I mindlessly scratched the last few strokes into the sketch I was working on. Gently moving the curve of his nose, coaxing his lips into a larger smile... until I was satisfied. I leaned away from the desk to observe what I had drawn, and immediately felt a rush of regret wash over me as I took in the boys features. This is why I don't draw anymore. I sneered in my head. I quickly crumbled up the paper and threw it across the room into my light pink trash can.

I sighed and placed my chin in my hands resting on the table. I'll never forget you... I thought. Tears started to threaten me and I angrily threw my hands up to my eyes, erasing them from existence. Don't be so weak! He's the one that left.

I took in a quiet, deep breath, and glanced at the alarm clock beside my bed.

[6:29 a.m.]

[6:30 a.m.]

"Sh-"

I slapped one hand onto the clock and another onto my mouth. I successfully muffled both the sound of the clock, and my own shriek. I jumped out of the desk chair and snatched my backpack from the foot of my bed, making sure to throw my headphones into it on the way out. I tiptoed through the house until I got to the front door, where I was met with the bitter cold of mid December. I fluidly stepped out of the doorway and lightly pushed the door back into its frame. Taking quiet, hasty steps, I reached the icy sidewalk before anyone noticed.

I looked both left and right, lingering just a bit too long on the left, before turning on my heel, adjusting the straps of my backpack, and began my journey to school.

I let the quiet, winter world surround me. The icy air bit at my now rosy cheeks and I adjusted my thick, wooly scarf to protect my mouth. The sun was just starting to rise over the lonely streets of Daegu, and I caught myself staring at it in its glory. I had become so focused on the golden glow that I halfway jumped when a small black cat nudged my ankles, pushing through my legs. The cat looked up at me with its dark, wide eyes and I couldn't resist the ghost of a smile that crept up onto my face. I knelt down and softly ran my fingers across the deep black fur covering the cat. It moved and purred against my touch and nudged me again, asking for more.

"Ah, Blossom! it's been a long time."

I moved back up into a standing position, leaving the cat on the frosty ground. I let out a sigh and watched the white air come from my mouth.

"At least you're still here." I told the cat.

I suddenly felt my heart droop right down to my stomach. The cat stared up at me, oblivious to the storm brewing within me.

Then, without glancing back, I turned and continued walking to school.

I had grown accustomed to the silence. It had started to feel comfortable. I had been walking the same route every morning at 6:30 for years now. Only it hadn't always been so quiet. But I felt that it was comforting. No yelling, no fighting, no teachers, nothing. Just me, the birds, and the wind.

I continued my routine walk, trying to focus on the sunrise more than my thoughts. I started at its glowing form and begged my thoughts to stop going back the the drawing, or the cat, or heaven forbid what would have happened if I hadn't gotten out of the house in time.

So, I took it step by step, breath by breath, constantly staring forward, until I would finally reach where I needed to be. School.

School.

School wasn't the worst thing, I preferred being there rather than home, but I still hated it. People w always looked at me, whispered about me, and I had no friends there.

"Oh did you see Jieun? She's as thin as a stick, seriously."

"Oh Jieun? You mean the one that never talks?"

"I've literally never seen her not wearing her blazer and tights. Do you think she has some sort of skin disease?"

Usually I'd just try and ignore them. They weren't telling lies, they were just twisting the truth to make it seem worse...

"Do you know Jieun? Yeah she's weird. She was best friends with Kim Taehyung but ever since he-"

And in the earbuds go.

I couldn't stand hearing that name anymore. Kim Taehyung. It hurt to just think about him.

The younger kids of the school think I'm a secluded freak, and the older kids just see me as someone who drastically changed in under a year.

They don't know a thing.

When I finally reached the school, the sun was resting right above the horizon. I checked the watch around my wrist;

[7:04 a.m]

I dropped my hand back down to my side and scanned the area around the school.

Are you ready for a new day, Jieun?

Ready as I'll ever be.

***

"Lee Eungjae?"

"Present!"

"Park Hyorin?"

"Present."

"Park Jieun?"

My head shot up from the sketch I had doodled on the desk to meet my teacher's tired eyes. I blinked a few times before answering only loud enough for him to hear.

"P- Present."

Mr. Song write something on his clipboard and tapped his pen on the top a few times.

"Miss Park, please stay after class today."

The whole class giggled and laughed behind me. My mouth hung open and I realized where his gaze was falling. Onto the messy sketch I had scrawled onto the glossy table. My face grew hot as I grabbed the hem of my sleeve and tried to wipe it off the desk. Mr. Song just sighed before starting on the roll again.

"Song Heeji?"

"Present!"

The voices of the class faded into the background as I watched my small fingers interlock with one another, release, and start again. I imprinted nail marks into the pads of my fingertips, wringing and squeezing my bones, just trying to ignore everything I felt inside. I didn't look up again until a crumpled up paper found its way directly in front of my face.

I calmly held the paper in my hands and looked for whoever threw it. A girl not too far away from me was looking at me with a disgusting grin on her face as she motioned for me to open up the paper. I flattened out the paper and glanced at her one more time before reading it.

Why don't you put on some makeup and try to actually look nice? Maybe you should eat for once! Or, can your dad even afford food? Working without your dead mom?

I felt the heat rise back up to my face as I crumbled the paper back up, and threw it to the trash can next to the door. Everyone around laughed at my reaction. Ignoring them, my eyes darted to the ever-slow ticking clock, nearly crying with happiness when I saw we only had a few minutes left before they would leave.

When the final bell finally rang, everyone else jumped up from their seats to hurry off home, where their meals would wait, while I stayed put. After everyone had left, Mr. Song came over and started tapping on my desk.

"Miss Park..." he started.

I only continued to watch my squirming hands. They were like little kids who had sat still for too long.

"Miss Park, look at me when I'm speaking." He said, his voice more demanding now.

I slowly lifted my head to look at him. He pushed his glasses up his nose and breathed heavily once before starting his spiel.

"Jieun, there are a serious of issues in your performance here at school we need to address." He cleared his throat. "For one, you've failed every math and English test this year, despite the fact that you stay after school for tutoring nearly everyday. I feel like you just aren't putting any effort in." He adjusted his glasses again. "If you keep this up I'm going to need to contact your fa-"

"No!" I shouted. My hand shot up to my mouth.

"Sir, I'm sorry. I promise I'll try harder and I won't fail. Just- please don't contact anyone." I pleaded.

He hummed a bit before answering, "Miss Park... is there something going on at home? Are you feeling alright?"

I could almost feel the color drain from my face. "Everything is fine, Mr. Song. Nothing to worry about." I answered.

He squinted his eyes and closely studied my face before speaking again.

"Fine. Let me know if you need anything, Miss Park. You may go." He stepped back to his desk and started sorting through papers.

"Ah, one more thing. Don't draw on the desks, Jieun. This isn't an art school."

I only nodded as I collected my things and darted out of the room.

***

When I arrived home that night, I was met with an empty house. Quiet, dark, and safe.

I made my way over to the kitchen, and made myself a cup of ramen, and brought it up to my room, leaving no trace behind.

the old wooden chair at my desk creaked as I slid into it. I flipped on the lamp and started fumbling around until I found a blank sheet of drawing paper. I then picked up the nearest pencil I could find, and pressed lead to paper.

As I dragged the soft gray graphite over the white page, I felt like every bad thing that had happened to me was flowing from me, through the pencil, and into the paper.

One dirty look, One stoke of the pencil.

One crumbled note, One cross hatching

One failed test, One shaded nose,

One angry Teacher, One-

I suddenly heard a door slam in the room below me, causing me drop my pencil and drawing a long, dark line on the paper.

"Get out of my house!"

My heart stopped. I stared at the wall in front of me, covered in drawings and paintings. I looked at each of them, seeming to whisper things to me. Things I couldn't quite hear.

"I said get out!" This time I heard another voice answer, much more quietly, and I softly let out the air I had been holding in my lungs.

He isn't talking to me.

There was a loud crash and the door slammed once again, leaving the house in silence.

I sat still for a moment, listening for any movement, and when I heard none, I quietly got up and walked over to the door, holding the knob in my shaking hand. I turned the knob slightly, listening to every creak, every whisper of the walls, until finally, I cracked open the door and stepped out. I had one foot in the hallway, and I looked down the stairs that were directly to the right of me,

To be met with the eyes of my father.

I gasped, nearly choking on air as I desperately tried to get back into my room, but failed with how much my hands were shaking.

"You." He growled, "You did this to me! You've ruined everything!" He started pounding up the stairs towards me.

"I'm I'm s-sorry" I managed to croak.

"If you're sorry then get out of my sight! It's all your fault! All of it!" He screamed.

I panicked as he got closer and I darted back into my room like a scared cat, shutting the door and holding it. Relief washed over me when he only stormed past my door.

I still listened to what was happening outside my room, and heard him angrily pound around his own room, breaking things and yelling. I realized I had tightly shut my eyes and was breathing heavily. When I finally couldn't hear him anymore, I sank down to sit on the cream colored carpet floor. I covered my face with my hands, and tried to stop myself from crying out, from sobbing. But my back had begun to rise and fall in quiet sobs. I felt like the floor had opened up beneath me, swallowing me up into an endless, dark pit of confusion, of fear.

What do I do?

I felt so alone. No one knows, no one can come to me saying, Oh, everything will be ok in the end, I'm here for you. No one was there for me. No one to pat my shoulder, rub my back, to save me from this hell.

Is there anyone who can hold me together when I'm falling apart?

After what felt like hours, I raised my head, wiped my tears, and looked around. My sheer white curtains were blowing in the wind from the cracked window, and the moonlight was shining through and onto my bed. The lamp was still on on my desk, along with the sketches, and now cold ramen.

I got up on my shaky legs and walked over to the desk and stared at the drawing before picking up the pencil to finish.

One angry Father, One box like smile.

————

Hey! Thank you so much for reading this! I really hope you enjoy it ☺️✨ I've been working very hard on this story.

I'm not sure how often I will publish a chapter yet, but I will let you know shortly.

For now, this is what I have 🤗

I hope you had a good day!!