First off, Merry Christmas, everybody!!! 🎊🎄🎅!!! Victor says chello, with the $aulsce🍝!!

Bring him back, mother_ucking Giants! Odell said it himself! He wants y'all to #BringThat_$$Back, with Vic #Lookin'Like80$nacks! 😂😂😂!!!

Odell's perverted and so am I. 😂😂!! As if this was ever a surprise.

Alright! Now the real holidaloo:

WHERE in _uck's name are the $an♠Antonio♣$purs and Toronto🍁Raptors?!?!?

The NBA be stayin' on some $_it. What is _ucking wrong with them?? The $purs should always deserve a Christmas game!! And bless their poor hearts, they're only 23-11. 😔💜💔😔.

And then y'all just gon' act like the Raptors did not just literally pass the _ucking Cleveland Cavaliers for the 2nd _amn seed in the East. And they have the least amount of losses too, with 8.

How mother_uckin' sway?!? I can't believe the _itches that make the schedule! Y'all don't even know when to televise a bomb _$$ Northwestern Division match-up when needed! Which is like always!! I NEED THEM!!

Over the course of the last FIVE days, I've had to miss out close _$$ games of Trail Blazers-Timberwolves, Nuggets-Thunder, Jazz-Thunder (though this actually one wasn't close, but still), Timberwolves-Nuggets, and even a _ucking $purs-Trail Blazers game!!! The _uck?

All for some c_appy _$$ Scarriors, C_ckets, and Fakers games. Ain't everybody always wanna watch them!

How do these scores sound??
Blazers-Wolves: 107-108!! Nuggets-Thunder: 94-95!! Wolves-Nuggets: 112-104! $purs-Blazers: 93-91!! Can't believe these _itches. 😑😑😑.

Anyways, booyy did I get off Polar Express track! Thaat's my fault.

Give the Raptors their due! Kyle, DeMar- Mr. I Got Us- and all of Toronto are sick and tired of it!!... And I still got Kawhi for MVP and $an Antonio for the championship. 👿👿!!

I'm not even gonna sit up there and watch the first two games. Cavs-Warriors Part IV my _$$. Please _ucking no.

And forget the _ucking Knicks. I don't care if my cousin plays for them. They only get a Christmas game every year because the NBA's front office is in New York City. $_upid. Just plain $_upid.

But to rebless you guys' Christmas from all my unnecessary burdens I just threw on you guys:

When Kawhi was bopping his head, 😂😭😂😭😂😭😂!!!!!!!!!! Who paid him tens of thousands of dollars to do this?

😂😭😂!!!
I love you, Kawhi.
♠💜🎄💜♣.