I don't know how to react; I mean he's the guy who you poured your soul and heart to, he's the guy who you turned to when everyone was against you, he's the guy who you shared your firsts with, but; he was also the one who threw it all away. Like it was some distraction or some little rock waiting to be kicked away from the sidewalk.

I just look at him; my mind plays back all the memories we've had, all the "I love you" and kisses shared. I planned this in my head the day he left; what I was going to say to him or what I was going to do.

Imagines of me yelling and cursing, throwing things and trying to make him feel the why I feel. But like I said before; I can't fight. Him standing there; in this very bedroom; makes me realize that whatever we had is gone. I don't have anything left at all for him to take.

I stay there silently as he does the same; he looks at me with sad guilty eyes with slight glint of hope; but I don't do the same. I stare at him with a dead gaze hoping he'll see what he's made me.

I'm no longer the fragile girl he kept so softly in his arms; I was fragile until I broke.

My visions start to blur as I notice unwanted tears sliding down my cheek.

"Please don't cry Belle, I'm so sorry, I'm-"Luke starts walking toward me; and in that moment I shake my head and I turn around to face Michael.

"What are you looking at Belle? Is there something in the room or something?" I quickly turn around; Luke's not where he was just moments ago. I'm going crazy; no, no I'm not; he was just there I swear it on my grave.

"Have you been crying?" Michael asks wiping away my tears with his thumb; I don't take any moment to hesitate; I wrap my arms around Michael; he's a bit surprised about my actions but he quickly hugs back.

-

I enter the therapist's waiting room; welcomed by a familiar sound:

In the sun

In the sun I feel as one

In the sun

In the sun

All apologies by nirvana sound across the room

No, no, no. I take the closest thing near me and smash it against the wall. Michael takes a hold of me and whispers comforting things in my ear; and I do something that takes Michael, and myself taken aback. I cry and I breakdown; in front of my best friend for the first time in so long.

Whispers and murmurs gush through the room like ashes in the wind. Stares and disturbed faces; face Michael and me; but I don't care.

'All apologies' is the song that Luke and I would listen to for hours; the song he and I would sing loudly to in the car. I softly sob into Michael's shirt as I listen along to the lyrics; sobs becoming louder after every sentence

I wish I was like you

Easily amused

Find my nest of sault

Everything is my fault.

I thought I had nothing left for me to fight. What's happening?

My body's aching, for what has been so long. And I feel it. The emotions, and they're back.

And I really don't want them to be.
-

I was in the therapy room with Cathy zoning out from whatever she was trying to say; I look out the window to see a little blue butterfly fly across the glowing green grass.

-

"Do you know what I want to be Belle?" Luke asks me; playing around with my hair

"What, smart?" I say teasing him

"I want to be an eagle; to fly away from my problems to leave like it was no big deal" he rambles on looking into the distance

"An eagle? You strike me more as a butterfly." I say giggling

"A butterfly, c'mon that's not even close to manly, how 'bout a bee instead?" he says acting like a 5 year old; I close my eyes and continue

"The way you talk is soft like the wings of a butterfly, the way you kiss me is graceful like it flying." I say even though I made it from the top of my head.

"I just got to kiss you harder eh?" Luke says kissing me on the lips.

-

"Bella, as I said earlier; I will like to give you here, this journal." Cathy says snapping me back into reality; she hands me a brown leather journal with a black pen to go with it.

"I figured, since you don't talk during therapy sessions; you'd rather write instead." She says giving me an encouraging smile.

Sorry Cathy; but we aren't going to communicate for a while. The same voice from earlier; pierces through my head.

-

"What's going on, Cathy is she okay?" Michael runs in the room

"I-I don't know, I gave her the journal and she just fell on the floor and crawled into a ball like that! She's whispering things that are hard for me to understand." Cathy says worriedly

So many voices in my head,

So many knives in my heart,

"Get out." I say quietly to the voice inside me; the same two words getting louder by the second. I scream louder and Cathy rushes out of the room and comes back to record it on paper. Michael doesn't leave; he sits beside me wrapping his arms around my waist. No matter how loudly I scream; he doesn't even flinch.

I break down into sobs; Michael comforting me in all ways possible.

"Bella it okay" He whispers in my ear "You're okay, I'm here" he smooths his hand moving the hair from my face, kissing my forehead.

"Belle, it's okay, c'mon let's get you home" he says picking me up; he turns around to nod at Cathy, her also nodding back.

-

The events from today replay back in my mind;

Luke,

The song,

The voice,

Am I going crazy?

My heart aches, and it hurts, so much. My anti-depressants aren't helping, and neither are the sleeping pills. I always wanted more to have of the terrible restless nights but Michael's scared that I would overdose.

Michael's arm wraps around me tightly in his sleep as if I were to vanish in thin air. His familiar scent of shampoo and old spice fill my nostrils. I wonder how I gained such a good person to be with in my life.

I'm not good enough.

He's too good for me.

I close my eyes and drift to sleep

-

"Belle, are you awake" Luke whispers loudly in my ear; I jolt awake

"I am now you bum." I say rubbing my eyes; he softly chuckles

"I just wanted to say, I love you Belle." Luke says with a wide grin on his face.

"I love me too." I say teasing

"Screw You Belle, you ruined the moment." Luke says pretending to be mad. I turn to face him; a smirk spread across my face.

"I'd screw myself too." I say laughing.

-

***

So yeah,

I sorta got a puppy;

itsss so small

and this:

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

describes me right now :)

my puppy peed on me

ANYWAYS

i'm askinggg a question;

do you have any pets? if so what are there names

and if you don't have one; is there any pet you want?

Sorry I ramble; butttttt

A HUGE TWIST IS COMING.

you guys are really going to hate me the next couple chapters;

Goal:

25 reads

15 votes

and

alott of comments

because I wanna get to know a lot of you :)

I don't want to sound weird but erm, yeah;