I sat in the back lounge staring at the wall, I was feeling completely destroyed, but it was a perfect feeling of destruction. I had a slight fear against the destruction I was facing, but after years of facing it, I got used to it. It's not like I could stop it at any time I wanted. It was sort of like an uncontrollable self-destruction. 

Mikey sat next to me with the allergy medicine in his hands. Everyone still believed it was the allergies taking over my health, so Gerard forced allergy medicine down my throat 2 times a day. I didn't mind though, he was just worried, even though I stated previously that I was terrified of people constantly worrying. But it was just Gerard, that's what he does. I guess it formed right after his grandma died, from the same flesh eating and life crushing disease that attacked me now. 

"Medicine time, Frank." Mikey smiled as he handed me the -now useless- cancer pills and alergy medicine. I don't understand why on Earth I would still have to take these blasted pills even though they don't work. I mean, I'm scared that I'll overdoes on the freakin' things. But I guess it all leads back to the whole band thinking I'm fine. 

I took the pills out of Mikey's hand, which was smaller than mine, and smiled back at him. I threw my head back as I downed all the pills without liquid. It was something I learned from being in the town and state of HavingToTakeSoManyPillsADay-vania. It was annoying as all hell, but when I learned, I was truely fine and I knew I had to take them. I didn't want my mother being upset with me. 

My mother- speaking of her, when I die, which, come on, we all know it will happen sometime. I'm scared to see her pale face, if Heaven even exists for that to happen. But if it actually does, I'm scared to see her terrified face, because that'll mean she know's I did not make it, and I joined her in death. But on the other side of things, she'll be forced to be sad at my face because I would, 1, look pale and sick from the previous cancer, and 2, having a painful expression on my face from remembering her death. I was scared of her being sad, I always was, really. 

"Done?" Mikey asked. I shook my head in response. "So are you living the life yet, Frank?" Mikey smiled even bigger. He smiled a lot but he wasn't over-positive, just like Gerard. 

"Yes. You guys are fucking amazing, and I can't thank you enough." I imagined me having to say something like that when I would be on my death bed. But then I stopped, remembering how Gerard always scolded me for thinking negatively, and how I should live in the moment.

"Gerard really is keeping his promise, isn't he?" Mikey looked right into my eyes. I wondered how he knew about Gerard's promise. Maybe Gerard told him. Who knows. 

"He is. Gerard's amazing." I said just as Gerard walked into the room. Mikey shook his head and left. 

Gerard sat next to me and wrapped his right arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer. "I love you." I whispered, "You know that right? I always will." I said. He just looked down at me smiling as he said, "I'll always love you too, Frankie." 

"You know, in the future, I wanna adopt a little girl with you." I sighed. I decided on speaking about the future, being positive about living like he encouraged me to since the day he found out about my cancer. 

"Oh yeah? And what should her name be?" He giggled. 

"Something unique and exotic. I like the name Bandit. My mom just chose a plain name, I hate them." I looked up to him. Honestly, it may sound silly, but I'm pretty sure having a plain name is just as terrifying as anything else. I mean, can you imagine having to say the dreadful plain name every single fucking day? 

"You're so adorable with your logic." Gerard laughed. I chuckled and shook my head at him, "Your name is perfect. Not too exotic, not too plain." I shrugged. 

"So Bandit, huh?" He asked.

"Yeah. Don't you like the name?" I asked him. 

"Yeah I do, what other names are exotic enough for your liking?" 

"Hmm, Cherry, Lilly, Miles, uhm, I don't know, just weird as fuck names. I think it would be rad." I shrugged. 

"Okay, we gotta go get ready for the show Mr. Exotic Names." He winked and helped me up. 

As I was getting dressed for the show, I started feeling depressed. I really liked the name Bandit, but I knew I would never get the chance to have a kid named Bandit because some time cancer would fully take over. It just sucks, it's disappointing, and I just hate it. Completely. 

"Are you ready to go?" Ray asked, suddenly appearing in the doorway of the bunk room. 

"Yeah I'm all good, what about you Fro Man?" I asked. 

"Fro Man? Really Frank? Ughh, but yeah, I'm ready. Let's go." He laughed. 

A/N- Sorry I haven't updated in forever. Forgive me!

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 1. I'm scared of the thought that people don't take time to realize what they have

2. I'm scared of the thought of swallowing a simple pill.

3. I'm scared of the thought of someone giving me pity

4. I'm scared of the thought that one day, someone will know exactly what I'm thinking.

5. I'm scared of the thought, that I don't know what to think. 

6.I'm scared of the thought of  people reading my mind off of how I act or look. (Just like Gerard)

7. I'm scared to be alone. 

8. I'm scared of the dizzy and noxious feeling I get. 

9. I'm scared of telling people personal things about myself. 

10. I'm scared of eating in front of people. They'll judge me. 

11. I'm scared of death.

12. I'm scared of Mrs.Rodgers.

13. I'm scared to tell Gerard about my condition. 

14. I'm scared about my mom not being here.

15. I'm scared at how much I'm opening up to Gerard.

 16. I'm scared of the day Gerard finds out about my condition.

17. I'm scared of the feeling and emotion Gerard holds in himself. 

18. I'm scared because I might not live to see one day.

19. I'm scared of the thought of liking a routine. 

20. I'm scared of telling someone I love them. If they aren't my mom, that is.

21. I'm scared of someone being payed to care. 

22. I'm scared of false hope. 

23. Yet again, I'M SCARED OF DEATH.

24. I'm scared of people staring at me. 

25. I'm scared of falling in love with someone. 

26. I'm scared of a part of me, or myself being drawn. 

27. My own reflection scares me. I look like a zombie. 

28. I'm scared of Dennis

29. I'm scared of Gerard's parents knowing I have cancer.

30. I'm scared of slowly falling for someone. 

31. I'm scared of the thought that the person I'm falling for won't catch me.

32. I'm scared of getting butterflies (over someone)

33. I'm scared of how nice Gerard is. 

34. I'm scared of hurting Gerard. 

35. I'm scared I'll hurt Gerard if I tell him how I feel. 

36. I'm scared I'll hurt Gerard if I reject him.

 37. I'm scared I'll worry Gerard and distract him from what he loves.

38. I'm scared about not telling Gerard.

39. I'm scared about being alone for my own death.

40. I'm scared of my own destruction.

41. I'm scared that I could over-dose.

42. I'm scared of seeing my mom's pale face, and vise versa.

43. I'm scared of normal names, they're too plain.