I stare at him blind sided as he calls me by my mothers name. "Why did you leave Faith? Why did you leave me?" He asks in a whimper. I feel my eyes water to the sight of my dad so broken. "Dad its me Faith.." I say moving his hair to the side out of his puffy eyes. "Oh Faith.." He sips his wine. "What have we done to deserve this?" He asks. And I wish I could answer him, I really wish I could. But I didn't have the answer, I wasn't the one with the answer.

And even after so many years that he'd ask me this when he is intoxicated, I still don't know. I want to find out the same thing. "I don't know.." Is all I say. He nods with his head handing low. I sit in front of him and he looks up at me. "Shawn left?" He asks, and I'm surprised he noticed, being that he's so drunk. "Yes." I say. He nods. "He's a smart young man you know.. And he seems to like you a lot.. I wouldn't mind if you dated him." My dad says. I bite my lip.

"I don't know..." I say. He touches my hand that layed on my lap. "I know.." His voice cracks. "I know that I've been so bitter to you .. But don't let my cold heart affect you Faith." He says. "Just give him a chance.. I'm not forcing you to marry him or anything.. Just open up a bit." He tells me. And I feel like he's right. For the first time in years, he's given me helpful advice and he's actually treated me like a grown woman. I nod. "Okay.. I will." I say.

He closes his eyes and smiles. His gray hair made him look so old, the wrinkles under his eyes made him look tired. "Why don't we go to bed dad?" I ask. He shakes his head. "No." He says sipping his wine. "Faith.. I have to be honest with you.." He starts. And I feel the pulse in my neck quicken, making me feel sick. "I've been so rotten to you.." You barely realize that now? After all these years? I just sit there, listening to his words that I knew for a fact that he'd forget in the morning.

"You're so ... Amazing.." He whispers. "I'm so grateful that your mother left you with me.. I wouldn't have been okay with out you.." He says. I feel my eyes water. "And.. I never told you that.." I literally witness his eyes water, the strongest and toughest man I know alive, is close to tears. "I'm so proud of you..." His voice cracks and he begins to cry. I let my tears fall, but I quickly wipe them away.

"You're drunk dad.." I say in complete denial that he actually means all these things and outrageous words that leave his intoxicated mouth. He nods and downs the rest of his wine. "You're right.." He agrees. And I knew that my instinct was right. "Now let's get you to bed dad." I say pulling on his arm. He pulls it away. "No Faith. I'm not tired. Let me enjoy my birthday." He says refilling his glass to the rim with wine. "Dad." He looks at me furious.

"Faith! I said no!" He yells slamming his fist on the table. "Fine!" I yell standing up and I feel my stupid tears run out of my days and down my cheeks. "I'm leaving! I don't want to stay here and watch you fill your lungs with Wine." He shrugs. "Go. No one is asking you to watch me like a child." He says harshly. I grab my purse from the large island that centers the kitchen.

"Have a great birthday." I say as I walk out of the kitchen and into the hall way out of his drunk site.

I knew he couldn't change, he can't have feelings. He doesn't know how to be sentimental, or caring. Not even comforting to his only daughter.

**

I watch everything in a blur as Jeong drives me home. "You know Faith." He says from behind the wheel. I look at him. "You may think your father is a heartless and unlovable man.. But he cries at night sometimes.." He says,and I wish I could believe him. I don't answer him.

"I know you don't believe me Faith.. Being that you're Faith the daughter of Lean Heon a very stubborn man and you'd never believe such thing about your father... But its true. He's a very lonely man.. That just wants love." He says. I laugh out loud. "Its funny you say that Jeong." I look back out the window. "My father has never given me love, and you don't see me acting the way that he does. Bitter and cold hearted.. How must he receive if he's never given?" I pause.

"He can never truly appreciate life like he should. Loving his only daughter..." I blink back tears. "He loves you more than you know Faith.." He says. I look at him again. "You don't know him like I do." I say. He chuckles, "I guess I don't.. But I do know him much better." I frown. "And you'd say that because?" I ask. I see him smile in the rear view mirror.

"I've been driving him around for almost all your life Faith. I'd say I know him much better than you think you do." He says. I'm dumb founded. He's right. I don't even know my own father. The car stops and he turns back to look at me. "Maybe.. Every once in a while you should stop by and visit. I'm sure it would take him out of his bitter state that he has around you." He says before getting out of the car and heading over to my side to open the door for me.

I step out of the car not knowing what to say, for my mouth or my brain had none to speak or think of.

He tips his hat to me, "its much to think about, but its worth trying." He says smiling. I bow to him. "Good night Jeong." I tell him as he closes the car door. He nods, "good night Faith." And he waits for me to be inside my house.

**

I lay in my bed with Oliver in the crook of my neck, and wonder about what Jeong had told me. I don't feel tired what so ever so I get up and put on my flip flops. Right away Olive wakes up and I decide that I should take him for a walk, he's been cooped up in the house all night. I grab his leash and hook it onto his collar and we're off.

**

Once again, I find myself here.. In my safe heaven. Breathing in the salty air that gave me goose bumps. Oliver running in and out of the water. I smile at the thought of a living thing like him can be so utterly happy with life, no worries, no heart break. I sit down in the dry sand and watch him enjoy the water. My mind clears as I close my eyes and let peace invade my being.

I feel impact hit me from the side, pushing me into the sand. I turn my face push I'm tackled with dog kisses. "Sunny!" I hear a familiar voice. She gets off of me and I stand up dusting myself off. "I'm so sorry ma'am I didn't.." I turn to him. He looks shocked. "Oh Faith. Its you." He says. I nod my head slightly. "Yeah.. Its me." I say. He unhooks Sunny and she runs towards Oliver and joins him I'm the water. "So what brings you here? Thinking again?" He asks.

I look out to the water. "How'd you guess?" I ask. He chuckles. "It was just a hunch." He says. I nod. Its quiet for awhile. "Is everything okay between us?" He breaks the awkward silence. I feel a ball of emotion in my throat and find the courage to look at him. "Yes. Why wouldn't we be okay?" I ask, acting as if I was okay with what I remember from the other day. But then again, he didn't know a single thing about that. He shrugs and looks away from me.

"I don't know.. I just thought.." He pauses. "I just thought that there was something wrong when I dropped off Oliver today..." He says. I bite my lip. "Like I could sense it when our see met." He finally looks at me, and there was something in his eyes I couldn't quite read. "But I could be wrong.." He says. No ... You're right. I clear my throat, forcing away the words I wanted to say.

"Not to burst your bubble but you're wrong." I force myself to say. He stares at me a bit, as if trying to figure out if I was telling the truth or not. Then he nods slightly. "I see... I guess my hunch wasn't right after all.." He says looking back at the ocean. God how I hated my selfish and coward mind. Selfish because I wasn't being fair to him, keeping secrets. And there's no explanation needed to talk about how I'm a coward. Its quiet.

"Are you with Shawn now?" He asks killing the silence once again. I look at him, my heart pounding in my ear drums. "I'm not sure.. He hasn't asked me to be with him.." I say. He stares at me with that look that I wished I knew what it meant. "You were right.. About Nari." He says. My heart stops, and I feel it break in my chest, I've heard this kind of confession before and it never goes well. I wish I wasn't hearing these words with my ears.

But I act like I don't know what he's talking about. "Oh? About?" I ask. I catch him gulp. "About her having feelings about me.." I then get a glimpse of what happened the other night, and I try not to let my tears form in my eyes. I smile acting as if happy for him, which I should be.. Right? Because he's my friend?

"See! I knew she liked you!.. Did she confess?" I ask in a fake happy tone because I already know the answer, and I hope he doesn't notice. He just nods. I take a deep breath. "Aaaaaaand?" I ask. He blinks twice then shrugs. "I guess.. I didn't realize that I like her too."

Nope. I thought that I could take it but I can't.. Not right now. I'm in a vulnerable state. I have to get away before break down in front of him, that's the last thing I need.

I smile and nod, I hope he can't see my lip quivering as I'm close to tears. "Wow! Ho-Hoseok! That's amazing!" My voice cracks, and I pray to God that he doesn't notice. He then smiles, making me want to break down at this very moment. Just then Oliver runs over to me, saving my life. I pick him up and look at Hoseok. "I'm so happy for you Hoseok. I really am!.. But I have to take Oliver home.. I think he's tired." I say. He stuffs his hands into the front of his jeans.

"Okay.. Thanks. I'll see you around?" He asks. I force one last smile and nod. "Of course." I say before walking away.

**

I can't see where I'm going very well, as my tears blur my vision. Just as I thought my night couldn't get any worse, that happens. I finally make it to my house, I'm a hot mess. Once I walk in I set Oliver down, lock the door and head to my room.

The vibration of my whimpers tickle my nose as my face is in my pillow. I hate that I'm in this state. I hate that I care. I hear Oliver whimper as he pulls on my blankets from the ground. I sit right and pick him up. His dark eyes stare into mine as I set him on my lap. He places his small paws on my chest and begins to lick my face. I laugh through my sobs. "Oh.. Oliver.. What am I going to do?" I ask him as if he could answer me.

I lay back and he lays in the crook of my neck. My tears continue to run out of my eyes once again. My sobs fill my quiet house.. Until I cry myself to sleep.