Sorry this chapter took so long everybody! This story is certainly getting interesting. I kind of had to revisit my plans forthis story so that I could make sure that I knew where it was going. Hope youenjoy this chapter!

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Adachi's POV

I woke up early the following morning and decided to meditate for a few hours since I had canceled Raphael's training for today. When I finished, it was almost eight in the morning.

Mist had rolled in and shrouded the mountains in a beauteous veil. I admired the tranquility of the scene as I stepped out into the courtyard. Then my eyes caught a print in the sand. Footprints. My eyes narrowed. Fresh footprints. Not only that, but they were mutant footprints. Raphael? What was he doing up at this hour?

My eyes narrowed. He should be resting. I sighed and shook my head. He is stubborn, that one.

I follow the footprints to the gate. He had paused here for a few moments. No doubt he realized that if he opened the gates I might have heard him. I couldn't help but smile as my eyes traced his movements. The turtle had jumped as high as he could, gaining a brief foothold on a dent in the wall, wedged his sais between the top of the wall and the tiles covering the roof of it, and used the leverage to flip himself onto the top of the wall.

I smiled, pleased. His ingenuity is admirable. If only there were some way I could get him to apply that same ingenuity in battle. He still has it in battle, of course, but he pushes it aside in favor of attacking head on with brute strength. Hmm...

My mind clears as I focus allowing the stone's energy to course through me. With a brief flex of my leg muscles, I jump effortlessly up to the top of the wall. I look down below me and examine the turtle's trail before jumping down and resuming my pursuit.

Judging by the length of his strides, Raphael is in no rush to get to his destination. The footprints pause several times, turning from side to side, as though the turtle was examining his surroundings. He spent quite a bit of time under one of the larger cherry trees. I looked up and smiled. Three baby birds chirped loudly as their parent fed them. Raphael shifted his weight forward, implying that he was bowing his shoulders. My smile dimmed slightly. I sighed. He misses his family. Of course, that is to be expected. Still, my heart is heavy with the knowledge of his pain.

I slowly turn away and follow the prints further down the mountain. Where is he headed? I wondered briefly. He's going down the same way we came up when he first arrived. Surely, he wouldn't try to leave...

I shook that thought away. Raphael's stubborn pride would not allow him to return home without accomplishing his goal. Of that I am certain.

My feet came to a silent stop as I took in the sight in front of me. About twenty meters away, two emerald green feet stuck out from beneath the old blue truck I used for driving to and from the nearest village. I raised an eyebrow.

His foot twitched a little as he felt my presence. He remained silent, probably waiting for me to speak first.

"And...just what are you up to?"

He slid out from under the truck and growled at me. His hands were covered in grease. "C'mere."

I raised an eyebrow, but followed him nonetheless. We moved around to the front and he lifted the truck's hood. "You see that?" He asked, pointing to the engine.

I frowned and shook my head. "I do not know much about the inner workings of motor vehicles."

Raphael rolled his eyes. "Well, obviously. This engine is a piece of shit."

I am not very strict when it comes to regulating his speech. But that does not mean that I will not express my disapproval when it comes to his choice of words. His gold-amber eyes met my strict stare with a flat one. Hmm. He is strangely calm.

The emerald green turtle turned all his attention to the engine, sliding around from one side to the other as he carefully poked about from different angles. I watched in silent fascination. In training the turtle was fiery, passionate, angry, predictable. Here...the passion was just as evident, but the fire was contained, mitigated by focus.

Fascinating.

"You can fix it?" I asked, moving over to stand beside him.

Raphael gave me a very bland stare, the fire in his eyes flashing briefly. He shrugged. "Yeah, I can't fix it. That's why I just spent an hour assessing the damage." He said pointedly, annoyance and sarcasm filling his voice. "I can fix some of it, with the right tools. Some of it is completely shot. You need replacement parts. Where's the nearest place you can get car parts around here?"

"The closest city to here is about an hour away."

He frowned. "This scrap pile might not make it that far in the condition she's in."

"She?" I asked, slightly confused.

Raphael shrugged his shoulders. "Eh, habit."

I suppose that is all the answer I am going to get.

"You got tools?" He asked just as I turned to leave.

I let out a long, slow exhale. Turning my head slightly back over my shoulder, I murmured, "I will get you some when I go into town today. Have you written the letter to your brothers?"

Raphael paused. "I tried...but I just got so frustrated I had to-"

"-get out?" I suggested. Hot golden orbs glared at me, and I knew I was right. I cleared my mind and lowered my gaze. "Raphael...having a shell is futile."

His dark green arms crossed over his plastron. "In case you haven't noticed, it's kind of attached to me."

"Raphael, I think we are both sensible enough to realize that I did not mean 'shell' in the literal sense." Our eyes met. I put a hand on his shoulder. "You must open yourself, my student. There is nothing to be gained by caging your anger under lock and key. Stop fighting your emotions. Before you can master the art of control you must open the gates and let them flow. Once they are flowing, then you learn to wield them, then and only then can you be totally 'in control'."

The turtle frowned at me. "I can't let go."

"Why not?"

His muscles tensed, his fists clenched. He refused to make eye contact. "Every time I let go...every time I lose control...I hurt people."

The hand I had on his shoulder gripped tighter. "That is why your father sent you to me, young one. You cannot hurt me." I expected a protest of some kind, but oddly enough, none came. I smiled, glad that I could offer him some kind of consolation.

A gentle wind began to blow his bandana tails and I saw him shudder. Slowly, keeping my hand where he could see it, I pressed my fingers to his forehead. "You still have a slight fever. Come, we should go inside." I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and began herding him back up the path to the sanctuary.

Raphael said nothing, which I knew was unusual for the situation. I worried briefly that he was sicker than he let on, but that thought quickly flew off when he finally spoke.

"Did you really mean it?"

"Mean what?" I clarified.

"Everything you said. About controlling my anger. You really think I can do it?"

For a long moment I thought about my reply. This was the first time Raphael had shown such insecurity. I had to act accordingly; otherwise I risked losing what little trust I had managed to gain from him. My lips tightened into a firm, hard line as I turned around to face him. I put my hand on his shoulder yet again and leaned forward to look directly down into his eyes. Raphael pulled back a little at my sudden proximity, but held my gaze. "Raphael, you are a ninja warrior of the finest caliber. Raised and taught by the descendants of one of the greatest ninja clans of all time. Chosen for one of the highest honors that can be bestowed upon mortal flesh, the stone calls to you. Do you think that you would have survived this long, accomplished this many things, done so much in so short a time period, if you were not destined for greatness?"

"Master Splinter says that the hand of fate already has a path in mind for us. What we did in the past doesn't matter because it is past. Things are always changing. I could be a hero one day and a monster the next."

Those intense, gold irises, so like my own flared and dulled. My face was grim as the air between us stilled. I found myself suddenly overwhelmed by the reminder that my new student was little more than a child. A child. And this...this was his greatest fear. I cleared my throat and brought voice to my thoughts. "And is that what you see yourself as? A monster?"

There was no answer. I sighed. Getting Raphael in control of his anger and raging emotions would be much more difficult than I had first assumed. Nevertheless, now was not the time. There were other things that needed to be done.

We walked the rest of the way in silence. I opened the gates and we both slipped inside before I closed them behind me. "Raphael."

He turned to me slowly, with his shoulders squared and his expression guarded. Apparently he had recovered quickly from our earlier conversation.

"Whether you decide to write to your family or not is up to you. But I do suggest that you take some time to meditate and make contact with them, even if only to ensure that they know you are well."

"Hai Sensei."

I did a double take and smiled. That was the first time Raphael had called me Sensei. I was pleased. Today the two of us had passed an important milestone. I have finally gained his trust. Or at least, enough that he respects my judgment. I smiled even wider as an idea presented itself. "Meet me in the dojo at seven o'clock this evening. Do not be late." With that I walked away, enjoying the confused and curious stare on the turtle's face as I did so.

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Leonardo's POV

It's been hours. I couldn't sleep at all last night. Not when I knew that Raphael was in pain. Judging by the fact that I wasn't alone, I assume that my brothers couldn't either. I just feel so useless. Raphael is hurting and there's nothing I can do. This utter helplessness is killing me. I've been pacing up and down the length of the main room since I asked Sensei to tell me what was really going on. A wave of anger suddenly swells up from within me. I let out an angry battle cry, whirling around and barreling straight into the punching bag we kept there, literally beating the crap out of it. I could feel my brothers' gaze on me.

I ground to a stop, my heart pounding and my chest heaving with overexertion. Strong, yet gentle, arms wrapped around me from behind. My little brother's body pressed up against the back of my carapace. I closed my eyes and let out a long, slow exhale as I leaned into the embrace.

No one said a word. There was nothing to be said. After a long silence, I heard movement and I turned to look at Donatello, who was not crossing the room.

"I have projects to work on." He muttered, heading straight for the lab.

Mikey released me and immediately tried to intercept our purple-masked brother. "Donnie no!" Our baby brother cried. His voice sounded so shaken that both of us stared concernedly at him.

"Mikey?" Don asked slowly. Michelangelo barreled into him, practically knocking him over with the force of his hug.

I slowly joined them, wrapping my arms tightly around my two little brothers. Surprisingly, Donatello leaned into the embrace.

When we finally pulled away, Donnie and I turned to Mikey with worried expressions. "Mikey, what's wrong?"

His baby blue eyes dulled sadly. "I'm just...It's...Raph."

I nodded, motion him to go on.

"When we contacted him he kept yelling at Don. But what did it all mean?"

"Where are you going with this Mikey?" I asked, confused.

"What if he was having a vision? What if Donnie's in danger?"

My eyes widened and my concerned expression melted into a thoughtful one. It is possible...I could feel my fists clenching. If Donatello is in danger I'll do whatever it takes to protect him. No matter what.

I glanced over at the turtle in question and all of those thoughts drained away. My purple-masked brother had frozen up. His mouth twitched and his face had suddenly gone pale. He looked like he was about to collapse. I shot forward and grabbed his arms. "Donatello, are you alright?!" I asked insistently.

His brown eyes, suddenly a swirl of emotions, glanced first at Mikey and finally up at me.

"Don?"

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Don's POV

"What if he was having a vision? What if Donnie's in danger?" My little brother asked, his eyes filled with worry.

Every muscle in my body froze up. Of course. My brothers didn't know. I'd never told them. Neither had Splinter. I think my father realized that I would never stop blaming myself for what had happened. And because of that he realized that by telling the others what had happened, I would only convince myself that they, too, blamed me for Raphael's injuries.

They had questioned Sensei, of course, but he hadn't told them anything. When Raph recovered enough, they also began asking him, but the only answer he gave was that it was his fault and that he had done something he shouldn't have.

But now...What am I gonna do? If I don't tell them the truth...But...What will they think when they find out I was the one responsible for Raph's injuries?

Belatedly I realized that someone had grabbed my shoulders and was shaking me. I looked over at Michelangelo. Then finally I glanced up into the eyes of the figure in front of me. Leonardo.

"Don?"

I shuddered at the way my name rolled off Leo's lips. So soft, so filled with concern...

I looked over into Mikey's eyes as he came closer. He was so afraid, yet so loving, so affectionate...

I sighed. I was terrified. They won't be looking at me that way when I tell them the truth. How could they? Knowing that I almost cost Raph his life?

A long, shaky sigh escaped me. Leo's grip on my arms tightened. "Donnie, are you okay?"

Finally I gathered the courage to say what needed to be said. "No."

Michelangelo rushed forward to stand at Leonardo's side.

Leo's eyes widened with panic and he shook me again. I growled in annoyance as I realized that he thought my 'no' was in answer to his question.

With a shaky breath I tried again. "No, i-it w-wasn't a v-vision." I mentally cursed myself for stuttering.

My eldest brother's grip loosened substantially. His eye-ridges furrowed and his eyes narrowed. Mikey's expression hardened. The two of them exchanged a brief, confused glance before turning back to me.

Leo was the first to voice the question. "How do you know that?"

I turned my back to them, forcing Leo's grip off of my arms. "Because it was a memory."

They said nothing, but I could feel them leaning forward. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I didn't have to look to know it was Leo's. His voice was soft and indulgent as he asked, "You mean it was something that...actually happened?"

I turned back around slowly, making eye contact with both of them, cursing the tears that welled up in my eyes as I answered. "Yes."

There was a long period of silence. They knew better than to press me. I needed time to compose myself, to steel myself for the confession I was about to make. "Do you remember-" My voice cracked and I looked away as tears began sliding down my cheeks.

Mikey wrapped me in a warm hug. I didn't return it. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I pushed him away gently.

"Take your time." Leo said softly.

I don't think I've ever seen my eldest brother look so calm, so utterly willing to listen. I nodded softly and padded over to the couch. I motioned them to sit down and they did so. I took a seat in the chair across from them because I didn't want to be even further distracted by their close proximity. I took a deep breath and started again. "Do you remember when we were eleven-" My voice broke again and I glanced expectantly up at them.

They both nodded.

"Well...you see...I wanted to go out scouting for stuff to build with."

They nodded again.

"I managed to convince Raph to come with me. We went into the sewers and we reached the edge of the safe zone. I wanted to go further, but Raph said no." Leo had a contemplative frown etched in his face, but there was no hint of disapproval yet, so I went on. "I-I-I..." I grappled for a few moments before finally letting it out. "But I-I begged him and finally he-he said okay." I glanced up fearfully at my older sibling, but there was no disappointment in his eyes, simply a quiet thoughtfulness as he absorbed what he was being told. "We went deeper into the tunnel and I found a pile of really awesome stuff that I could use in my projects. I went over and started climbing up it to get all the things I wanted-and" My voice cracked yet again, but I forced myself to get it all out. "Raph started yelling at me: 'Donnie! Donnie, don't!' I thought he was just worried about me climbing up so high and I told him: 'Hang on, I've almost got it.' Something snapped really loudly and I turned around. There was...there...was..." My shoulders began to shake with emotion. "It came at me. It fell. And Raph yelled. And then...it hit him. He'd shoved me out of the way. He screamed. I just stood there. I watched. I couldn't-I couldn't help him...I was...frozen. His scream echoed through the tunnels and Sensei found us. Raph was...Raph was..." I suddenly felt myself being wrapped in two warm sets of arms, one on either side. I began to cry even harder. "He wasn't breathing. The shock had stopped his heart. Sensei was pumping his chest. I couldn't do anything. I just stood there. He almost died...he almost..."

"Shhhh..." Leo cooed, one of his arms rubbing my carapace soothingly, though I could see that he, too, had tears in his eyes.

"It was all my fault. It was all my fault, Leo. And I felt so helpless. So helpless. Just like...now."

"Shhh..." He repeated.

"It wasn't your fault, bro."  Mikey murmured.

I shook my head. "Yes it was. Yes it was."

"No."

My head snapped up.

Both Leo and Mikey pulled away. Leo's eyes were on fire. "It wasn't your fault Donnie. It's not a fault. It simply is. It was Raphael's decision. We've all had our moments where we were in similar situations, Donnie. We've all made sacrifices for each other, and sometimes those sacrifices nearly cost us our lives. But we will never take them back because they were gestures of our love for one another, of our family."

I shook my head vehemently. "You don't understand! He could have died, Leo! My actions almost led to Raphael's death! I could have killed our brother!"

I've never seen Leo look so furious in my entire life and I actually tried to slide away. "Raphael was willing to die so that you might live, Donatello! He did what he did because he wanted the best for you. You had nothing to do with it. You had no idea what was going to happen."

"WELL I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! I should have known! I should have known it was too dangerous! I should have-"

Leo slapped a hand over my mouth roughly. He looked deep, down into my eyes. "Donatello. Listen to me."

I stared. I was expecting anger and another attempt at telling me that it wasn't my fault, but there was none. Instead, his voice was surprisingly soft and pleading. My eyes glanced over him. His posture was different. His shoulders were relaxed, his countenance was open and expressive. His walls were down.

This wasn't my Fearless Leader Leonardo. This was Leonardo. Just Leonardo. Leonardo, my brother.

"Donnie...What do I think about every single time one of you gets hurt in a battle?"

I gawk a little at the question. "What does this have to do with-?"

"Just bear with me." He answered.

I nodded and tried to think. "You think about everything that went wrong and how we can improve for the future."

Leo shrugged and nodded a little. "Yes...but that's not what I was trying to get at. The one thing I can't stop thinking about? It's how I should have been able to protect you better."

Mikey and I stare sadly at our older brother as he closes his eyes and refuses to meet our gaze.

I reached over and tried to put a hand on his shoulder. "Leo...that isn't your-"

His eyelids flicked up and I was momentarily stunned as his hand shot out and caught my wrist. He cut me off midsentence. "-Then it isn't yours either."

I stared in shock at my older brother before nodding solemnly as we came a mutual understanding.

Michelangelo sighed, and we both looked over at him. "I hope Raph will be okay..."

Leo wrapped his arms around the youngest and hugged him tightly. "We're all worried, Michelangelo. But Raph's the most hotheaded, impetuous and stubborn turtle there is. He'll fight with every ounce of strength he has to get back to us."

I nodded. "Leo's right, Mikey. Raphael's a fighter."

Mikey's smile was contagious. He grinned from ear to ear, and it warmed our hearts. "You can say that again, bro."

Suddenly, the rough tap of a stick on the ground made us look up. Our father was standing in the dojo door with a serious expression on his face.  "My sons, I just made contact with Raphael."

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How was it?