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Calum: I waited patiently backstage, smiling cheerfully at Calum as he walked down the stairs. He gave me a quick wave before heading over and meeting a couple of fans who had won some competition, with the boys. He began walking over to me and I met him halfway, his arms opening wide to pull me into a tight embrace. He rested his chin on the top of my head as I squeezed my arms gently around his torso. "You did amazing." I congratulated him as we pulled away. He mumbled a polite 'thank you' to me before tiredly lifting his shirt up to wipe away the beads of sweat from his forehead. I studied his face for a few seconds and noticed he was looking a little off. His cheeks were flushed red and his eyes seemed tired, though I assumed it was due to him just coming off stage. As well as his appearance, he was also acting differently than usual. The excitement from being on stage seemed to wear off quickly, whereas it would usually keep him energetic for at least a few hours. As well as that, it seemed he didn't have much focus. I followed the boys into the dressing room and sat down next to Luke on the couch, pushing him away as he tried to pull me in for a sweaty hug. My eyes followed Calum when I noticed he wasn't coming over to join us and I watched as he headed over to the corner of the room, pulling his shirt off and slowly changing into another. After doing so, he sat himself down on the chair in front of him exhaustedly, resting his head in his hands as he looked towards the ground. I left my bag on the wooden coffee table and stood up quietly, cautiously walking over to him. "Baby." I cooed as I approached him. He looked up to me as I placed my hand on his upper back, rubbing in circles soothingly. "Are you ok?" I asked him, kneeling down beside him. "I'm fine." He sighed in response, tilting his head sideways still pressed against his hand. I placed my hand on his knee and frowned as he plastered a fake smile across his features. "Cal, what's the matter?" I asked him hoping he would notice my sense of concern. "Babe?" I pushed for an answer. "I don't feel good." He admitted to me, dropping one of his hands to play with mine. "In what way?" I asked him hoping that he wasn't coming down with something. "Dizzy, hot and sick, I guess." I bit down on my lip, pondering on my thoughts for a few seconds before jumping up to my feet. I stood in front of him as he continued to hold onto my hand, like a child would to their mother. I walked across a little bit, reaching for a bottle of water from the dresser, Calum's grip holding onto me by just a few fingers. I unscrewed the lid and handed it to him, ordering him to drink up. He took a few mouthfuls before reaching for the lid and placing it on the floor beside him. I then pressed the back of my hand to his forehead to check his temperature, giggling in amusement as he weakly grabbed onto my arm and hugged onto it. "Do you want to go get some fresh air for a bit, or head back to the hotel? It's up to you." I told him as I ruffled my fingers through his fluffy hair with my free hand. "Calum?" I sung his name when he didn't reply. He mumbled an incoherent answer and I tilted his chin up to look at me. "Babe?" His eyes were closed and he wasn't making much of an effort to keep them open, though it seemed as though he couldn't even if he wanted to. "Come on babe." I whispered as I helped him to his feet. His arm fell from around my shoulder and I grabbed onto his hand and tried to lead him out the dressing room. He took a few steps before his body gave in and he collapsed to the floor. "Calum!" I panicked, hurrying down and kneeling beside him. I laid him down and rested his head on my lap, once more moving my fingers through his hair. He lets out quiet groans and I did my best to comfort him whilst I continuously looked over my shoulder to see if someone's was coming. I yelled for Luke to go find someone and I only hoped it wouldn't be too long. "I'm here, you're ok babe." I repeated over and over to Calum, reassuring him along with myself.

Ashton: I stood in the lounge room, pacing back and forth slightly as Ashton and I both continued to argue with each other. I had forgotten how we even got into this mess in the first place but it felt as if we were too deep in to pull ourselves out. It was a pretty heated argument, though I knew come the next morning, we'd both be over it. My breathing picked up and I let out a frustrated breath, pulling at my hair. Ashton sighed once I turned back to him and his features softened a little. He frowned a little as he looked at me, taking in my appearance, all distressed and worked up. I don't know why, but all the anger inside of me started to make me feel really sick and hot. It was all quite sudden and I was feeling a bit confused by it. Nevertheless, I still felt like I had a bit of fight in me. I could tell Ashton wasn't really paying that much attention to what I was saying, more so, he was just keeping his eyes on me. Only minutes ago they were filled with anger but now, as he looked at me, all I could see was concern. I hadn't realised how much I was stumbling on my words until I properly listened to the words I was saying. "Y/N," Ashton tried to speak up but I cut him off before he could continue. A few tears rolled down my cheeks and stopped for a moment to catch my breath. Ashton stepped towards me cautiously, his eyes still on me. "Babe, you need to sit down." He warned me concernedly. "I'm fine." I insisted, reaching out to my side to lean on the chair. "No Y/N, I mean it. You're really pale." Ashton informed me. I inhaled a deep breath but it didn't feel like enough. "Woah." Ashton muttered, stepping towards me again. "You're ok." He spoke to me, trying to calm me. "Ashton I-" I failed to continue as my eyes shut and my body gave in, Ashton quickly catching me before I fell. "I got you." He whispered to me before I completely lost consciousness.

Luke: You were sitting outside with Luke and his family, listening to their conversation, not really joining in. Every now and then you would chuckle lightly at what Ben or Jack said, finding them quite entertaining. Luke held your hand, squeezing it every so often in a soothing way. "You ok?" He mumbled to you as he leaned over to you. You nodded your head and gave him a fake smile just before he placed a light kiss to the side of your head, his eyes watching you for longer than usual. You took a sip of your drink and went back to listening to the conversation. Liz called Luke inside quickly and he quietly dismissed himself. He stood in the kitchen next to his mum who was preparing dinner. I saw him talking to her before looking over to me and I gave him a soft reassuring smile before turning back to the others. Only a minute or so later, Luke walked back outside. He came over and stood behind me, leaning over and whispering to me. He took my hand and carefully led me away from the others and over to the balcony where it was just the two of us. "Babe, are you ok?" He spoke as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ears. I began to tear up softly. I'm not sure why, but I do know that others react like this too. "Hey." He cooed pulling me against his chest where he wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head. He pulled away after a few minutes and tilted my chin to look up at him. "What's wrong, Y/N? You can tell me." I sniffled a bit before wiping at my eyes. "I just feel really weak." I admitted to him. "I noticed you're looking quite pale." He informed me. "Why didn't you say something? I could have taken you home." He asks me, his thumb soothingly rubbing circles against my hand. "We don't get to do things like this very often. Especially with your family and I didn't want to take this night away from you." His expression softened as he listen to me and he quickly assured me that it was fine. "They'll be plenty more times like this and I'm seeing them all again in a few days. I care about you and I don't want you getting sick by staying out or whatever. Come on. I'll go tell them we're leaving." He told me, giving me a smile after he had finished. We walked over to the table where Liz had joined everyone. Luke interrupted Jack politely to tell them that we were leaving. "Y/N's not feeling too good and I want to take her home." He told them and I was grateful that they all understood. Liz and Celeste stood up to hug me goodbye and I told them I'd see them soon. Luke slid his arm around my waist, protectively pulling me to him as we walked through the house. As we entered the hallway, I had to pause for a moment, blinking a few times as my eyes started to blur. Luke turned around, his hand still in mine and a confused look appeared on his face when I stopped walking. "Babe?" He asked as I continued to blink slowly, moving my hand up to my head. "Babe?" He repeated only this time I struggled to hear him well. Before I knew what was happening, I was reaching out and grabbing onto Luke as I collapsed to the ground. "Y/N?" Luke panicked. I heard hurried footsteps and worried voices before my eyes finally shut.

Michael: Just the thought of food made me want to be sick. Or maybe it was because I hadn't had food and that was why I was feeling sick. Either way, I didn't want to eat and I didn't think I could. Michael interrupted my thoughts by knocking on the door, poking his head through before walking into our bedroom. He tiptoed up behind me as I stood in front of the full length mirror, being over sensitive to all my own features. I smiled at him in the mirror but his eyes didn't meet mine. He was frowning and looking closely at my body in the mirror. His arms wrapped firmly around my waist as his head rested on my right shoulder. My eyes scanned my body where his did and my smile quickly faded into a frown to match his. Of course, he didn't realise what he was doing at first, or that I had started to do the same until tears heavily began to escape my eyes and I pushed myself away from my reflection. His hand caught onto my wrist almost out of instinct and he turned me around again to face him. He didn't say anything at first: he just pulled me close to him. I buried my head against his chest and my arms and allowed him to wrap his hands strongly around me and place a firm kiss to the top of my head. I cried into his shirt then began to feel guilty for making it all tear stained. "Baby, you don't need to do this to yourself." Michael whispered to me. "I know what you're doing, Y/N, but what I don't know is why?" It seemed his cautious words only made me cry harder and my energy lowered with each sob I let out. "Please don't cry princess, I don't want you having to go through an attack again." Michael tried to calm me down even more but I just couldn't focus on my breathing enough to steady it. "I'm sorry Michael." I cried lightly, the current embarrassment and shame weighing me down even more. "You don't need to apologise baby girl." He assured me. "I feel really weak." I quickly told him, my hands gripping onto his wrists on panic. "You're ok." Michael repeatedly whispered to me. Without being able to control it, my legs gave in and I collapsed to the floor, my hands slipping from Michael as I did so. He took hold of my figure as I sat on the floor drowsily and bent down beside me. "Mikey." I muttered confused, hearing him whisper that I was ok again. "I'm right here babe."

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07/02/15

Guys, I'm really, really sorry I haven't posted in like 10 days. I feel really bad.

I went to the doctors though and turns out I've got really bad anxiety. 😔

I'm just not coping well atm so forgive me for my absent behaviour.

Buttttttt I love you all so, so much.

Quote thingy majigy: You are not the reflection of those who can't love you.

😊

To those of you who are going to OTRA(and/or) ROWYSO, I hope you have a 1Dful time (I shouldn't have).

Although I have my own issues, I'll always drop everything for you if you ever need me. I honestly love you so much, not just as a reader but as a person. Just remember that whatever it is, you are not alone. No matter how crazy you feel, someone else has felt the same way. And no matter how much it effects you, it's ok.

I love you so much.
Always.
- HakunaHemmings.