Ship: Andy/Patrick
Words: 419

Triggering content. Rape and PTSD. Stay safe.

His hands were gripping my thighs with so much force it took all my will not to scream.

I hated the pain. The feeling of utter helplessness. I hated being so useless and slutty. I hated feeling so dirty and just... afraid.

Each thrust felt like fire. Hot, causing blisters and burns and bruises. It felt like I would never heal and all I could do was take it. Take the way he treated me.

All I could do was scream.

This was real. This was all real. There is no safe haven to fade away to. Nobody to talk about it with. Nothing. It's complete and utter reality.

His breaths and curses, the warmth on the back of my neck, my hands squeezing the mattress for some sort of relief from the pain. His hands leaving bruises and red marks across my waist and thighs like the slut I am. Just a dirty whore like he always calls me.

The skin against skin. The slapping.

I'm breaking.

I'm breaking and screaming and crying and it's all so real and I'm so afraid and pained and I would do anything to just die. Just die so the pain goes away. Just die so I'll be okay again.

***

"Patrick. Patrick, Baby, are you okay?"

Reality.

My eyes dart around, the sight of our living room the only thing I can see and Andy the only person I can focus on.

It was all so real. Everything. I was... I can't...

I...

"Are you okay?" Andy repeats, caressing my cheek gently.

And with that, I find myself breaking down. Breaking just as easily as glass.

I'm crying again, pulling my boyfriend close and feeling him, smelling him. Making sure this is real and it isn't just another flashback. Another nightmare.

Making sure he really does love me.

"I'm so sorry," I choke, "It was all my fault, fuck I'm so sorry. Please, I just... I can't... I..."

"Shh,"

Andy pulls me closer and gently rocks me in his arms, wiping my tears with a finger and pressing his lips to my forehead, "You're safe. You're here."

I grip his shirt and pull him closer, "P-please n-never leave m-me. I-I'm so scared, please."

Andy hugs me tighter, "never, Baby. You're so fucking perfect. I'll never leave you. You're so precious. I love you so much..."

There's a moment of silence. Then,

"I love you, too, Andy..."