Eclipse Of The Moon ~ Book 1 of Aaron
Chapter 49
Confessions Over A Punishment

Saturday 29 November 2003

"This is one of the fundamentals in accounting, Ron, it's not complicated," Joshua concludes after a long explanation. "All you have to remember is that assets are what a company owns, liabilities are what they owe to others, and the owner's equity is the difference between assets and liabilities. So what we call the accounting equation is liabilities + owner's equity = assets. For a corporation, you just need to replace owner's equity by stockholders' equity. Got it or do you need more explanations?"

"No, that's fine, I think I got it," I reply, honestly relieved.

Thank goodness, I have the greatest best friends. I knew I could count on Joshua to clear up all the fog around this notion. He and I have often spoken over the phone in the last two weeks. With our programs being quite similar, he has been a precious help whenever I needed something urgently explained and since he's always so prone to lend a hand and share his knowledge, why wouldn't I use – and even abuse – it?

It's not arrogance on his side. Sure, Josh is always first to support his best friends, either financially, mentally or intellectually, but funnily enough, I believe it's mostly because he is a natural Dominant.

Not like a certain someone...

I refuse to believe this. I think that I too am a natural Dominant, perhaps even more than Josh. I wouldn't go through all the submissive pain if I didn't aspire to become a Master Dom in the future, and somehow, it shows I have the strength to endure this unwanted condition of mine.

"Didn't your tutor explain this to you?" he asks with a chuckle.

"I didn't ask her because we worked on other subjects this morning," I grouse. "And she's definitely not as fun as you are, Bro..."

"Yeah, I bet it was more fun with Marek," he sighs with compassion, but I can almost hear him smirking and I am already expecting worse comeback. "Though, you know..." he trails off. There we are... "You could try and run a hand on her leg, lift her skirt until you reach her warm and wet pussy..."

"Ugh!!!!! Shut the fuck up, you, asshole!!" I scream, glad that the door of the library is shut and that Ivan has locked himself in his own study. "You're gonna make me throw up. Miss Betty is a retired teacher from the college and even if I were straight, I wouldn't dare a finger into her pussy."

Yeah, Ivan made sure to hire the most appropriate individual to tutor me. No temptation..., he smirked after he introduced us almost two weeks ago. Well, there's no risk in that matter. However, I must admit that the old woman is brilliant, very kind, and her teaching skills have already allowed me to catch up greatly with what I missed since the schoolyear started. With three two-hour sessions per week, it's not bad.

"Ahahahah, just kidding, Ron! Though... I'm sure you wouldn't mind touching Ivan's warmth," he continues.

"Ivan's not over 60. He's not even forty. And he's freaking hot!" I scream, biting my tongue for saying too much.

I still haven't told my best friends about how my relationship has evolved lately. It's not out of shame...

Liar, liar... pants on fire...

Okay, there's probably a bit of shame. If I tell the guys only half the truth – that Ivan and I are dating now for instance – they're going to bug me with questions, and I might have to confess about my bottom status. I'm slowly getting used to the sensations, and I even take pleasure in all the sex we indulge in, but I still haven't gotten around my submission yet, emotionally speaking. I need more time to think this over, so meanwhile, I just want to keep this to myself.

"Aaah! So you still admit that you have the hots for him..."

"Josh, I'm just saying that he's gorgeous. You've seen pictures and you agreed he was handsome," I accuse, hoping it will lead him away, and thankful that I'm not speaking with Mark because he would certainly read through me more easily.

"Yeah right... Anyway... Do you have plans for tonight? Are you going out? Or are you still held on a tight leash?"

I almost choke on the innuendo. Fortunately, Joshua's tone doesn't hold any wicked sarcasm and he's just being his usual playful self, so I exhale a long sigh of relief.

"Yeah, I might go to the Heaven Water tonight if I manage to finish most of my homework. How about you? You haven't been out in a long time either, I remind you."

"School's been a bitch," he replies a bit awkwardly.

"And?" I insist, sensing there is more underneath his tense voice.

"Okay," he sighs. "I've been dabbling on the stock market a little more often than I should recently," he then says with a confessing tone.

"Dabbling on what?"

"The stock market! Come on, Ron! Aren't you a business student? You know, that's the place where you buy, sale and trade stocks on business days. I told you about it when we were in Boston."

"True, I remember now. But what the heck are you doing with this?"

"Making bucks," he snorts. "This is actually a very interesting domain, and if you follow the markets carefully and you're a little lucky, you can make tons of money," he explains excitedly.

"I don't follow the market and I'm not often lucky, so I'll pass my turn."

"Such a shame. I've already made forty thousand dollars since I started," he chuckles. "I'll teach you one day if you're interested."

"Yeah, maybe later. Congrats on the big money, though," I praise him, sincerely impressed. "Have you told your old man?"

"No fucking way, Bro. I'm not a minor anymore so I don't have to. All that cash is going to a bank account he doesn't know of."

"All the same, you said it works on business days and today's Saturday, so why don't you go out?" I argue.

"Because this little pastime has run over my studies a bit and I need to catch up. But you're right," he continues thoughtfully. "I need some sexual release. Haven't had sex in two weeks and I'd gladly tap a tight ass."

You tell me...

I would gladly tap a tight ass too rather than having mine pounded for once. It turns out that Ivan promised he would take me to the Hell Fire tonight if I was good and worked well. Well, I have been a perfect Submissive over the past two weeks, working seriously at school, focusing on my studies, learning more and more ropes of his lifestyle, and I only have an essay left to do for next week. So, it should be a done deal.

The only subsiding question is whether Ivan will yield to my request of adding a third party into a scene. The last two weeks have been so intense between school, the driving test, my sessions with Miss Betty, tons of homework and my training into submission. Once again, Ivan has set a tight daily schedule for me, which also includes one hour at the gym three times a week, and I clearly deserve a reward.

Once I am done listening to Joshua's ramble on how great it would be to find a twink to fuck and I have hung up, I am left with a throbbing erection that two weeks of frustration only make harder. Frustration isn't really accurate, though. With Ivan's wild imagination and his dedication at making me feel good as a Sub, I have discovered sexual horizons I didn't know existed. Through every new scene we perform in his playroom upstairs, I get acquainted with new sensations, new pleasures, and I reach higher levels of bliss, whether I'm tied up to chains, at the cross or on the bench. Ivan has also trained me to various accessories and surprisingly, I have enjoyed each and every one of them.

Pain has been my best friend to handle my emotions.

The leather floggers; the cat o'nine; the cane; they have all been my best friends.

It seems like a little masochist has spawned within me. I have been craving more pain each day as a means to cope with my submissive condition. Being a borderline Sadist, Ivan has been pleasantly surprised and gladly unleashed the beast in him.

I have a feeling that you and I will make a good pair.

He couldn't have been any righter when he said that two weeks ago. I will bide my time, but I honestly can't wait to be a Dominant, and meanwhile...

I fucking need to tap a tight ass!!!

Grunting, I rise to my feet and storm out of the library, only to barge into Ivan's study across the living room. That sex god's eyes are locked on the screen of his computer and with a groan of exasperation, he holds out a hand in my direction, motioning for me to stop where I am. It might not be the best time to disturb him, but I don't care. I just need him to answer one question.

Not taking his warning into account, I close the distance and slightly bend over his desk across from him, slamming my hands on the table. I should take the dark glare he throws me as he slowly tilts his head toward me as more evidence that I'm doing something wrong, and yet, the filter between my brain and my mouth seems to have vanished into thin air.

"Have you found a Sub to play with us tonight?" I ask.

"Have you finished your homework?" he retorts coldly.

"Yeah, yeah, almost done," I sigh. "Have you found a Sub to play with us tonight?"

"Are you kidding me, Pet?" he deadpans.

"Please, Master... Have you found a S...," I still persist.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, PET!?" he barks, promptly getting up. "How dare you disturb me while I'm working on complex tables? Without the slightest hint of politeness or respect at that! And drop that insolent gaze right away!"

"I'm... I'm sorry, Master," I reply, lowering my head now that I have realized I fucked up.

Well done, Ron... Only two weeks and you're about to get your first punishment! You'd better pray he doesn't change the plans for tonight.

"As you should. Is this how I've taught you respect? Do you think it's the right way to address your Master?" he asks dryly.

"No, Master, and I apologize."

"What should you have done?"

"I should have knocked on your door and waited that you invited me in, then I should have asked if I was disturbing you and if you'd be willing to grant me a few minutes of your time to talk..."

"See? It wasn't complicated. Do you need me to lecture you further on respect?"

"No, Master, I've understood my lesson."

"Count on me to drill it into you, Pet," he replies with heavy sarcasm. "Your punishment will occur in three steps, and trust me, you won't like any at all," he then announces, making me shudder. "First, you'll get twenty spanks to correct that bratty attitude," he goes on, walking around the desk until he faces me. "Then," he continues, lifting my chin, "I'll have you know that I had found a Sub to play with us tonight, but I will reschedule to next weekend."

"Please..."

"SHUT UP!" he shouts, his eyes throwing daggers at me. "I told you you'd hate it, and you will. We'll stay home tonight, and you'll go to bed by 9pm, like a little kid on a weekend night. Needless to say, your phone is confiscated until tomorrow morning."

"Yes, Master," I agree, suppressing a sigh.

Ivan is suddenly out of my sight and I'm left standing alone with tears of anger welling in my eyes. How could I be so stupid? Two weeks into the lifestyle isn't long, but I should have known better than to react impulsively and defy his authority. Now I'm in for another week of frustration.

"Come to stand on my right side."

The order pulls me from my misery and although I have a guess on what is coming, I can't help shivering as I turn around and see that he has sat down on the edge of the couch, his dominance having never been so intense. I hate that I disappointed him.

"Let your jeans pool at your ankles," he instructs, and I reluctantly pull my trousers down. "Boxer briefs too."

Ugh... This is even worse than the first time he spanked me back in August. The humiliation as I free my flaccid cock and my backside is real. However, I know that discipline is part of the lifestyle, as are humiliation and pain, but also rewards and pleasure, so I well intend to take my punishment well as the good boy I can be. I agreed to this. This will be the only way to redeem myself in his eyes. Determined to please him, I don't wait for another command to bend over and lie across his knees, with my hands and feet resting on the floor on either side of his legs.

"I want you to count up and say Thank you for teaching me a lesson, Master after each strike," he explains as his right hand kneads my buttocks. "You're a strong boy, I don't intend to take it easy with you, Pet, so I'll just remind you that you can safeword out of your punishment if it becomes too much, understood?"

"Yes, Master."

As the first slap hits my right ass cheek, delivered with almost-full force, a yelp of both surprise and pain bolts out of my mouth. Fuck!! It stings!!!

"One! Thank you for teaching me a lesson, Master," I manage after a couple of seconds, and the next smack lands on my left buttock right away. "Two! Thank you for teaching me a lesson, Master."

This part of my punishment goes really quick as Ivan delivers all the spanks one after the other, alternating between the left and the right. If possible, his strength only increases with each of them and at six, I can tell my butt is already on fire. At ten, my sight becomes blurred. At sixteen, a few tears escape my eyes. It's harder than I thought and yet, I have been dealing well with pain so far, but I guess the humiliation resulting from the position and my self-anger for having failed him play a huge role in my emotions.

Nonetheless, I'm here to learn and my resolve to buy myself back has never been so strong. Not once do I think about safewording because I am strong and I can take this. When I eventually reach twenty, I swear that one could fry eggs on my backside, but I don't care. All that matters is Ivan's praise as he tells me I'm a good boy.

"Don't move, Pet," he then whispers soothingly, and a cold substance gets smeared all over my heated butt. "This will ease some of the sting away a bit, but I think you'll remember your punishment for quite a few days."

The lotion does help a bit indeed, but when I lean back up and pull up my clothes, the fabric rubbing against my warm skin, I can already tell that the next few days are going to be hell, especially if I have to sit in class for seven hours on Monday. I have been there before, right? It's not like my father never educated me in a similar fashion, and yet, this is a whole different world I live in now. One that I have consented to. One that I know will lead me to a future I crave for. So, I won't complain. I will learn from the best mentor I could have ever wished for.

"I'll always be available to listen to you, Pet," Ivan says soothingly as he pulls me into a hug, "but there are specific ways to catch my attention as you know, and I certainly won't tolerate that you address me like you did earlier."

"I know, Master, I'm sorry."

"You're quite forgiven, because you dealt well with this part of your punishment even though I took it hard on you."

"Does that mean... we're going to..."

"Nope," he cuts me firmly, still holding me close to him. "You'll learn that I never back down. It'd be too easy, you'd never learn, and it would backfire at me. Authority is a such powerful thing. As a Dominant, if you fail to make your point, the Submissive quickly susses out and rushes into the breach. It does work with more lenient Doms, but I warned you that I'm a strict one, so don't expect me to yield anytime soon. Or ever."

"Fine... Got it," I sigh, pulling away from him and lowering my head.

"Hey..." he whispers, his warm hands cupping my face. "Are you that eager about this threesome?"

I'm mostly eager to ram into a tight hole...

"Yeah..."

"Then just think about how more intense it'll get after another week anticipating it. I promise I'll make it worth, Pet."

"Thank you, Master," I reply with a small smile.

"Now get back to work. Lunch is ready, but I need to finish this, so I'll see you in half an hour."

"Alright," I agree and turn around to leave.

"Aaron!" Ivan calls out as I'm about to step out.

As I turn around to face him again, he is standing in the same spot, eyebrows raised, and holding a hand out. Of course, he wouldn't forget... Suppressing a sigh, I walk back to him, fish my phone from the front pocket of my jeans and reluctantly lay the device in the palm of his hand before I eventually get out.

Thank goodness, the rest of the day goes uneventfully. After lunch, Ivan orders me to spend more time in the library while he quickly goes to his club – something about meeting a new potential Dom member and speaking with someone who will take charge of the club in his absence tonight. His return home around 5pm is utter relief. After nearly four hours trying to deal with a painful backside on my chair, his suggestion to spend a couple of hours at the gym is more than welcome.

After five months practicing on a regular basis, my body is slowly morphing into something more attractive, or at least, into something that fits me better, and that's probably one of the reasons why I enjoy it so much. I also love how I get to clear my head of all thoughts in these moments. While running on a treadmill or lifting weights, there's no crackling jamming in my head. No school. No friends missing. No submission. No worries. It's just about me and letting all the steam off.

Later that evening, long after the time I should have fallen asleep, Ivan joins me in bed once he has stopped by the bathroom to undress and perform his evening routine. He allowed me to watch TV with him until 9 before he sent me away as he had promised. I was hoping for a quick scene in his playroom, but he stayed downstairs and I relentlessly twisted and turned alone in his bed, never able to find sleep.

"Still awake?" he asks softly as he rolls me over to face him, wrapping his arms around me for a hug.

"Can't sleep..."

"Do you need to talk?"

I just shake my head in answer and snuggle against him. I love these cuddling moments. As much as I have a hard time with parts of my submission, I truly enjoy all the quieter times. Ivan smells so good. His arms feel so safe; his gentleness and affection warm my heart. In these moments, I often forget that a virus is trying to kill him.

"Can I ask a question?"

"Of course, Menino."

"How did you catch... HIV?"

I feel him tense around me. Painfully so.

His arms have tightened around my torso, his right leg has stiffened above mine, and his breathing has become jerkier. I'm about to tell him to forget my question when he finally opens his mouth to speak.

"Stupidity," he eventually sighs, rolling to lie on his back, so I prop myself up on my left elbow and gently rest my right hand on his chest, frowning at him questioningly in the semi darkness of the room. "Long story short, will that work?"

"Anything you're fine with."

"Back in 1984, I started dating a guy called Ashton. We were in a rather serious relationship, at least I thought so; until I caught him cheating on me as I came back from a trip to Brazil earlier than planned. I found him in our bed, fucked by another guy I'd never met before. He swore it was the first time it happened, and I believed him."

"Oh... you forgave him, but he didn't have safe sex with that guy and..."

"No, I couldn't forgive him, I broke up right away. And yes, they had safe sex cause I had time to see that the other guy was wearing a condom before I kicked them out. Not that we were sure what safe sex meant at that time..."

"Why?" I encourage him as his eyes darken with anger from the memories.

"That was in 1987. Back then, there was a lot of confusion and a real lack of information. AIDS was mostly known as the gay-related immune deficiency, like... it was only a gay disease. It was even labelled the gay plague. It was horrible for the gay community because... there was that freaking virus killing more and more people, you'd just wake up one morning and learn that another of your friends had passed away. People were looking at you like... you were a freak, or wondering if you'd be next on the list... Many were abandoned by their families, because they were gay, because they were HIV positive, because the lack of information made them believe they might catch it from kissing or just holding their hands..."

I was born in 1985, so of course, I don't remember a thing about all this apart from my parents' conversations years later. They would just say that homosexuals had spread a terrible disease. However, from Ivan's low voice, the sufferance he seems to be enduring while recalling all these memories and the pain so clear in his eyes, I can't help shivering. I give him the time he needs to continue.

"Despite all this paranoia and mass hysteria, some of us tried to carry on a normal life. Marcus only finished his residency in 1989, but as a future doctor and obviously quite concerned as a gay himself, he was keeping an eye on research, updating me on the latest discoveries. He had his own opinion on how the virus propagated, so he often reminded me that we should use condoms, just in case.

"Anyway, a few months after I broke up with Ashton, I met... Jolyon in one of the two clubs I already owned at that time," he whispers as a smile full of fondness draws across his lips and his eyes become damp. "He was such a lovely thing, an adorable and puny thing... He was barely twenty, still more or less in the closet and totally innocent."

"Hmm... these are the cutest indeed," I murmur, fighting the constriction in my chest caused by Ivan's use of the past tense.

"He was very fragile, I could tell, getting sick on and off from the slightest cold. We quickly... fell in love and settled down. My career was starting well, my grandfather had given me an absurd allowance upon finishing my studies in 1985, and it turns out I was doing the right investments. By 1989 and at 25, I was owning two clubs, one pub and one restaurant that I had bought and financially straightened out. My goal was to open my own nightclub, though, build it from scratch and I was already seeking the perfect spot for the Heaven Water. Things were going well with Jolyon, we were happy, and had it been legal, I would have married him, but..."

Ivan pauses for a few seconds, painfully swallowing. I can tell how hard it seems to be for him, so I provide him with the best affection I can, gently caressing his chest and patiently waiting for him to go on.

"In the first few months of 1990, Jolyon's health deteriorated with two consecutive pneumonias. He was a virgin before we met, had never been on drugs or transfused, so we didn't think about HIV, and yet, when he got tested, it turned out he was seropositive... meaning only I could have contaminated him. I always thought I was clean because... I had always used condoms on Marcus's advice, except with Ashton when our relationship began to last... and with Jolyon of course... It meant that only Ashton could have contaminated me.

"Marcus coaxed me to do the test and the result was obviously positive. I was furious. I searched Ashton and found him... on his death bed. He had the Kaposi's Sarcoma and was living his final days. He confessed that he'd cheated on me several times when we were together, and not always asked his partners to use condoms..."

"Oh my..."

"I couldn't bear with his apologies, they were too late. Jolyon's state was getting worse and worse, between hospitalizations and periods of convalescence at home. He was getting weaker, turning into a skeleton with barely enough meat to cover his bones. He suffered hell... The fifth pneumonia took him from me in the following winter. And it was all my fault."

I have such a hard time repressing my sobs and holding back my tears for Ivan's pain. In truth, it wasn't his fault, but I can understand his guilt.

"Don't say that," I whisper, scooting further up to kiss away the single tear that has escaped his eye.

"What else could I say, Aaron? I should have done tests after I broke up with Ashton. Instead of protecting Jolyon, I killed him."

"No, you didn't. There was such confusion around HIV back then, you said it yourself..."

"All the same, I can't help feeling guilty about it. That's also why I never allowed myself to be into another relationship further on. Losing someone you love is just... the hardest thing ever."

"That's silly... Look at Marcus and Sam, they're happy."

"It may sound selfish, but I just don't want to suffer again," he says, rolling over to hug me tightly.

"It's okay, I totally understand you."

"I've learned to live with my guilt, but back then, I just hated that Jolyon died whereas I survived."

"Was it because of his... poor health?"

"It didn't help, indeed. The virus was able to spread more easily than in a healthy body. And it was already too late to make him try all the new treatments that came out in the early nineties."

"Did you get them?"

"Yes, I did," he sighs. "I didn't want to, but as you can imagine, when I was detected HIV positive, Marcus outdid himself to find out where research stood, and then to convince me to try each new medication..."

"I'm glad he did."

Ivan just grunts at this and I give him a couple of minutes to gather his spirits before I shoot my next question.

"Is this why you got into that lifestyle?"

"No, not really," he sighs, loosening his grip to softly caress my back. "One of my clubs was a swingers club and BDSM was getting better known by then. We sometimes organized SM nights. Jolyon enjoyed those kinky themed nights, even if it was mostly about wearing leather and using floggers and restraints. Before he got sick, I met Master Tyrone, a guy who was deep into the lifestyle and had offered me to join his circle of friends, but his idea of a training didn't really appeal to me," he chuckles.

"I guess it implied submitting to him?"

"Yeah, something like that. Anyway, I declined his offer but soon after Jolyon died, I decided to contact Master Tyrone. I had tried about everything to soothe my guilt, I often went to church, but nothing worked, so... I hoped that Master Tyrone could help me relieve part of that guilt, and I guess it was some sort of self-inflicted punishment. He taught me all he knew about BDSM and I endured all these months as a penance."

"You mean that... you also went through a phase of submission!?"

"Of course. I wouldn't inflict this on you if I hadn't myself," he snorts, rolling his eyes. "It helped that it was in 1991 which was when I bought the former casino and was working on the Heaven Water. Being so busy allowed me not to dwell too much on this. I was also in a phase of investment, buying more and more establishments before I'd sell them, so I would just drown in work to cope with my submission to this man. However, what I thought was going to be a passing fancy turned out to be more than a temporary urge. I completely reveled in the lifestyle, found my way in it, and once considered a Dominant, I realized that I could use this to externalize all my anger toward Ashton and myself."

"Is this why you opened the Hell Fire?"

"Yeah, kind of. I actually quickly grew tired of those private parties that were held at people's places and in fact, I had heard about other small clubs opening in various places of the US, in Europe and other places across the world. The theatre next to the Heaven Water had closed down long ago and when I heard about an opportunity to buy it in 1995, I sold my first swingers club to buy it, even if I didn't open the Hell Fire until 1997. It was a bit hard to find members at first, I wanted it to remain something very private like at these parties I went to. This is where I recruited a few of the oldest members of the club and sort of associated myself with Mistress Ellie."

"Mistress Ellie... the co-Master Domme..." I interrupt him, racking my brain to remember why the name rings more than one bell in my head, but it suddenly hits me. "Hey, I just remembered something... That evening you got home sick last September and told Anton to ask her to handle the club without you. Damn! How could I be so stupid!? Back then, I thought she was an employee at the Heaven Water and it didn't even hit me when you showed me the club a month ago that I didn't meet any Ellie..."

"I'd forgotten about that detail," he chuckles. "Yeah, well, I'm glad you didn't remember either."

"No need to make fun of me," I huff, playfully slapping his chest. "So, I guess you'd met her at one of these parties?"

"Yes. Not that we got along that well, but she'd been in the lifestyle for a long time, knew her stuff and had a lot of friends who'd be ready to pay for a membership, so, as much I wasn't too keen on making the Hell Fire a mixed club, I needed her help. Besides, she's the one handling the club when I'm not available. She also does on Wednesday evenings so that I can enjoy myself without having to check on everything, at least once per week."

"Oh, okay... I didn't see that many straight or lesbian couples at the Hell Fire two weeks ago, though."

"I could say that BDSM is more of a gay kink, but it wouldn't be entirely true. Maybe it's just that gays are... more liberated than straight people or lesbians, I don't know, but the reality is that there are more gay members indeed."

"Hmm... that feels a bit weird."

"What feels weird?"

"You know... like... why would gay guys watch straight couples having sex or the reverse or lesbians watch gay guys having sex...?"

"Most of the people will focus on their respective orientation, but sometimes, it's just interesting to watch a scene for the techniques used by this or that person without really looking at the sexual side. And then, as far as straight couples are concerned, some are interested because they'd like to involve a third party into their own scene and there are women who enjoy watching their man getting fucked by another man..."

"Oh well, to each their own, I guess."

"Precisely. I'm not sure the Hell Fire will remain mixed for much longer, though. It's getting too crowded, there are recurrent arguments between orientations, so Ellie and I have already discussed parting ways. Anyway, guess what? It's getting late, so let's sleep, Pet," Ivan concludes firmly, tightening his hold around me again.

"Thanks for having told me all this, Master," I murmur with sincere gratefulness.

"It's okay, Pet, let's just not discuss it again, at least not anytime soon," he replies, and I snuggle even closer to him to convey my affection because I think he needs it right now.

"I won't, no worries. Thanks again."

"You're welcome, have a good night now, Pet."

"Good night, Master."

My head is so full of questions and thoughts from our conversation that I wonder how I will be able to find sleep. All of these actually jostle inside my head for a long moment and despite Ivan's soothing fingers, I can't help but brooding over all he told me about HIV, the loss of his lover more than ten years ago, and how the virus still kills thousands of people despite science's improvements.

I know that Marcus watches over him and that Ivan takes his treatments seriously, but all the same, all these years with the fucking virus must have somehow weakened some of his defenses. I may have known him for barely six months, but I already can't imagine my life without him by side or close enough.

"Ivan..."

"Hmm?"

"Don't ever leave me... please," I beg, tightening my hold around his torso, but his own tightening around my shoulders is the only silent promise I get.

Published on 10 June 2020

Here's the box of tissue for the most emotional readers, help yourself...

Even if so cliché, you just had the "first punishment chapter" with the spanking and more. I'm sure some of you had some Noah-feels with all the "postponing because you've been a brat", and that's just part of the parallel I'm making between Noah and Aaron, except that as you can clearly, Aaron's resolve and maturity are stronger, for obvious reasons.

As for the emotional part, well, now you've had a bit more of Ivan's backstory to understand him a little better (though, once again, remember that it's not his POV, so you can't take all his words or Aaron's feelings for granted without being in Ivan's head...), and it was important to also shed a bit of light on how things were in the 1980s as far as homosexuality and AIDS/HIV were concerned.

Even if born in the mid-1970s myself, I couldn't remember much about it, so it made for a very interesting research. I'm not going to share all the links I consulted, but if you're interested, there's an article that gave me feels when I read it. Sadly, Wattpad won't let me paste the link here, so you can just google "AIDS 1980s survivors" and you'll find it. It's from Gay Star News.

I'd also like to share a few pictures I found on the internet, just because I find them powerful and beautiful (and sad) in their own way.

Stay safe, guys 🖤

And in memory of Ivan's idol who died just a few weeks before Jolyon...

Freddy, you're missed 🖤