Insecurities V2.

Calum: Weight. || I watched Y/N push away yet another meal and to say I was worried was an understatement. She's noticeably eating less, though I can tell that she tries to hide it from me. She's lost a lot of weight too. I loved her how she was before. Don't get me wrong, I still love her now, but she's getting to the stage where she's almost 'too skinny'. I don't know when all of this began or why, but I've been taking careful watch of her eating habits the last few weeks and it's gotten to the point where I'm worrying that she's starving herself. I walked up behind her quietly and wrapped my arms around her waist, causing a squeal to escape her lips. I placed a kiss to the side of her neck and she leaned into my touch. "Come with me." I whispered to her, letting go of her and reaching my hand out for her to take. "Where are we going?" She asked as she took hold of my hand, locking our fingers together. "I just want to show you something." I answered her, pulling her behind me as I led her up to our bathroom. I stopped her in front of me and turned her around to face the full length mirror, her eyes not looking at her reflection for too long. "Look." I told her, staring back at her in the mirror. She seemed slightly anxious, panicky for a moment too. I moved my hands up and slowly pulled her cardigan off her shoulders and placed it on the towel rack beside me. She tried to cover herself up a little by crossing her arms, almost as if she felt exposed. "Why are you hiding from me?" I asked her. "Because I'm disgusting." She whispered in reply. I felt at loss of words for a few seconds, and I struggled to hear her say that to me. "No. No you're not. You're far from that, Y/N." I assured her, looking at her in the mirror. "Your hair is so soft and I love to run my fingers through it." I told her, gathering up her hair in my hands and resting on her left shoulder. "Your eyes are beautiful and your nose and your lips." I told her, placing a delicate kiss to her jaw. "I love your skin, no matter what you think. And I love your figure." I told her, my eyes drifting back up to her reflection. I wrapped my arms securely around her waist and rested my chin on her right shoulder, still looking at her. "I love your stomach and your thighs and your legs. I love everything about you." I told her. She hiccuped a little as a few tears left her eyes and turned herself away from her reflection and wrapped her arms around me, hiding her face against my chest. "But what I don't like is you starving yourself." I spoke in a low tone, rubbing my hand on her lower back to ease her crying. "And I don't want you feeling like you're going through this alone, because you're not." I tilted her chin up and her glossy eyes met mine. I gently raised my hand and tucked some of her hair back behind her ear. "You're so beautiful to me. I want you to see that. I'm gonna help you get better, I love you."

Ashton: Not being good enough. || You quickly wiped under your eyes, removing your mascara which had ran as you heard Ashton pull up outside. Your eyes were red and bloodshot and a little puffy but you were only hoping that he wouldn't notice. You put on your best fake smile you could manage and sat down quietly on the bed, reopening your computer again and logging onto Facebook. Ashton's footsteps echoed throughout the house until they were right outside your door. He smiled at you quickly as he came in, dropping his stuff by the dresser and instantly heading into the wardrobe to get changed. He came out shortly after in his trackies and one of his old T-shirts, smiling at you as he plopped down on the bed next to you. "Hey baby." He mumbled, closing his eyes as he lay on his back, his arm reaching over to you. "Hello Ashy." You cooed in response, finding that your voice was a little shaky. He peaked his eyes open, still in his position and looked over to you suspiciously. You didn't meet his gaze, afraid that he would realise and you began to scroll through your Facebook. "You ok?" He asked you slightly cautious, to which you bit down on your lip and nodded vigorously, mumbling a soft 'mmhm' not trusting your voice again. "Hey." He cooed sensing something was wrong, sitting himself upwards. "What's up?" He asked you as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. It was then that you couldn't help but let a small sob escape your lips, tears quickly falling from your eyes afterwards. "Baby." He sighed, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his side. You leaned against him and his your face, your tears dampening his shirt. "Sweetie talk to me." He spoke softly to you. "I'm not good enough." You stuttered out, hiccuping slightly as your breathing began to pick up. A lump formed in your throat and you worked yourself into a panic, trying your hardest to calm yourself and take in a few deep breaths. "Calm down, baby. You're ok." Ashton tried to soothe you, pulling you away from him a little bit so you could sit up right. You began having a panic attack and you gripped onto Ashton's hands so securely that it was as if he would disappear if you let go of him. He tried whispering you sweet nothing's and consoling you but when he realised that it wasn't helping you much he pulled you onto his lap and placed your head against his heart, knowing this soon your breathing would turn to match I his. "Deep breaths baby girl. In, out." He whispered to you, holding you tightly. Several minutes later, you seemed to have caught your breath, though still hiccuping lightly. He placed one hand to the side of your head, keeping you close to him and the other around your waist. "You're ok." He whispered to you before placing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked you in concern, looking down at your distraught figure. You didn't respond, unsure what you wanted to do as your body continued to tremble every now and then. "I'm right here." He promised you. You inhaled a shaky breath and found to courage to speak with your voice slightly quavering. "Sometimes, it all gets a little too much for me." You admitted softly. "What does baby?" He asked you. He shuffled back slightly on the mattress and leaned against the headboard, pulling you back carefully so you were lying down next to him, your arm draped over his stomach. "The hate. Your job. Everything. It all makes me feel like I'm not enough." You laid in silence for a few seconds awaiting his response. "Why didn't you tell me about it?" He questioned you as he began tracing circles on your forearm. "I was worried that you would get annoyed at me or think some of it was true." You felt him tighten his grip on you as the words left your mouth. He brushed your hair from your forehead before leaning down and placing a kiss to it. "I could never think that. You mean so much more to me than you know." He told you. "You're so perfect for me and anything anyone else says doesn't matter. I love you, you are worth so much and I'm right here for you whenever you need me." He promised you. You let out a breath of comfort and cuddled yourself closer to Ash, entwining your legs with his. "Thank you."

Luke: His body. || I was lying in bed, cuddled up to Luke's side, his arm carefully holding me close to him as the sounds of our breathing filled the room. His fingers absentmindedly traced patterns on the skin of my shoulder, soothing me as you tried to fall asleep. I looked up at Luke to see him staring at the celling wide awake, a yawn of tiredness escaping my lips. I wrapped my arm around his torso and gave his body a light squeeze. He came out of his day dream and squeezed me back lightly, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. "You ok?" I asked him in a soft tone, resting my chin on his chest to see him clearly. He mumbled a faint 'mhh' in reply, his eyes meeting mine as he did so. He forced a smile on his face as he looked down at me, though I couldn't help but worry about him. I propped myself up with my elbows and looked at Luke with a serious expression on my face. He rolled over onto his side, still keeping his eyes on me as now it was easier for him to make eye contact. He reached one of his hands across and his fingers continued to trace patterns on my arm. "Lucas." I spoke his name warningly. "What's wrong?" He sighed in response, then rolled onto his back and covered his face with his arm. "Babe?" I softened your voice, hoping that he knew I wasn't angry at him. He let out a groan and I couldn't tell if he was frustrated or upset. I pulled myself up and straddled his waist, gently pulling away his arm which covered his face. "Luke, talk to me babe." I cooed. His hands rested on my hips as he looked up at me. "You can tell me anything." I added with a warm smile, playing with the bottom of his shirt. "I just don't feel good about myself." He admitted shyly, his gaze quickly drifting back to the ceiling. "In what way?" I asked him, softening my voice as I spoke. "Babe...?" He sighed once more before answering me. "Just, I don't know.. My body I guess." I felt your heart drop as I heard the sadness in his voice. "I'm no way near as good looking as any of the boys or confident and..." He trailed off, unsure of what else to say. "I love your body, Luke." I told him reassuringly. "You're just saying that because you're my girlfriend." He mumbled under his breath. I let out a deep sigh, quickly thinking of what to say to him to assure him. I ran my hands under his shirt in a sort of comforting, loving way and tugged at his shirt a little. I sat up, still straddling his waist and pulled him to sit up with me. "Y/N, what are you doing?" He asked tiredly, a sad smile on his face and he watched me. "Taking your shirt off." I told him bluntly as if it were obvious. "Babe." He began, finding my hands and holding my wrists firmly. "Please, baby." I interrupted him. "Just let me do this. It's ok." I pleaded with him. He let go of my wrists and gave me a slight nod, lifting his arms up as I pulled the material from him. Still with my legs around his waist as I sat on his lap, he placed his hands on my waist and looked away from me almost as if he was ashamed. I moved my left hand up and gently rested it on the side of Luke's face, running my fingers along his stubble softly. He slowly drew his eyes to look at me and I offered him a weak smile. "See." Luke mumbled, looking down once more avoiding me gaze. "See." I repeated, though not as a question. He seemed confused by what I spoke. I'm guessing he expected something else. "I love you." I told him, dropping my hand from his cheek and falling to his shoulder. "And no matter how you feel about yourself, that's not going to change." I told him. I slung my arms around his neck and looked down at him as he looked up at me. "You're beautiful, Luke. Nothing less." I smiled at him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest as he fell back against the pillows. He placed kissed to the top of my head, mumbling soft 'I love you's continuously. "I love you to, Luke." I giggled quietly wrapping my arms around him and leaning again this bare chest.

Michael: His personality. || Touring with Michael and the boys was always really fun, especially since he always worried whenever he left you. You loved seeing how different his life was and how he was around all the fans and the interviewers and not just the two of you. All the boys loved their job but you knew that there were times when they weren't completely in love with it. The late nights and early rises easily took a toll on the boys as well as the pressure from everything else so it was no wonder that they'd often get stressed. Even more so why you love being on your with Michael: you could be there for him whenever he needed you. The boys were currently in some studio in Japan for a photo-shoot they were doing in between shows and you happily tagged along, accepting the offer from Michael. He's been so happy since he landed here, him being such a fan of anime and just the culture in general. You couldn't help but admire him whenever he got excited about something, loving how he'll practically begin to yell in the middle of a sentence then calm his voice a bit after realising. It was one of the many parts of him that you adored. The boys had an interview in the morning which they were all keen for and you were a little bit confused to how Michael was behaving afterwards, in his way here. He was rather quiet, but he kept forcing soft smiles on his face so I wouldn't worry. Of course I did though. The boys were doing group photos and they were all messing around with the props but everyone could tell that something was up with Michael no matter how much he tried to act happy. The photographer dismissed them all, saying he'll try and get some singles done and come back to the group photos later. You watched as Michael sighed and walked over to the refreshment area and grabbed a cold bottle of water from one of the mini fridges. Ashton and Calum followed after Michael as Luke was getting his photos taken and you walked over to them as they did so. Michael didn't meet their gaze of even speak to them, he just assured them he was fine as best as he could. Ashton offered you a sad smile as you walked up to him and they cautiously walked away, leaving you to talk to him alone. "Babe, I'm fine." Michael sighed before you even had to chance to say his name. You sighed too, unsure of what to say to him or ask him. You decided on taking his hand and pulling him over to the corner of the room, sitting down next to him on one of the leather couches set up. He didn't look at you either, he just kept his gaze on the floor and swirled the water around in his bottle. Becoming frustrated, you snatched the bottle from him, causing him to look up at me. "You're not getting it back until you talk to me." You stated. "I'll just get another one then." He stubbornly replied under his breath though you knew that he was just upset. You sighed once more and set the bottle down on the floor before taking both his hand in yours. "Please just talk to me, babe." You asked him, your thumb rubbing circles on his knuckles. He looked up at you for a brief second and then looked away again, pondering on whether on not to speak. He gave in after seeing the desperation in your eyes and soon enough, he began to talk to you. "I'm self conscious about my personality." He admitted to you acting ashamed. "Mikey." You cooed, moving your left hand up to cup his face. He lean slightly into your touch and you rubbed your thumb in circles against his cheek. "What brought this on?" You asked him. "Just seeing the way people react to me, I guess. I don't know. I just feel as if I'm too loud, too annoying." He trailed off and your heart ached at his words. "Michael, you are none of those things." You assured him and he looked over to you. "I love the way your voice perks up when you get excited. You shouldn't feel ashamed for being happy about something. And you are in no way annoying. Listen, the fans love you just the way you are, I promise you. Most of them love things that you don't even notice about yourself. The boys are just as loud and crazy as you so I don't even know why you'd think that they'd be annoyed by you. And they've been worried about you and so have I. Look at how Ashton and Calum just came over to you. And for the record, so love you. So you shouldn't matter about what anyone else things about you because you have me and I think you're amazing just as you are." You finished, wrapping your arms around him and leaning into his tight embrace. "I love you, Y/N." I whispered as he held you closely. "Thank you."

-

02/03/15

Awe.

March already? Wow.

School sucks. 😩 Oh and I'm the new girl for like the 9th time in my schooling life.

It's harder now because there are like, 7 classes of each year level compared to 2 at my old school...

And I miss my friends. 😔

But how are we all?

I just finished this really amazing Ashton fanfic called Keep Me Safe and it's my favourite Ashton one now. ✨

Seriously, you should give it a read. The epilogue almost made cry.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DUDES.

I pray that God blesses each and everyone of you. And the boys. ❤️

I love you.
Always.

-HakunaHemmings

PS: SO CLOSE TO 2M READS, I THINK THIS CHAPTER WILL GET IT THERE.