There are things in life you consider as truth and hearing Nel confessed that she's in love with me was a validation that what we feel for each other was more than just friendship.

Kahit ilang dekada na ang lumipas, ang constant sa aming dalawa ay ang pagmamahal na hindi basta mawawala ng ganun na lang.

"Say something." Sabi ni Nel ng hindi ako agad nakapagsalita.

"I know." Two words.

But those two words meant everything to me.

"I feel the same way too." Dinugtong ko na dahil I saw confusion in her eyes.

After I said it, ang laki-laki ng ngiti niya.

"Yes!" Tinaas niya ang mga kamay na akala mo nanalo siya sa lotto.

"But you know what this means right?"

"I know. But to hear you say it, nawala ang takot na nararamdaman ko."

"Bakit ka naman natatakot?"

"Hindi ko kasi alam kung ano ang magiging reaction mo kung aaminin ko sa'yo na after all these years, kahit anong gawin kong pangungumbinse sa sarili ko na we're just friends or that we can only be friends, alam ko na niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko. Lise," Tinitigan niya akong maigi sa camera, "it's always been you."

Kung pwede ko lang ipasok ang katawan ko sa screen, ginawa ko na.

Gusto ko siyang yakapin at halikan.

I want Nel to feel all the happiness na nararamdaman ko but the only thing I have are words dahil milya-milya ang layo namin sa isa't-isa.

The thought threatened to dampen my happiness but I pushed it at the back of my mind.

This moment is a time for celebration.

"Hindi din ako makapaniwala. I thought when I came to your house and we said our goodbyes, that was it. Hindi na kita makikita and I will move on with my life. But then, I still couldn't stop thinking about you. You were always on my mind kahit pa pilit kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na kalimutan na kita. Pero dama ko dito," Tinuro ko ang kaliwang dibdib, "na the doors never really closed. A part of my heart was still hoping that things never ended."

"Is that why you sent the friend request?"

"It was an act of desperation" Natawa ako.

"My final attempt at proving if you've really move on from me."

"I have a confession to make."

Bigla akong kinabahan.

"Don't worry. But don't get mad at me either."

"What are you going to tell me?"

"I pressed the button with eyes closed."

"What?"

"When I saw the notification, I was so confused. Kasi nag-usap na tayo and I really thought na it was over between us. When you found me on Facebook tapos nagsend ka pa ng friend request, hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko."

"Is that why ang tagal bago ka nagrespond?"

"Oo. I even thought of blocking you."

"Di nga?"

"I was really determined to close that chapter of my life."

"Ganun ba ako kasama para i-block mo?"

"It's not that you're masama."

"What's the reason then?"

"I just don't trust myself that I will be able to resist you."

Saglit kaming natahimik pero ako ang naunang nagsalita.

"I hope you and I are more mature now."

"Uh oh. Bakit parang hindi ko yata gusto ang susunod na sasabihin mo?"

"If we're doing this again, are you willing to wait for me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Right now, hindi pa malinaw ang tungkol sa amin ni Dan. We haven't talk about the issue. Basically, my life is in limbo. It's not the right time to do this but I wasted so many years hiding from who I truly am and what I really want. I don't want to miss out on you anymore, Nel. Ang layo mo na nga sakin and I don't have the luxury of just holding out my hand so I can touch you." I felt the warmth in my chest as I bravely expressed my feelings for her.

"Lise, you don't even have to ask. Before I even admitted what I feel for you, alam ko kung ano ang pinapasok ko."

"Doesn't it scare you?"

"It does. Ang totoo, sobrang kinakabahan ako dahil I know there is the risk that you would reject me. But just like you, I want to take this chance again. You are that someone I call my own. It doesn't seem like that now knowing how you're still married and legally tied to Dan but I don't care anymore."

"I'm scared too." Pag-amin ko.

Takot ako dahil sumusugal ako kahit wala na akong itataya maliban sa puso ko.

Pero if I don't take this chance, baka matalo ako ng hindi man lang sumusubok and that will be the hardest thing--ang mawala ang taong mahal ko dahil hindi ko man lang sinubukan na ipaglaban ang nararamdaman ko.

Ayokong maulit ang dati na nakalutang lahat sa ere.

Hindi ko alam kung nasaan si Nel dahil bigla na lang siyang umalis ng walang paalam at hindi kami nagkaroon ng closure.

For years, I carried that baggage with me.

Kapag naiisip ko siya, there was always that what-if moment?

The time when I thought of telling Dan I don't love him anymore.

Pero naduwag ako.

He was in his office at home.

I was about to knock but had a change of heart.

"How are we going to do this?" Tanong niya.

"Let's start with the obvious. Nandiyan ka at nandito ako."

"LDR. Of course."

"We did it before when you were in college." Paalala ko.

"Pero nasa Pinas pa din ako. Kapag namimiss kita, sasakay lang ako ng bus at magkikita na tayo ulit." Paalala niya.

"Ngayon, hindi naman pwedeng bumili ako ng plane ticket at mag-uwian para makita lang kita."

"You could if you have lots of money." Biro ko.

"Which I don't have."

"Babe, we have each other." I assured her. "I'm willing to make the sacrifice if you're all in this time."

The endearment came naturally to me.

That was how we use to call each other behind closed doors and when we're alone.

"I'm all in." Sagot ni Nel.

"But how are we going to make this work?"

"For one, we should be honest with each other."

"Like how honest?"

Napaisip ako sa tanong niya.

"Do you believe in being a hundred percent honest?"

"I do. Do you want me to tell you everything?"

"It's up to you. Noon pa man, I never had issues with you kasi you were open. Kilala ko ang mga babaeng kaclose mo. Kinukuwento mo lagi ang mga ginagawa mo kahit hindi ko naman nirerequire sa'yo na magreport ka sakin."

"Ayoko kasi na mag-alala ka. Isa pa, ganun ka din naman sa akin."

"Maybe we should revive yung journal na ginagawa natin dati."

"Oh yeah." Nagliwanag ang mga mata niya.

"I like doing that. It's like reading a book of real stories. Your stories."

"We can do that again. Kapag nagkita tayo, we can swap."

"Good idea."

There was a dull ache in my heart as we sat there reminiscing about the things we used to do.

Lalo ko siyang namiss.

I felt longing at mukhang nahalata ni Nel dahil nanahimik ako.

"Do you miss me?" Tanong niya.

"I do. Every single day."

"Then let's start a countdown calendar."

Nagliwanag ang mukha ko sa suggestion niya.

Oo nga pala.

Uuwi siya sa March.

A thought suddenly hit me at napansin iyon ni Nel.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Dan is coming back in March."

"Fuck! I already bought the ticket. It's non-refundable."

"Nel, come home. To your family and to me."

"Paano ang asawa mo?"

"I will find a way to be with you."

Nakita ko sa mukha niya na there was something else bugging her.

"We talk about honesty a while ago. Why we don't we start now?"

Umangat ang balikat niya ng huminga siya ng malalim.

"Meron lang akong naalala."

"Ano iyon?"

"It felt like how it used to be. When I have to hide dahil umuwi na si Dan."

"There's a difference this time, Nel."

"What changed?"

"I'm no longer with him. I want to be with you."

Her expression softened at kumalma ang takot na nararamdaman ko.

I saw myself walking on a tightrope holding a crystal ball.

Yung saya na naramdaman ko was inside that ball.

If I lose my balance, I will not only drop the ball kundi pati ako mahuhulog.

"Instead of being honest, we should have talk about the much more obvious issue."

"Ano iyon?"

"We should talk about Dan."