I choose...

I choose to stay. I tell it; a black smoke then appears before my eyes, it slowly moving its way around me.

"Are you that fucking stupid?" I then realized it was the same voice inside of me talking out of the smoke.

"You're so stupid you know? Many people don't even get to choose; they all just die, and watch others die. You have a choice. A choice Belle! Look at the pain you've caused your friend Michael." She spits; then the smoke she was made of slowly shifts into Michael; it was him, holding my hand on the hospital bed. He was crying on the side of my 'almost dead body' as if there were no more air to breathe. Doctors and nurses pulling away from me but he tries to fight them off, he won't let go. I look away but then the darkness overcomes me.

Everywhere I look is of someone killing themselves; Michael, Luke, and...Dad. I look closer at the vision of smoke as it begins to grow bigger and bigger of size. My dad was on my grave holding a gun close to his head and a one peculiar tulip. BANG! And as soon as his gun went off, everything soon vanished. The cloud of smoke was no longer as it was before; surrounding everything around me, but it was of a girl. And it did not look like me.

The smoke took a figure of a girl; aged around mine, with long hair cascading her night gown; a similar one I was also wearing.

"I chose to die too Belle, and look where it got me." The whole scenery of the forest I was already in; vanished. It became of a girl's bedroom with scribbles written on every wall. She faced me.

"As soon as I died, I died. I watched everyone I loved die; one by one. All because of me, I was so angered and so infuriated with myself that I couldn't do anything more. I'm up here with literally nothing to do.

I saw that night you know? The night your mother died, as soon as I saw you; I felt this 'connection' with you like; I needed to help you somehow. I took as your 'darkness' within and tried to help you as best as I could, but not in the way I was told to." She said, I have so many questions, so many. But I know she wouldn't answer them until 'later'.

She does the same thing earlier but this time the smoke was white; and filled with joyous colours; visuals of all my 'happy times' replay over and over in the smoke. My dad and I's first fishing trip, Luke's and I's first kiss, and Michael. He's only sleeping beside me, but the look on his face makes me happy. Memories flood back; so do laughter kisses and hugs.

"So what do I do?" I ask her

"You Live."

-

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

I slowly open my eyes and look to see what was before me. Plugs everywhere attached to my body, tubes and flowers, the smell of blood slowly tickling my nose. And the same hair of Michael's appear before my eyes.

I look at my hands to see that they were pale and starting to warm up; I rub my eyes slowly as if my eyes were glass. Everything hurts. My body hurts. I look again to see Michael passed out on the chair; wearing the same clothes as I last seen him with. A pain in my heart stings as I remember what I was capable of doing this to him.

I don't bother to wake him up as he's probably have had restless nights with me in his life; instead I look up at the ceiling and wonder what will become of me, now that I have chosen to stay.

The look on Michael's face in his sleep makes me feel weird inside. As if he were having a nightmare; ugh I ruined him didn't I? He's now starting to shake and now he's yelling; my legs are to weak to move but I still try. I get off the bed and go over to Michael as fast as I can, waking him up from his nightmare. His eyes go completely wide as he sees mine looking through his; and hugs me tightly, crying even harder.

"I though-I thought-I lost you." He sobs into the crook of my neck; tears spill from my eyes too as I have made the biggest decision of my life.

"I'd never want to leave you Michael, I'm sorry." I croak not wanting to talk anymore; my throat hurts too much.

"Never do that again. Please; i love you too much to let go." He says picking me up and placing me on the hospital bed putting a kiss on the top of my head. He sits on his chair which is directly from me and is sadly smiling to himself as if he were to say something. But instead he looks at me in complete silence slowly humming to himself. I smile too; it's been a while since we've done something nice with each other.

His hums were getting louder, and they softly turn into lyrics, and the lyrics become a song.

"The feeling I get when I look to the west,

And my spirit is crying for leaving.

In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through trees

And the voices who stand looking"

I fall asleep into the sweet sound of his raspy voice singing the exact lyrics over and over again.

-

"Michael, can you please stop staring at me like that?" I say to the idiot boy who's been smiling for days at me. "It's getting creepy" I add scrunching my nose; he chuckles and shakes his head.

"I thought I lost you, I thought you were gonna die, but you didn't. And that is why I, Michael Clifford is smiling at you." he tries to put an arm around my neck but I push him off; I giggle as he accidentally falls off the couch and hits his head. "I'm trying to watch the movieee." I say exaggerating; but still listening close to what Morgan Freeman had to say on the TV.

He sits back next to me in the spot he was in before, both of us watching together in silence. The animal network really 'gets to us'.

After the movie both Michael and I prepare dinner; but instead of two plates, he adds one more.

"Who's coming over Michael?" I ask him, and his face turns bright red in a matter of seconds.

"Some girl I work with..." He shrugs it off like it was no big deal, putting the pre-cut salad into a strainer. I laugh and continue.

"Oooh Michael has a bus-driver-girlfriend." I sang skipping around the small dining area, his cheeks flush once again and crosses his arms across his chest. "I do not." He states but I ignore him.

As soon as we got all the food put on the plates, there was a knock on the door and me running there to open it. I open it up revealing a young woman, a little older than I was; and a lot taller, with olive skin and brown curly hair as if she were a 'super model' Wow, Michael did choose a good one; she looked familiar but I don't know exactly 'how'

"Hi, I'm Stacy." She says smiling putting her hand out for me to shake.

Memories flood over me; one hitting harder than the next

"THANKS FOR THE LIFE STACY" Michael yells and swallows all the pills

Michael's body on the floor for a good 10 days until she finally comes; with her new 'boyfriend' by her side 'getting it on'. Shrieked in horror they both scream and run out the house not daring to come back.

I flinch in horror at the memory; faking a smile and letting her in the apartment; Michael still tries to perfect the bread rolls which were in a little basket, one falling after another. His head shoots straight up as soon as heard me cleared my throat.

"Oh-uh hey Stacy." He says rubbing the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable with the presence of her. I grab my plate full of food and walk to my room

"You're not going to eat with us?" Michael's voice asks me; I shake my head and fake a smile

"Nah, don't want to 'interrupt' your bus driver date." I say and he chuckles.

She better not hurt Mikey...

-

Stacy just left and here I am sitting all alone in my bedroom. So many memories, so many battles, and so many losses happened in here. Michael knocks and enters my room, not even caring if I hear the knock; he sits beside me with a goofy smile plastered on his face.

"She kissed you didn't she?" I say teasing; his face once again turns bright red and nods his head in embarrassment.

"You should've eaten with us you know? You and she both have a lot of things in common." He says playing around with my spoon on the finished dinner plate. I motion my hand out so he could tell me our 'common' interests.

"Well for one thing, you're both crazy for me." He says laughing and I hit him upside the head with my fork; pretty hard making 5 little indents on his forehead. He cries out in pain laughing and fakily falls on the floor as if he were to die any second.

Laughs fill the room

Joy and happiness does too,

but not only the room; but a little inside me too.

-

"Hello Bella, I'm glad to see you today." Cathy says smiling widely at me putting her hand on my shoulder.

"How have things been?" She asks me; should I talk? Am I ready? I look to Michael who was leaning against the wall with arms crossed against smiling and nodding for me to speak. But there's something wrong; I can see way past through Michael, and that smile is way beyond fake. He looks away from my stare and find their way to the ground. I look at Cathy whom which also has a fake smile. What's going on?

"I'd like to do some...tests with you Bella, just to see how you'd... react." She says carefully choosing her way of wording things. I nod my head slowly and she stands up and opens the door.

A teenage girl around my age; whom is stunning holding a teenage boy's hand, they're both giggling; until he stops.

Until Luke Hemmings finds his eyes on me.

Ah shit.

***

AHHHHHHHH

I WAS SUPPOSED TO UPLOAD IT THE NIGHT AFTER BUT THEN I FOUND OUT I HAD AN EXAM.

ANYWWAYYS I DID IT?

SORRY.

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COMMENT WHERE YOUR FROM AND I'LL DO ANOTHER SHORT UPDATE TOMMOROW EVENING :)

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