You and your Woke™ Bae™, Matt McGorry, were sitting on the couch talking about the usual things, how your guys' day was going, what you guys want for dinner, the destruction of the patriarchy, etc.

As you guys were just hanging out, you randomly started to feel a tingle in your hoo-haa. Hearing your Bae™ talk about how women should be able to #FreeTheLabia now that #FreeTheNipple was legalized made you all hot and bothered.

"Bae™?" you purred seductively.

"What is it, my Strong Independent Woman™?" Matt asked. Matt called you this because calling you "baby" made him uncomfortable, since calling your adult female significant other "baby" contributes to the sexualization of young girls.

"I'm REALLY horny," you said. You open the drawer on the end table next to you and pull out the hand cuffs. "How do you feel about being cuffed to the bed?"

"Yes, I'm queer. I'm into BDSM," Matt said, winking at you. You pull Matt into a deep, passionate kiss. Matt grabs your hand and leads you into the bedroom.

Matt strips off his "This is what a Feminist Looks Like" t-shirt and just lace thong off (bc fuck gender norms), leaving him completely naked. He lyes down on the bed and puts his arms over his head. You climb up onto the bed and handcuff his hands to the headboard. You then proceed to scoot yourself lower until your face is right in front of his average-sized throbbing member. You start to rub his dick, running your thumb over every vein. As you lower your head to take him inside your mouth, he stops you.

"Strong Independent Woman™, I don't think you should do that?" Matt said nervously.

"Why not?" you asked, very confused.

"It's just that...I read this Buzzfeed article that said that blow jobs are were created by the patriarchy to make women inferior to men. Literally...." Matt explain.

You sat there in silence, just staring at him. You never realized how much of an idiot he was until now. You've never had a man pass up a blow job. What the fuck is wrong with him? Is he even a real person?

"Yeah...fuck this, I'm leaving," you said with frustration. You grabbed your shit and went home, leaving him handcuffed to his bed naked.