dedicated to squish98

Don't you just hate being the new girl in town?

All the eyes were on you all the time and there was nothing you could do about it until you become so familiar with the place that you just blended in with the rest? 

Yeah, I get that feeling.

 It was approaching the end of my first month in Oregon after my big move from the dried out land of Utah to the dried out people of Castle Rock. Already I've met some interesting characters and had many side glares from dozens of girls. 

The problem was I didn't know why. 

Why were they treating me this way? I know I was a walking target with my good grades, ability to say please and thank you, ability to talk correctly and the pigtails that hang from either side of my head. 

It's like those things have a sign on them that says 'pull me' or something as every time I'd walk to class, strong hands would drag my head to the depths of hell with only one simple tug. It was frustrating. 

However, one day it got more bearable when I finally glanced to the hands that were pulling all this time. 

Walking to Algebra, I sensed behind me the squeaks of Converse that were about to attack. I could feel the pounce inching towards me so when I moved out of the way, my attacker fell to the dirty school ground with so much force he glared. 

He was in my social science class, flung towards the back seat and sometimes outside to receive his punishment- that was if he actually bothered to show up. 

He scrambled to his feet, towering over me with an impressive build and physique. No wonder his pulls were so hard! Even though the intimidation was real and upcoming, there was a look softening his iris slowly as my mouth spread into a smile. He was a cutie but I already heard his name in the whispers of many around this place. 

"Excuse me, Richard."

Smiling, I stepped to the side and continued my journey towards maths with letters. Who would've thought!

Over time, he teased more and more, not finding much peace in the fact I saw him vulnerable on the ground and embarrassed. My, I think his cheeks were even flushed. 

"You know, you really caught me out that day. Beginners luck..."

But despite this teasing and teasing, I knew the sweet tone behind his intentions and I recognised it from the movies with the flirty playboys and the vulnerable little girls that skipped through the halls in her merry little skirt. I knew he wanted me, I just didn't really know what that meant and if I actually wanted it. 

"Help her! I'm a thief and I'm here to steal her heart!"

You see he was known as Eyeball in the streets, telling you enough about his kind as you'd want to know without going into any gory details. Back in Utah, those guys were a dime for a dozen and only over time did my confidence to reject and decline to grow. I wasn't about to let that journey get thrown in the wood chipper for some Eyeball character who didn't know a pencil from a pen. 

"Are you lost, ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here!"

Slowly, he was starting to scrape my white paper sticker of purity covering my vulnerability as a good girl of the town. The teasing began to get to me and I found myself thinking of his face and his teasing voice as the last thing I see before I go to sleep at night.

"Baby! You look great today, digging the ensemble! But, those clothes would way better on my bedroom floor."

He was making me think things that I knew I shouldn't be thinking and although he was joking around, making his friend and others laugh I couldn't help but consider his words and the scenarios that could follow. Who knows what I would do if I had the chance and that's what scared me more than his buddies with short sleeves. The plastic humour was starting to hurt.

"Go away, Richie," I clutch my books to my chest to cover my aching heart. 

Like I had attached a string to him to drag him along, he followed me. I waved him off over and over but I didn't want him to go, obviously. Wherever I went, I wanted him to follow and it wasn't until he was gone that I felt this hurt the most. What would my parents think if I brought him to the dinner table one night? Mom would have a fit!

"Oh cmon Y/N, you know I hate it when you call me that," he speaks apologetically without saying sorry once. 

Is that even possible? 

"Why? It's who you are, it's who you were born as Richard. Not this street greaser gang that you've pledged allegiance to!"

Pout. 

"That's rich coming from you baby."

There was laughter coming from behind

"What do you mean?"

Confusion. 

"You're no good girl darling and we all know it. You can flash your little pigtails to all of Castle Rock but we all know, if I stood right between those legs then you'd be praying for forgiveness."

The reaction wavers through the crowds of his supporters all looking to him as if he'd God as if he rules this school and not the damn principal. Damn it, I was angry looking at him in disbelief at his vulgar choice of words to describe me. He was right but I didn't want to admit it. 

 I had choices of actions planned in my head but I thought escaping would be best for now and deal with the mouldy dew left behind tomorrow if there was any. 

---

All hope was lost. 

I watched the big blue sky turn from a sorrowful blue to a blazing orange as I swung lightly on my swing. My swing had become the comforting figure in my life, giving me more bliss, hope and serenity than my parents ever could. They could never see both sides of things, only the good and Christian way. 

Little droplets of rain would fall into my lap every now and again until I remembered that this town doesn't get storms. I'd look down a the little dark patches in my skirt and if they were bruises that would heal over time but there would always be something new. 

The sun setting was so intense that every patch of my skin was inflamed with orange and tan strokes on my skin where the shadows weren't covering. Despite all this light and all this flamboyant colour, I still couldn't settle the embarrassment for the situation in my heart. My embarrassment, my doubt of my character, my unrepressive sadness for the loss of a boy who I had grown to like in my month here. 

I knew staying here would be hard so I was getting out as soon as I could, on this swing I had planned my road trip to Sandpoint Idaho and the little chalet I'd have right by the big river with a little rabbit hopping about the place with its floppy bunny ears and twinkling teary black eyes. There would be friends of mine coming and going on the weekend for mini dinner parties and late-night boating activities and how I would never feel alone or broken again. 

But it was no use. 

No fantasy could speed up the time until I was 18 and ready to flee school and enter the world of adulthood and throwing money away for our right to live. No fantasy could seed up tomorrow either and that made the tears pump out even more. 

I didn't know why I was hurting I just knew it wasn't this tire beneath me digging into my legs, a mental pain a pain that didn't really exist and it just floated around until you forgot about it. Good girls like me struggle to forget these things. 

Damn his cuteness and his appeal. 

Damn him. 

Damn Eyeball Chambers. 

The swing suddenly stops moving and freezes mid-swing. I force my eyes out of my lap and give them a good wipe with the back of my sleeve. Ahead of me was those strong arms, trapping me in place unless I was to tumble backwards off of this tyre, luckily there was grass on the ground as that seemed the better option. 

"What do you want?" my voice was thicker than I'd like it to be, being more of a hint than the splashes of pink on my face that I'd been crying. 

"I just want to talk," he stares straight into my eyes but I knew I couldn't look at him without hitting him or kissing him. 

"Oh really? You wanted that earlier it seemed but ended up selling me as a pervert to our classmates. Give me one good reason why I should listen t you again."

Neither of us expected the saliva and the harshness to bubble around my words as I nearly yell at the boy in front of me. And, I never yell. 

If he was a dog his ears would tilt and so would his head. If he was a deer he would be frozen. If he was a mouse he'd be squeaking around the place as the big cat chases him away. 

He gets on his knees, palms of his hands resting against my knees before joining my pile of hands on my lap. I ignored how close he was to a certain area and looked at him embarrassed. What would people think?

"Eyeball, get up people'll think you're proposing or something," I whisper shout, cautiously glancing around for my parent's car who could surprise us both at any second. 

"No Y/N I have to say sorry," he shook his head seeming embarrassed himself but still meaningfully uncomfortable "No guy should treat a girl like that, it's bullshi- I mean it's really bad. I understand if you never want to see me again but I just wanted you to know ya know that this has been the best month of my life."

The tears came again even though I thought there wouldn't be any left and this time I didn't want to wipe them away, he needed to know how much he hurt me that day, tears or not. 

"You said some pretty mean things, Eyeball."

"I don't like it when you call me Eyeball."

I smile to the sky then back down to his eyes, that had some twinkles under the setting sun too. He rose again, twirling my pigtails in his hand and tickling them with his fingers. There was sincerity in him but I still couldn't trust him. The number of girls crying each Monday after a hard weekend was a big red stop sign in the middle of that road and I couldn't keep driving without stopping too for a second. 

"Why me?"

 He continues to twirl my hair, cupping my cheek before continuing. I was ready at any second for him to bail, for people to come out of the surrounding bushes and point and laugh at me or the tears I'd have in my eyes by Monday. 

But, that moment never came. 

Instead, he gripped both ends of my hair pulling until my head is inches from his and he is able to dim the light that was between us. 

"You're different. You're beautiful. You're a lady."

And, I was satisfied with that answer kissing the boy in front of me with his chest ripped open and heart in the palm of his hand to show how it was betaing for me. As soon as we touched in a place where we shouldn't, that heart of his sped up and tried to hurl back out of his chest again. My hands were against it, calming it down inside of him while he purely concentrated on how I felt against him. 

I was kissing eyeball chambers and enjoying every bit of it and that statement still didn't drive me as crazy as he did.