>i know nothing abt astrology

aries: "I MAY HATE MY BODY BUT N O O N E IS ALLOWED TO TELL ME IM UNATTRACTIVE"

taurus: stripping in front of child and ranting about how youre smoking hot

virgo: "hey matt sweetie lets discuss you corrupting our children later ok :)))))"

gemini: crying over money

cancer: submitting shirtless photos of himself and an ego stroking interview to a magazine without telling anyone

leo: having a mental breakdown bc you weren't getting enough attention

libra: doing public service and somehow making it about himself

scorpio: going on a murderous rampage in defense of His Son

sagittarius: leaping into his mans arms and turning into a ferret

capricorn: trying to eat aunora

aquarius: having many, many men falling head over heels in love with him

pisces: died like four times