Sorry about adding a trans reader, if you want me to take this one out of the book let me know :P

I had met Joe back when Fall Out Boy was playing some of their very first shows. All the way back in 2001 when they'd just gotten out of high school. Before Andy had even joined the band.

But it was 2003 before Joe had even started really talking to me.

I worked as a stage manager. Setting up equipment and taking it down and hanging out in the very back of the van with Pete who was always sleeping and whatnot. Maybe just jerking off. In all honesty, I didn't mind. As long as he didn't get any of that shit on me.

Anywho. 2003. Joe had his emo-ish haircut and... well... it was kind of hot. I knew I didn't have a chance with him, though. I mean... who would want... this...?

Well, apparently he did want me because when we actually got a full on bus, we started talking. I mean, we'd have little conversations here and there but in the two years that I'd been with Fall Out Boy, I never really knew Joe Trohman.

That is, until he asked me out on a date. I didn't even know he was gay. Maybe he was. Maybe he wasn't. All I knew was that he was interested in me. And that terrified me. Because I mean... I'm not... I'm not boyfriend material! I'm barely even a boy!

Well, he took me out on a date. And it was nice. It was at this restaurant and we talked and I got to know him. He's Jewish, but it's more of a cultural thing than religious. He was born in Florida. Moved to Ohio. Then to Chicago where he met Pete and how it went from one band to Fall Out Boy and now he's here. On a date. With a guy that everyone knows is gay.

After that date, we had another. Then another. And all the rest of the guys knew we were a thing cause Pete would always tease me about it and Patrick would pat me on the back and Joe would hold me closer in front of the rest of them.

And one night, we were in the back of the bus. Patrick and Pete and Andy were asleep in the front and Joe and I were kissing in the back where we wouldn't disturb anyone, his lips soft against mine, hands traveling up my sides. My nerves running like crazy. What if he feels it? What if he hates me? What if he makes me quit the stage crew?

"Shit (Y/N)," Joe breathes, rolling is over so he's straddling me, tattoos down one arm weaving through my hair. I'm so distracted by his kissing and my trying to kiss back that I don't even notice the hand rolling up my shirt and the moment I do, it's already too late.

There's a moment of hesitation, then Joe pulls away and I lay absolutely terrified at what he's going to do and when he doesn't say a word for a moment, I just push his hand away and pull down my shirt because he felt it. He felt the binder. He wasn't supposed to feel it. Ever. He was supposed to feel a flat chest. One that belongs to a boy. He's going to leave me and he's going to hate me and everything is falling apart and tears are starting to flow to my eyes.

"I'm so sorry," I whimper, "Fuck, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't... I-I..."

He only presses me back down, wipes my tears, and pushes the shirt back up, kissing over my stomach.

"No, no, no stop. You're just fine, Baby Boy."

I blink and look down at him, dumbfounded. He's looking right back up, stroking over my stomach and pulling down the binder gently with a soft smile.

"W-what?"

"Doesn't change anything," he replies, "You're still my handsome boy, and it doesn't matter. I love you, Kay?"

"Are you... I... Joe why? I'm a fucking freak." I stress.

"You aren't a freak, Babe," he chuckles softly, then kisses my lips, "You're just going through some trouble. We don't have to do this if you don't want to, though. The choice is up to you."

I open my mouth, but finally just shut it and nod my head, lowering my eyes and awkwardly rubbing his sides, "I wanna..."

Joe smiles and kisses my forehead, "I love you so much."

I blush, "love you, too."

He presses his lips back to mine and grinds down on me, hips rolling and lips biting. I wrap my hands around his shoulder and drape a leg around his waist, pulling his hips down closer.

"How are we doing this?" Joe asks, "Would just like... vanilla be okay?"

I nod, tugging off his shirt and throwing it to the floor before kissing down his chest and along to his nipples, biting and sucking while he finishes off my own shirt. His eyes look across the binder then up to my own with an asking expression.

I take a deep breath, "Yeah, sure."

He pulls me up so our lips crash again and he slowly eases the binder up, off of my shoulders. As soon as it's off, his eyes turn lidded and he looks across my chest, stroking my hips and making me look away in embarrassment, covering my chest.

"Hey, (Y/N). Stop. Look at me." Joe says. I comply after a hesitant moment, glancing up at him with red cheeks, "You feeling self-conscious?"

I only nod. Yes. Very much. I don't think I've ever felt so fucking insecure in my life. My gay boyfriend is legitimately staring at my boobs. He could do so much better than me. A boyfriend without a flat chest. A boyfriend with a dick. A boyfriend with muscles. He deserves someone like Andy or Patrick or Pete. Someone who isn't me and that thought alone sends my hands shaking and tears rising to my eyes.

"I'm s-so sorry. I j-just... I-I'm such a f-fuck up and I-I never th-thought you would e-ever love s-something as fucking s-stupid as m-me. I'm n-not even a r-real b-boy and I never could b-be." I try to catch my breath but it only makes it worse and soon enough Joe is pulling me into his chest and hushing me.

"Look, hey. I don't want anyone besides you, do you understand?" He asks, "You're everything I need and more. Take a deep breath and we can continue. You're not ugly for having what you have. You're a boy on the inside and I don't know much about this but I do know that it's gonna be okay. You just gotta trust me."

I lower my eyes and after a moment, nod, "Okay."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Joe pulls off his jeans and gets off the bed to finish with them along with his shoes and socks so the only article of clothing on his body is his boxers and I can see the obvious strain against the fabric, my mouth immediately watering.

"You like that?" Joe asks, laughing the slightest.

I nod, dazed and look up at him.

"It's all yours, Baby Boy." He smiles, slipping off his boxers. I immediately lean down and take it in my mouth like I've never sucked a dick before.

He holds the back of my head but still lets me guide the pace as I suck and lick across the sensitive skin.

"There we go, Baby," Joe breathes, "You're so good with that mouth."

I pop off of his length and kiss his lips, feeling as he undoes my belt and jeans, sliding them to the floor and soon after pulling down my boxers to reveal and sock.

My cheeks go a bright red at my pathetic excuse for a bulge but Joe only laughs a little and kisses my lips, "Cutie."

He throws the socks and boxers to the floor, then presses me back against the bed, kissing my lips and slowly pressing his hand down my stomach and to my entrance, rubbing across my slit before entering one finger inside my extremely wet entrance. Not gonna lie, everything here has been turning me on a ton.

I feel him swirl his finger around awkwardly and laugh the slightest because he's obviously never fingered a... girl... before.

"Here hold on." I chuckle, "turn your finger up and curl it. That always feels really g—Holy fuck!"

He's curling his finger up against my g-spot and smiling the slightest with a sly expression, "There?"

"Yesssss," I moan, bucking up, "Joe."

He grabs a condom from the table and rips it open with his teeth before rolling it on his cock and lining up, "we don't need lube, right?"

"Shouldn't need it." I reply before kissing him and feeling as he begins to stretch me open, hands on my hips, guiding his throbbing cock inside my folds, "Fuck."

It hurts. It's not as bad as if he's done it in the ass, but the stretch still hurts. About halfway through, he lets me adjust, kissing my lips and dancing his tongue in my mouth. Overall, it's actually sort of nice, though. The feeling of the stretch. The closeness of us. It's almost spiritual.

He continues to slide in and when he's finally all the way in, I pull him down and kiss him softly, passionately. He kisses right back with the same vigor, hands stroking through my hair softly before he pulls his lips away and shuts his eyes.

"I love you so fucking much."

"I love you, too," I smile softly.

He pulls out a little, but when he sees me wince, he immediately begins kissing my chests softly, tongue dancing over the nipples before sinking back in. I lay back in the bed, shutting my eyes as he follows and my legs wrap around his waist.

The next few thrusts stretch me out little by little until it's enough for him to start a steady pace, fingers digging into my hips and lips biting up my chest to my mouth where he sucks in my bottom lip, baby blue eyes gazing intently into my own.

"J-Joe," I moan, twitching my hips up.

"I know, I know, shh." He breathes right back, brown hair shading his young eyes.

I shut my eyes and arch my back as he changes the positioning a little to the right into my g-spot. He notices the pleasure and with a sly smile, trails a finger down and begins rubbing my clit making me buck my hips and cry out, sobbing in pleasure.

"J-Joe, oh shit!"

He kisses me to muffle my moans but soon after just presses his other hand into my mouth to muffle it, two fingers dancing inside.

He rests most of his weight on my jaw which is kind of uncomfortable but I deal with it, far too lost in the pleasure to worry.

As his thrusts become more and more uncoordinated, he moves the hand from my clit to my wrist so I rub it myself and holds himself up with his free hand. My eyes are shut in pleasure, back arching and twisting while Joe remains content with himself.

"Joe," I moan, muffled by his fingers which he soon pulls out.

"Hmm?" The free hand goes to join his other, holding himself up.

"I need to cum soon." I breathe.

"Shit, Kay." He replies, taking over the finger on my clit and stroking the underside gently. That makes me moan out and buck my hips up against his thrusts, "Oh fuck!"

"Come." Joe demands, looking up at me.

I cry out at the command, head throwing back and hips stuttering as I feel my orgasm rack my body. Back arching and legs shaking and my mind going absolutely blank as my thighs clench around Joe.

He comes soon after, spilling his seed into the condom with a long, low moan and sharp pants.

I fall back into bed and pull him close because I don't want to let go. I want to stay here forever. I don't want to move. He's the first guy I've ever let come this close besides the one night stands. He's the only person I trust this much and I don't want to lose this.

Joe pulls me close as he pulls out gently, then kisses my lips and my nose and my forehead and my cheeks and my ears until I'm smiling.

"I should've told you," I whisper, "I'm really sorry."

"You're okay, trust me," Joe smiles, "Really, it's fine."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."