Chapter 3

Click
Bang bang.

DIRK: Holy shit.
DIRK: Is there a serial killer in the house?

Really, who was banging this late at night?
Ah, well, he could probably have worded it better but he was too tired and out of it to care.
Scowling, Dirk squinted, pulling the curtains on his very rarely open window open just a tiny bit, giving him enough space to check out whatever the hell was shooting up the grass like their life depended on it.
He narrowed his eyes at a dark figure sitting on one of the branches of the large tree growing right bang smack outside his window.
He flinched away from it when another bang (a relatively loud one) came dangerously close to shooting him in the face.
A little miffed at the fact that he almost died right then and there he stuck his head out the window.

DIRK: Do you mind?
JAKE: WAUGH!

A cry of fear followed his question, followed by even more gunshots, this time just barely grazing the side of his head.
Joy.
Whoever was outside his window was currently struggling to get back on the branch they were sitting on.
Serves them right for trying to shoot it.

JAKE: Cor blimey man! Dont scare me like that! I may as well have popped your noggin off by accident!
DIRK: What language are you speaking?
DIRK: But anyway, I'm still working on something important right now and I'm not planning to die today.
DIRK: Are those.. Are those real?
JAKE: How else would i be shooting if they werent real? Theyd be nothing but pure duff.
DIRK: Makes sense but it's already twelve o clock midnight.
DIRK: Twelve o clock and you're still here, wasting bullets.
DIRK: Twelve o clock at fucking midnight.
JAKE: Is it?

The guy, who Dirk assumed to be Jane's roommate checked the watch on his wrist.
He whistled lightly. Probably shocked.

JAKE: Well colour me shocked! I didnt realize my gallivanting led on this late.
JAKE: Ive been positively full of beans for the past few days so please excuse me for that!
DIRK: Full of...full of what?
JAKE: Beans.
JAKE: As in you know.
JAKE: Bursting with energy. I cant seem to sit still since i moved in!

Colour me shocked,
Gallivanting,
Full of beans.
What in the goddamn.

Dirk was starting to think this guy was genuinely mentally deranged.

DIRK: What kind of dictionaries do you read?
JAKE: Pardon me?
DIRK: Screw it, just stop what you're doing and go to sleep.
JAKE: Ah wait! Youre the, er, dirk person roxy was talking about correct?

Before Dirk could even answer the new guy had already crawled across the leafy tree foliage to his window (very expertise skill, Dirk had to admit) and before he knew it he was staring into the prettiest emerald eyes he'd ever seen.
Which is saying a lot.

His throat went dry for around half a millisecond as he tried finding something to say but thankfully the guy was damned talkative.

JAKE: Thats you right? Dirk strider?
DIRK: Tarzan wannabe, calm down, holy shit.

Dirk attempted to close his window to try to not let the bugs get in but a pair of hands grabbed the edge before he could.
This guy was really persistent.
Under different circumstances Dirk would have admired that, but it was late and he desperately wanted to get some shut-eye.

JAKE: Nonononono! Wait! Wait im sorry! Im sorry!
DIRK: Sorry for what?
DIRK: For climbing up a tree and halfway into my room without my consent?
JAKE: I didnt even know someone was in this room!
DIRK: Well, now you know.
DIRK: And dude, you're gonna fall.
JAKE: Ive done this before! No need to worry about me potentially snapping my neck on the ground.
DIRK: That's my dream. But okay, if you say so.

Dirk tried to close the window again when Jake poked his head inside his room, an action which made the blonde cringe inwardly. He was starting to think that he was right for assuming that he was mentally deranged.

JAKE: Ow! Ow, my neck! Sorry to intrude but i didnt mean any harm when i accidentally-OW!
JAKE: Please stop trying to close the window it REALLY hurts!
DIRK: Do you seriously want to go inside.
DIRK: Seriously.
JAKE: I mean only if youd like me to-OW! PLEASE!
DIRK: I don't want to but you're going to die there if I don't open it.
DIRK: And I don't want to see someones creepy ass head in my window.
DIRK: That and after you die, Roxy and Jane are probably going to kill me in cold blood.
JAKE: Is that an invitation?
DIRK: Sure.
DIRK: On one condition, you can't make noises.
JAKE: Noises?
JAKE: I mean i sure hope you dont mind me looking around but i dont think that would qualify as noises!
DIRK: Let me finish.
DIRK: Noises after midnight. You got that?

Jake nodded fervently, his eyes sparkling with the excitement of getting to explore somewhere he'd never seen before. Dirk couldn't blame him. His anime shelf was right across his window. It was pretty kickass, he knows.
The blonde finally opened the window, still extremely weirded out by the green dude but he let him in anyway as he watched him look around his room like it was some kind of rare museum. Dirk was still very confused about that. As far as he knew his room contained nothing out of the ordinary save for the revolving shelf that housed his secret stash of shoujo manga.

But some guy he just met didn't need to know about his secret stash of shoujo manga.

DIRK: Found anything interesting in there, stranger?
DIRK: Now I know why a lot of girls get killed.
JAKE: Oh fiddlesticks i probably sound awfully intrusive dont i?
JAKE: My bad!
JAKE: I planned to take a short kip to get accustomed to my bedroom but i woke up feeling absolutely knackered so i went outside to waste my time.
JAKE: Do a little fannying around.
JAKE: Good thing that all went hunky-dory since ive met you now!
DIRK: That's cool but it would be nice if you could, I don't know, introduce yourself.
DIRK: So I can search it up on google and see if you killed someone.
JAKE: Huh? Oh good god what is wrong with me!
JAKE: Im really sorry about that pal!
JAKE: The names jake! Jake english!

Jake stuck a hand out towards him, beaming. Dirk noticed the buck teeth.
If he didn't know any better he would've thought Jake and Jane were related.
But, I digress.
Very awkwardly he took his hand and he swore he almost felt his arm get ripped out of its socket by the sheer velocity of which Jake was shaking his hand.
Does this guy ever run out of energy?
IS he solar powered or something?

DIRK: Jake. Jake English.
DIRK: Nice.

Dirk stated as he realized how cold his voice sounded-or perhaps he was just really tired of having to deal with this bullshit so very late at night. His sleeping schedule wasn't really the best but at the very least he had one.
He doesn't wake up looking this good after all. He needed beauty sleep.

DIRK: You can let go of my hand now.
JAKE: Your hand?
JAKE: OH for crying out loud! I am so sorry!

If Dirk had to take a shot everytime this guy apologizes he'd probably be drunk in no time. Or dead. Probably the former rather than the latter.
Immediately the brunette let go of his hand, rocking back and forth on his heels nervously folding his arms behind his back, like a bird trying to look for its food, but it is so incompetent it finds none and ends up having to fly back home with no food for its growing family.

So how do you entertain a guest again?