My acceptance that I'd been in denial finally hit me like a freight train as I watched dirt being shoveled over Olivia's casket six feet in the ground.

Many of the guests who'd showed to pay respects had filed out after the service, and the select few that had remained for the burial started to head for the lot once Adam had stood and started to accept condolences from relatives and close family friends.

Mom, as usual, remained strong at my side, the only emotion was in her eyes, hooded and guarded, but no amount of concealing could take away the agony that shone through, misting her eyes over with tears. I loved Olivia-she'd been a second mother to me, but I couldn't even fathom how torn up my mother was about this. She'd known Olivia since they were in grade school, she'd help Mom get out of the abusive relationship with my father, she'd been the reason Mom finally decided to publish Northern Lights.

It was commotion just to the left of me that stirred me from my thoughts. Onyx was in his father's face, shoving hard against his chest and shouting what I could only guess was profanities and insults. Mom touched a flighty hand against my forearm before she started toward the two men, immediately restraining Onyx against her despite him thrashing for a few minutes. Finally, he gave up and sunk into my mother as Adam stalked in the opposite direction.

It wasn't until I'd taken a few steps in their direction that I caught sight of Onyx and saw just how bad he was and halted where I stood.

I'd seen him cry a few times in the seventeen years I'd known him, but nothing like this. His body was ravaging with sobs, shaking both his own and my mother's petite frame as she clutched him to her chest, rubbing his back with one hand as she whispered soothingly, the other wrapped around his shoulders as if she was sure it'd keep him from taking them both to the dewy grass under us.

"Hey." a soft whisper came from behind me, followed by a familiar arm snaking around my own shoulders and pulling me into his embrace.

I wrapped my arms around Mikey's waist and shook my head slowly as tears rolled silently, dampening my cheeks. "This doesn't feel real."

"I know." Mikey raked his fingers through my hair.

I extended an arm out toward my mother and Onyx. "How can she. . . she just act like it's not affecting her? How is she not breaking down like Nyx?"

"People have different ways of grieving, Rory." Mikey breathed. "Your mom is one of the strongest women I know, even if she's hurting, I doubt she'll show it in your company."

"I promised Olivia I'd take care of them." I said through the knot rising in my throat. "She told me my mom would act like this too. She said to not let her fool me, that she'd need me. But I. . . I don't know how to comfort them. I don't know how to do this."

Mikey squeezed my arm and hugged me tighter against him. "Nobody is asking you for a miracle, Rory. You just being there, a shoulder to lean on, will be enough."

"Onyx and I made out last night." I diverted the subject, knowing it'd probably be a while before we got the chance to talk like this again. "Multiple times. I just thought you should know. I know this isn't the time or place to tell you, but I don't want to deal with the interrogation."

Mikey remained quiet for a long time before he finally said, "Then I think you really need to go over there right now. He needs you."

I squeezed my best friend's arm before I made my way to my mother and Onyx, who, as expected, had sunk to their knees in the grass. My mom was cradling Onyx's head against her chest as he sobbed, very audible cries that he was struggling to breathe through. It was as I stopped in front of them I finally saw the tears staining my mother's cheeks. I lowered myself onto the grass and extended a handout to touch my mother's cheek. She rested one of her hands over my own and leaned into the touch. Scooting closer, I laced my fingers through Onyx's and caressed his cheek with my other. I knew there was no use in trying to speak. What could I possibly say that would make this better?

*

At some point Levi showed up and it took both him and Mikey to get Onyx in his car. Levi tailed us the entire drive home, but I didn't look away from Onyx slumped in the passenger seat to the right of my best friend. He'd stopped crying a little over an hour ago, but in doing so, it appeared as though he'd grown numb. He hardly acknowledged the boys or me, and when he did, he'd just stare at us with a vacant expression.

"I'll order some food." Levi insisted once the boys had all but carried Onyx into his house and thrown him on the sofa. He just leaned back with his arms crossed and watched the three of us in the foyer with a blank expression. "Mike can run to the store and grab some snacks. And you can grab blankets, Rory. He may not come around now, but he needs us. And he sure as hell will look back and appreciate this."

Once we'd gone our separate ways and Levi excused himself to the bathroom at the end of the hall, I joined Onyx on the couch and rested my head against his shoulder, touching my palm to his chest. "I'm so sorry, Nyx."

He was quiet so long I was positive, that like the rest of today, he wouldn't respond, but he eventually wrapped my hand in his own and whispered, "Me too."

*

Levi and Mikey ended up crashing around midnight, but I had no intention of even trying to catch a wink of sleep until Nyx was out. Unfortunately for me, he decided to step over our friends and head straight for his front door around two in the morning, and I nearly tripped over Levi trying to chase after him. He didn't even turn around as he snapped, "Go inside."

"Nyx." I tried, reaching for him. "Onyx, you don't have to internalize your feelings. It's okay for you to feel."

"You want to know what I'm thinking? What I'm feeling?" he asked. I nodded.

A cold, haunting laugh escaped him as he snapped, "I'm thinking I'm a fuck up. That there was so many times I could have stayed here with her instead of running away from it all. So many minutes, moments, I could have basked in. But I'm a coward. I'm a Goddamn coward, just like my Dad."

"Nyx." I touched a hand to his shoulder. "You know that's not true."

"She's gone. She's really gone and I. . . I don't know what to do. It feels like there's this. . .this hole inside me that won't ever be filled again. It's just cold, empty." his eyes flickered to me. "What am I supposed to do now, Aurora? Where am I supposed to go? Dad's selling the house and ridding himself of her existence entirely. But. . . but what about me?"

The words had tears falling from my own lashes. "You know you're always welcome in our house. My mom loves you."

"I wasted so much time, Aurora." he croaked. "So much time on dumb shit. On trying to prove myself to everyone, when the only two people that mattered hated me."

"Olivia could never hate you, Onyx!" I defended immediately. "She loved you with her entire being, Nyx. You could see it in the way she looked at you, in how she spoke of you. No amount of assholery could make her hate you."

He shook his head with a bitter scoff. "She had times when she'd give me that look. The look she gave my father every time he ran away from us. She was disappointed."

"Onyx, she loved you." I repeated. I'd say it until it finally registered in his head. "So so much. The relationship she had with your father was nothing compared to the one she had with you."

He tore his eyes from his hands gripping the railing and stared up at the starless night sky. "There's so much I want to tell her. To apologize for. To do with her. I thought I had more time."

"I know, Nyx." I whispered.

He pushed off the railing and dropped his hands limply to his sides as he stared down at me. "How are you doing? I've been so caught up in my fucking self all day I didn't even stop to ask how you were?"

"I'm okay." I lied. "Don't worry about me. I just want to be sure you and my mom are okay."

He pulled me into him and rested his chin on my head. "She loved you too, you know. One could swear you were her child with how highly she spoke of you, Sky."

I relaxed against him hearing the nickname and rested my head against his chest. "She was the best hype woman. She made me feel like a queen on the days I felt anything but."

"Did you know they were writing a book?" Onyx changed the subject suddenly, a chuckle shaking me out of my daze and earning a curious look. "My mom had notes in a journal in her room."

"Really?" I smiled at the thought of our mothers curled up and brainstorming together. "What was it about?"

"You." he answered without hesitation, one of his knuckles finding my cheek. "They wanted to make sure you got your happily ever after, even if it was only in book form."

I laughed through my tears. "That sounds like Mom."

"I don't know, my mom's suggestions were kind of-far fetched."

I craned my neck to get a good look at his face. "How so?"

"She was insisting your character eventually fell for the dashingly handsome next-door neighbor she hated with a passion."

I snorted. "She did not!"

"I'll go grab the book if you don't believe me." he made a gesture toward the house. "Or you can go ask your mom. She probably has the entire book written."

I tangled my arms over his shoulders and cocked my head. "What about it is so farfetched, though?"

"Oh, come on." he brushed his thumb along my bottom lip. "You could do so much better than me, Aurora. They know that. I know that. Everyone knows that."

"Nyx, I don't think you see the same person I do when you stare at yourself in the mirror."

A hint of a smile turned up the corners of his mouth. "I know I'm hot, Sky. That wasn't what I meant."

"You're an idiot." I said with a laugh.

He hesitated before he leaned down so his forehead was against mine, his lips brushing against my own. His blue eyes were still misty with tears, but it was there. That hint of amusement, of mischief, as he breathed out, "I'm sorry this wasn't the happily ever after you were expecting, Princess."

I ran one of my hands through his hair and shook my head, smiling against his lips. "No, it's a hell of a lot better."