, the list goes on!" He continues but I still don't listen "If you really want to leave, you have to take the fucking pills!"

"Shut up Ashton! Leave me alone!" I shut my eyes hoping as soon as I open them, that he would be gone, but he's not.

"Open your fucking eyes!" He shouts "You are never going to leave, not unless you do what they say!" He shouts and the tears prick from my eyes.

"This isn't you." I mumble and the bell rings for dinner right on time "I need to leave. Goodbye Ashton."

I run down the halls of the centre hoping Ashton wouldn't follow me, and he didn't. I turn left from the hall with bright red door, finding Cathy's therapy room, the door isn't locked, like Karen said.

I slip into the room looking around for the pile of things Cathy has apparently left me, to hide in my room.

The stack of many books are still here from a month ago, and the glass of distilled water remains on the table untouched.

I quickly go over to her desk which was all messy and cluttered.

I open the drawer revealing a picture frame and an old birthday card.

It looked like it was from years ago considering the wrinkles on the card and the dust on the picture frame.

It was of Cathy, the younger version of herself holding a baby, and her husband. I put the picture down looking at the card

"Happy birthday mommy!

I love you

Love, Stacey."

I squint, Stacy? She has a daughter?

I shake my head putting back the items and closing the drawer revealing a tin box with my name.

"Bella, open in your room."

The tin isn't as big as I thought it would be, but was sort of like the ones you get cookies from. I have the urge to open it, but it's taped shut.

I look once more around making sure it looks like nothing has been touched in the room, knowing people look in here once a day and quickly slip away from the room closing the door behind me.

"Watcha got there?" Ashton says in a mocking tone and my heart stops

"None of your business" I hiss and he smirks.

"Look, I know about the plan okay. You're trying to get out of here right?" He says and I nod my head slowly.

"Then take me with you, I'll help you leave. I'm sorry that I've been acting that way, I promise I'm better. Just, let me help you."

I can practically hear Michael's voice in the back of my head "Don't trust anyone."

"I've been here, God knows how long and I need to leave too alright?" He says quieter this time. I cautiously look around and huff.

I can't trust him, and I won't.

"Meet me after dinner alright? My room." I say and he nods

+

Jacks takes a seat next to me with brown mush on his plate. He smiles as he runs his fingers through his dark raven hair, I take a look at his arms, full of tattoos, works of art.

"Hey jacks?" I ask adjusting the tin from earlier under my shirt and he looks up at me as he swallows the mush.

"Yeah Belle?"

"Have you ever thought of what your tattoos meant?" And he looked down. His hand fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

"I tried, once." he said shutting his eyes tightly. "It was my first few days here. I didn't take the pills and, they-they came back." He chuckled nervously as he put his spoon down facing me

The young teen spoke with such sadness in his voice. "I try to. I try remembering, but they sent me away."

"Away? Like what they did to ashton?" I ask and he nods quickly

His voice got quieter, he looks around before he slides his tongue across his lip ring "they did something to me. But I don't remember. I don't want to, and each day I think about it, the more pain I'm in"

He shuts his eyes once again taking a deep breath.

"Wh-when they sent Ashton away. They took him. They did something and messed him up. Th-they ruined him. He's different and I sure as hell know that you know that too Bella" he says as he looks at me worriedly, taking my hand

"But why? Weren't you like that too?"I ask quietly

"They wiped me out. I was wiped from everything I knew. Not a single memory came back, even after I stopped taking the fucking pills." he stopped
"I only remember being sent away. I remember trying to remember, it's those things where everything you know has a hole. Every memory you treasure in your head, is different, it's lifeless with holes you can never figure out, puzzles you try to put together, but you can't, there are always pieces missing." he looks away as he continues to run his fingers through his hair

"Don't trust Ashton, Bella. Just please promise me, I know he's my best friend, but for now..he can't be trusted." Jacks takes his plate pushing it away from himself clearly the loss of his appetite as he sits with me on the cafeteria bench making my head rest on his shoulder.

"I have to face him eventually." I say but he doesn't say anything but breathes in

"Give him time, the medication will wear off, mine did after a few days." his raven hair is in front of his face once again, him trying to put it back in place.

"But it's been a week." I close my eyes and he rolls his eyes softly chuckling

"As I said, he got it worse." he adjusts his leg on the bench of the table. putting his leg over onto the other side so he's completely facing me putting a stay strand of my hair behind my ear

And something hits me. Would I be put 'away' since I never took the pills? Would they wipe me out too?

He suddenly looks at me with a sudden sad expression, him softly saying my name.

"There was a girl here, I don't quite remember her but she left a good few years ago." he rested his cheek against the top of my head

"She got to leave?" I quickly questioned and he shook his head

"No, she escaped I guess." and he takes his head off of me looking at me.

"What happened?"

"She tried to. They shot her." he said shrugging "in front of the whole centre." and he looked at me cautiously

"Look everyone wants to leave here too Bella." He pauses scratching the back of his neck "some of us have been here since 2009, so don't plan anything stupid. No one wants another pretty face to die." he tries to smile but keeps his head down.

"Just, just remember alright? Give him time." He said walking away and leaving me alone on the bench of the table

+

After dinner I never did go back to my room to meet Ashton. I was so engulfed in my own thoughts I couldn't think straight.

I had the pill in my hand. The yellow pill they gave me everyday along with my plate of dinner. But today it was different. it was yellow, it had always been orange.

I'm sitting in a corner away from everyone. They were all sent to their rooms after dinner but I slipped away. I don't know where I am. But i dragged my feet away from everyone.

My name was called many times to report back to my room but I pretended not to hear anything.

Is this what life's all about? Running away from your problems, hoping for the best? Is this my life now? Having these holes in my life never knowing who I truly am?

I finally do it. I take the pill, the little yellow pill and swallow it. Hoping for the fucking best.

Drama, lies, tears. Here's to the fucking teenage years.

I rub my eyes with frustration and anger. And that's when it comes. A memory, I want to shut it out completely as I hear someone's pleading voice. I can't take the sorrow, can't take the hurt anymore.

"Bella please" the voice says and it blacks out

"I'm sorry" the voice comes back and it hits me harder as the voice was in cries

"I never meant to!" The voice cracks like I do

"I didn't mean to say any of it! I really do love you!" Then the pictures flashes, as the figure's blurred with tears and the tall figure comes close

Flashes of him and, me and the boy. Kisses, hugs, tears, dancing, singing, everything.

"Bella, I love you." he breathes out and my hearts rapidly beating as the flashes of his face breathing quickly as his breath hits my face

"And I want to make love to you." I cry as I finally see the boys of my memories. Luke.

Then the flashes of the beautiful memories turn dark as the colour of dark blood surrounds me as the voices get louder.

"Of course I fucking used you! Why the hell wouldn't i have gone for her! She's nothing compared to you, you were nothing but a stubborn fuck." And suddenly the voices stop as someone picks me up trying to drag my crying body.

My head bangs with the headache I want to get rid off but everything is so blurry I can barely see.

Are they taking me away?

+

"I heard there was a new arrival." the hush voices say as sit, my legs shaking as I'm completely unstable.

"If he's hot I call him" rose winks and I look down as they are all playing cards throwing 8 at me to play, just like every morning.

"There's a new arrival Bella!" Did they not know about last night? I couldn't care less about a new arrival, i, cant.

Ashton's no where to be seen and I'm glad, not having him on my neck all the time.

"I heard he's coming soon." The voices say, me not knowing who's saying it

"Heard he came in last night, his parents put him in as soon as they heard about this place." another says

"Oh, go fish by the way." the voice quickly adds.

"You think he's wiped?" I can tell it was rose from the happiness in her voice. I wish I was happy.

"Of course he's not wiped. Everyone's always here with little memory." And I flinch as soon as I hear the sound of Ashton's voice. He takes the seat next to me as he takes my shaking cold hand, me not pulling away.

Everyone turns as they hear Calum's voice.

"Uh, hey everyone he's new, and uh..be. nice." I don't turn my head right away but as soon as I hear his voice, Ashton's cursing under his breath I turn.

"Luke?" I say as the tears prick my eyes.

I stand up and he flinches

"W-Who are you?" Luke asks and I swear, in that moment, my body broke even though it wasn't as broken as before.

+++

woops.