Taeyeon absentmindedly played with the lock button on her iPhone. She kept pressing the button causing the screen to lit up and blacked out each second. Every time the screen lit up, only the lock screen wallpaper showed up on the screen, no notification showed. She pressed the button again, to light up the screen and that was when her phone was snatched from her grip.

"I hate to see you like this." Yuri was now the one who held Taeyeon's phone, prevented the latter to play with the lock button again.

Taeyeon groaned before throwing her back to the couch rest. But she said nothing at Yuri. It had been like this in the past two days. Taeyeon would come over to Yuri's place after work, did nothing but staring at her phone, as if waiting for someone to call or to text her. But to no avail, there was nothing from the person she had waited for. On the first day, Yuri didn't do anything about this, but today, she got tired of watching Taeyeon acted this way.

"It's not like you're having a break-up, Taeng." She tried to knock some senses to her short friend. "How long have you known each other? Two weeks, right? Why are you acting as if you just ended a two-year relationship?" She continued.

Taeyeon pouted as she stared blankly at the ceiling. "I failed to manage my expectation, Yul." She sighed loudly. "I even almost believed that Santa is real and Fany is the Christmas present he has prepared for me." She closed her eyes as she exhaled. "What a stupid thought, I gave up on the idea of marriage but I almost believed that Santa is real."

Yuri chuckled at what Taeyeon said as she returned the phone back to her friend. "Just contact her if you don't want to let her go."

Taeyeon opened her eyes and took the phone. "N'ah, she said there's no point of being in a relationship if we do not share the same dream." She stared blankly at her phone locked phone screen. She actually wanted to do what Yuri told her to do. These past two weeks had been delightful for Taeyeon and she didn't want to end it like this. Even though they could not end up as lovers, she still wished that she could be friends with Tiffany. Tiffany was kind, she had a good sense of humor, they clicked well since their first meeting. It would be her loss if she lost a person like Tiffany.

"You guys are in your thirties. Act like adults, would you?" Yuri flicked Taeyeon's forehead.

"Ouch!" Taeyeon rubbed her forehead. "We are doing exactly what adults do, Yul. We understand the roadblock. We have different visions about life. So, we don't waste each other time and put it to an end."

"That's great! If you already put it to an end, no need to act like you're broken hearted then." Yuri scoffed.

"I am not broken hearted!" Taeyeon retorted. "I just feel it's a shame to lose someone as attractive and as jolly as Tiffany."

Yuri chuckled at how Taeyeon countered. "Taeng, you really like her, right?"

"Who doesn't like a girl like Fany?"

"Are you sure, you really want to end it? You don't want to try?"

"What is there to try? I really have no plan to get married or to build a family. I can't do that, Yul. We both know there's no such future for lesbians in this country." She hurled.

"I know there's no such future for people like us here." Yuri calmly replied. "I am not questioning your plan or her dream. I didn't ask whether you would like to try changing your view on marriage."

Taeyeon furrowed her eyebrows. "I am lost."

"What I asked was whether you're sure you want to end it? You don't wanna try to discuss further with her?"

Taeyeon didn't say anything, as she tried to absorb Yuri's advice. Deep down, she knew she didn't want this to end. But, she also didn't want to waste her time trying out a relationship that had different goals. She let out a loud sigh again. "I think I need more time to think."

***

"So, you're saying that you and Taeyeon is done?" Jessica concluded what Tiffany just told her as she applied her night cream.

"She doesn't want to get married, Jess." Tiffany whined in Jessica's bed.

"So, it ends?" Jessica reconfirmed.

"What's the point of continuing this if it leads nowhere?" Tiffany asked back.

"You keep beating around the bush. Just answer with yes or no, would you?" Jessica rolled her eyes.

"I don't want to." Tiffany mumbled, as if she was unsure about her answer.

Jessica finally smiled at the answer. "I knew it." She concluded as she put her night cream on the vanity and get on the bed, next to Tiffany. "I've never seen you this restless over something that is unofficial yet. What's so special about her, though?"

"I don't know. I feel like we're really clicked. Every time I'm with her, I feel like I can be myself. Talking to her is also very easy. You know that I no longer have too many criteria for a girlfriend, right? I only need someone who is easy to talk to. And Taeyeon is so easy to talk to. I can talk about anything to her. So I was really disappointed when finding out that she had given up the idea of having family." She answered with a frown on her face.

"So, Taeyeon decided to end this because you wanna build a family and she doesn't?" Jessica asked.

"Well, not really." Tiffany's answer was hesitant.

"So you ended it?"

"Uhm, nope."

Jessica sighed. "So who ended it?"

"No one..." Tiffany let out a huff. "But! She stopped contacting me after that day. So, maybe she's the one who ends this."

"Aish, Tiff..." Jessica slipped herself under the duvet and laid down. "You're saying that you assumed Taeyeon wanted this to end because she stopped contacting you after that conversation?"

"Isn't that an obvious clue that she doesn't want to continue this?"

"That's your assumption." Jessica winded it up as she closed her eyes. "Maybe you should contact her and talk this out with her."

"What's left to talk about?" Tiffany pouted as she mirrored Jessica's position.

"Everything about you and her. At least, if you both want this to end, you guys get proper closure and won't be bothered with 'what if' questions later on. Now, I wanna sleep. Good night, Tiff."

Tiffany stayed quiet for a while, thinking that Jessica might be right. If it really ended, at least she would get a proper closure. "Good night, Jess."

It was almost midnight and Tiffany could not sleep. Her mind was occupied by Jessica's words earlier. She took her phone from the bed post and she opened katalk app. She scrolled down a bit to find Taeyeon's name. She opened the last chat she had with Taeyeon which was two days ago. She read last few lines on the screen.

Taeng: Need to spend more time with her before Sica steals her away from me :(

Fany: LOL, silly. You speak as if I won't steal you away from her

Taeng: You speak as if I will allow you

Fany: I know you will. Just you wait and see :p

Taeng: Looking forward to that! Now, I am gonna spend my time with Yul. Don't be jealous

Fany: Okay, cutie. See you soon!

She frowned after she read. She still remembered the giddy feelings she had when she typed that she would steal Taeyeon away from Yuri. It was two days ago, and here they were, being all awkward after finding out their views about marriage. She closed her eyes, remembering good times she had with Taeyeon. It was only two weeks since they knew each other but she knew, she really liked Taeyeon. She opened her eyes again and looked blankly at the screen of their last chat when suddenly a new message popped up.

Taeng: Hi

Taeng: Are you asleep?

A small smile rose on Tiffany's face. Her thumb immediately typed a reply.

Fany: Not yet

It didn't take long before her screen switched to Taeyeon's caller ID. She immediately tapped on the green phone icon to pick up the phone.

"Hi," Tiffany answered.

"Hi, Fany." Taeyeon sounded awkward.

"I thought you ghosted me." Tiffany replied with a chuckle, earning a soft laugh from across the line.

"I was about to say that as well, you know?" Taeyeon replied a bit more cheery this time.

"Why are you not sleeping yet, Tae?" Tiffany asked. She wondered whether Taeyeon also couldn't sleep because of their conversation two days ago.

"I keep thinking about you." Taeyeon laughed again, maybe she thought it sounded cheesy.

"Yah!" Tiffany laughed along. "Is that the best pick up line you could come up with?"

Taeyeon laughed at Tiffany's question. "I mean it, though. I thought about you, about us, about our conversation two days ago."

Tiffany frowned at that. She didn't know what to feel. Part of her was happy because Taeyeon contacted her again, part of her felt wary, afraid that this phone call would be the last call she had with Taeyeon if Taeyeon decided to put a closure on what they had. "I would assume you've come into conclusion, that's why you call me. Am I right?" She tried to sound normal.

"Well, not really." Taeyeon let out a sigh. "Actually, I call you because..." She paused. "Please don't laugh if I tell you why."

"Spill it."

"I call you because I missed you." Taeyeon squeaked, and Tiffany couldn't hold her laugh. "Yah! I told you not to laugh!"

"I missed you too, Tae." Tiffany smiled when she uttered the word.

"If you missed me, why didn't you contact me?" Taeyeon whined.

"Because I thought we ended already." Her smile turned into a frown.

"That's actually the reason why I haven't contacted you these past two days." Taeyeon replied. "I also thought we ended already."

"I don't want to end it, though." Tiffany bit her lips. She didn't know how Taeyeon would react to that. Even though Taeyeon said that she missed her, it didn't meant the older girl still wanted to continue what they had.

"Me neither, Fany." A smile could be heard from Taeyeon's voice.

Tiffany took a deep breath, feeling relieved that at least Taeyeon felt the same way. "Can I say I am glad that it is not one-sided?" She chuckled.

Taeyeon chuckled along. "Anyway, I think there's a lot to talk about. I mean, about us, about our views in life, about our relationship. And I don't want to talk it out on the phone. Can I see you?"

Tiffany smiled. She remembered what Jessica told her earlier. Her best friend was right, they needed to talk it out. "Sure, should we talk in either my place or yours? I think we need some privacy to talk it out."

"I agree. What about your place? Tomorrow evening, after work?"

"Sounds good to me."

"So, see you tomorrow?"

"Yes, see you tomorrow."

"I think I can sleep now that I've heard your voice." Taeyeon chuckled.

"Yah!" Tiffany laughed while her heart beat faster. "Cringe!"

Taeyeon laughed along. "Let's sleep, Fany-ah. I can't wait to see you tomorrow."

"Okay, then. Good night, Tae."

"Good night, Fany."

***

Tiffany opened the door of her unit and greeted by Taeyeon who was in her work attire: simple white blouse and a pair of grey ankle pants. The older woman brought six-pack of beers, with a wide grin on her face. "Just in case we need something to let loose." She stated playfully before Tiffany stepped aside and let her in. Tiffany then took the beers so Taeyeon could take off her shoes.

"You're not driving?" Tiffany asked as she walked to the fridge and put the beers inside.

"Nope, I took taxi." Taeyeon replied as she put her shoes in the rack. "Can I use the bathroom?" She asked permission and Tiffany showed where the bathroom was. It didn't take long for Taeyeon to wash up before she got out of the bathroom looking refreshed.

Tiffany was sitting on a couch, two cans of beers were situated on the coffee table. She patted the space next to her, signaling Taeyeon to take a seat. Taeyeon took the seat next to Tiffany and rested her back on the couch.

"How's work?" Tiffany asked, noticing weariness on Taeyeon's face.

"Surviving." Taeyeon chuckled before straightened up her seat. "Trying to finish up the new product before end of year. I wanna take some days off for Christmas and New Year. How about you?"

"It's been slow. The holiday atmosphere is taking over the office already."

"I envy you." Taeyeon faked a sigh. She then turned her body to Tiffany and pouted. "I missed you."

Tiffany laughed at the sudden cuteness. "You're so cute."

Taeyeon smiled and stretched her hand to hold Tiffany's hand. "I mean it." She paused and looked at to their holding hands. "I really enjoy the time I spend with you."

"Me too, Tae." Tiffany smiled. "I never met someone who clicked since the first meeting." She closed her eyes and exhaled. "So, I when I knew you do not plan to build a family," She opened her eyes and looked at Taeyeon. "I was disappointed, and at the same time I was also sad. Even though I don't know whether we would last long or not, I also don't want to waste my time working on unsettled relationship."

Taeyeon frowned. She concurred Tiffany's statement. She also didn't want to be in unsettled relationship. "I understand. That's why I want to talk with you. Whatever outcome of our conversation, at least I want to understand your stand point, and I want you to understand mine as well." She gently squeezed Tiffany's hand.

"So, why you don't wanna get married?" Tiffany finally asked.

"Because we can't get married. Same-sex marriage is not legal here, Fany." Taeyeon pouted. "I also haven't really came out to my family. All of my friends know I am gay, but my parents don't know. I don't know how to break the news to them."

Tiffany stayed silent. That was not a new reason for her. She had heard the same reason from her ex-es before. She knew that coming out to friends was one thing, and coming out to family was a totally different thing. And most of the time, the only reason why gay people gave up the idea of building a family was because they didn't want to come out to their family. And Taeyeon situation was the same.

"I am not afraid to come out, Fany. But I can't help to think, is it selfish of me to pursue my happiness at the cost of my parents' happiness? I gave up the idea of marriage not because I don't want to build a family of my own, not because I really don't want to spend my life with the person I love. It's because I don't want to sacrifice my parents' happiness for my own." Taeyeon smiled sadly as she finished her explanation.

"Let's say, you won't get married. So, what are you gonna do if you finally meet the love of your life?" Tiffany understood Taeyeon's position. But she also wanted to understand Taeyeon's outlook on the future.

"I am going to make a living together agreement with my partner." Taeyeon answered seriously.

"Living together agreement? Like cohabitation agreement?" Tiffany ensured.

"Yes, it's not as strong as legal marriage. But at least outlines the rights and obligations of each partner towards each other."

Tiffany nodded at Taeyeon's explanation. "Well, do you know why do I hold on to my dream to get married and build a family?"

Taeyeon shook her head.

"As naive as it might sound, my main reasons are of love and companionship. Marriage provides formal commitment for partners to build life together, to share experiences. I am a woman, Tae. I also need reassurance. And to know that my partner is dedicated to the relationship by formalize it in form of wedding, it gives me a sense of safety, trust, and emotional well-being."

Taeyeon didn't say a word, letting Tiffany continued her explanation.

"And at the end of the day, I want to have a family of my own. Me and my partner might — or might not adopt a child, but the point of building a family for me is to have a place to belong, a people to be loved by, you have a partner to share your life and feelings together." Tiffany finished her explanation.

Both women then stayed silent, each of them tried to comprehend each other's opinion and recognized each other's feelings about the revelation of their views on marriage.

"I don't think our views are different." Taeyeon was the first to break the silence. "We both want commitments. I also want to have a place to belong, Fany." She smiled at Tiffany. "I think the only difference here is, you want it in the form of marriage, I want it in the form of cohabitation agreement."

"Yeah, you want the less binding one, huh?" Tiffany joked, sticking out her tongue to Taeyeon.

"Yah!" Taeyeon laughed and playfully slapped Tiffany's thigh. "Do you still see our views toward marriage is a roadblock for our relationship?" Taeyeon asked carefully. After listening to Tiffany's explanation, she believed they shared similar view towards life. But she didn't want to assume.

Tiffany smiled while shaking her head. "I think our views are very similar. In short, we both yearn for life-long commitment, don't we?"

Taeyeon gave a nod as an answer, before chuckled softly. "Gosh, it's the first time I talk about this matter before even official yet."

Tiffany let out a chuckle as well. "Hey, I told you I am gonna steal you away from Yuri, didn't I?" She playfully smirked.

Taeyeon smiled at Tiffany's remarks. "I am glad we talk it out."

Tiffany mirrored Taeyeon's smile. "Me too, Tae."

Taeyeon shifted her gaze to two cans of beer on the table and clicked her tongue. "Poor beer, we don't need you to let loose."

"Yah!" Tiffany laughed at the sudden mention of the beer. "You, silly."

Taeyeon chuckled as she stood up. "I guess, we can call it a night, then."

"You're leaving already?" Tiffany frowned.

"I still need to work tomorrow, Fany. Let's have dinner tomorrow?" Taeyeon offered and it brought back a smile on Tiffany's face.

"Deal." Tiffany approved. She then stood up and walked Taeyeon out from her unit.

Taeyeon wore her shoes and opened the door of Tiffany's unit. She held her step and turned around to face Tiffany and smiled. "I almost forget."

Tiffany tilted her head in confusion. "What is it?"

Taeyeon didn't say a word, instead she leaned in and pressed her lips onto Tiffany's. It was just a quick peck, a simple kiss. But it was enough to paint pink blushes on both women's cheeks.

"Th-that's unfair." Tiffany stuttered, earning a soft laugh from Taeyeon.

"What's unfair?"

"I wasn't prepared."

Taeyeon smiled and closed the door. "Are you prepared now?"

A shy smile and a nod from Tiffany. And it's all it took for Taeyeon to lean in one more time, planting another kiss on Tiffany's lips.

Maybe, Tiffany was really Santa's present for Taeyeon this year.

***