.
.
"I was your cure, and you were my disease. I was saving you but you were killing me."

.
.

Cathy didn't spare me the details. She told me she found him cold and dead on the ground in our apartment. No wounds, but an empty bottle of sleeping pills beside him.

I don't know how long I've stayed in my room. A week, maybe even a month?

Ashton comes in ever so often to check on how I was doing I don't speak, because all I can think of is Michael.

It's always been him.

Luke passes by my room, he thinks I can't see him glancing through the little window of my door; but I do.

I haven't much cared that he was here anymore. He doesn't remember anything so what's the point?

And that's excactly what's wrong with me; I remember too much.

It seems everything starting to fill in place. Every little memory in every little spot, like my brain is healing itself; but my heart doesn't do the same.

My heart aches and my eyes burn for him. And the more I think of him, the more I remember.

"I don't like this Luke guy.." he trails off crossing his arms across his chest and I roll my eyes

"You made me go on the first day in the first place." I say zipping up my jacket while Michael leans against the door frame

"Still.." he stiffens a bit as the knock on the door became more audible but he relaxed, pushing me out of the way opening the door revealing Luke.

"What are you doing here?" Michael says standing up straighter making him appear taller than Luke already is.

"...Picking up Bella?" Luke scratches the back of his neck as he glances at me nervously.

"Do you have any intentions of having sexual intercourse w-"

"That's enough..dad" I interrupt him and he smirks pushing Luke outside closing the door

"You can't te-" I try to say but Michael pulls me into a tight hug resting his chin on the top of my head like he always had

"I know baby girl" he whispers "im proud of you." I can almost hear him smile as the tone in his voice is soft and I smile as well

He pulls away looking at me "just be safe ok?" And I nod my head heading towards the door

"Belle wait." he says ignoring Luke's knocks against the door

"Promise me you aren't going to be hurt?" He asks and I look up at him

"I've been through worser pain Mike I don't think a hea-"

"Pain and being hurt are different." he sternly says and I stay silent for a few moments before he speaks up.

"Promise me?"

"Promise."

"Bella can i come in?" There was a loud knock on the door I turned my head to see it was Cathy, already making her way inside.

She takes a seat next to me and I don't bother making eye contact. My body is shaking and my shoulders tingle, I am about to break down; but I don't want to.

She places her hand on my shoulder and I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Did he" I pause swallowing the lump in my throat for ages "commit suicide?" I say in pure horror and anger and she looked away her face looking like she was going to cry to.

She shrugged.

Shrugged.

"What the fuck do you mean by that?" I spat at her and she took a step back

"Michael is dead and you can't even tell me if he did it himself?" I cry out and she frowns

"Bella I think you need to calm down." Cathy tries to put her hands on my shoulders but I pull away rubbing my face with my palms.

"I can't calm down!" I yell, my chest is rising faster and my heart racing, I can't concentrate. I completely drop down on the ground and put my head in between my knees.

"What?" Cathy questions as I mumble not loud enough for her to hear.

"I want to forget." I say "I want to forget everything."

"People don't have opportunities like this you know? They drink more than they can handle and for what? A few hours of forgetting the pain, and suffering. Others smoke, they get high to finally feel happy for once. And..I" I pause trailing off to the faded scars on my wrist "I hurt myself not because I deserved it, but to feel something. It's not selfish; yet it isn't something right. But if you ever experience..getting hurt. I know, it's different from pain. I haven't felt anything, it's like everything stopped you know? And for something to make me forget..i need to do it."

I put my arms above my head sniffling, Cathy staying remotely quiet. She kneels beside me and shakes her head.

"I can't let them do that to you." she quietly says her voice cracking "too many people have died for you to get out of here."

"Karen, Michael," she closes her eyes "your mom" and I look up at her

"I thought she-"

"What did your dad do?" Cathy asks me unexpectedly and I think about it.

"I don't know." I shrug and she pats my shoulder standing up.

She heads toward the door before turning back at me

"Don't do it alright? You're stronger than this."

-

I finally have the courage to open the tin box, which was in between my mattresses for a while now.

Pulling it out I open it up.

"October 24th 2014

Bella, don't forget.

- Cathy"

October was two months ago. Two.

I remove the note to reveal papers, and little things, along with the mixtapes.

I pick up a wallet opening up inside wondering why it was in here. My heart skips a beat as I see a folded piece of paper in between two movie tickets.

It's Michael's writing.

Belle

I wrote this letter like 7 times and I can never get it right. If only you knew the truth everything would have been much easier for you. But if you ever find out, I truly am sorry. You did mean something to me. Well you still do, but. I've been with you for what. 14 years? And I've been lucky to spend it with you. and I'm sounding like we're a married couple but um.

I'm trying my best to get you out of there. So just hold on okay?

I love you

Mike

I have no words in everything on the piece of paper. Why did he keep saying sorry? I scan over the paper once more. Does he really love me too? Or was it

"Bella I'm coming in" Ashtons voice speaks up "don't be naked" he giggles opening my door and I shove everything in the tin

He looks good, the bags under his eyes are like it completely disappeared, his hair was all brushed into a little quiff, he got a hair cut.

"You seem happy" I try and smile and he takes a seat next to me.

"Do you wanna go for a walk? The nurse said you were permitted last week" he said still smiling.

"Isn't it cold though?" I question and he looks at me with a confused expression wiping me cheek with his thumb

"We're you crying?" He asks and I pull him into a hug nodding in the crook of his neck as he holds me tighter.

"Aw don't cry baby girl" he says running his fingers through my knotted hair, I can tell he's smiling "pretty girls like you shouldn't cry."

His heart beats a little faster as I lightly kiss his neck, Ashton making a weird noise.

He giggles as he kisses my cheek and picks me up dragging me away from my room

"I wanna stay in my room." I whisper as he grabs my arm pulling me toward the door where all the other patients are putting on jackets.

"You can go back when we go for our walk"

People are staring as I'm walking closer, they whisper things amongst eachother and quickly walk out the door as I took a seat next to the boots.

"Pick a jacket and some boots so we can go." ashton says already putting on his coat.

I look outside seeing the fall leaves and light snow in the air. Putting on some boots I stand up grabbing a coat, Ashton was already holding the door open.

We don't speak as we walk through the trail

"It's gated if you're wondering, and the the space we have is pretty big." he walks a little slower as my short legs don't really stride as well as him.

I stop and look up at the centre

"It's big huh?" He says crossing his arms and I nod my head "I never knew it either until I took a look myself." he chuckled then pointed up

"Look!" And I tried to see where he was pointing "it's our balcony" he says smiling pulling out a cigarette. I step back noticing he was lighting it.

"Can you please not smoke right now? I finally got some fresh a-" Ashton interiors as he blows the smoke toward me.

"Ashton Irwin" a voice interrupts the both of us "I need a word with you." It was an older man who already had turned his back ready to walk.

"Just explore on your own, I'm gonna be a while." Ashton says jogging to the man and I turn my body to look around the empty space and forest in between.

The wind blows and I feel a slight chill as I take a step away from the forest walking toward the big rock.

Patients were walking on their own, some playing games, others enjoying the good weather. The snow had stopped falling and left the fallen leaves damp on the ground.

"Bella can I walk with you?" I hear his voice say but I don't turn around

"This is important." Luke says and I finally turn to see him- well look up at him.

"What do you need Kent." I say crossing my arms.

"Take a walk with me please." he begs as he points toward the trail, I nod my head as we start walking

"What, are you going to rat me out again and make a guard punch me in the eye again?" I say and he closes his eyes tightly. He opens his mouth to speak but quickly notices my hand clenched tightly

"What's in your hand?" He asks and I stop walking opening my hand, the pill. I hadn't even noticed I had it. It was out of habit I had if I'm my hand.

"You should try it Kent it taste like a jolly rancher" he crosses his arms still confused about the pill.

"No really what is it" I roll my eyes and walk ahead of him, Luke being the giant he is took a few steps to catch up.

"Oh what do you care?" I say putting the pill inside of the coat pocket.

He sighed and walked a little ahead of me, further away from the larger group of people.

"Don't be mad." he says slowly

"Why would I be m-" before I could speak he leans his face against mine and kisses me. I didn't pull away, I didn't stop him, but I got this feeling where I wanted more. Where something has meaning.

We both pull away and his eyes flutter and runs his fingers through his hair as his cheeks blush

"I remember."

-

(Not edited)

SooooOOo it's my birthday on the tenth of March :)

So my gift to y'all

And the books ending in like three chapters but I'm making a sequel lol ok.

Worst writer award goes to moi

100 comments + 100 votes for next chapter :)

Love youuuuuuUUu