Amy

"The bathroom is ghastly Jo. There's pee everywhere. And who painted the toilet seat and shower stall black?"

Sarah answered. "That would be Bob. He deals with depression."

"Who doesn't?" I asked. "There's depression and then there's destruction. He's got all sorts of demons."
Sarah's eyes widened. "How can you tell?"

"How can you not? There's no peace in that man-boy." I took a Lysol wipe from my purse and cleaned my hands properly.

"Are you gonna cast the demon out Amy? Your sister said you were here to help..." Sarah whispered, "...with the Bob situation."

"Hmmmm? I've never thought about merely casting the demon and not the whole person. I'm not sure where the division is?"

Sarah added thoughtfully, "Somewhere inside I suppose."

"I suppose... for now I'm just gonna see about getting Bob out of here." I smoothed my hair and touched up my lipstick. It couldn't hurt to look pretty while being persuasive.

Jo entered the girl's bedroom. "Okay, he's ready to speak with you. Although, as he put it, 'How can a grammar school girl shed light on anything?'"

I huffed. "Grammar school!" I glanced into an antique dresser mirror. "But hey if I keep my perky good looks that's fine with me."

Sarah asked, "Should we go with her? You know, for backup?"

Jo chuckled. "Amy has never needed backup. She's good at making other's back up though. Let's hope it works today!"  Jo looked at me. "Go get him Aim."

As I entered the living room Bob was chomping on a tabasco flavored extra long slim jim. It smelled awful. He held it out to me. "You wanna snap into a Slim Jim."

"No thank you... uh Bob." I wiped off the well worn beighish wing chair with another wipe and sat on its edge. "Look Bob... My sister Jo has asked me to speak with you concerning this residence."

"Whatever..." Bob threw the wrapper onto the floor. "Look, lil missy... This aint none of your business. What are you like. 12? Run home to your mommy! Oh that's right--you can't cuz she's dead."

I stood up. I had had enough of this bully. "Look Bob, I'd prefer you move someplace else."

Bob looked all spacey for a moment. "Oh? Well if you prefer... I'll pack my things." Then he started laughing and didn't budge from the sofa. "Get lost..."

I ran back into the bedroom. "It didn't work."

Jo pulled me onto her bed. "Whaddya mean it didn't work? Did you say, 'I'd prefer?'"

I explained. "Yes, I preferred him twice. He just laughed a maniacal laugh."

Sarah joined us on the little bunk bed. "I told you. He's got a demon--maybe lots of demons.

We all shuddered. The room felt colder.

Jo asked Sarah, "Does the heat even work in this apartment?"

Sarah shook her head. "Bob was supposed to pay the utilities this month. He promised."

Jo jumped up bumping her head hard on the top bunk. "He promised? A demon's promise means absolutely nothing!"

I asked, "Jo, I thought you didn't believe in all that."

"I changed my mind. This guy is bad to the bone." Jo rubbed her head.

"Sarah, can you fetch some ice for Jo?" She did.

I explained to Jo, "In mom's journal she wrote, "This type comes out but by prayer and fasting."

"Amy, you know I've never been good at fasting. I get hangry then mom would beg me to eat something for her sanity."

"I remember... but mom also wrote if you remove a demon and it's not replaced with the Holy Spirit seven worse demons come to take up residence."

Jo looked astounded. "Seven worse Bob the Slobs?"

"No..." I assured her, "one Bob with seven demons inside."

Jo huffed. "From the looks of him I'd say he's got 27 demons inside. One for every year of his wretched life." Jo turned to Sarah who twisted her silk neck scarf in her hands. "How did you ever move in with a guy like this?"

"He went to my family church. He seemed alright at the time. He offered to sleep on the couch and I could take a roommate in the bedroom--to keep costs down."

Jo couldn't hide her disdain. "You mean find him another chump who'd be willing to pay the rent and clean the place? He gets free rent and a maid!"

I tried to offer a solution. "How about this? We try God's way? We fast and pray then come back and I'll prefer the demons and Bob far, far away."

Jo looked disgusted. "Fasting? We don't have time to fast. We need this guy outta here and pronto! Didn't Jesus say "Greater things you will do and have faith.

In the midst of this chaos it made me smile to hear Jo speak of spiritual things. "Okay Jo. You and Sarah agree in prayer while  I go back in and try to persuade Bob to leave.

Jo rhymed:

"Bob won't go
But we want it so
If Amy can't persuade him
Out the window I'll throw."

"Jo!" I squealed. "We can't throw Bob out the window!"

"No? You could persuade him to jump. Somewhere in the bible a legion of demons haunting a lunatic begged to go inside a herd of pigs then they fell off a  cliff."

"While I'm impressed you've retained any bible knowledge at all... Do you see a herd of pigs around here?"

Jo cracked open the bedroom door. "Nope, just one pig eating a devil dog on the sofa."

Sarah cried out, "Those are my Drake's cakes! That's the last straw!"

Jo laughed. "Okay Amy go on. We're gonna pray and you do your thing."

As I started to leave Sarah grabbed my arm. "Sometimes there are pigeons on the AC unit outside the window. Maybe you could send the demons into them?"

"No, no, no!" Jo objected, "We cannot have Bob demons flying all over Manhattan. Just get rid of him Amy."

I wasn't sure when or why Jo's faith had returned like a flood but it gave me the strength to return to Bob and try once again.

I took a cleansing breath. "So Bob can we talk?"

"You again!" I thought I told you and your gargantuan sister to get out." He stood up and brushed chocolate cake crumbs onto the filthy brown matted shag carpet.

Bob and I were the same height. "I'd prefer you not call my sister names."

Bob's demeanor softened. "I'm only saying that because she's so tall and I'm so short. She looks like a supermodel And you... you're as pretty as an angel.."

"I see... Thank you Bob. I'd prefer you'd clean up this place from top to bottom."

Bob looked around with new eyes. "It is disgusting here. I'm such a slob. Ever since I can remember my parents have called me 'Bob the slob, can't hold a job soon his head will be like a silver door knob."

Immediately Bob began cleaning the apartment. "I may need to pop over to the grocery store for more cleaning supplies."

While watching Bob sweep vigorously I added, "And stop by the hardware store for primer and paint. I'd prefer you painted the bathroom a bright white.

"You are absolutely right. Who wants a black bathroom? It's hideous! I only did that outta spite ya know." Bob scooped crumbs and dead roaches onto the sweeper. "I'll call the exterminator as well ."

I asked, "How can you pay for all of this Bob?"

"I get disability checks on account of my back injury. I used to be a chef at a fancy joint in Soho but I slipped on some hollandaise...  I'm in excruciating pain most of the time."

"How sad. I'd prefer you weren't in any pain at all."

Bob stood a bit straighter. When he did I noticed him to be a few inches taller than me. "How about that? The pain--it's gone!"  He jumped up and down just to be sure. "I was right, you are an angel!"

"No Bob, ask my sisters... I'm no angel. I'm just someone who cares. Tell me the truth. Can you pay rent? Chip in for food and utilities?"

Bob grabbed a rag and vinegar solution and cleaned off the grimy coffee table. "Yeah sure... now that I don't need my weed. I can even pay Sarah back."

By the time Sarah and Jo entered the living room it was spotless. Sarah's mouth hung open.

Bob teased, "You'd better close your mouth Sarah or you'll catch flies." Then Bob took out a notepad from his back pocket. He scribbled a few things. "Add fly strips... What would you like for dinner?"

Sarah managed to close her mouth but remained astonished. "Anything Bob. You feel up to cooking?"

Bob hugged Sarah and twirled her around. "I feel up to dancing!"

Jo whispered in my ear. "I thought you were gonna get rid of him."

I smiled. "I healed him. Which is better."

Jo asked sarcastically, "Did you heal him or persuade him? One way he's on our side the other way he's some sort of robot Bob. Instead of Bob the Slob we have Butler Bob."

Bob entered wearing an apron and holding a tray of avocado toast. "I like Butler Bob much better. She healed me by the way." He held the tray toward us. "Snack, ladies?"

---